


Strength to Protect the Things That Matter [UNDER REVISION]

by mimiplaysgames



Series: Strength to Protect the Things That Matter [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Game: Kingdom Hearts III, Hope, Irony, Light Romance, Redemption, Suspense, Terraqua - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-04-23 05:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 122,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14326104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimiplaysgames/pseuds/mimiplaysgames
Summary: Terra has prayed for years. He wanted relief from having no one to talk to in the dark, except with the monster of a man who stole his life. One day, when two boys get a lead, he gets his chance - less than a week - to set things right before he loses everything again.An AU where Terra is the first of the Wayfinder Trio to wake. He sets off in an adventure as he desperately tries to find Aqua and Ventus.Set in Kingdom Hearts III. Eventually, TerraxAqua.





	1. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! I am new to the fandom. Thank you for taking interest in my story! 
> 
> I wanted to explore the concept of Terra going through an arc of redemption, and thus this adventure was born. As a proper adventure, Terra is going to be meeting a lot of people as he tries to figure out a way to reunite with Aqua and Ventus. There will be some fluff, some angst, some humor, some action, some tension, some despair, some romantic pining, some mystery - a little bit of everything as I try to tackle this as a full-fledged fantasy adventure. Mostly canon-compliant (as much as I can give it). 
> 
> I hope that it entertains you, and that I can contribute something to this fandom.

_A second chance to do things right. A chance to prove to Aqua and Ventus that he can be there for them._

_Terra, knowing that this is a rare opportunity, and knowing that he doesn’t have much time left, takes a hard look at himself. This is serendipity. He has to be the one to spark a change that will end his own suffering once and for all..._

_Sora and Riku, given information that their greatest nemesis has been spotted amidst a horde of Heartless and terrorizing a quiet town, set off to confront him._

 

* * *

 

 

Riku is barely aware of how heavy he is breathing when he stumbles upon an open clearing. No one is there. He stops himself from collapsing, and begins to consciously slow his breath down. He can’t sense a presence in the area. _They’re gone._ But this means another thing...

“Sora! Keep up!”

He looks behind him. Sora is at least keeping up, but it’s usual that he lags (being the slower one), and he’s also completely out of breath. Ever the emotive one between the two, he has the expression of someone who just can’t believe that they failed to chase after an aging, crippling man.

“There’s no one here! Nooo, this totally stinks. This guys _limps_ , come on. There’s no way he could outrun us,” Sora says, sweeping his gaze all over the area as if he is certain that he is missing something.   
  
But they are the only two people standing in the sunset, a basque of orange so warm that every inch of Twilight Town’s sand-bricked architecture is illuminated by light. If there is a dark being walking about, surely they will see the blackness of their coats stand out amidst the sunlight. The clock tower stands in the horizon, its twin bells calm, and the hands no where near the turn of the hour. Riku realizes that it may continue to be quiet.   
  
“It’s over. We should head back to the gummi ship and tell King Mickey,” Riku finally says.   
  
“But we’ve nearly got ‘em!”

That is true. Moments ago, Riku and Sora confronted not just one terrible being of darkness, but three: Master Xehanort himself, his heartless, Ansem, Seeker of Darkness, and his Nobody, Xemnas. Three against two, and it seemed for some time that there was no way Riku and Sora would get out of that unscathed. But then Riku saw a window of opportunity, a moment where Xehanort’s wide and open stance left his chest slightly vulnerable. It was one Riku took as he thrusted his Keyblade forward, striking the Master in the chest as a bright light blinded him. Xehanort stumbled off while his Heartless and his Nobody distracted the friends from chasing him - eventually quitting and deciding that they, too, were going to leave.   
  
“I messed up, I’m sorry,” Riku says.   
  
“Don’t say that. You did exactly what we should be doing. We did great. We just have to find out where they went, and then we can decide a new plan of action.”

Riku knows that even in the face of failure, Sora can’t help but put on his most sincere smile, proof that optimism is truly a great coping mechanism.  
  
As the friends walk through the streets of Twilight Town, Riku cannot shake this unnerving feeling of stillness. There are no Heartless abound, and the town is at its most peaceful in months. _But, why?_ _Does it have something to do with me stabbing him? Did they just call back their offense?_ People are flooding the marketplace, cheerful and excited that they can go about their daily lives again.  
  
Riku stops for a moment to observe this kind of rare peace. Twilight Town has been the target of an intense Heartless swarm, and it seemed for too long that the Heartless multiplied faster than they can vanquish them. For long before, Traverse Town had been reporting heavy swarms.   
  
_It’s people. They’re targeting large crowds of people.  
  
_ “Riku!”   
  
Riku, startled by the panic in Sora’s voice, rushes to his friend’s side, who called out from an alleyway, away from the sights of the townspeople. On the ground, a young man with brown hair and tan skin can be seen, completely unconscious.   
  
“What happened here? Did anyone see him?”   
  
Sora looks up to Riku, holding the man’s head in his arms. The man does not react to any gentle or forceful attempts to wake him up. Riku freezes for a moment as he gazes upon his face.  
  
 _I know him._ Memories of this same man - talking to Riku in Destiny Islands, conjuring a Keyblade, reciting words of initiation to a small boy - flood Riku’s mind. The young man that changed Riku’s fate forever.   
  
“We should take him to the closest doctor,” Sora says.   
  
“No, we should take him with us.”   
  
Sora is clearly startled by such a suggestion.  
  
“Sora, I know this guy. He’s a Keyblade wielder.”  
  
“What?!” Sora is so shocked that for a time is speechless. “And what, we _never_ knew about him? Next, you’re going to tell me that he fell from the sky.”

Riku smirks, and drapes one arm of the unconscious man over his shoulders. “C’mon, stop gawking. We should be quick about this.”

“Okay then, but you owe me an interesting story about this guy.”

And on the friends go, carrying with them the body of a man who hasn’t consciously seen the light of day in twelve years.


	2. Awake

“Sora, this guy hasn’t aged in _years_.” 

Riku and Sora stand by the unconscious young man they rescued from Twilight Town, laying on a bed in Merlin’s house. They are promised privacy, left alone in the room so that they can speak.  
  
Sora has that usual perplexed look on his face.   
  
“So... this guy is immortal?”  
  
Riku can’t help but chuckle at the suggestion, and looks at him straight in the eye.   
  
“Sora, have you _ever_ heard of an immortal human? Please.”

“What about Yen Sid?”

He has to give it to Sora for bringing up a good point, but still. “You honestly think that Master Yen Sid is _that_ human?”

Sora leans on his knees to inspect the man. “You didn’t say anything about this guy the entire trip back here.”  
  
“I don’t really know what to say. It’s weird that he just shows up like this, years later, without us ever hearing about him, or seeing him again.”  
  
Sora brings his hands to his face, in deep thought.   
  
“Maybe he also has the power to time travel!” he says, slamming one fist into his other hand. Clearly excitable. “Maybe he is one of those old Masters, and probably needed to travel forward to the future to warn us about what will happen! Why else would he be there when we were fighting Xehanort?”

Riku laughs out loud. “Okay. Maybe.” 

Sora suddenly gets serious, but that eager look in his eyes never waver. “Riku, you said this guy is a Keyblade wielder.”  
  
“Yeah. I met him back home long ago. I think I was five? He let me touch his Keyblade.“  
  
“That’s amazing! I had no idea.”  
  
“What do you mean you had no idea? I mean, I never told you what happened between us... but you don’t remember him at all?”  
  
“No.” Sora shifts a little uncomfortably and scratches his head. “Anyway, I asked Aerith to look after him for now. We should report this to King Mickey.” 

Sora’s expression then turns sour, as though he is embarrassed of something. “But Riku, do we _have_ to tell him we were slower than an old geezer who couldn’t stand straight?”

* * *

Waking up is like a jolt, a pain on the top of his crown that feels like an animal sinking its teeth deep into his skull, pulling his spine from out of his body and electrifying the core of his lungs.   
  
Terra looks straight into a cold, grey, lumpy ceiling. _What am I looking at?  
_

Breathing is hard labor. It comes automatically, but it feels unnatural, as though he has forgotten how to do it. _Wait a minute, I’m breathing?_

He sits up, although it may have been too sudden. Pain and soreness strike every muscle on his body, enough to make him yell out loud. Wincing, Terra moves his arms slowly to the front of his face, and looks at his own hands. _These are mine.  
_

Upon realizing that he is back in control of his own body, Terra keeps still, fearful of hearing a certain raspy, older voice that would cruelly tell him this sweet, brief relief will be all over. But he hears nothing. _  
_

He looks around. He is in a shabby cabin, filled with ripped books, cluttered furniture, and chemical sets filled with multi-colored potions. _Have I been here before?  
_

He tries to shuffle out of the bed, but every movement is heavy, and each twitch comes with searing pain that leaves him grimacing. _Man, has my back always been this sore?  
  
_ What strikes him hardest is how much he just cannot describe what he is feeling. _I’m just so... I can’t handle all of this. It smells damp and stale. This bed is soft. There is... noise?_  


He opens his eyes to see a bucket in the corner, catching a drip of water from the ceiling. They fall onto the surface, and create a ripple effect. _This isn’t an illusion. I can see.  
_

He gets up, albeit sluggishly. Taking steps is clumsy, like a child learning to walk. His feels heavy, and he hopes that he hasn’t gained weight - or is that the fact that he has forgotten how to carry a body? He manages to bring himself up to a mirror, and stops to look at the reflection in shock. _  
_

His face, tan, with brown hair, and blue eyes. It is definitely his own face, something that _actually_ belongs to him. As he continues to study his reflection, the door behind him opens, and enters a young, pretty girl in a pink dress, and a long, brunette braid adorned with a large pink bow. 

“Oh, you’re up!” she exclaims. Terra freezes at the sound of her voice. It is so feminine and comforting, and so different from the menacing voice that he has been subjected to for so long. 

Too long, with only one person to converse with in the dark. Too long, listening to someone who has wrecked his life and took away his youth, telling him that he will never be normal again. Nothing but an endless drone of thinking, going through memories like watching a videotape, daydreaming of things he should have done... day after day after day. _  
_

“I’m so glad to see that you’re doing okay. Walking is a good sign. Are you hungry?” She holds a tray with a plate of bread, meat, peas, and a glass of milk. There is also what looks to be a healing potion and bandages. _  
_

The smell of the food hits Terra and he can barely manage the tears quietly falling down his face. The girl notices this. _  
_

“You must have been through a lot. What’s your name?” _  
_

Terra cannot get himself to speak. Her voice, the smell of the food, and the air he is breathing completely surrounds his thoughts, and he can’t form anything to say. _  
_

The girl looks sympathetic, and puts the tray down. She finds a board with a marker to write with, and holds it up for Terra to see.  
  
It reads, _My name is Aerith. What’s yours?_

“Terra.” He chokes as he says this, surprised to hear his own voice. There is a force to it, and he can hear it coming out of his throat, outward into the room, and dissipate. It’s nothing like hearing himself think. _This isn’t in my head.  
_

“You can talk. Great!” She claps her hands together. “Listen, it seems like you’re completely overwhelmed and confused. Don’t worry. You’re safe. You should eat and relax.”

“Where am I?”

“Radiant Garden.”

Radiant Garden. Does this mean that Aqua and Ventus are here, too? 

_Ven, I was supposed to do right by you. I failed._

_Aqua... I’m so sorry._


	3. Venture

Terra cannot find any words to describe the savory flavor of the gently spiced, hearty food he is eating. It is like a child going crazy in a candy store, if he is the type of person to like sweets...  
  
Aerith listens to him inhale his food. “Sounds like you really enjoyed it.”  
  
Terra swallows all of the milk in one gulp. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I just can’t believe...” _What, that I couldn’t taste food for how long now?_ “It’s very good.”  
  
“Tifa’ll be very happy to hear that.” Aerith gets up from her chair. “I have to go run some errands. Stay and relax. I’ll send a happy camper... like Yuffie.” She pauses. “No.” 

Strange, but her own suggestion makes her severely disagree with herself. “Maybe I’ll send _Merlin_ to see you. Yuffie can get a little overwhelming.”  
  
“I think I am okay.”  
  
“But you haven’t been properly checked since you woke up. Please, just relax.”  
  
Aerith leaves him behind to sit in that cabin by himself. What is left is the sound of the water dripping in that _damn_ bucket. Something about such a steady, hypnotic sound makes him tighten his grip.  
  
No, he won’t relax.  
  
He steps outside onto the street... and can’t believe what he is seeing.   
  
_This is Radiant Garden, but what happened here?_

The city he once remembered to be adorned by mounds of flowers, running water fountains, and pristine upkeep has been marred by signs of violence and war. Various pieces of machinery and piping have replaced all of the flowers. Every once in a while, Terra notices a robotics system sweeping the roads. He suspects, by the pattern of movement, that this is an alarm system. 

_Could the Unversed do this kind of damage?_

_No. Don’t be stupid._

Terra shakes off these intrusive thoughts and ignores the headache he is developing. Despite feeling bad for leaving Aerith behind, Terra decides that he has to choose Aqua and Ventus over the kindness of strangers, and ventures off into the streets with the goal in mind of uncovering information as to their whereabouts. _I failed them. I have to do what’s right by them now._

Some areas of the city have been so heavily damaged that they are still under construction. The castle can be seen in the distance, steam being pumped out of it as if it needs the machinery to keep standing, exhausted from the abuse it must have suffered over time. A knot of dread curls in Terra’s stomach as he looks at it. 

Directly ahead of him, Terra sees several people gathering around in a military station among debris, categorizing supplies and moving crates of weapons.   
  
One of these people is a tall man with long brown hair, fur trim on his dark shirt-jacket, and a scar on his face.   
  
The man looks at Terra, and speaks with the tone of someone who sounds like he can never be happy. “This area is off limits to civilians.”  
  
“I- I’m just a tourist.”  
  
“That’s worse. Get out of here.”

This is obviously someone with authority. Terra wants to ask about him about his friends, about what happened to Radiant Garden, about the spread of the Unversed. And yet, _will he think I sound crazy if I look like I know absolutely nothing about what’s going on?_

Before Terra can respond, a woman with curled, rose-colored hair and a red cape briskly walks ( _though that is an understatement_ ) up to the man with the scar. She carries herself with a disposition like she might kick an Unversed so hard it will fly into the sky.  
  
“The Great Maw has been overrun. We lost it,” she says. 

The man winces at the news, at first unsure of what to say. “We don’t need this right now. That is a very large field to lose.”

“Oh really? I didn’t _know_ it was so large. I assumed it was just the measly size of my _house_.” The woman gives the man an intense glare as she says this. She speaks with a strong authority, in the kind of voice that demands attention and respect, and will probably retaliate if she doesn’t get it.

She looks over at Terra. “Who are you?”

“My name is Terra.” He surprises himself for the confident way he speaks to her. _Maybe it’s because she looks like she will kill me if I stuttered_.  
  
“Terra, do you see those guys over there? They are dragging force barriers that we’re going to need to set up and may need a hand. You look strong. Be useful,” she says.  
  
“ _Lightning_.” The man with the scar buries his face into his palm as he objects.

“You and I need to have a little talk,” she tells him. It’s like two lions butting heads with each other. Two alpha figures working together. 

Terra promptly agrees with her request and goes ahead to make himself useful with the tasks demanded of him. It is hard labor, and at times, it seems like his back cannot handle the work or the weight of some of the machinery he carried. _Still, I need to be able to prove my worth if I can ever get these people to open up to me. I need a lead, anything to get me closer to them.  
_

Several hours later, when he is given a break, the woman named Lightning and the man approach Terra.   
  
“Terra, I was told you are a civilian. I’m sorry for ordering you around,” she says, crossing her arms. “You can call me Light. The fact that you had no qualms volunteering for us has earned you my respect.”

“I’m honored to have it.”  
  
The man with the scar speaks, “I’m Leon.”  

Lightning dramatically rolls her eyes when Leon introduces himself, like she cannot believe what she is hearing. Although he hasn’t noticed.  
  
“Sorry for the way I treated you. As you can see, we just have a lot on our hands,” Leon continues.

“Those Heartless just won’t give up. It’s like breeding mice,” Lightning says.

“Heartless?” Terra wishes he never said that out loud. Yet a part of him feels like he already knows what that word means. _  
_

The two commanders look at Terra with incredulity, and he can sense their eyes set tensely on him. Any moment, they will ask questions about his background, wondering why he doesn’t know anything.

_Please, someone save me from this._

In a sudden moment, without much of a warning, a swarm of shadows surrounds the area, with a tremendous speed that Terra can only assume must be Unversed.

But these aren’t Unversed. Those drain the livelihood and joy out of anyone among them. 

These shadows are darker, more rotten, and carry an aura of raw hunger. The presence of them makes Terra nauseous. 

_Heartless_.

Lightning and Leon wield their weapons and brace themselves for attack. People who cannot fight are scrambling around for safety. Some of the Heartless have already run off deeper in the alleyways, chasing passerby’s and are sure to be attacking those who are unaware that their city has been breached.

Terra calls for his Keyblade, only to find that he cannot wield, and cannot call, for anything.


	4. Questions

Terra cannot conjure his Keyblade. _Why?_

This is a question that he cannot waste time answering. The Heartless are squirming everywhere. The shadows use their malleable bodies as an advantage to sneak up on unsuspecting victims before attacking _ **.**_ They are climbing the walls and squeezing through cracks in order to escape any harm done to them. The larger Heartless are brute and destructive, and have no apprehension in devastating the architecture. 

_It seems like everything has gotten worse since the last time I was awake.  What has Xehanort been doing?_

A larger shadow lunges itself at Terra, who blocks the attack with a nearby pole. But all this does is startle the Heartless. _I can’t do anything with this._

“You fight?” 

Terra looks over his shoulder to see Leon talking to him. 

“Here! Use this!”

Leon throws him a sword from a nearby display of weapons, which has been infused with some magical properties. 

Without hesitation, Terra uses this sword to swing attacks at the Heartless around him, albeit sluggishly. The attacks come naturally, proof of the years that Terra has labored and educated himself in the academy training with Aqua. 

Still, he can only barely manage. Leon keeps a close distance to Terra, using his thuggish and power-busting techniques as an advantage, so that he can later sneak up and strike them down. 

In the distance, Lightning is soaring in the air. Her tactics are to be wild, throwing herself and jumping around to confuse the enemy and to engage them in tiring cardio workouts. Close the distance in between to strike them, then jump backwards as she shoots them with her gunblade. 

Maybe he is too tired and sore to keep up. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have experience in dealing with such a new threat. Terra slips and nearly succumbs to a brutal attack by a Heartless. 

At the last minute, he is saved by a fierce woman with long black hair, using only her fists and kicks to ward off even the largest Heartless in the area. 

_If she can use nothing but her hands, then I shouldn’t be flat on the ground right now. Master Eraqus would sentence me to washing dishes for a week if he saw this kind of weakness from me._

Terra finds trouble getting up, exhausted from the battle lasting too long. _Before, I could have easily vanquished these beings of darkness with my Keyblade. Now, when I have no power, I can’t really put a dent on them. How am I supposed to be of help when I’m so weak?  
_

_Weak. Stupid.  
_

A bright light beams into the middle of the battlefield, sending off sharp rays of lightning that strike a large group of Heartless. A duck wielding magic, a dog ( _man?_ ) with a shield, and a boy with spiky hair and a Keyblade enter the foray.

_A Keyblade wielder? I don’t recognize him from the academy...  
_

The boy uses the magic entrusted to him as a Keybearer to deal devastating blows to the Heartless. All of the efforts that the other fighters have spent in fighting look futile in comparison to how easily this boy tackles each shadow. The boy’s improvisational approach give him the clear upper edge. Any moment he stumbles, he quickly recovers due to how closely he works with his teammates. He effortlessly finishes the battle in moments, and runs off into the distance, beyond the city wall, to face the coming Heartless that are still approaching the city.

* * *

Calm has finally reached the city, but the boy with the Keyblade has not come back, yet. Terra is helping the other workers clear the mess. Aerith stops by and tends to Terra’s wounds with her healing magic, while also giving him an earful about how he _didn’t_ listen to her, how _worried_ she got when she found that he was gone, and how _rude_ it was for him to just ditch her like that. 

After her lecture, Terra takes the sword given to him by Leon, and puts it away along with the collection of other shared weapons.

_A weapon of war. This was not what I was trained to do. Using tools for the purpose of killing, for the purpose of fighting. A Keyblade bearer is supposed to keep the peace, to keep the balance intact..._

Her voice comes to his mind... The last words she said to him before he completely lost everything to Xehanort.

_Tell me... how does this honor our Master’s memory, Terra?_

_It doesn’t. This doesn’t honor him at all, Aqua. If you saw me now, you would probably continue to be disappointed in me. I can’t stand this. I wish you were here. All I have done so far since waking up is fail to do my duties. I can’t even call for my Keyblade..._

Terra looks at his right hand, and attempts to call for it again. Nothing. _I wonder..._

He touches his left shoulder in the hopes that he can conjure his armor, entrusted to him by his Master to travel in between worlds with the privilege to investigate the state of affairs of each. But nothing comes to him. _I guess it’s not like I deserve it anymore, anyway._

Leon and Lightning pass by him. “You did well for someone who fought so rusty,” Leon says to him.

Terra must have had a confused look on his face, because Lightning actually chuckled out loud. 

“You obviously know how to fight. But it looked like you’ve been slacking off in your practice,” she says.

Terra let out a small laugh. “Yeah, that’s probably not too far off from the truth. That kid with the Keyblade, you know him?”

“Of course we know the legendary Keyblade wielder. Is this your first time seeing a Keyblade?” Leon says.

Terra looks away while he laughs, careful not to give away any telling signs. “No, I’m actually looking for two others. Do you know anyone by the names of Aqua or Ventus?”

“Never heard of them,” Leon says, while Lightning gently shakes her head. “We _do_ need more of them, though. When you find them, please tell them to stop by.”

“Enough chit chat,” says Lightning, antsy and sifting her eyes through her injured soldiers. “You know the next step. We are going to have to go through the entire city reporting people who are now missing.”

* * *

The sun is setting. Terra decides to linger around the area longer, lending his strength to repairing some of the damage and helping the weak stand up. Leon and Lightning have left long ago to count the missing people. But in honestly, Terra is trying to buy himself time waiting for the Keyblade wielder to re-appear. 

“It’s you! You’re okay!”

Terra looks behind him to see the boy. Not a moment too soon. The boy runs up to him with a huge, magnetic smile on his face, his two friends coming up along behind him.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake! How are you feeling? We were worried when we first found you.”

“So you were the one to find me. Thank you so much.”

The boy looks genuinely happy to hear the thanks. “My name’s Sora. These are my friends, Donald and Goofy. What’s your name? Are you a time traveler? Are you immortal? You’re a Keyblade bearer, right? Is that really true? Where do you come from?”

Donald is annoyed. “Sora, quit that!” His voice is the raspiest, most aggressive voice that Terra has ever heard. “Sorry. He’s normally like that. Don’t mind him,” he says to Terra.

“What does that mean?” Sora does not hesitate one second to confront Donald when asking this question.

“It _means_ you get so carried away that you became preoccupied with the attack in Traverse Town and made us get here _late_.” There is such a clear scolding to his voice and Sora is ready to pounce him.

Goofy lets out a big, warm laugh. It is the kind of laugh that would make anyone feel safe. “Well, we got here anyway and threw off the Heartless attacking the city. It’s nice to meet you, er...”

“Terra. But, how do you know I am a Keyblade wielder?”

Sora suddenly forgets he is in an argument with Donald. “My friend Riku told me. He was the one who suggested to bring you here.”

_I don’t know a Riku... at least I don’t think so._

“Well, do you know any wielders named Aqua or Ventus?” Terra asks.

Sora’s expression morphs into something that resembles surprise. “Aqua? It’s funny, I did manage to remember her not too long ago.”

Terra’s stomach twists into knots of both excitement and frightened anticipation, eagerly awaiting the answers to all of his questions. _Finally, someone who knows her. Maybe he knows where she is right now!_

“I met Aqua a long time ago, when I was a little kid,” Sora says. 

The knots in Terra’s stomach sink. It feels almost heartbreaking, but Terra denies this. “What do you mean? How long ago was this?”

Sora thinks for a bit. “It must have been around eleven, maybe twelve years ago?”

There is pain around his heart, and his face gets cold. The churning in his stomach moves upward, making him nauseous. _TWELVE YEARS?! This can’t be._

_Tell me... how does this honor our Master’s memory, Terra?_

_Has she been viewing me with such disdain for so many years, now?_

Memories of her sitting by the green cliffs overlooking the clouds of their homeworld flood his mind, and he remembers his desires that she would see him more, or better, than he really is. For her to smile at him a certain way. Terra tries to stop tears from welling in his face, although he isn’t strong enough to do so. Sora is visually upset at the sight, speechless at how his words could have affected this strongly.

_Where is she, now?_


	5. Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entire chapter was done to Alexandre Desplat's "Ron Leaves" and "Godric's Graveyard" from Harry Potter: and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 1.

It is night. Aerith and the others have arranged for Terra to stay in a bunker above a bar and restaurant that is owned by Tifa, the fierce woman who Terra witnessed fight with her fists. The bedroom is small. It has some books on a table, a tiny bed, and a lamplight that flickers. The floor is made of dented woodboards, and it creaks with every step. A bag of munny sits on the table: fruits of his labors at the battle site. He lays on the bed, gazing up towards the ceiling. 

_Twelve years. It’s obvious that things have gotten much worse. Damn, what has Xehanort been doing? This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid and weak before..._

Sora had explained to Terra earlier about the Heartless. About how they absorb hearts and turn others into Heartless. _They’re disgusting. No wonder Light was so worried about people going missing.  
_

Terra never asked Sora about Xehanort, though. He was too afraid. Afraid to hear in detail of how Xehanort caused all of this decay and disaster with Terra’s own body.

He also never indulged about himself to Sora. Thank goodness Donald kept interrupting, thinking that Terra might be too exhausted and emotionally wrecked to answer any more of Sora’s questions. _I don’t think I want anyone to know how I know Xehanort right now. They’ll probably think I’ll be a danger to them, too._

 _No frowning! Those are the rules_ , Goofy had said to him with a giant laugh. _You gotta remember to keep smiling_. 

Sora is also a person who carries this tremendously warm aura about him. _  
_

_Don’t worry too much about Aqua,_ Sora said to him before they split. _Riku and the King are actually tasked with finding her._ He left with a reassuring smile on his face. _  
_

_Hm, I never asked who commanded them to do that.  
_

Sora is an owner of a Keyblade, which apparently chose him in his dreams one night without a proper rite of passage. _Makes sense that he is untrained, considering how he fights. It’s so reactionary, and he is ready to just take every opportunity. Still, if the Keyblade chose him, it’s for a good reason.  
_

Terra sits up, and tries to conjure his Keyblade, but nothing appears. Angry, he keeps trying, with each try straining his muscles and exhausting him. Frustrated, Terra takes his pillow and throws it, knocking over a couple of books.

_What would Master Eraqus say if he saw that I don’t have my Keyblade anymore? Would he say that I lost the title of a Keybearer, that the Keyblade has forsaken me? Maybe it has decided I am no longer good enough to wield it.  
_

_Now I can’t do anything about these Heartless.  
_

_Now all of these people are terrified of being attacked and are losing their hearts. Because of me. Because Xehanort defeated me. Because I failed._

_I’m a failure._

A warmth begins to swell at the back of Terra’s neck. It is caressing, but oppressive. It gets stronger, and it suddenly seizes him, as though a hand has gripped him by the back of his neck, sending an electric shock down his spine.

“Ahhh!” He stumbles out of the bed, massaging the back of his neck. There is nothing there.

_I’m not going crazy. I’m getting weaker. I can’t lose it, now. Aqua, what am I going to do?_

* * *

_Home was the gentle warmth of the sun, sitting high above the mountain peaks where the academy stood in the The Land of Departure, where apprentices trained to become masters. The mountain peaks were so high that the clouds drifted gently below them, the rivers gushing far lower. Every sunrise and sunset was a gorgeous sight, and it was always calming to behold after a day of hard work, or after a long night of self-doubting.  
_

_But night was the best time, when the sky was clear and the stars were shining._

_On the night Ventus arrived, Terra stood at the edge of a cliff, gazing up at the sky._

_“I heard that Ventus is going to take quite a while to recover,” he heard a voice said.  
_

_Terra looked behind to see Aqua approaching him.  
_

_“We are now expected to trade shifts watching over him,” she said as she sat down next to him. Ventus had been comatose, sick from a damaged heart, and was possibly going through an arduous battle trying to put the pieces back together in his dreams.  
_

_“I’m sure he’ll wake up sooner than we think,” Terra said._

_“I know you mean that in earnest. That helps make me feel better.”_

_Kind words from her always made Terra’s stomach flutter, almost as if he needed to hear them in order to check to make sure that he was performing well.  
_

_“I remember when you first came here,” he said._

_Aqua gave him a mischievous look. This moment gave him the opportunity to look into her large, blue eyes. An opportunity he tried to take every time.  
_

_“You remember, huh?” she said. “I was probably eight or nine. I remember you threw yourself at one of those huge rolling dummies, and you were thrown off of its momentum.” She started laughing. “You just fell flat on the floor on the first try.”_

_“What, no!” Terra tried to stifle a nervous snicker, and looked away so that she wouldn’t see his embarrassment.“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I always handled those things with ease.”  
_

_More of a genuine chortle from her. If he could keep making her laugh, it would be enough to calm the aches that came with adoring her.  
_

_“It was funny, honestly. I actually thought you did it on purpose to make me laugh and help me feel welcome here,” she said.  
_

_“Well...”_

_**...You were right, I did do it on purpose for you, but it wasn’t to make you laugh.**   
_

_“When he wakes up, we should take him the to waterfall,” said Terra._

_“Yeah! We haven’t been there in a long time,” said Aqua, with a wide grin on her face.  
_

_Terra let out a chuckle. “Maybe we should convince him to jump off it, like we used to, remember? Or does that make me evil?”  
_

_“You don’t have an evil bone in your body, Terra.”  
_

_**...I wonder if you would say that to me now.**   
_

* * *

A memory like this would normally fill Terra’s heart with joy. Tonight, though, it is sad. He opens the only small window in the room, still massaging his neck, and looks up at the stars. _Twelve years. I wonder if she’s still okay. Maybe Xehanort got to her after he took me. Maybe he finished her off... If it’s been twelve years, then what happened to Ven?  
_

Terra tries to stop these thoughts. _If I continue like this, I’m definitely going to lose control. I don’t know that they’re dead... but what if I go to the Keyblade Graveyard and find them there, that way?_

_I can’t even go to the Graveyard to check because I can’t leave this world without my armor! I can’t do anything!_

_Wait, my Wayfinder..._

Terra checks his clothes. The Wayfinder is his most beloved gift, a labor of love from Aqua. In the shape of an orange star, it served as a connection between himself and the two most important people to him. Maybe it can give him some sort of comfort, some sort of reassurance that they are okay. _  
_

Except that he doesn’t have it on him.“No...” he says out loud. _I always carry it with me! That means... Xehanort!_

He slams his fists on the windowsill. _He took everything from me!_

The heat in the room becomes unbearable, and Terra can feel sweat coming down his neck. _I need to get outside.  
_

Stumbling out of the bedroom, he passes by the bathroom and walks downstairs to find Tifa up and working on a concoction at the bar.

“I could hear you were still awake,” she says as she glances at him. “Come, sit here.”

The restaurant is empty and there are only dim lights shining behind the bar. Terra gets comfortable on a bar stool, looking at her stir together a brown drink as she hands it to him.

“They gave you to me because they know I take good care of strays,” she says. “This may not look very delicious, but it’s a potion I made myself. It’s to keep the nightmares at bay.”

“What does that mean?”

Tifa sighs, although it is the kind that tells him she is amused by his question. She gives him a gentle smile, the small lamp by her illuminating her face. 

“I can tell you are haunted by trauma,” she says. “I know someone who goes through the same thing. It’s hard, and it’s going to take a long time to get over it.”

Terra breathes out heavily and shakily, amazed by her empathy. 

“The ingredients in this are rare,” she says.

“Then you don’t have to waste that on me!” Terra blushes. _I can’t accept this. It’s too beautifully genuine of a gift to give to a stranger like me.  
_

“You deserve it,” she says, leaning forward as if to prove a point. “You came to us completely passed out and not remembering anything from the past several years. You obviously got something handed it to you. You need this. Use it sparingly though! I need to find the ingredients to make more.”

Terra does nothing except look at the potion.

“Please. I need you to sleep,” she says, reaching over to gently squeeze his forearm. “Those of us who still have our hearts intact need to look out for each other.”

_To keep the nightmares at bay. _I hope that I can dream tonight and wake up tomorrow._ Tifa, I don’t know how to thank you enough. I was going to lose myself up there, and I might have attacked you.   
_

_Maybe you bought me time to stay. I wonder if I will ever get the chance to tell you honestly what that means._


	6. Daybreak

Being able to breathe the crisp morning air is proof that Terra is able to wake up the next morning. Tifa’s potion worked, in that a sip of it managed to calm him down enough to go to sleep without fear of being taken over by darkness. 

Strangely, Terra could have sworn he dreamt of a girl’s voice begging him to open his eyes. But when he wakes up, he can’t remember who she is. Her voice isn’t Aqua’s, and he really can’t imagine whose else it belongs to.

He walks now with Tifa through the marketplace, helping her carry loads of meat and vegetables to stock her restaurant. He has agreed to run errands for her in exchange for munny, although part of it is because he feels indebted to her. Not that Tifa is the kind of person who would make him feel that way.

Earlier that morning, she prepared books about potion-making, wild herbs, and medicine creation that she had collected during her time in the city. She put them all in a duffel bag, among a distinct folder full of paper.

 _These are records of all the citizens coming into and living in Radiant Garden,_ she had said. _I talk to everyone coming in and ask if their neighbors are alright. I keep a log of each person on this list every time we have an attack. Aerith and Yuffie also have similar logs, and we compare our results. The goal is to have a complete record of who went missing... which essentially means that they have turned into a Heartless._

No words can express the amount of horror Terra felt upon hearing what she said to him. On some level, he wanted to throw himself off the city wall. _She doesn’t even know I’m the cause of all this. I’m so disgusted at my own existence...  
_

They are now on their way to meet with Lightning so that Tifa can turn in her reports, before returning to the bar with the food. Terra often finds himself distracted, letting her voice drift off. _I need to find a way to leave. Aqua and Ven are obviously not here, so how am I going to search for them?_

Tifa never questions him when he gets distant like this. _You are welcome to share your thoughts if you feel like it_ , she would say. But at least spending time with her proved to be helpful in keeping him emotionally stable. 

At times, he opens up to her about Aqua and Ventus. He tells her about what they were like as people and as friends to him. He tells her that they went to school together, that they shared secrets and wished to graduate together. She encourages him to open up more about Aqua, and makes a note that he seems to really enjoy talking about her. Which only makes Terra close up, and Tifa finds this amusing. 

Ahead of them, two men are standing together engrossed in a conversation,  one of them carrying a basket of apples. Tifa stops dead in her tracks, as she gazes upon the man with the apples. He has spiky blond hair, with a solemn expression on his face, and a giant sword on his back.

“You...” she says, as she briskly approaches the man. Alarmed, relieved, and pissed.

“You’ve been _missing_ for MONTHS,” she takes off her duffel bag and smacks him on the side with it. He gives out an audible gasp and drops the apples.

“And you WALK around here,” she continues, “like it’s been NOTHING,” as she picks up some of the fallen apples and throw them at him.

“Agh... Tifa... what is in that bag? _Cement_?” the man says as he clutches his side.

“Don’t be smart with me,” she says, her voice breaking a little. “You just _disappeared_ and I never found out what had happened to you. And I couldn’t look for you much longer. They needed me here.”

The man’s expression changes to reflect a deep sadness, as if he is guilty for leaving her. “Tifa,” he holds her forearms, “I’m sorry.” 

She nods, accepting his apology. The companion to the blonde man, a man with long black hair, is covering his mouth, struggling to hide a laugh. _Wait, this guy..._

The black-haired man looks over at Terra, and his grin stretches from ear to ear. “Terra! Oh man oh man, am I happy to see you! My role model, a true hero!”

It is Zack, although when Terra first met him, he was just a teenager. He’d normally feel comforted at the thought of finally seeing someone he recognizes, but the age difference is a painful reminder of the time that has passed. Zack has truly grown to be a man, with the confidence and physique of someone with serious experience.

_Still, it’s someone I actually know!_

Zack runs over to Terra to give him an embrace. “Dude, you have _got_ to tell me what your diet is. How do you stay looking so young?” he says.

Terra takes a moment to respond. “Get enough sleep.”

* * *

Zack and Terra take the duffel bag with them on the way to see Lightning. Cloud, the blonde man, insists at taking the food back with Tifa so that they can catch up, since the reason he had the apples in the first place were to bring them to her. Close childhood friends. Seeing them reminded Terra of himself and Aqua. _I wonder how angry Aqua will be when she sees me again... if she’s even still around._

“My buddy really just sucks with the women,” Zack says, referring to Cloud as they left.

Terra really doesn’t want to answer any inquiring questions about his own life, but it is easy to avoid. Zack loves talking about everything - his adventures, women, his training, women, the greatest places to get food at Radiant Garden (one of them being Tifa’s), and women. 

It proves harder to take an opportunity to speak, but nevertheless, it arises. _Even if Sora doesn’t know anything, maybe Zack might._

“Have you ever met someone that went by the name of Aqua? Or Ventus?”

Zack does not hesitate to answer, and this is comforting. “Yeah! Ventus was a busty kid. I liked him. Aqua was a real looker, if you know what I mean.”

Terra clenches his jaw a bit, uncomfortable with the idea that he will have to compete with Zack. _Yet, I should count my blessings for any leads I can get._

“When was the last time you saw them?”

“That was quite a while ago. Around the same time I met you, actually.”

_I guess I counted my blessings too soon._

“Speaking of beautiful women...” Zack says, as they see Lightning ahead of them. He approaches her and calls out, “Lightning, you look absolutely cheerful this morning.”

She looks at him while she is walking towards the tents and then looks away, without breaking either her stride nor her serious expression.

“I try every day to make her smile at me,” says Zack, without interrupting his cheerful attitude. “I’m sure one day she will. Anyway, I’m here to train the new fighters. I’ll see ya.”

Once alone, Terra gives Lightning the duffel bag at the military station, where Leon is also sharpening weapons. 

“How does it look?” Terra asks as she scans the reports. 

“That makes thirteen missing this time,” she says, with a serious and grim tone to her voice. Leon looks just as bleak.

“Eight people went missing last week. The fact that the numbers are climbing...” Leon says as he finishes the weapon in his hands and looks over her shoulder.

Terra tries to hide any emotion in his face. _Kill me now. Maybe that will just stop everything that is happening to these people._

Leon shakes his head. “While I’m grateful for Sora and his friends, we just don’t have enough Keyblade wielders to deal with all of this. There’s way too many resurgences of Heartless everywhere.”

“Where is Sora?” Terra asks.

“Off in some important Keyblade adventure,” Leon flicks his hand up as a gesture, as if making a larger one is too much of a chore. “I’m sure all Keyblade wielders have somewhere to be, but it’s tough. Traverse Town is having a harder time than us here.”

Lightning stays staring at the reports without saying anything. Terra recognizes the emotion, as he carries it with him all day. Leon gently caresses her shoulder in comfort.

But Terra has nothing of value to say, and leaves to give them space. _I can’t be of any help to them right now. I wonder if there is something I can do to stop all of these attacks._

He meanders around watching the people as they drag construction tools and fix the holes on the roads. For people that seem to be under attack quite often, they seem to be generally content. Terra assumes this has something to with Leon and Lightning’s leadership, for they can only be calm at a grim time like this. As much as he wants to believe that he should be fatalistic after hearing such news, and after seeing such damage, perhaps it’s better to adopt these people’s methods. 

He approaches a dysfunctional water fountain, and catches a boy with green eyes and lilac hair standing by it. Maybe in a way, life gives him signs to continue on. 

_I know him... Wow, he grew up so much._

Riku, the boy that touched a Keyblade for the first time on that fateful day on the beach, sees Terra, smiles and waves.


	7. Answers

“Wow. You know, I’ve always wondered when it will be that we cross paths,” Riku says, attempting to control his admiration and surprise while shaking hands with Terra. “Though, the _way_ it happened was the last thing I ever expected.” 

Riku holds Terra’s hand in both of his and has a strong grip. Standing there, looking healthy and happy, brings a smile to Terra’s face. It gives him the calming sense that the boy he initiated did not at least lead a cursed life. 

And to impress him further, Riku is the one to break the awkward silence. “Long time no see.”

Terra laughs nervously, not realizing he was just staring. “How has the Keyblade been treating you?”

“Well, when I get up, I fight Heartless,” Riku says, rolling his eyes and flashing a smirk on his face. “And it’s just Heartless and more Heartless. Down the list, we have Heartless, Heartless, Heartless. Then I have lunch. Then it’s more Heartless until it’s time for bed. Rinse and repeat for the next day.”

Terra laughs, then becomes a little solemn as he remembers the hopes he used to have, and how quick it took to lose them all. And he prays that these constant Heartless battles aren’t taking his successor’s spirits away. _I hope Xehanort hasn’t hurt him either. It doesn’t seem that was the case._

“I hope then... that it hasn’t been hard on you,” he says, knowing full well what the cost of bearing a Keyblade can be. He is prepared for a hard answer.

“Are you kidding? You gave me the greatest gift I could have ever asked for, no matter the cost,” says Riku, with a transparent sense of enthusiasm - although timid - in his voice. “The first thing I wanted to do since we found you was to thank you. I had no purpose on that island otherwise.”

_His eyes mean it. I’m just glad that he seems so serene, like he doesn’t have anything burdening him..._

Riku then looks to the side, as if to think of something. “Listen, Sora told us you are looking for Aqua.”

Terra’s chest feels like it is about to drop. _It’s refreshing that someone brought her up for once, but I need to brace myself for any bad news._

“Mickey and I are assigned with finding her, along with you and Ventus,” Riku continues. Terra, surprised that someone else is looking for him, tries hard not to shake.

Riku darts his eyes quickly to the side. “Master Yen Sid was the one who assigned us to find you.” _  
_

_Yen Sid. I never considered he would still be around._

“Finding you was just plain luck. We have no idea where Ventus is. Aqua...” Riku pauses for a little bit, as if he wants to be careful with what he has to say. Terra is losing his ability to control his shaking, fearful of the worst, and takes a hard swallow.

“She’s in the Realm of Darkness, and has been apparently for years,” Riku finally says.

Terra lets out a loud gasp that he tries hard to control, making his breath shake terribly. _I don’t... no. I can’t believe this. What is she DOING there?_

“What do you mean she’s in the Realm of Darkness? Is she still okay? Have you been able to contact her?” What Terra cannot control is the immense wave of shock - how the heat on his face is growing, how his breathing is shaking more and more... but it isn’t sorrow that he is harboring. He isn’t aware of how angry he is getting.

“Uh- Mickey was the last to see her. That was about two years ago,” Riku says carefully, realizing he just set off a firework. 

Terra is shaking harder. _It’s just one nasty surprise after another._ “So do you know if she’s still alright?”

Riku slowly shakes his head, clearly too intimidated to say another word.

Terra, seeing how his own reaction is affecting Riku’s mood, draws out a long breath to calm himself down. 

“I’m sorry. Aqua is strong and can take care of herself. I shouldn’t make you so worried,” Terra says. _Distraction. I need a distraction or I’m going to lose control_. “You must have so many questions of your own.” 

“Yeah I do! And now that you’re here, we can use our combined strengths to try to find her,” Riku has an earnestness which gives out the impression he is confident enough to find her. 

And Terra gets this strong hunch that Riku is idolizing him, and stops himself from visibly wincing at his words while his stomach drops. _He doesn’t know yet that I can’t summon my Keyblade... how am I going to tell him?  
_

“So... _you’re_ our mystery man that everyone’s buzzing about,” a voice calls out.

A tall, lanky man, with wild red hair that is brighter than any forest fire, walks up to Terra and wraps his arm around his shoulders, as if to give him a friendly embrace fit for someone who is about to be teased.

“Hello, _Terra_. My name is Lea, get it _memorized_.” He speaks with gusto and passion, as if to carefully sliver every ounce of enthusiasm he can muster up in order to give a specific impression of his thoughts upon others. 

Terra looks into Lea’s face, who has the greenest eyes he has ever seen. Lea returns the gaze with a smile and an unwavering stare that, at such a close approximation the two have to each other, is uncomfortably long.

“Have I _met_ you before?” Lea asks.

Terra quickly shakes his head, cramped at how close they are. “I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen you before _.” It’s not really possible to forget someone like him, but why is he acting like this?_

Lea stares at Terra a little longer with that strange smile on his face, before finally letting go. “Hm...” is all Lea has to say in return.

“So, what we are talking about?” Lea asks out loud, including Riku in this conversation.

“We were actually talking about his lost friends. We were discussing Aqua,” Riku says.

Terra squeezes his own bicep. “Yeah, I’m also looking for someone named Ventus.”

Lea has a quick look of surprise as his eyes gleam, before wiping any sign of emotion off his face. _This guy, for one, knows Ven... and is obviously practiced at hiding what he’s thinking._

“Let me ask you something, Terra,” Lea says, “when was the last time _you_ saw Ventus?”

Terra, by comparison, is not as practiced in concealing his emotions, and isn’t sure if he is successful at wiping the look of surprise from his face. His stomach drops again, and his chest tightens. He tries to gather all the energy he has not to give away that he is suddenly threatened.

“I know you are looking for someone named Aqua, who for all we know actually _vanished_ from the universe twelve years ago. And now you’re here, asking about Ventus, who _I_ haven’t seen in twelve years,” Lea continues. “Either you time travel, or you knew them when you were about seven or eight years old.”

Terra tightens his jaw, not sure what to say in return.

“That’s not possible,” Riku says, lifting his hand up as if to prove a point. 

“Then what gives?” Lea says, not wavering his gaze from Terra. Riku keeps silent, also curious as to what Terra has to say. Terra’s stomach starts to hurt with a burning sensation of someone with a thousand reasons to feel guilty, not wanting to burst the idealized image that his successor has of him. 

“I...” _I carry with me the heart of Xehanort, which can take control again at any given time, making me a danger to you all.  
_

“Yes, I knew Aqua and Ven long ago. We fought together, we were all Keyblade wielders. But...” Terra says, as he tightens his hands and ignores a growing sense of nausea. “We were engaged in a battle against a terrible darkness, and I lost my consciousness. I have been asleep all this time.” 

He pauses, hoping that they would accept his answer. _It’s not a total, complete lie...  
_

“Well, something similar actually happened to Sora... although he wasn’t asleep for as long,” Riku says, with a gentle smile. Terra feels relieved that his pupil is so willing to trust him, and yet guilty that he can’t return that same trust. He looks over to Lea, but can’t read the expression on his face. 

“Sora lost his memory as a result, actually. Do you remember everything?” Riku asks.

_A strange question, but this just makes it easier on me. I hope you can forgive me one day, Riku. I promise that I will be the predecessor you deserve, but I need time. I need you not to hate me.  
_

“I- I don’t think I remember how to summon my Keyblade,“ Terra says.

“So you can’t defend yourself?” Riku casts his gaze downward. “We’re going to have to take you to Master Yen Sid so that we can get to the bottom of this.”

Terra’s spine sends a shock that raises the hair at the back of his neck. _This is irrational, I shouldn’t be afraid of Master Yen Sid... This can’t be my own reaction. Is Xehanort afraid... or angry, of seeing Yen Sid? Does that mean that I will get into trouble if I go? What am I going to say to get myself out of this?_

"Well, if anything, Sora is actually really excited to see you again. I’m sure we’ll think of a way to help get your memories back. We have no other choice after all,” Riku says, forcing a smile. 

Terra tries not to make it obvious that he’s terrified, taking small, silent breaths to make it seem like he is unfazed. He glances at Lea, who still has that strange smile on his face.

* * *

Later that evening, Terra picks up his food at Tifa’s restaurant bar. The evenings bring a bustling crowd, some silent from the traumas of the day before, and some chatting away their worries. In the corner, Zack and Aerith are locked in what looks like an engaging conversation. She has a smile from ear to ear, and is laughing at most of the things he has to say, who seems to have no trouble entertaining her. 

Terra sees Lightning sitting at a table by herself near the middle of the room, reading what seems to be one of the books Tifa gathered, and goes to join her. 

“Light, I need to take a weapon and rent a gummi ship,” he says.

She closes her book to give him her full attention. “I can give you a weapon, but a gummi ship - you’re going to need a lot of munny.” 

“I have about 700 munny.”

She grimaces a little. “Sounds like you are going to be scrubbing tables for Tifa for a while.”

“Is there anything you can do?” Terra has a sound of desperation in his voice.

Lightning sighs a little, Cloud coming to join them with a full plate of his own. “I know you want to find your friends really badly, but I can’t just give you a ship. They are rare and expensive to build, and we need them to ship supplies in between worlds,” she says.

Terra sighs and looks down at his food, feeling defeated. _I need to get out of here. I can’t keep doing nothing._

“Sometimes there are travelers you can hitch a ride with,” Cloud says as he prepares to cut into his meat. “Although that isn’t common. I know a couple of sky pirates who travel often between worlds. I can introduce you the next time I see them.” He puts steak in his mouth.

_I know he means well, but I need to take control. I can’t sit idly by while other people decide where I go._

“Is that how you got here?” Lightning asks Cloud, sounding slightly annoyed. “Where have you been all this time?”

“I’ve been... chasing a stupid nightmare,” he says, gazing off into the distance as he slowly eats another piece of steak. “I’ve been stuck in my head, concerned about things I should have cast aside. Eventually, I landed in Traverse Town and realized that there are bigger things than myself.” 

It is truly a vague and awful answer, but she pays it no mind. “Is it really as bad as they say?”

Cloud scoffs a little. “A couple of weeks ago, fifteen people went missing one night. Just two days after that, it was another nine. I’m not counting the ones before or after. It’s been like this for weeks.”

Lightning lets out a surprised wheeze. Terra taps his food with his fork, too shocked to say anything, and too ashamed to join the conversation.

Cloud continues, “it’s hopeless. They are thinking about bringing people here.”

“Yeah, and with them their predators along for the ride,” she says, slowly closing her eyes and furrowing her brows. 

Terra decides he is too disgusted to keep his appetite.

“How’s our good friend, Squall?” Cloud asks her.

Lightning’s facial expression just gets more twisted in contempt. “Wasting away, what else? He’s so obsessed with restoring Radiant Garden that he barely sleeps. All of these attacks just have him worried and depressed, although he’s much better at hiding it than I am.”

Then she smirks. “Don’t let him catch you calling him that, though.”

Terra must have been quiet for too long because Cloud hands over a beer to him, a reassuring smile on his face.

“Terra, you’re what, eighteen? Maybe twenty? You should have this,” he says. “There’s no use worrying. You’re only going to suffer more for no reason. Trust me.”

Before Terra can say anything in reply, Lea sits down next to him. “Is that a Sweet Nothing? That stuff will make the most _strict_ , _miserable_ man giggly.”

Lea glances over to Lightning: “and probably make the most uncompromising woman willing to be _pragmatic_.”

Lightning slowly turns her head to face Lea, giving him a severe expression. Lea purposefully won’t meet her eyes, although he doesn’t attempt to hide his wide grin. Cloud silently laughs to himself.

“I’m sorry, Lightning, but with you, it’s just too _easy_ ,” Lea says with a chuckle. 

He then chucks a mouthful of meat into his mouth. “Now, instead of talking about _hopeless_ things... Terra, have you ever been inside Ansem’s castle?”

Terra just shakes his head, too nervous to look him in the eye, and picks up the glass of beer. _Better than fidgeting at his incessant questions._

“The lord of the castle, Ansem the Wise, had an apprentice that started all of this Heartless mess. Maybe if you want to find answers about what happened to you and your friends, you should check it out. The apprentice’s name was Xehanort,” Lea says. 

Terra gently stops his drink from reaching his mouth. _Why would he mention Xehanort?_ He tries not to let his breathing get heavier. _What does he want with me? I really shouldn’t trust him._

“Well, what do you say?” Lea asks. “We can go over there first thing in the morning, and see if there is anything that pertains to you.”

Lightning goes back to her book, but it doesn’t seem like she’s actually reading. Terra can feel Cloud’s eyes watching him, but doesn’t meet them.

_If Xehanort actually left anything behind that can tell me about Aqua or Ven... Still, Lea suspects something about me. I will need to protect myself._

Terra takes a gulp of the buzzing, warm drink and finally faces Lea. 

“Okay. Let’s do it.”


	8. Conflict

Ansem’s castle is not the extravagant picturesque scene that Terra expects on the inside. The castle walls are cold and bare, with mass amounts of rubble in some hallways. Pipes line most of the walls, which look like new additions. The Land of Departure, as Terra remembers it, was much more beautiful by comparison. 

The castle is not welcoming either - instead of an open space to show off its sense of grandeur, much of the hallways are twisted in a labyrinth. 

“Comfy, eh?” Lea says as the two stroll. It is early morning, and they went off to the castle before Terra got a chance to procure himself a weapon. 

“So... this is pretty much where it all started?” Terra asks, knowing full well that this isn’t where this whole ordeal started at all.

“You mean the part where the Heartless stormed out of the castle and chased everyone away, or the part where Ansem hired Xehanort to begin with?”

It’s lucky that Lea has offered to lead the way, since he won’t be able to see Terra rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth. 

“We’ll have to be careful. This castle still attracts darkness and other _interesting_ people,” Lea says.

“What do you mean?”

Lea turns back to look at Terra with that strange smile, as they continue to walk through the hall. “Ever heard of Nobodies?”

Terra shakes his head. 

“Hm, you _sure_ you know nothing about them?” 

Terra takes a sharp breath in. _Everything I have to say to him is subject to scrutiny. If I stay quiet, I’m still under interrogation. He’s the most obnoxious person I have ever met._

In that instant, Terra sees a vision. Lea is dressed in black robes, sitting on a pale white throne among a wide circle of them. In this white room, Terra is looking down at Lea, who is angrily begging for something. Then the vision vanishes, lasting only a few seconds, but it leaves behind a throbbing headache.

_What did I just see? I have never met Lea before. Unless... am I able to access Xehanort’s memories?_

Lea breaks his train of thought. “They’re empty shells. Beings without a heart. Cold, ruthless, calculating, selfish, and complete _killjoys_.”

Terra is surprised by Lea’s loss of control over his masked persona, sensing a notion of anger and melancholy in his voice. _I wonder if these things hurt someone Lea cared about. Whatever. I need to find... well, whatever it is I need to find. He’s just getting in my way at this point._

The two men approach an intersection of hallways. Terra wonders if he is letting himself get too irritated, since he suddenly has a desire to veer down the hall to the right, away from the direction that Lea is going. It is as though he thinks... no, he _knows_ that something is waiting for him there.

“I’m going to head down this direction,” Terra says.

“What are you-”

“It’s just because I want to,” Terra says, cutting him off. He relaxes his face, not trying to succumb to the growing annoyance that he is undoubtedly feeling.

Lea takes a moment to cross his arms. “Do you actually _know_ your way around here?”

“Of course not! I just need... time for myself. This place smells really bad,” Terra says, unable to control the rising volume of his voice.

Terra scampers quickly through the winding halls alone, becoming aware of the sound of running water, drips, and steam. These noises make Terra’s hair stand on edge, feeling as if the walls want to swallow him - or that something is watching him closely.  _It’s not just Lea, it’s this place. I don’t like it here._

The hall is never-ending, until Terra approaches a door.

On the other side is a room with six messy desks, where papers and books lie all over the floor and the shelves. It is dark, save for the light shining through a hole on the wall from the outside. Water damage has abused all of the furniture lying directly underneath this hole, victims of years of rainfall.

Terra walks over to one of the damaged desks. Not particularly because there is anything special about the desk, or that it has anything of value from what he can see. It is because there is this... _sensation?  
_

He flips some of the damaged books around. He sifts through the pages, although they are so badly damaged that they are unreadable. These movements come to him almost in a trance-like state, where he is searching, but he doesn’t know what he is looking for. He opens a drawer to see moldy books and papers, and nothing else. He moves to open another, and right before he touches the knob, there is that same _sensation_ , but this time, it’s desperate. He can see himself with his own hands place something inside this drawer. 

When Terra realizes this, he gasps out loud and throws open the drawer, desperate of what he will find. He sifts through the paper, and there it is - with its bright orange shine, untouched by weather and time. 

_My Wayfinder!_ Terra lets out a huge, broken breath, smiling but unable to choose between laughing and crying as he lovingly picks it up, gently stroking it with his thumb.

He holds the Wayfinder close to his heart, shuts his eyes and breathes out slowly. 

_She gave this to us in order to keep us connected. I wonder if I can hear them, somehow. Anything to let me know they are out there and okay. Please._

Deep in the silence, he can feel two faint heartbeats. One is elevated, although soft and quiet, as if it is far away. The other is louder, but slower and more rhythmic. 

_Is that Aqua, so far away? In the Realm of Darkness? Aqua... I wish you would know that I am thinking of you right now, that I am trying to reach out to you. I wish you would know I am awake._

Terra lets out a slow breath again, imagining that Aqua is there along side him, in the same way he remembers her. Young and vibrant, with short hair. He remembers how he thought it was so adorable when she cut it the first time, telling him it was too much maintenance to handle. He remembers her large blue eyes, which would light up when she smiled at him. And seeing her smile always made his stomach jump. _  
_

_Did I have something to do with you being in the Realm of Darkness? _I wonder if you hate me for all that I’ve done to you and Ven.__

_And Ven, are you sleeping? Such a peaceful state to be. Are you out there, much older now and living a different life in some world, blissfully unaware that I’m here or that Aqua is missing?_

Terra chuckles silently, remembering how Ven would get so excited every single morning to spar with him, and remembering how difficult it was to get him to focus on his assignments. _At least you’re alive._

Terra lets out one last breath as he relaxes and lowers his Wayfinder from his heart. _At least this can lead me now. I’ll be there to set things right with you guys._

He holds up his Wayfinder and moves it so that it catches the light. But it isn’t in his hand anymore. _  
_

_Or is it?_

The hand he sees holding it has a much darker skin tone, coming out of a white sleeve. Around him are people in white lab coats that he doesn’t recognize, but aren’t really there.

_“What a useless trinket. And yet, I feel as if I can never part with it. I don’t know why I have such fondness for something that holds no meaning for me.”_

_The voice was deep, and the hand twirled the Wayfinder as it caught the light of the lamp on the desk. The other scientists listened intently._

_“The heart is needy, and it attaches itself to anything, including objects. Look what little power I have over such a stupid artifact, because I can’t let it go. It is mine, and I need to keep it. There is no adequate answer for this. It is just the attachment.“  
_

_The hand opened the drawer and put the Wayfinder inside._

_“And therein lies the answer to how we can look at the heart as a manipulative tool. Man’s greatest weakness: once he gets attached to something, there is nothing to stop a person from being used via their bond, no matter how artificial. Essentially, the bond is the secret to a man’s heart.”  
_

The voice suddenly gets quiet, as Terra looks down on the Wayfinder in his own hand, his head throbbing. _What did I just see? That was... a vivid memory. Xehanort’s memory.  
_

Terra scoffs angrily, and holds the Wayfinder in both of his hands. _  
_

In a audible whisper, as though he wants to make sure it is heard, Terra says, “it isn’t _yours_. I will _never_ let you take it from me again.” 

He puts it in his pocket, double checks that it is there, and leaves the office. Back in the intersecting hallway, Lea is nowhere to be found, and only silence can be heard along with the noise of dripping water.

_Did he just abandon me? Well, I guess I was the first to abandon him._

“Lea!” But only silence responds. 

_He said earlier that this place attracts darkness. I wonder if he got attacked._

“Lea! I’m sorry about earlier,” he calls out, heading towards the direction that Lea originally wanted to take. 

At the end of this hallway, he sees an open room that houses one desk, and it is just as messy as the other. Lea is standing there, looking at a painting of a young man with tan skin and white, long hair.

_That’s my face!_

The portrait looks like one of Terra, although he knows it isn’t him. It’s like looking at a false photograph, one that someone manipulated to tell a lie. Maybe Terra has been in denial this whole time, but this is the proof necessary to send Terra into nausea, accepting that yes, _he really did work here. He really did experiment on other people. He used me to hurt others. He used me to do anything he wanted._

Stopping himself from fainting, he calls out, “Lea...”

“Do you get off on lying to kids?” Lea has a clear anger to his voice, the most sincere expression that Terra has heard from him yet. “What kind of trick are you trying to PULL?” He summons his Keyblade.

“Wait a minute, Lea, I can explain,” Terra says, lifting up his hands to show that he surrenders.

“I will not let you hurt us ever again!” Lea says, as he sent a shockwave of fire to target Terra.

Fighting with Lea is tricky, for three distinct reasons. Lea is shrewd by nature, and his stature in combat is designed to trick his opponent into falsely assuming his next move. Terra’s mistakes in misunderstanding ties him to a strategy of scrambling to throw books and toppling shelves to defend himself.

Two, as a fire user, Lea’s attacks are explosive with no need to ignite the element. Unlike Aqua, who is most comfortable with ice and has to build the magic up as she dances, Lea can easily spurt out sparks at any given time, fueled by his rage.

Lastly, Terra has no Keyblade. He relies on using chairs to block the strikes, and successfully manages at times to hit Lea directly. This normally sends Lea stumbling, but against such a prominent magic user, brutal attacks do little when he can retaliate with such a burning force. 

At one point, Lea takes the initiative to lunge onto Terra, which proves to be a mistake. Terra grabs Lea’s Keyblade, and the two go into a test of strength as they try to wrestle control over it. Terra, being far stronger than the lanky red-head, pulls the Keyblade out of Lea’s hands and punches him in the face with the hilt. 

Lea is on his knees, struggling to get up.

“Are you done?” Terra asks as he tosses the Keyblade to the side, gasping for air. “I’m not here to hurt Riku or Sora. I wish you would listen to me.”

Lea smiles, also breathing heavily and wiping blood coming out of his mouth. “Let me take a moment to consider,” he says, as he closes his eyes and relaxes.

“I don’t _care_ ,” Lea states, extending his hand to summon a spinning, flaming chakram with spikes, and hurls it at Terra. He is barely able to dodge it, feeling the heat of the flames lick his arm, and scrambles to get out of the way as Lea summons a second one. 

Terra kicks over the large desk, and tackles it against his opponent as a way to get some sort of wall between them. Lea jumps on top of the desk, and builds up this large fire blast as he yells out, “Burn!”

Defending himself is an instinct, something that comes at moment’s pace without having to consider the consequences. A large magnetic, dark force exhumes from his arm as he hits Lea directly with it, sending him backwards into a standing bookshelf. Lea slumps onto the ground, and all there is left is silence.

Terra lets out a loud groan, sees the dark force that is still exhuming from his arm, and tries to pat it away. “No, no, no, I can’t lose control...”

“Lea!” He runs over to the Keyblade wielder, and is careful to shake him only with his non-toxic arm, but there is no reaction. “Lea, I’m so sorry. What have I done... Please get up.” 

Footsteps can be heard approaching the room. 

“Look there!” a man with long, ashy blonde hair and a sour, ugly face calls out. A young man with silver hair covering his face is carrying what looks to be a large gun. He shoots a beam of light directly onto Terra, paralyzing him for a moment as he yells.

Two large men, one with short orange hair and the other with dreadlocks, pick Terra up.

“No, let go of me!” Terra says. _I can’t have this happen, not when I have to find them._

The two men slam Terra onto the wall so they can cuff him. He is unable to see Lea anymore, but he can hear the sour man and the one with the gun talk to themselves. Lea is alright - alive but unconscious. 

Then, Terra hears the sour man say, “take this boy to the civilian holding cell.”


	9. Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The opening scene is based on [this.](http://kh13.com/news/spoilers-exclusive-back-story-for-kingdom-hearts-02-birth-by-sleep-a-fragmentary-passage-shown-at-kingdom-hearts-concert-first-breath)  
> This chapter was difficult, and has demanded the most re-edits from me. I hope you enjoy it!

The room is painted in a bright white, with sunlight illuminating through the windows as a gentle breeze blows softly through the curtains. Lining the walls are a large collection of roughly drawn pictures of people, done with crayons. 

Terra sits on one side of a large desk, opposite a young girl with blonde hair and wearing a white dress. To him, she looks like a ghost. 

“Welcome back. I wonder if you’ll remember me when you wake up this time,” she says to him with a sweet smile. “It’s alright, though. It was such a short visit before.”

Terra looks at her, confused. _What did she mean by ‘welcome back?’_ _  
_

But he doesn’t need to ask who she is. _Naminé_. 

“My name _is_ something you would know. After all, you are dreaming,” she says, like she can read his mind.

Terra takes a better look around, and notices a familiar theme present in each of the pictures.

“These are all your memories,” she says. 

One picture is of him, Aqua, and Ventus together. Another depicts his duel with Aqua during their Mark of Mastery exam. Another is Ventus sleeping in his bed. And yet another is Terra and Aqua sitting under a sky of stars. One of them has Aqua drawn with a large red heart next to her.

“You see me because, I, too, am from your memory.” She notices he is still taken aback by what she is saying. “It’s what our hearts are made of. We form bonds due to the memories we create and share.”

Terra shakes his head slowly, dazed as if he is drugged.

“When your heart needs to tell you something, or when you are unable to face a problem, you work through it in your dreams,” she says. “You needed to figure something out in your mind, and so I am here.”

Terra shakes his head again. “I can’t recall you from anywhere.”

“Oh.” Naminé smiles nervously to herself as she looks at her hands, as if she is unsure how to handle her existence being dismissed. Like she is hurt by his words. “It makes sense why you won’t remember me. But trust me, you and I have spoken before.”

Terra continues to study the pictures around the room. He turns to look behind him, and sees another mess of drawings lined on this wall. All of them have been colored black, and there were so many of them it made this wall look painted. Terra is in each of them, sitting or standing in the dark. Many of them have him drawn alone. Some of them have a large face of a bald man, with yellow eyes, overly exaggerated ears and sharp teeth accompanying Terra. This would normally look comical, but considering the subject matter, it makes him very uncomfortable.

“Why are you here?” He turns to look back at her. 

Naminé meets his glance. “Your heart is connected to me.” She continues to mouth words, but Terra cannot hear anything she is saying, as if she suddenly went mute.

She realizes this. She smiles widely at him, nods and says audibly, “don’t worry. I am here to keep the nightmares at bay.”

* * *

Terra wakes up with a severe headache. The muscles in his entire body are stiff and don’t want to move. He has been sleeping on the floor against the wall all night, because that is more comfortable than sleeping on the iron bed frame, the only furniture inside the cell. He is cuffed from his wrists to his elbows in a contraption that throbs gently, completely sucking out his energy. Still, he finds a way to get up and move the bed frame under the only small window available. 

Climbing on the frame, he holds his hands to the bars, gazing upon the city and the wasteland that waits outside of the city walls. It looks like late morning, on the day after he and Lea had fought. 

After the fight with Lea, the scientists had thrown him in the cell. Two of them, Even and Ienzo, discussed between them what to do with the “boy with the dark powers.” They decided it was a good idea to contact Yen Sid about this. Often they would stare at him in short intervals, as if they were surprised by his appearance. They took turns giving him scraps of food that they slid through the cell bars. Neither of them spoke about Lea in front of him. Neither of them bothered to interrogate him either. 

For now, Terra is completely alone, save for a pounding headache.

_Even when I try to be careful, I still make stupid mistakes. When will I ever learn?_

_I can’t stop being a failure even when I want to._

Terra slides down the wall and sits on the floor, staring at the contraption that is entrapping him. 

Unpleasant memories gather in his mind. 

The day when he found out that Aqua spied on him on behalf of his Master, Eraqus. How humiliating it was to hear, when he thought the entire time that he had his Master’s trust. 

Not just that, but Aqua - someone he needed to believe in him, to see him as _special_ and worthy of her attention - actually didn’t think too highly of him. Beyond humiliation, it was heartbreaking. _It was so difficult to look her in the face that day.  
_

What he needed most back then was someone to think of him as accomplished. To accept him as he was. He needed someone to think that he could succeed. 

And Xehanort was there.

_I was so damn stupid._

And then there was Eraqus, dying in front him. Eraqus telling Terra that he was too obsessed with power, and that he shouldn’t be afraid of losing. _Is that the reason why everything went down the way it did?_

_Losing that time came at such a cost. I can’t afford to lose more than I have already... I don’t know if I will ever get another chance to find them. What is the point of getting stronger if I can’t win for once? If I can’t rely on my own strength, then how am I supposed to save them?  
_

The pain is getting worse, enough to make Terra groan out loud. Heat is building in his chest, up his neck and into his skull. 

_Stupid. Weak. Failure. Unworthy of her._

_I need a distraction. Anything. Master Eraqus, help me._

Terra hears footsteps. The sound is welcome, and makes him forget for a moment that he was in pain, desperate for some interaction.

It is Lea, looking tired but okay. He is carrying the jar with Tifa’s potion.

“You know what,” says Lea, “most people are very respectful, considerate, and _careful_ with Keyblade wielders.” 

Lea swirls the jar so that the liquid inside dances, and he leans on the cell bars. “ _Cloud_ doesn’t care.”

He hands out the potion through the bars. Terra scrambles quickly to try to open it, and takes a mouthful. It’s incredibly bitter and somewhat tastes like dirt, but it is necessary to combat the pain and anxiety.

“Is that supposed to make you worry less, Xehanort?” Lea says.

“Don’t _call_ me that!” Terra and Lea lock eyes, with the former expressing a fury that he thinks might have surprised the other just a little bit. 

But of course, Lea is consistent with checking his own reactions.“Then what’s your story, Oh- _Mysterious_ -Xehanort-Twin?”

Terra has forgotten just how much he needs someone to listen to him, even though he is afraid. He needs to tell it, to make sure _someone_ out there knows that he isn’t horrible. And he tells almost everything. How he met Xehanort, why he followed Xehanort, what Xehanort did to him. The final battle between them before he lost consciousness. About his friends, at least to a certain extent. Lea listens without interrupting Terra’s thoughts once. 

“So...” Lea says in reply, “you were the first guinea pig.”

“What do you mean?”

“All of us - there were thirteen of us - we were all meant to take an implant of Xehanort. He even marked us as part of our initiation into the Organization, changing our names while adding an ‘x,’” Lea says in a low voice.

Terra, disgusted, shakes his head furiously. “Like you’re property.” _I can’t believe he didn’t just stop with me._

There is silence for a while. Lea scatters his eyes around the room before he says, “I _hated_ him.” 

Terra says nothing in reply, and waits for Lea to finish.

“Xemnas,” Lea says. “Xehanort’s very own Nobody. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that he’s _yours_?”

Terra averts his gaze, and stares at his hands. The idea that _his_ body, without a heart and moving around like a shell, seems foreign and incomprehensible. _But it makes sense. At some point, Xehanort became... or the darkness I was in became... is fractured the right word? Weakened? Like it suddenly changed. Weird and a bit erratic._

“Don’t look so glum,” Lea says. “Really, you’re nothing like Xemnas. He was obsessive, thick-skulled, and a _total_ chore to deal with.” He pauses for a moment. 

“Actually, that sounds _exactly_ like you,” Lea says with a mischievous smile on his face, “our great _Superior_.” 

“You done mocking me?”

Lea looks at Terra dead on. “No.”

_I wonder if this is his way of toying with me._

“So then what did you do for this Organization?” Terra asks. 

“ _Me_? Oh, I was just your friendly assassin and kidnapper.” 

The blunt honesty and matter-of-fact way he says this shocks Terra to the point that he just softly laughs, too tired to be louder. “And I thought I was terrible.”

“At least I didn’t just _let_ Xehanort take over me. You’re either a slow learner, or you are a _terrible_ judge of character,” Lea says, not breaking the smile on his face.

“Yeah, but of all the people the Keyblade is known to be picky with, it chose _you_ ,” Terra says, not realizing that there is also a smile on his face. 

“Touché.” Lea touches the cell bars with his hands. “I’ll be back. I’m going to get you something to eat.”

Terra again is alone. His headache however is fading away, and he thanks both the potion and the laughter he just shared as the reason why.

It doesn’t take long for Lea to come back, although with him comes a furious Even, who is leaning forward as though he barks into Lea’s ear. 

“I _swear_ , if you weren’t a _Keybearer_...” Even starts to say, before Lea just cuts him off. And yet, Lea doesn’t even speak to him. 

“He’s mad I stole this,” Lea says to Terra, holding up a set of keys in one hand, while he holds a sandwich in the other.

“Don’t you _mock_ me, Lea. When I speak to you, you will listen with respect,” Even says. 

“I would _never_ think of mocking you. You have done _so much_ for me, and I am _truly grateful_. I was merely just _informing_ Terra what is happening,” Lea says, with that strange smile and manner of speaking that Terra knows too well. 

It is actually funny to see Lea do this to someone else. _Although, I’m sure Even must be so frustrated._

“Your impudence knows no bounds,” Even says as Lea unlocks the cell door. 

“Even, you are such a _great_ _friend_ to watch my back.”

“I will look the other way if you get in trouble again. No use putting any of _us_ in danger,” Even says, quickly glancing at Terra.

“I wouldn’t ask you to do anything _more_ for me,” Lea holds his hands up as if to suggest a shrug. “But this is official _Keyblade business_ ,” he continues, with the tone of a parent talking to a child. “And I’m a _competent babysitter_ , just so you know.”

“Just as long as you _don’t_ destroy anything else.” Even scoffs loudly as he wanders off. Lea rolls his eyes, obviously relieved that the scientist is gone, as he unlocks the cuffs that bound Terra. 

“Nobody or not, he’s the same,” Lea says quietly.

The release of the magic-sucking contraption is a severe weight being lifted off his arms, and Terra feels a burst of energy. 

“Thank you.” A sigh escapes him as he rubs his forearms. Lea extends his hand and helps him up. Terra gladly accepts the sandwich offered and digs in.

Lea then pats Terra on the back. “Being my friend will be the smartest decision you will make since waking up, if I _do_ say so myself.”

* * *

The two young men return to the room where they had fought before. Damage has been dealt extensively to the area. Books are lying all over, most of them burned. All of the furniture have been collapsed. The painting of Terra-Xehanort has a huge slash across the face. 

“If we don’t clean this up, I _swear_ Even will find _some_ way to follow us around and nag us until we die,” Lea says. 

As the men move the furniture back into place and tidy up the loose objects, they talk about more personal things. Lea talks about the nature of the Heartless and Nobodies, effectively catching Terra up with all of his questions. Terra talks about Aqua and Ventus, and his need to find them. 

At times, he notices Lea flashing a smirk when Terra talks of Aqua, but he brushes off any inquiries as to what he was smiling about. 

Terra skims through papers and books that are not unreadable. Some of them have been written by Ansem the Wise, listing his theories of the heart. Others were signed by Xehanort, listing some details about his experiments. _This stuff... it’s totally forbidden. He was no one worthy of holding a Keyblade._

Terra decides not to mull over such disgusting words when he asks Lea, “so how did it happen for you? Losing your heart?”

Lea actually looks a little surprised by the question. He forces a smile on his face as he picks up a burnt book and tosses it over his shoulder. 

“You know, I actually thought I was smart enough to sneak into this castle when I was younger,” he says, sifting through more books on the ground. “I had never thought that one day, monsters would pour out of this place and attack everyone.” 

He looks towards the painting. “I didn’t actually meet Xehanort that day. I was with my best friend... at the time,” Lea says with a transparent utterance of melancholy. 

“Your friend?” 

“Yeah. We got separated.” He speaks a little quieter. “I remember him running ahead of me as the monsters were attacking. He left me behind. What a guy, right? I’m sure he was probably trying to find a way for us to escape or something. Anyway, I ran after him, but he went missing. Later that night was when it happened. A Heartless approached me from behind. And then it was black. It was like closing your eyes terrified that you’re going to die if you go to sleep.”

Terra keeps quiet, speechless. He pretends to look through more papers. 

“Hey Terra, can he hear us? Can Xehanort listen to us speak?”

“I...” 

_Can he?_ Terra had been completely surrounded by darkness when Xehanort was in control, not being able to see, hear, or physically feel anything. It was just him and his thoughts, playing in his mind over and over again. At first, he maintained faith that he would one day get control back. He meditated, telling himself that his Master was with him in spirit. But over time, he couldn’t handle such isolation for so long. 

There were many moments, after days of pretending he wasn’t there, after weeks of reliving his happier memories in his mind, that Terra would call out in the dark just wanting _someone_ to talk to. 

Usually, Xehanort would come talk to him, reminding Terra that he has failed. He would mock his friends, mock his weakness, mock his sorry position as a useless soul who can’t do anything, and would encourage him to give up. There were times where Xehanort seemed to have forgotten who Terra was, and times where he seemed unnaturally angry. Maybe those were the periods where the Heartless and Nobody were separated. At times, Terra would catch sounds of words, or a sharp twang of emotion, although he understood nothing. 

 _But can Xehanort listen?_ Terra is reminded of the fear he felt when Yen Sid’s name was mentioned. _Yeah_...

Before he can reply, a loud alarm blares out.

“What is that?” 

“A Heartless breach!” Lea quickly gets up and runs out of the room.

Terra scrambles out of the room far behind him, caught off guard by everything while Lea has the experience to react accordingly to such an impromptu call. But before he can catch up, a shadow forms in front of Terra, and a man wearing a black cloak steps out of it.

“Hello, Terra,” says the man, whose hood is up and over, covering his face so that he cannot be identified. His voice is emotionless and cold, hardened yet a bit soft-spoken.

Terra is taken aback at first, and considers just ignoring this man.

“The only things these people are going to find are two sole, weak Heartless walking around the valley by themselves,” the man says. “I was the one who sent them.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you come with me,” the man says. “We have something for you, something that is related to your missing friends.” 

The man extends his hand to Terra without saying much more, beckoning him to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this far. If you want to connect with me and chat, here is my [Tumblr.](https://mimiplaysgames.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> **OMG, I was sent this[fanart](http://romy350-romyakari.tumblr.com/post/174208086627/okey-this-doodle-were-totally-inspired-based-on) by the fabulous romy350-romyakari on Tumblr, depicting Lea and Terra's interactions on this chapter. I had to share!! Thank you so much for the beautiful work! It warms my heart!**


	10. Unease

“What’s the catch?” Terra asks the cloaked man. The latter had offered Terra information regarding Aqua and Ventus.

“All we ask is that you answer some questions honestly,” says the man, his voice unwavering in its lack of emotion.

A strange and seemingly inconsequential agreement, but it is made nonetheless. _Anything to get closer to them. So far, I haven’t gotten much._

Terra follows the man back to the room where he and Lea had fought. The man opens a wall that leads to a hidden passageway, and asks Terra, “so, have you been feeling any pain?”

_What a strange question.  
_

“No.” Terra wonders if the man can tell he is lying. 

The man doesn’t seem to care or react to Terra’s answer and just walks down the new passageway, leading to a vast open chamber that looks like the inside of a giant hard drive, which expands into a massive storage large capsules. Large enough to contain bodies. Terra is amazed by the sheer size of it. The man continues into a room, where he tinkers with a computer interface.

“Feel free to ask me any questions you may have, Terra.”

The man pulls out a small piece of paper, reads it, and begins to put a CD into the computer.

“Are those instructions?” Terra asks.

“Except stupid questions,” the man replies without an ounce of feeling as he types in several passwords. No semblance of annoyance, even though it would have been appropriate.

_This guy is worse than Lea. I can’t understand him at all._

“You know what, you know my name, but I have no idea who you are,” Terra says.

As if to comply, the man pulls down his hood, and a head of long blue hair falls out of it. He has an x-shaped scar on his face, his eyes a bright yellow.

“My name is Saïx.”

_His eyes. Does this mean I am talking to Xehanort, or does Saïx have his own personality?_

A swell of rage building up, and Terra tries hard to convince himself to stay calm. _If this is Xehanort, I can’t let him get away with what he has done. But I can’t defend myself. What if I fall into another trap, though?_

After the computer accepts all of the passwords, Saïx leaves the room and heads down some stairs. 

Terra quietly follows, too angry to really ask any questions and out of fear that he is going to lash out. _I just need to play along until I have the information I need._

An opening expands on the ground of the giant supercomputer, exposing a tremendous spiral staircase that is so deep, it seems to lead to nowhere.

_This is bad._

“Where are we going?” Terra asks.

“Did you know that a deep dungeon was built in this castle?”

_Yes, I know. Lea told me. Is that where we’re going? There might not be an escape from there..._

Maybe it’s because Terra never answered back, but Saïx just starts walking downstairs.

_Xehanort is... nothing like this guy. He seems to act as if all of this is some chore he was forced to do. Does this mean that Saïx is really his own person, and that Xehanort doesn’t have control over him like he did over me?_

The walk is long, and most of it is done in total silence. Terra never asks any more questions, and Saïx never voluntarily offers more information. As they descend, Terra feels a growing heaviness on his shoulders, as though the air itself is adding weight. 

At some point, after what seemed like hours of silence, Saïx says, “perhaps you will recognize the area.”

Terra doesn’t have a proper reply to that. _Does he think that I can just remember everything Xehanort does?_

They finally reach a set of doors. They open, revealing a long hallway of cells, and Terra is hit with an instant feeling of nausea, as if the hallway is carrying a putrid, yet undefined, smell. 

He lets out an audible cry of disgust. Saïx ignores this and continues on. Terra sluggishly follows, and every step he takes fills his mouth with saliva, as if he is actually going to throw up. His head starts hurting, and it is so painful that he has to stop. He breathes heavily, and leans on one of the cell doors. It seems thick and chained, with only a small opening that lets light into it. 

In his mind, he sees himself, or his own hand, opening the cell door.

Not his own hand, but that of another’s. 

_A woman. She had long hair, sweeped to one side of her neck. She wore pretty yellow flowers on her head, and smiled as she looked upon him. But not really him. Xehanort._

_“Do not be afraid,” Xehanort said, holding the hand of the woman with his right hand. He gestured to the room with his left, as if he was inviting the woman to a dance. She smiled graciously to his mannerisms, and blushed a little._

_In the cell stood a reclining chair with straps, a large machine over it with a nozzle as tight as a needle, and multiple surgical equipment and other medical tools sprawled on the side table.  
_

_Xehanort helped the woman onto the chair as the other apprentices waited with their notepads. One of these, in particular, was Braig.  
_

_“Comfortable?” Xehanort asked her.  
_

_“Of course I am, when I’m with you,” she said, and blushed again.  
_

_“It will be over soon. We will not be late for the theater.” He prepared a syringe and gently injected her with it. She was a little tense to the injection, but soon after, she fell asleep._

_“Gentlemen,” Xehanort said, “this woman has hope in her heart. Hope that her life is going to change for the better. Hope that she has found love. And this hope is false. Yet, she would never admit it. For the heart is weak, and will cast itself into dark uncertainty simply because it is not strong enough to handle disappointment, rejection, and betrayal.”_

_He signaled to Braig, and the latter started the machine.  
_

_“Her insistence on having this hope,” he continued, “will eventually lead her heart to break. This is where the true person lies - broken. There is where we can see what people are really made of, when they are at their worst. Feral and desperate. Where they don’t have the energy to hide behind their social masks or their futile dreams.”_

_The machine grew louder as it revved up._

_“And when the heart finally breaks,” Xehanort said, “it can never truly heal. For we all carry the burden of our past connections, and we can never cleanse them from our memory. Our only true solace to this is to start over - to wipe the memory and therefore lead a new life.”_

_The machine was ready, and Xehanort started it. The sound it made as a beam of red hit the woman in the chest was so loud that it struck a pain which felt like a hammer hitting Terra on the head, and he screamed in agony._

Terra nearly falls backward from the pain. He takes several moments to breathe deeply as he copes with it. When he has the strength to stand up straight, he wearily looks up to Saïx, who is watching him. 

_How long has he been standing there, just staring at me like that?_

“Are you in pain?” Saïx asks.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Terra takes several more breaths. “I’ll be fine.” 

_And he said he didn’t want stupid questions._

Saïx leads Terra to a new set of doors, which open up to a bright room with a single large throne. When entering, he gets overwhelmed by a strange sense of deja vú. The feeling does not cause him any pain - if anything, it helps to alleviate it. 

Terra approaches the throne, a sensation of comfort coming over him. _Why do I have the feeling that I love this place?_

And it isn’t just the feeling. He suddenly gets a vivid vision in his mind of Aqua standing there in the darkness, talking to him. _Wait a minute, have I actually spoken to her after I lost everything? That can’t be. Wasn’t that a dream...?_

Before he can ponder any more, Terra catches sight of something on the ground, making him shudder in shock and unable to quell the rising anger that comes with such a revelation. 

On the ground is her empty armor sprawled out, with her Keyblade, Rainfell, sitting beside it. Both are covered in dust. 

_No... She’s in the Realm of Darkness. She couldn’t have... there is NO WAY she would have survived there without her armor or her Keyblade._

“Why is this here?” Terra asks as he spins to face Saïx. 

Saïx takes a moment to look at the armor. “No idea,” he says, with no amount of sentiment or care. No fluctuation in his face, no twitch of the eyebrow, no movement in the mouth.

“Then why bring me here?” _I know she is alive. I felt it with the Wayfinder. Does that mean that they have her? She would never have left this stuff behind._

Saïx only stares back.

“Where is she?!” 

Saïx does not answer.

“Stop playing games with me!” Terra is nearly about to lunge forward at him at this point.

“Assuming I know anything or who you are even talking about would be foolish. I was merely told to bring you here,” Saïx says, cold and stone-like.

_I can’t read this guy. I just wish he would be upfront with me. To make something easy on me for once._

Terra can feel wetness running down his face. Her safety. Her disappearance. Another terrible truth he has to think about. He bends down to the armor, picks up the helmet and holds it to his face as the tears pour. _  
_

* * *

Terra carries her armor in a large sack and keeps Rainfell safely in his grip as they walk back to the computer room. Rainfell, in particular, is familiar to him, and yet it doesn’t look the same as it has before. 

“Now then,” he can hear Saïx say to him, as he gently puts the sack and the Keyblade down. “You have promised to answer questions.”

“Go ahead.” Terra says this quietly, a sound of defeat distinct in his voice.

Saïx approaches Terra and holds his wrist in between his fingers, as if to check for a pulse. However, the grip is too tight to be comfortable.

“Have you been dreaming?” Saïx asks like a doctor who doesn’t care about the patient.

_What is with these strange questions?_

“No,” Terra says, his voice shaky.

“Have you been hearing voices?”

“No.” That much is true.

Saïx takes a moment before asking anything further. “So... where is she?”

Terra is too tired to hide the shock in his face. “I- I don’t know.”

”You promised to answer truthfully.”

”I am!”

Saïx takes another moment, his grip getting a little tighter. “Where is your other friend?”

It takes Terra every ounce of energy not to respond immediately. _The Chamber of Waking. Why do I know this?  
_

”I don’t know. I’m looking for him, too.”

Saïx takes one moment to actually smile, an incredibly unnerving and creepy sight. “Do you remember what it looks like? Kingdom Hearts?”

Terra is shaken by a sharp pain on his chest, and a vision of the sky opening up during his last battle with Xehanort invades his mind.

_Wait, these questions aren’t actually for me._

“I know what you’re doing!” Terra pushes Saïx’s grip aside. 

_He has been waiting for me to let go, to turn back into Xehanort all this time._

Saïx pulls a bit on the gloves covering his hands, his jaw visibly clenching. Terra gets a slimy vibe that Saïx might suddenly go berserk, and readies himself for defense.

“How unfortunate.” Saïx looks at Aqua’s Keyblade long enough for Terra to take notice. He then faces Terra as he says, “don’t let yourself get killed.” 

He turns to walk away into a shadow, disappearing. No sooner than this, another alarm blares off. Terra grabs her Keyblade and runs out of the room.


	11. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first half of the Most Difficult Chapter Ever. Seriously, this chapter took me almost four hours, and it was gargantuan. I had to rearrange this at least twice (after taking days just thinking about it) and then cut it in half. I am glad I took the time to really work through this though, and I hope you guys enjoy it. It would NOT have come out this way at all otherwise. 
> 
> The bar scene was done to Thomas Newman's "The Letter That Never Came" from the Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events soundtrack. Just thought I would share this information. Sometimes music really moves a scene for me.

There are Heartless gathered on the street outside, though few in number. Terra is able to use Aqua’s Rainfell to attack, although he isn’t able to utilize his personal technique with it. By design, Rainfell is lightweight and energetically powerful, a testament to Aqua’s superior magic-crafting skills. He can feel it pulsating up his forearm, as though it is waiting for its wielder to cast magic. His own Keyblade is much more dormant and heavy, as Terra is normally reliant on his own physical strength to attack. At times, Terra wonders if he will break the Rainfell with his brutal swings and attempts to use his own earth-shattering skills. 

The unnatural way he is fighting has almost tempted Terra to use dark powers as a way to compensate for the lack of results that he normally would expect during his battles. Rejecting this near-habit always forces him to hesitate, but he is lucky to have Lea as an ally now. As a partner, Lea seems to keep a constant eye on Terra, preferring long-ranged pot shots. He always sends fire magic towards a Heartless at any given moment where Terra is forced to stumble. This is impressive considering that Lea is also juggling his own Heartless - proof of his natural ability to think and act quickly, though his magic abilities are nowhere near as powerful as Aqua’s. 

The battle ends, and it leaves Terra with a massive headache. Keeping the dark powers in seem to be just as unhealthy as indulging in them. _Did Saïx make me worse? Or was it because we went into that dungeon?_

“Where were you?” Lea is panting only a little bit. This fight hasn’t fazed him the slightest. 

Terra explains everything that has happened, including finding Aqua’s Keyblade. When he is done, Lea thinks only a moment, before saying, “Man, you’re _quite_ the commodity.”

Terra doesn’t understand, and Lea continues with a chuckle, “they’re not gonna touch you. They want you alive and unhurt. They _value_ your body.”

“Ugh, like I’m a properly functioning tool.”

Tifa approaches the two of them with an exasperated breath as she, too, was fighting. “Terra! Oh my goodness, you’re alright. I’m so relieved.”

“I’m so sorry I worried you. I’m guessing you were the one to send Cloud my way?”

“Huh, you think? _Somebody_ didn’t come back last night and he wasn’t very comfortable about that.” She catches her breath, and puts her fists on her hips. “Now, are the two of you going to stop behaving like _ridiculous_ teenagers?” Her question addresses the both of them, although she is mainly focusing towards Lea. 

“Tifa, please, you _know_ me better,” Lea says, his hands pleading.

“That _better_ be true. I better not hear about any more disappearances.” Her head is moving with her words, as if to emphasize a point. “Terra, I’ll make you something delicious tonight. You deserve it,” she says, caressing his arm before shooting Lea one more threatening glare and leaving the two of them to tend to themselves. 

“Would you _look_ at yourself, Terra? You’re getting me in trouble,” Lea says with a playful, gentle shove. 

With the fight over, people are hustling to return to their normal lives. By word of mouth, it seems that all of the initial reports show there is no loss of life or disappearances this time. Hopefully, it will stay that way throughout the night. 

“How was he?” Lea asks, as they walk together down a busy street, passing by locals who are cleaning up after the inevitable mess that battles always leave behind. 

“Who, Saïx?” Terra is surprised by the question. “The most accurate thing I can say is that he was very much like a zombie.”

Lea laughs out loud, although he looks to the side so that Terra can’t see his expression. _I don’t get it. They are total opposites. I can’t imagine them ever being friends._

“Listen,” Lea says, “let’s get some ice cream.”

“I actually don’t really like sweets.” 

“You serious?” Lea waves his wand in dismissal. “You’re gonna like this one.” He says this with an extreme air of confidence as though any rejection of his choice would absolutely crush him. 

Lea buys two ice cream bars from a street vendor, asking for a sea-salt flavor. The blue color of the dessert gives Terra an unnerving feeling. He can clearly envision a blonde, older man sitting on a desk inside the castle, eating this very same ice cream. With it comes a feeling of resentment and anger - as though this very same man is the _one_ thing keeping Terra from finding his friends. _  
_

_This_ man is the reason for everything going wrong. 

_I need to relax. I am me. I have the power to decide if I like eating this or not. I shouldn’t care that it has anything to do with Xehanort. I can’t let him ruin everything for me._

He takes a bite of the ice cream and is initially hit with the saltiness of it before the sweetness of the vanilla flavor coats his tongue. 

“What do you think?” Lea asks with an expression as though he is expecting the perfect answer.

“This I can tolerate.”

It may be that Lea cannot handle disappointment very well since his facial expression becomes dark, as though Terra has just insulted his mother.

“I mean, it’s good! It’s not bad at all,” Terra says as he stumbled with pronouncing his words properly. 

“You are _truly_ misguided.” Lea leans forward. “C’mon.” 

He leads Terra to the city walls, so that they can sit and watch the dim sunset over the wastelands beyond. 

“There are much better sunsets out there, but this isn’t _so_ bad,” Lea says, already partly done through his dessert. 

It’s as if the coldness of the ice cream is making Terra’s headache worse. He cannot get the image of Kingdom Hearts out of his mind. _Not like I particularly cared about it before._

He has a vague feeling, as though there is a clock ticking in the background and he can barely make out an image of it. He keeps repeating the memory of his final battle with Xehanort. 

“If it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else,” Terra says out loud.

“What are you talking about?”

“If Xehanort didn’t take me... he just would have gone after someone else. Wouldn’t that be accurate?” It strikes Terra that he doesn’t have the energy to hide the melancholy in his voice.

“Most likely. Xehanort is just a plague for all the worlds to try to cure,” Lea says, with a not-so-serious tone to his voice, and takes a bite. “You know, Terra, you’re the first person I have ever met with two hearts. I imagine the reason why they’re worried about you is because Xehanort’s heart, and therefore his soul, is inside you.”

“What are you getting at?”

“If you die, your soul departs to the afterlife. And with it would go Xehanort’s soul. That is the _only_ reason I can think of as to why they are concerned about your body,” Lea says as he uses his ice cream bar to exaggerate his point.

Terra looks down at his ice cream, losing his thoughts to the slow drip of the top layer melting off. 

“Stop that,” he hears Lea say to him.

“What?”

“From what you have told me, you seem to be a ticking time bomb waiting to happen, am I _right_?” Lea is starting to sound serious. “How are you going to expect yourself to _slow_ _down_ that process if you keep sulking like that?”

“I’m here eating ice cream while Aqua is... I don’t even know where Ven is...” Terra’s voice starts to choke.

“They don’t have her, if that’s what you’re worried about. If they had her, Saïx would have _definitely_ taunted you over it,” Lea says as he takes another bite.

“Then that means, from all that I know, she is definitely still suffering in the Realm of Darkness.” The ice cream continues to melt off. “And while I found her Keyblade, I am not any closer to finding her. I don’t even _understand_ how she could have-”

“Then she must be some kind of _super_ - _woman_.” Lea changes his expression to show a little bit more compassion. “If she has survived this long, then why do you _insist_ on distrusting her ability to take care of herself?”

“It’s not that at all,” Terra shakes his head furiously. “She’s the strongest person I know... but I don’t know if it’s _my_ fault that she’s there.”

“Of _course_ it isn’t. Didn’t you just say that it could have been someone else? None of this is on you. _All_ the blame is on Xehanort.”

“She still deserves to be here, living a normal life,” Terra says softly, as if he can’t bear the thought that he might have robbed her of her life due to his own weakness.

“I agree with that. But what I don’t understand is the point of worrying about it.”

“W-Why shouldn’t I be worried about her?”

“I’m not talking about her. What is the point of worrying about failing to find her when you’ve only just begun?” Lea is gesturing his ice cream again to illustrate his points.

Then, Lea gets incredibly serious. “The only thing that made me feel better as a Nobody is making sure I enjoyed the things that made me happy, and spend time with the people I really cared about. That helped me grow a new, stronger heart.” He gets more quiet. “Those were the _only_ reasons why I am not like Saïx. What this means is that if you keep at this, you _will_ lose yourself. And if you _still_ want to continue like this, you might as well roll over and give up now.” 

Lea takes a look at Terra’s barely eaten ice cream. “Eat it.” Mentioning the ice cream is awkward and it shakes Terra out of his mindset, but it is appreciated, as it makes the conversation lighter in general.

Terra takes a small bite, mulling over Lea’s words. 

“Look where obsession got Xemnas,” Lea continues. “Defeated by two boys half his age. Look where it got everyone else who was part of the Organization. It’s going to take you nowhere. It’s just going to get you trapped in these never-ending thoughts that do nothing for your cause except make you suffer, when you don’t even know how it’s going to work out in the end.”

Terra remembers his hatred and rage towards Xehanort, too completely overwhelmed with those feelings as he let Ventus and Aqua fight for themselves down below. _I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping Xehanort away from them... or was that me obsessing?_

“Obsessing is just bad for you,” Lea continues, “even if it’s love.”

Terra nearly spits the ice cream out from his mouth. “Wha-What?”

Lea stops himself from taking another bite from his ice cream as he cements an expression of dubiousness. “Don’t _tell_ me you’re going to deny it.”

Terra shuffles uncomfortably as he bites his lip, looking down at his ice cream and trying with all his might not to show on his face that he is affected by this. _I have to admire his incredible talent of reading other people. But am I that much of an open book?_

“Oh _pleeeeaaasseee_ ,” Lea says. “If you’re not in love with her, then my _hair_ isn’t red, the _sky_ is below us, and the _sun_ exploded.” Lea gesticulates with his ice cream dramatically towards the sky.

Before Lea takes another bite, he smiles to himself, as if he was stopping a laugh. “Ugh... I have to say, imagining Xemnas loving someone is giving me the _heebie_ - _jeebies_.”

Terra cannot prevent a soft laugh from coming out. “Xemnas again. Anyway, what are you going to do after this?”

“I have to go back to Yen Sid’s and continue my training.” Lea is nearly finished eating.

Terra takes a huge bite, trying to get his worried thoughts out of his mind, to deal with the headache, and to enjoy the moment. A hard feat when the heart is barely able to survive the onslaught of despair. “I... I don’t think I want to go back with you.”

“Say no more. He’s _not_ a fun guy.” He pauses, as if he remembers a point that he should make. “And he doesn’t know _anything_ about Aqua and Ventus, either. Asking him is pointless.” He shakes his clean ice cream stick at Terra.

“Is it bad that I don’t want to see him, though?” 

“Look, you’ve dealt with enough for one day. If you’re not ready to see him, then simply don’t see him for now,” Lea says as he gets up. “You should be more concerned with preserving your mind so that you can give yourself more time.”

Lea smiles in a way that Terra has never seen before. Maybe this is Lea’s unique way of being gentle and reassuring. It comes off as weird, as if he never had to mother a person before. He pats Terra on the shoulder. “I’m sorry you hated the ice cream.”

“I don’t. Really.” 

Lea smiles wider. “I’ll see you when I see you.” He turns away for a moment, remembers something, and then comes back. “Oh, and your secret is safe with me. I’ll trust that you won’t let Riku and Sora be caught completely vulnerable?”

“Of course. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.” 

* * *

The others gather at Tifa’s. All of them are overjoyed at the thought that Terra can use a Keyblade, and Terra uses the excuse that he is still recovering from a tremendous bout of amnesia. Something that apparently happens enough because people are willing to believe it. Aerith calls him their new favorite Keyblade wielder. The news gives everyone a sense of ease, and the atmosphere in the restaurant is a bit more festive. A new Keybearer. Maybe there is hope after all. 

As promised, Tifa prepares a savory meal for Terra, with meat and rice, and a juicy yet bitter sauce to accompany it. Terra can’t help but smile while he eats, because it’s just _so delicious_. Aerith, who has been filling the city with her multi-colored flowers, is garnishing the restaurant with Cloud’s help. 

Leon sits at the bar with Lightning, conversing with Tifa as they talk about old memories together. He in particular seems to be much happier than he normally is, to the point that he is laughing at Zack’s jokes. Still, Lightning won’t crack a smile, but she scoffs and this gives Zack encouragement. 

Tifa hands Terra a Sweet Nothing to relax and enjoy the night, and Aerith uses this as an opportunity to implore him about Aqua and Ven. More specifically about whether Aqua is _pretty_ , how long he has _known_ her, and what he _thinks_ of her. To her glee and his dismay, of course. Tifa steps back from the conversation and calls Aerith _nosy as always_. 

By being with them this one night, Terra learns several things. Leon and Aerith are childhood friends, who grew up together as they used to be neighbors. They met Lightning at school, who used to beat up boys who bullied other kids. Cloud and Tifa are from another world, who also knew each other from childhood. When their world fell apart, they were separated, but eventually found each other again. Zack is from his own world, simply meandering through to find ways to become a stronger soldier, and says that he could have not chosen a better group to fight alongside with. 

As Terra thinks about Lea’s words, he realizes something. If he had been forcing himself to continue his search, he might have sulked in his room, defeated. He would have been frightened of losing control, telling himself that he is a failure ever since he bombed his Mark of Mastery exam. He would not have learned any of this, and these people would have continued to be acquainted strangers.

What is amazing still is how this group has accepted him as one of them. Those who grew up in Radiant Garden have lost their homes. What they are rebuilding will never be the same, yet here they are, creating a new life. Cloud and Tifa may never return to where they come from. But here they are, building hope for themselves instead of chasing a past they can never get back. A new home full of formerly broken people, finding a way to piece themselves together again.

He is a stray, just like they all are. 

Tifa puts some festive fiddle music on with lyrics about chasing the love of your dreams. Zack and Aerith dance together in a designated area next to the bar. Eventually, she pulls Terra out to dance with her - if only she knew that he doesn’t have the capabilities to match her. She tells him that he sucks, and Terra allows himself to laugh with her and continues his horrible dancing anyway as the song picks up momentum and becomes impossible to follow. Each moment makes Xehanort seem like a faraway memory, as though his oppressive and foreboding presence is starting to disappear, even if only for a short time. 

If only for one night that Terra wishes would last longer so he can feel what it’s like to not have a pair of eyes over him.

The both of them try to pull Lightning into the dance floor, but of course, she doesn’t do anything except stand there and cross her arms. Aerith hugs her from behind, and sways side-to-side furiously to make her move. Leon at some point challenges Terra to an arm wrestle. While he is a formidable opponent and it is quite a struggle, Terra eventually wins. Zack then challenges for a match, and loses to Terra, too. Some time later in the night, the group is playing card games. Zack claims it’s rigged, because _why in the world is Cloud winning most of the time?_

This isn’t really home. Home is where the sun shines through stained glass, enough so that the entire floor is colored in personality. Where the Master gathers is perky in the morning with his large mug of coffee. 

Home is where he, Aqua and Ventus play a game of Command Board together. 

And he remembers one very specific night when he was winning the game by a landslide. Aqua was always competitive with him, and when Terra announced he won, he shot his arms in the air in triumph, flexing his muscles to be obnoxious on purpose. Aqua tried to wrestle with him to get him to keep his arms down, because it was _just_ _luck that he won_. Which was a futile attempt because there was no way she was strong enough to take him on directly by force. 

This kind of close proximity, such a close touch where he could clearly see the lines of color in her eyes, made his smile stretch from ear to ear. And hers was beautifully genuine, making his chest jump and his heart beat faster. Her smile... he could _never_ have enough of it. 

She left to go get snacks, and while she wasn’t looking, Ventus imitated these silent kissing gestures just to prove a point. And he could have gotten caught being cheeky like that. Terra wrapped his arm around Ventus, giving him a noogie before Aqua could see them.

Radiant Garden isn’t truly home, but it’s a good enough one for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this far! I thought it would be fun to share this behind-the-scenes fact about this chapter.  
> Neither of the scenes were part of the original draft. The conversation between Terra and Lea was actually supposed to be briefly summarized. But it never gave me the "writer kick" that a writer would feel once their chapter is done. After obsessing over it for three days, I got an epiphany at 4am while listening to music, and I had to put this entire conversation into words. Since I have gotten messages over how people are liking it, I am really glad that I took the time needed to fully complete this first half.
> 
> Also, I felt it good to include endnotes about music that are referenced in the actual story. The song that Aerith and Terra dance to I imagined it to be like "Fit as a Fiddle" from Singin' in the Rain. XD


	12. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the Most Difficult Chapter Ever. And it’s enormous! It’s the fluffiest chapter I have ever written, but it’s necessary.  
> It’s time to get Terra on to his next adventure. That’s why this chapter is so long, I needed to bring closure to everything first.
> 
> The dream sequence makes direct references to Daughter's "Doing the Right Thing." This song is actually about dementia in older patients, but I thought some of themes fit with Terra's fear as expressed in this chapter. In the saddest way I could make it. XD
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!

The breeze through the window is cool and relaxing, giving Terra a sense of pure inner peace that he hasn’t felt in a long time. No headaches, no soreness. He sits on his spot at the edge of the table, and Naminé is putting up pictures on the wall opposite the window. 

“Welcome back,” she says, with a huge smile on her face. “I’m re-organizing this wall.”

On this wall are a collage of pictures she drew. Many of them are new additions, to be sure. Tifa standing behind her bar. Cloud and Zack together. Aerith and Terra dancing. Leon and Terra arm wrestling. Eating ice cream with Lea. Meeting Sora and Riku. 

Then, there are older memories. Terra as a very young boy before Aqua came to the academy, being carried on Eraqus’ shoulders. Him and Ventus dueling. And one of his favorites: him and Aqua dressed as hooded skeletons, under a sky full of fireworks. 

They are crudely drawn, as though they are done by a young child. But these memories are so precious that Terra can’t help but feel a sense of immense warmth and comfort by looking at them.

“They’re wonderful,” he says, his voice drifting off somewhat.

“I picked these because these are your happy ones,” she says. “I’m sure I’ll be adding lots more as you continue your new adventure.”

“You know, Naminé, I remember you now.”

Naminé is truly excited to hear this as she clasps her hands together. As if he gave her the most happy of news. As if he gave her a new puppy. Terra sighs behind a laugh. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that forgetting you earlier would hurt your feelings so much.”

“Don’t be,” she says as she blushes and looks at her hands. “I’m glad. That means you understand now.”

“You’re a witch. You... somehow you connected me with her. I talked to her, to Aqua.” Terra gently shakes his head. “I actually thought that was a dream. But... what I don’t understand is how you did it?”

Naminé holds her hands to her heart. “Sora.” She says this with a sense of loving, as though Sora means the world to her and would be the only thing to make her happy.

“Sora?”

“The both of us are connected to him. I was tracing his memories, and I found you. You were connected to his heart. And through your heart, I saw her.” She smiles gently. 

But Terra still doesn’t understand.

“What does Sora have to do with us, though?” _With me and Naminé? With me and Aqua?_

Naminé giggles a little. “So you don’t realize it yet. You will one day.”

“I thought you were a super-talented witch,” Terra says with a sly smile. “Can’t you wave your magic wand and make me know now?”

“I only know what you know to be true in your heart,” is all she has to say. 

“You make no sense.” 

“This is a dream,” she says, as she holds her index finger to her mouth, like she is keeping a coy secret that she is desperate to tell. “How am I supposed to know what you don’t? _You’re_ the one who makes no sense.”

“But I’m not the one with the special powers.” He gives her puppy dog eyes, hoping it will convince her to give up her secrets. 

“What you _need_ to know, Terra, is that hearts will always be connected once you have made the bond. You must remember this, you need to _always_ be guided by that,” she says as she walks towards the table.

Terra truly doesn’t understand, but he doesn’t ask further about it since she seems adamant in not saying anything.

He studies the wall of happy memories. His chest fills with air, as if any moment he can fly. Freedom. The ability to live again. Being around people again. Remembering what it feels like to talk to others, what it feels like to savor something delicious. The exciting feeling that comes with meeting new people. 

What a thing to lose. To go back to nothing but blackness, with nothing to see or do. To go back to an endless time just reliving memories, wishing he could redo them. That night is over. His past is over. And how much longer does he have left?

“I’m afraid, Naminé,” he says as his voice shivers a bit. “I’m just fearing one day soon, I’ll lose my mind.”

Naminé’s expression falls, and her sincere sadness is nothing to admire. 

He continues, “is there any way I can take these pictures with me when I go?” 

Naminé reacts with a slight shiver, as though she is nearly moved to tears by the request.

“Is there any way I can come back _here_ , instead?” he pleads. “I don’t want... to go back.”

“There is something I do want to show you,” she says, not sounding worried, yet not sounding confident either.

She grabs her notebook and takes out photos she drew from it. On these photos, he can see Xehanort everywhere. Xemnas sitting in a room with a bunch of people in black robes. What can only be Ansem fighting a duel with Sora. Xehanort with a very young, angry boy with black hair and red eyes. And Aqua, surrounded by darkness, talking to Terra, though with white hair. 

“In that conversation, Xehanort... he used me to get information out of her,” Terra says, as his voice shakes more. “How am I supposed to prevent that from ever happening again?” 

“You were awake when that happened.”

“I can’t let him control me again. I’m going to lose so much more this time.”

“Well, it sounds like what you have to do then is to find her before he does.” She brings her hand to her face in a thinking posture. 

Terra lets out a large breath as he calms down, solemnly gazing upon these depictions of Xehanort’s memories. A heart bonded to him that isn’t broken.

“Terra, you must know that you’re doing the right thing,” Naminé says. 

He says nothing in return as he contemplates what she is saying. If his heart will always be connected to Xehanort’s, then maybe there isn’t a way out. 

“Terra,” she says earnestly, with a sweet reassuring smile, reminding him that he can experience solace here. “He cannot touch you here. You are safest when you are sleeping.”

* * *

That morning, Terra does push-ups in his room, staring at the wooden floorboards underneath him. A reflection shines from the incoming sunlight, beaming out from underneath the cracks. It is a new hiding spot for Aqua’s armor, now resting underneath the crudely made floorboards. Too bulky to carry around, hopefully this spot will be safe for it. 

After enough push-ups, sit-ups and lunges necessary to maintain a conditioned physique, Terra heads outside to find a clearing - the early hours drag too long and he needs something productive to do. He begins doing movement, posture and form exercises with Rainfell, and there is nothing else better on a calm, sunny morning. 

Zack and Cloud pass by him, and the former can’t help but beg for some sparring practice (the latter casually accepting the idea, as though he is feigning coolness when he is truly interested). Not that he needs to beg in the first place. _I need the practice anyway._

Zack fights confidently and with bravado. It is clear that he adores fighting, and he gets excited at any chance he can take to overcome Terra. When he was a teenager, Zack did not pose much of a challenge. However, this isn’t the case now - which is beneficial. Twelve years are too long not to sharpen the senses.

Turns out that Zack is really just a warm-up. 

It comes to Cloud’s turn, and he pulls out his enormous sword. Something in Terra’s face must have really exposed the intimidation that he felt upon seeing it, because Zack breaks out into a hysterical laughter.

Zack cups his hands around his mouth and yells from the other side of the clearing, “Terra! You can do this, buddy. Remember that _size_ doesn’t matter!” 

As a sparring opponent, Cloud is much more fierce, and his sword is so large and heavy that Terra has a difficult time deflecting attacks with the Rainfell. As a Keyblade that packs all of its punch with magic, Terra has little to offer it in return. Every swing makes Terra scared that it’s going to shatter, especially up against such a massive weapon. To him, there has been no improvement in his technique with it from the fights with the Heartless yesterday.

He lets Cloud lecture him on tips for how to parry larger opponents - and he wonders if this is how Aqua feels when she has to go up against him. He is the heavy-hitter between the two after all, and she usually relies on evasive tactics to handle his brute strength. What a way to be put in her shoes. 

After the sparring match, Terra is left alone again, going over his movements with the Rainfell. _This is probably the most challenging Keyblade I have ever held._

But at least the forms that he is practicing are so known to him that he does them absent-mindlessly. He lets his mind wander to thoughts that have no bearing on him now except to leave shadows in the depths of his heart.

* * *

_It was night, and the stars shown as brightly as they ever did over the Land of Departure when the sky was clear. Terra sat on a boulder, although instead of gazing at the stars like he would normally do, he was staring at the ground, with his arms crossed and his eyebrows furrowed._

_He was so deep in thought, in fact, that he didn’t hear Ventus running up behind him.  
_

_“Terra!” The boy ran up to his side, with his usual wide grin, although his expression immediately changed upon noticing Terra’s mood. “Hey, don’t look so down. You know that you have tomorrow to prove him wrong.”  
_

_Terra never liked letting Ventus see him upset or disappointed. He bore a smile, even insincere, just to comfort his dear friend.  
_

_“You’re right, I’ll do better in my preliminary exams tomorrow.” Terra took a moment to grin at Ventus, who was clearly outside, pretty late... which meant that he was ignoring his assigned studies._

_“Ven, what are you doing out here? You have assignments.”_

_Ventus gave a look that could be classified as terror in any other appropriate circumstance.  
_

_“Ugh, why do you have to remind me? I don’t want to be locked up inside,” he said, punctuating with his words with exaggerated arm movements to make sure that Terra knew how he really didn’t want to do any homework.  
_

_Ventus then held his hands behind his head. “Besides, I’m pretty sure Aqua is going to come out here, and you guys are going to spar. That’s so much more fun.”_

_He continued to take a short moment to bite his lip before giving a mischievous smile. “Unless you are wanting me to scram so you can have time with her for yourself,” Ventus said, with a most obnoxious voice that imitated the sound of a child teasing another.  
_

_“Okay, you have homework. Go do it,” Terra said shortly.  
_

_Ventus was laughing at the sight of Terra’s sudden shift in mood. Terra could tell that the kid absolutely relished his discomfort.  
_

_It didn’t take long for Aqua to appear, reminding Ventus that he had to study for his oral examinations the next day. Ventus finally gave in and left, but not before giving Terra an expression that pretty much said ‘go get her, tiger.’  
_

_Terra scattered his eyes towards the ground as she sat next to him._

_“It’s so cute that he follows you around like that, like you’re his big brother,” she said._

_“Yeah, how cute it is that he tries so hard to make up excuses not to do anything but spar.”  
_

_“Well, he’s so young and excitable. I remember a certain someone didn’t enjoy reading when he was younger.”  
_

_“I’m not like that now,” Terra said, without meeting her eyes._

_“Terra,” she began, in a way that sounded as though she was going to start lecturing him. “I know you pretty well.”_

_He let a smile come across his face as he let out a soft laugh. “What do you mean?”_

_“You are sitting here being hard on yourself. You can’t stand receiving negative criticism from the Master.”  
_

_Terra kept his eyes on the ground. He really yearned for her to admire him. Any criticism from the Master not only made Terra feel like he wasn’t improving the way he wanted to, but it embarrassed him. It was important that he kept impressing her.  
_

_“Come on,” she said as she got up. “Let’s go to our spot.”_

_Terra felt comfortable enough at this point to finally look her in the face, and glance upon those large, blue eyes that he always loved to admire. He knew what it meant for them to go to their spot. This spot, several minutes of a walk away from the academy, lay next to a spring. A chest was kept there, a place where they kept old toys from their childhood, wooden swords, and blankets.  
_

_This spot was a place where they spent nights throughout their friendship sparring. Where they talked in depth about some of the more confusing lessons taught to them and their secrets. Endless hours of conversations about their doubts, and their dreams for the future. But never once about how he felt inadequate in comparison to her. Never once about how he had feeling for her.  
_

_Aqua rummaged through several items inside the chest.  
_

_“Oh man!” she said. “Do you remember this?” She held up a white notebook._

_“Ah, all of our most secretive of secrets,” Terra said as he opened it._

_“Oh please. Most of what’s in there are recipes.”  
_

_“Secret recipes.”  
_

_Aqua laughed out loud and shook her head as she pulled out a very worn, short wooden sword. It was so beat up that the tip of it had broken off. This was very long before Terra made himself a wooden Keyblade model and gave it to Ventus.  
_

_“Do you remember what you did with this?” she asked._

_“I was on my way to becoming a Keyblade master with that, what else?”  
_

_“You’re being ridiculous. You swung at a boulder so hard that you broke it.”  
_

_“What’s your point?”  
_

_Aqua summoned her Keyblade as she faced Terra. “Remember what the Master said. Don’t get too carried away with trying to knock me down. Have patience. Sometimes it’s better to just parry while you wait for a genuine opportunity.” She shook her head. “You are so focused on beating me to bits that you sometimes miss when you shouldn’t.”  
_

_Terra summoned his Keyblade. She always offered to spar when he got upset, because fighting was the only distraction that worked from any intrusive thoughts. In fact, it always seemed as though she knew what would work to ease his mind.  
_

_“You know Aqua, I’m beginning to think that you are going to beat me at this during our Mark of Mastery exam next year,” he said._

_“Nonsense,” she said confidently. “I actually think you are a better fighter than I am. I know you’re going to pass. That’s really the only option available to you, after all.”  
_

_She nodded to herself before continuing, “I also think you care so much about being a Keyblade Master. You have the sincerity needed to do the world so much good. You are meant for this, Terra.”  
_

_His stomach contorted into knots, and he took a hard swallow. Was she trying to make him feel better, or was this feeling genuine? Did she really think of him in a special way, the way he did for her?  
_

_They sparred for two hours. Two true equals, both on a different level of understanding of their own fighting style yet so familiar with the other.  
_

_As with their tradition on any night out in their spot, they took out a blanket stored in their chest and rested on it, too exhausted to walk back home._

_The two of them laid on their sides facing each other, and he gazed upon her face as she slept, watching the gentle movements she made as she breathed deeply, her hair gracefully framing her forehead and her eyes peacefully closed. He quickly studied the curves of her body, a growth that had been developing in recent years which made him take notice of her in a different way as he ached for her attention. His right hand was painfully close to hers, so much so that he only needed to reach out a bit to touch them.  
_

_Was she really asleep? “Aqua...” he said in a whisper. She didn’t move or reply._

_I actually care about you so much, he thought to himself, not having the courage to say it aloud nor having the selfishness to disturb her. Not that it mattered right now, though, since she wouldn’t hear it. And what if telling her ruined his most beloved friendship? What if telling her somehow broke them apart, not just between himself and Aqua, but made it hard on Ven?  
_

_He didn’t count the long minutes he took to just look at her, until he finally rolled over to his back and fell asleep under the careful watch of the stars._

* * *

Terra doesn’t realize that he is staring down at Rainfell, lost in memory. _I should have found some way to tell you. I had so many opportunities that I either missed or messed up.  
_

The Rainfell continues to send warm, radiating energy up his arm as he lets out a small smile. _It’s like she’s with me._

“Hey, it seems like you got your Keyblade back!” Riku’s voice can be heard from the near distance.

Riku and Sora are running towards Terra, both with welcoming smiles on their faces.

“It’s Aqua’s actually,” Terra says. “I haven’t been able to summon mine, yet.”

“Okay, good, I was going to say that it looked really small for you,” Sora says. “Well, if you are wielding hers, then it’s just a matter of time before you get yours back, right?” He says this with the most confident reassurance that Terra has ever heard from anyone, as if Sora can do nothing but _know_ that everything will be alright. 

_I sure hope so._

“It looks like you were practicing.” Riku has a sense of excitement in his voice. “You were trained to fight, weren’t you?”

“Well, yeah, I was taught at the academy,” Terra says without realizing what he just exposed. _I don’t know what makes it easy for me to talk to them about these things. It’s like being around people I’ve known for a while.  
_

Riku and Sora both gape at him, astounded by the thought that there used to be a school to teach fighters how to master a Keyblade.

“Then you gotta teach me something!” Sora says as he summons his Keyblade and jumps back to get into his fight posture.

“Oh yeah, this is too good an opportunity to pass up.” Riku summons his and strides to his position and form.

As expected, Sora is a very reactionary opponent. He has immense skill in how to properly and quickly assess an action against him so that he can retaliate. Riku is much more aggressive and hyper-focused. Quick and strong, he is skilled at assessing weakness in who he fights and exploiting it. 

Terra, however, is grounded and confident in his strong core. 

After roughly a half hour juggling, the three Keybearers take a break, the two younger ones gasping for air.

“Man, you hit _hard_ ,” Riku says with a laugh, kneeling over his knees.

“That was great though! It’s always good to practice with someone you’re unfamiliar with,” Sora says with a joy as though he is both very proud of himself while still admiring Terra’s ability. A joy that is never-ending and can be shared with everyone.

“It _was_ good practice.” Riku shakes his hands and straightens up.

“And here I thought Master Riku didn’t need practice,” Sora says.

Terra cannot help himself but give out a shocked, yet joyous laughter. “Master?” 

A sense of pride swells in his chest, despite that he is aware that he had nothing to do with Riku’s path towards mastery. 

“I have to say, you are doing a splendid job if you still think that practice is necessary,” Terra says. “Lack of practice means we lose that mastery. A master is really a forever student.”

“Hear that, Sora?” Riku says. “Once you become master, you shouldn’t let it get to your head.”

“Haha, very funny,” Sora says with the obviousness that he doesn’t think it was.

Riku seems to realize this, and quickly tries to compensate with utmost sincerity. “You’ll do fine.”

“I didn’t pass,” Sora tells Terra, with a hint of disappointment, and yet with the will to keep himself positive about it. “But maybe next time, right?”

Terra, touched at both Riku’s humility about his position and Sora’s cheerful determination, allows himself to melt away the wall he has been keeping up the entire time he was awake.

“It’s okay,” he says as he places his hand on Sora’s shoulder. “I didn’t either.”

The two are absolutely shocked to hear this, and Terra laughs at their reactions. Riku remains speechless while Sora just beams from ear to ear.

“Whoa, that makes me feel _loads_ better. _Well_ Riku,” he says as he faces his best friend, with a smug smile and his hands behind his head. “Looks like you can’t be part of the loser’s club.”

“I didn’t know that was _such_ an aspiration,” Riku says as he waves away what sounds like a hint of jealousy. “You know, though, I actually thought this entire time a master came to meet me on the islands.”

“That... doesn’t change a thing,” Terra says. “I noticed something about you, and passed on that power because I thought you yearned for it. And here you are now, Master Riku.”

“You can stop calling me that.” 

“Duly noted,” Terra says with a gentle smile. 

“So then what happened during your exam?”

 _What_ _happened_... Terra could say that two masters were in disagreement over his results. Except that wasn’t entirely true. Xehanort’s goal was merely to gain Terra as a tool, and he did say anything to soften him up to do it. What really mattered in the end was Eraqus’ opinion.

Still, when Xehanort reassured Terra, it did give him a confidence boost that he needed. The same confidence that gave Terra the thought he had the right to initiate Riku, which obviously turned out to be a good thing.

“You can say that I didn’t pass, and I didn’t agree with why,” Terra says.

Sora guffaws at such an answer. “What a rebel,” he says in between laughs. “Sounds like someone I know.”

Riku, however, seems to be very proud. “I like to call people like us open-minded.” Introspective and earnest. He’s nowhere near as outwardly open as Sora, but every word said is a word meant. 

Terra gives a half-smile. _I never thought of it that way._

“Anyway,” Riku says, “Terra, now that you can defend yourself, you should really come with us.”

“Yeah! Fighting with you just... reminds me of something,” Sora says. “But we could take you wherever you want.”

“We _should_ remember to take him to Yen Sid,” Riku says.

“Well, right, but I think Terra would really want to look for his friends, right? And, like, he _really_ reminds me of something and I want to show it to him.”

Terra does not know what Sora is talking about, but it may be an eye-opening venture. Anything that has to do with him might be something to give him leads on Aqua and Ventus. He eventually follows them back to the open military station, where their gummi ship is waiting.

Everyone already knows that Riku and Sora are there, and the news that Terra is leaving spread like wildfire, attracting his new friends so they can send blessings. 

At the military station, Riku sits on a chair with his arms crossed while Aerith trims his hair. 

“Let me tell you something,” she says to Terra as he passes by. “If you allow him to just grow it out, he will let it cover his face. Now, you tell _me_ , how is he supposed to fight that way? _Someone_ needs to keep up. It grows like it’s dying to get out of his scalp.”

Donald and Goofy are there discussing with Sora about Terra joining them. Leon is also there, looking through some reports about infrastructure, while Cloud is bringing in newly finished weapons. 

Lightning approaches Terra with a couple of books in her arms. “So I hear you’re leaving,” she says. “It’s a shame, now that we know you’re a Keyblade wielder.”

To Terra, it sounds like Lightning is being vulnerable, and he is delighted about the chance to mess with her. He looks over to Leon, whose facial expression seems to agree.

“Light, it sounds like you’re going to miss me,” Terra tells her.

“Well, it might make it more difficult for us to defend ourselves, but we’ll manage,” she says with a seriousness as though she either doesn’t realize that he is trying to tease her or is trying to reject it.

Leon shakes his head in silence, but a tiny grin creeps up. “Never change, Light.”

“We actually are preparing a package for the people in Traverse Town,” she says, business as usual. “We would like you to take it to them when it is finished tomorrow. We’ll pay you of course.”

Sora turns around to plead, “oh _please_ don’t mention Traverse Town.”

Riku calls out from his chair, “where do you think we _were_ last night?”

Cloud overhears this and joins the conversation. “Traverse Town has been dealing with an indestructible Heartless that comes every two nights to prey on the people there.” 

“Heartless are not indestructible,” Sora says as he aggressively swipes his hand in the air, as though he is offended by such an idea.

“It’s indestructible enough that you guys can’t seem to make a dent on it,” Cloud says, and Sora scowls. “This thing has been at these people for weeks, now.”

Lightning puts down her books and leans on the table in front of Terra. “I’m sure you can tell, Terra, that we run a tight military operation here. In Traverse Town, it’s mainly civilians that are dealing with it.”

“Civilians and _mages_ ,” Leon says. “We actually have one of our men there to help.”

Cloud puts his hand on Terra’s shoulder. “They do have good leadership though, who are _absolutely_ trustworthy.”

“We need you to take this package to them when it’s finished. They _really_ need it,” Lightning says.

“Understood,” Terra replies. “I’ll be sure to bring back two more Keyblade wielders with me so they can help.”

Lightning smiles. A small smile, to be sure, but a pleasant experience to finally witness. 

“We will hold you to that,” Leon says.

Before boarding the gummi ship, Tifa comes along with Zack. She hugs Terra tightly, telling him to be sure that he rations his potion as she still does not have the ingredients to make him another one. Zack also gives Terra a manly embrace and a hard pat on the back, telling Sora and Riku that they are in very good hands with him. 

As they board the ship, Sora calls back to Terra. “Where do you want to go? Home?”

Terra realizes what this essentially means. A chance to move forward and actually take some initiative to search for his friends. How easily things come to him when he stops worrying about them.

 _Home_.


	13. Hatred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a thing!! I have created a new series which will be a collection of one-shots. Call it an appendix if you will. It's for those wanting more backstory on Terra and Aqua together. I can only fit so much memories of them interacting in this fic without ruining the pacing of the plot.
> 
> It is called _[Beloved Memories, in Notes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14611248/chapters/33770718)_ , and the first volume is up. It takes place from Aqua's perspective and it has ties to this chapter. These one-shots are designed to be supplementary to this fic as well to be enjoyed on their own. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it, as well as this chapter! I was going to wait until tomorrow morning to upload it, but since I have been noticing that people are still checking in on this (seriously, you guys are amazing! Thank you so much for reading!), I decided to upload this here a little early.
> 
> This whole chapter was written to a whole lotta Lindsey Stirling. But the fight in particular was choreographed in my mind to her songs "Roundtable Rival" and "The Arena."

When Terra steps into the gummi ship, he gets a strange sense of déja vu, remembering his own adventures in deep space. The inside of the cockpit is moderately sized and technologically advanced, with scanners and 3-D maps. 

“I’ll drive,” Riku says as he takes the seat in front of some controls, which house throttle modules that Terra cannot interpret.

Sora takes the seat directly next to him, as co-pilot. “I got us _here_ just fine.”

“Sora is a little trigger happy with the Heartless out there,” Riku says, explaining the situation to Terra.

“What do you expect us to do? Ignore them?” 

“No... I just don’t think it’s the safest idea to chase them out of our way... and nearly crash into some of them.” Riku says this last sentence almost quietly, making a passive-aggressive point.

Terra sits behind Sora, while Donald and Goofy take the remaining ones.

Who joins them later are none other than little Chip and Dale, who instantly recognize Terra.

“Terra!” “Oh, the one who beat the monsters!” “The one who won the race!” “The one who championed Rumble Racing!”

Riku and Sora swing from their chairs to face him so quickly that their heads nearly collided. 

“You race?” Riku asks, shocked. Impressed.

“I- I was just helping them out. I had a bike. It was nothing, really. I’m not a racer.” Admittedly, it did feel good to win all those years ago. 

“You’re, like, the _coolest_ guy I have ever met,” Sora says.

Riku side-eyes Sora, as though the thought the he _isn’t_ the coolest guy he has ever met is some sort of offense. 

Terra looks nervously at some of the computer mechanisms near him, unable to shake the irony that Sora had to defeat not just his Nobody, but his Heartless as well. _Coolest guy, indeed. Cool enough to haunt you when you’re still a kid._

“So, where is home?” Sora asks.

Terra is so desperate to get there that he leans forward as he answers, “the Land of Departure.” _It’s the best place to start looking.  
_

Sora instructs Chip and Dale to search for a location. The computer comes up with nothing. 

“What does that mean?” Terra feels uneasy about the lack of results. _The Land of Departure is not that far from here._

“It means that it doesn’t exist,” Dale says.

Chip smacks him across the face several times with an intense speed that his hand blurs. “Don’t say that! It can mean anything.”

Terra catches a gag in his throat, the sensation burning him as he tries to stay calm. But the memory of Xehanort destroying his home is etched into his mind, and for that moment it seems its complete obliteration is truly possible.

Sora turns to face Terra with his warm, reassuring smile. “Chip is right. It can mean lots of things. Plenty of worlds can be so deep in darkness that they are unattainable. But that’s always temporary.” 

His optimism is magnetic and inviting, almost like it is telling Terra that he can achieve anything if he puts his mind to it. _He’s so much like Ven, except so much more mature._

“Well then, where to now?” Goofy says. Riku starts the engine of the ship and prepares for take-off.

“Okay, I really want to take Terra someplace,” Sora says. 

“What is this _place_ you speak of?” Riku says as he guides the gummi ship off the ground, Radiant Garden falling behind.

“Okay, if I tell you, promise me that you will _believe_ me this time.”

Riku only replies with a smirk and a cocky laugh.

“So, we went through a portal to this place, and there was this guy there wearing armor,” Sora begins.

_Armor._

"Wha-?” Donald shrieks, already preparing to scold. “Are you actually thinking of taking us back _there_ again? Don’t tell me you forgot what happened the _last_ time?”

“A’hyuck, we got out just fine,” Goofy says.

“Well, whatever, this guy, this _thing_ , had a Keyblade,” Sora says.

The pit of Terra’s stomach starts to sink a little. _There’s no way..._

“I don’t know if he was sleeping or not. But he just started to _ram_ at us. It was crazy,” Sora continues.

“ _You’re_ crazy for wanting to take us _back_ ,” Donald says, looking like he wants to smack Sora on the head. “That thing was dangerous.”

Riku interrupts, guiding the ship as it flies among the lanes between. “Wait, why did this guy want to attack you?”

“I don’t know! Maybe he thought he was too cool... you know... to have any friends. Or something,” Sora shrugs. “I mean, he had like this really awesome cape, and he was just sitting there by himself like he didn’t have a care in the world. Maybe he didn’t like that I disturbed him. Anyway, he was _nuts_. He was insanely strong.”

“So you guys lost to him?” 

“NO. If we did - well, I don’t think we would be here.”

Riku lets out nervous laughter. “Why exactly do you want to take Terra to this guy?”

“Because Terra’s fighting style reminds me of him.”

“So, Terra is a killing machine.”

“That’s _not_ what I meant!” Sora turns to face Terra. “Do you have any idea what I am talking about?”

Terra barely has the energy to answer, dazed by what Sora is describing. “Can you tell me where you found this person?” _This person wearing my armor?_

“Well, I’m not sure.”

“ _Sora_! How am I supposed to drive there then?” Riku lets go of one of his hands from the control column to gesture his frustration.

“Well, it was like a wasteland. Like a desert.”

“ _That doesn’t help me at all, Sora.”_

Terra’s stomach sinks so much that the immense guilt bottled in his chest hurts him. “The Badlands,” he says. “Or the Keyblade Graveyard. Whichever name works.”

“So you _do_ know what I am talking about!”

“Not really.” Terra darts his eyes around the cockpit. “But... that desert was the last place I was before I lost consciousness.”

“A Keyblade Graveyard...” Riku says quietly as Chip and Dale input data into their scanner, and location results pop up. Riku inputs commands to lock-on to the location, and starts flying that direction.

“I can’t _believe_ this!” Donald exclaims while throwing his arms in the air. “Sora, don’t expect me to keep up with your injuries. You’re _asking_ to get beat up.”

“Aw shucks, Donald. We’ll be okay. We’ve got more friends with us this time,” Goofy says.

Donald shakes his head. “I don’t know _why_ Sora just keeps attracting these weirdos who want to do nothing but hurt him.”

“What are you talking about?” Riku asks.

“I didn’t tell you?” Every single thing coming out of Sora’s mouth is oozing with enthusiasm, even when about a dangerous subject. “Yesterday, this guy Vanitas just approached me and started talking all this nonsense about needing to join together with me. Then he just decided it was a good idea to fight. _Strange_ is an understatement to describe him.”

Terra tenses up at the sound of Vanitas’ name. _He’s alive?! Wait, what does that mean about Ven?  
_

“But the weirdest thing is that I knew his name... when I had never met him before,” Sora continues.

Riku’s expression clearly shows some worry, although he brushes it off with a false laugh. “Maybe we should have Yen Sid check on you for your newly developed _psychic powers_.”

Terra interrupts their conversation. “What else did Vanitas tell you?”

“Nothing much. That we don’t have much time left for yatta-yatta, end-of-the-world stuff. They’re _all_ the same about that. He was such a creep.” 

Terra cannot contain the exasperated sigh from leaving his lips. _Oh, Ven. I’m going to find you, and I’m going to keep you safe._

As Riku continues to fly, the boys catch Terra up on what has been happening: the prophecy of the Seven Guardians of Light and the Thirteen Seekers of Darkness. The need to find the Key to Return Hearts. The mission to find him, Aqua and Ventus. Apparently, it is of Riku’s opinion, and possibly Yen Sid’s, that Terra might be a Guardian. 

Before long, the ship approaches familiar territory. It feels as though time is counting down as Riku lands the ship, a headache starting to build up. Terra does not want to be back here. He does not want to step out of the ship and be present in the last place in the multiverse that he ever wants to be. 

Nothing has changed in the last twelve years. The wastelands are bare as ever, the wind harsh, carrying dirt with it that dries out the skin. 

It isn’t a long hike until they finally reach the graveyard, acres of rusted Keyblades serving what looks like a mass grave of their former wielders. The group is speechless upon seeing it - a solemn reminder that sometimes, carrying a Keyblade brings with it a death sentence.

“This... is this from the war that split up the world, like what Yen Sid said?” Sora asks.

“I don’t like this _one bit,_ ” Donald says.

“I don’t either,” Terra says. “I wish I wasn’t here, actually. It brings bad memories.”

Sora is alarmed and nervous. “I- I’m sorry. You could have said so.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Terra says as he ruffles through Sora’s hair. It’s thicker than Ven’s. “I think at some point, I would have needed to investigate what you were talking about anyway. Why not now?” 

Truth be told, Terra is nervous and his heart is pounding. As they walk through the graveyard, his headache gets worse as memories start to flood his mind. 

Somewhere halfway, he stops as the others walk on. _Here is where I last talked to her. She was so calm then, asking me about the Master. It was so much like her, to keep her emotions in check. To stay strong despite her grief. And yet... she must have hated me at that point, not believing me when I said I was going to stop going back to darkness.  
_

_Here is also where I last talked to him. He asked us to end his life. What in the world went on in his mind that day?_

_If only there was a way to time travel from here and redo that entire moment altogether._

“You okay?” he hears Riku calling back to him.

“Yeah. Bad memories.” Terra jogs back to the where the others are.

“So, what happened here with you?”

“Ah... Aqua, Ven and I... we fought Xehanort here, actually.”

“ _Xehanort_ was the one who did this to you guys?”

Terra can see from Riku’s facial expression a look of intrigue, sympathy, and... _what? Suspicion?_

“Xehanort must have been close to your age then,” Goofy says. Terra’s chest stings from the words, but he cannot correct them.

“I honestly can’t imagine Xehanort being a kid. That is so surreal,” Sora says. 

Eventually, they come to it in the near distance. A suit of armor, kneeling down as it leans on not just any Keyblade, but Terra’s Ends of the Earth, dug into the ground. Terra’s headache swells. _It IS my armor. My Keyblade!_

Terra is about to run over to it before Goofy stops him. “Careful! That thing’s nasty.”

_Nasty? Is everything I touch just harmful to someone else?_

“So how are we going to approach him?” Sora asks.

“We _don’t_ ,” Donald says with his hands on his hips.

“Then for what reason did we come here for?” Riku says.

“I’ll approach it,” Terra says.

“You _will not_. That thing is dangerous,” Donald says.

“OKAY. You know what, children...” Riku pulls out from his pocket a set of small sticks. “We will take a draw. Sora, Terra, and I. Shortest one will be the first to go.”

“I’m _not_ going to gamble your life over this,” Terra says.

“I already have the sticks out, so it’s too late. Take one.”

Sora and Terra, the latter quite reluctantly, take one stick. Riku ends up with the shortest.

“Looks like it’s me,” he says as he flicks the stick into the air and catches it with his hand. 

As Riku walks away, Terra asks Sora, “is he always this confident?”

Sora snorts loudly. “He was worse when we were younger.”

Riku approaches the armor with a carefree stride, as if he truly has no idea what danger he apparently is in. He asks the armor a question, and leans forward as though he is hearing a reply. The armor is stiff, and no movement can be seen. _If there is no one in there, how is it talking?_

Riku gestures over to the group as an indication to come closer. Sora goes next, his hands high in the air and waving a little as if to let the armor know that he means it no harm. “Hey there... remember me?” he says as he walks up to it. Sora and Riku exchange some words, the armor still not moving.

_What exactly am I waiting here for?_

Terra then approaches the armor, but some feeling, like an animal instinct, tells him to stop. 

Movement shudders on the ground, and the armor shakes furiously and starts to get up. 

_“He is here.”_

There isn’t a way to know if that voice is placed into his mind, or if it has created an echo.

_“Xehanort. Xehanort.”_

The armor pulls the Keyblade out of the ground.

_“I hate you. Xehanort.”_

_I am going to die._

“Terra!” he hears the others call out to him, as the armor targets him specifically. A swing of that giant, heavy Keyblade. Terra dodging it. The Keyblade hitting the ground and destroying the earth that stood under Terra. The armor sending an electric shockwave. Terra being thrown forward, landing on his face.

The battlefield is chaotic. Riku lunging at the armor, and being thrown back by a giant whip. Sora sneaking up on it only to get shocked by its defense mechanisms. Goofy throwing himself at it any chance he gets so he can distract it from the others. 

But what it wants is Terra. Any little opponent up against it is just a minor deterrence, and easily manageable. Any chance it gets, it chases after Terra.

Everyone else is collateral.

And Terra is unable to fight back with conviction. He tries to send earth shattering shockwaves. One. Two. Three. Four. 

Minor damage at best. The Rainfell is not very responsive to Terra’s tactics. Donald sends a thunder spell to support him, and the armor responds by lunging itself towards the mage, knocking him out. 

Amidst the fracas, Terra is carrying Donald in one arm and sprinting to put some distance between them, to find some boulder to hide behind. 

Riku and Sora keep trying to get in between the armor and Terra. Riku is beat down, and Sora is thrown away. 

“No! You want ME!” Terra yells out as he puts Donald down. 

The armor prepares a ghastly energy - a CANON of all things - of light to throw at Terra, who can do nothing but dodge it. Sora approaches them as the armor prepares another blast. Terra throws himself at the boy to protect him from the oncoming onslaught, the heat of the light searing his back. 

Getting up, he prepares the Rainfell and runs towards the armor, knowing full well this may be his last day.

Dueling the armor head on with the Rainfell is futile. Terra is so focused on trying to protect himself that he cannot sense his headache anymore. The armor sweeps the Ends of the Earth widely, and the Rainfell is thrown out of his hand as heat and unbearable pain overwhelms him and he is thrown backwards. 

Terra is on the ground, too weak to rise. The armor takes its chance to throw itself onto him, the Ends of the Earth held high, prepared to bludgeon him. 

As if on instinct, as if memories of his life flash in his mind, and as heat overtakes him, he summons a large Keyblade to counter the rush. The armor hovering over Terra, and Terra trying to keep it off him. Two Keyblades, one gold and one silver, locked into a wrestle of strength. 

The pain on Terra’s shoulders is unbearable. The power of flesh against that of immovable metal. He shakes as he tries to push the armor off of him. He can feel it, the hatred, the fury, the resentment, radiating off the armor. 

In his vision, he can see himself. But not himself. Xehanort as himself, moments after he was taken, as though he was in the body of the armor itself. 

“Please. I promised I would set things right!” Terra pleads with the armor, hoping that if he tries talking to it himself, the armor would understand. 

But it doesn’t.

Terra can only feel the heat of rage pulsating. _My strength is darkness and hatred. This thing is mine. I have no choice but to connect with it.  
_

The armor is so close to him that he can see a reflection of himself. He can see his eyes turning yellow, heat enveloping his body. 

Terra yells as he send the armor backwards. The silver Keyblade feels heavy and much more natural to handle than hers. 

He runs after the armor, and dueling comes much easier. The two Keyblades bouncing off each other, sparks flying, so quickly that there is no time for tricks or for magic.

This thing needs to shatter.

Terra smashes the ground with a force of immense energy, and this gets the armor to its knees. Raising the Ends of the Earth to protect itself.

He slams at his very own Keyblade, again and again and again. The armor is sent backward during that last hit, separating into pieces. And all is silent.

Gasping for breath, he looks down at the Keyblade he is holding. The silver color. The ornate design. Xehanort’s Keyblade.

_I never want to see this thing again._

As the adrenaline wears off, Terra’s gasping becomes uncontrollable as he feels every muscle in his body ache. His lips are dry and they taste of dirt. His head is pounding so badly that it feels that it will split open. 

_I created a monster. Does that make me one?  
_

He stumbles towards the pieces of the armor, and Riku tries to help Sora up. 

Terra gets down to his knees and picks up the helmet and his own Keyblade. The touch radiates a comfortable sensation, like meeting an old friend, as if he has finally come home. 

“Why are you taking that?” Riku asks.

Terra does not look Riku in the eye. “It’s mine.” 

“What?”

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know,” Terra chokes. “This Keyblade is mine. The armor is mine.”

Sora caresses his head. Goofy has Donald slumped over his shoulder, who is awake but a little dizzy. 

Terra hears Sora say, “your thing attacked me.” He sounds as though he is drugged.

“I’m so sorry.”

Riku walks up to him. “Terra, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Terra cannot will himself to look at Riku. _He will find out if he sees my face._

“Terra, look at me.”

He pauses, and prepares himself for the worst when he finally faces him. But instead of hearing any commentary about his yellow eyes, all Riku says is, “you look okay. You were _amazing_ , though.”

Terra is too bewildered to say anything. He looks down to the helmet, seeing in his reflection that his eyes are now back to a deep blue.

“But... you can wield two Keyblades?” Riku asks his predecessor.

_I guess it makes sense. Two hearts, two Keyblades._

Terra caresses his own Keyblade as it dissipates, becoming one with his core energy, like a void being filled by something precious, satiating an emptiness until it finally feels normal.

“Sora can as well,” Riku says.

This makes Terra’s heart jump. _He has two hearts? Whose does the other one belong to?  
_

“Okay,” Sora says, much more sharply this time. “Terra, why is your armor insane?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Riku says. “It’s like it just bubbled anger for a very long time. That battle with Xehanort must have been awful.” His expression is compassionate. And yet, _why do I get the feeling that he is suspecting something out of me?  
_

A loud, scratchy groan can be heard, as Donald is finally walking on his own. He waddles to Terra, mumbling many words that blend together and are inconceivable. He waves his staff around, too short to do it directly to Terra’s face.

“I see that armor move one more inch and it’s a thunder spell for _you_.” 

Terra is still shaken - deep in his soul. _I hurt them. My hatred hurt them. It’s not just Xehanort. It’s me._

He holds the helmet in both of his hands. _Master was right._

_“Hatred is not an emotion that a Keyblade wielder should feel,” Master Eraqus once said.  
_

_Terra was sitting in Eraqus’ office when this was said to him. His first mission, trying to get two elephants to escape an abusive circus, had failed. The ringleader captured the youngling’s mother, and locked it up.  
_

_Terra came back home with nothing but rage. “I hate that man!” he told Eraqus. “He’s horrible. Who would just take a mother away from its child?”_

_“Terra, you are far more dangerous than that ringleader,” Eraqus said. “You harbor a Keyblade - a powerful tool that can allow anyone to control that man._

_“What good will using the Keyblade in the name of hatred going to do? Life does not only give us pleasant experiences. It is a part of living that we will face awful circumstances, and yes, awful people.”  
_

_“So then what should I do? Allow him to hurt anything for his own stupid show?” Terra was so angry that his eyes were watering.  
_

_“You must know this, Terra. You cannot predict what will happen for that elephant. It will not always be trapped. The little one will not always be forced to perform against its will._

_“To feel hatred then is vain. What it will do is make you angry and force you to make decisions that may end up thwarting what you hope for.  
_

_“If Dumbo were to act with hatred in his heart, his mother can perish as a result. If you were to act with hatred, you endanger them both and all around you. Through the extension of the Keyblade, you are a powerful weapon, but that is not what Masters aspire to be. That is not the proper behavior of a Keyblade wielder.  
_

_“Do not give in to it. It is darkness. Your job is to let it go. Forgive, and let it be.”_

The helmet, dirty and cracked, is still in his hands. _Can I forgive myself for this?  
_

Terra struggles to get up, his body weak from the fight. He picks up all the pieces of the armor, and summons them into the core of his energy, becoming connected to it again. But it comes with a heaviness in his forehead, and the headache gets worse. _  
_

He briskly walks over to where the Rainfell is thrown to, and is shocked to feel nothing as he touches it. No pulsations. No warmth. _I see. It will not allow me to wield it again._

“We should really head to Yen Sid’s now,” he hears Riku say.

The suggestion sends a shock down his spine, and he becomes nauseous. The feeling of dread. He has his armor. He has his Keyblade. He can easily leave and never go with them to Yen Sid’s. 

But this is not the proper behavior of a Keyblade wielder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But seriously, though, you guys are amazing. I have been noticing that people have been coming back to check on the status of this story. That warms my heart so much! Thank you so much for your patience, this has been the longest I have been without updating this fic. I want to know who those super special awesome readers are! I won't take so long to update again (I hope)!


	14. Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long! I had to fly to my hometown to deal with family stuff, and this seriously delayed all of my writing plans. Thank you SO MUCH for your patience as I trudged through this chapter.  
> I did design the flashback scene of this chapter on the flight back, so it wouldn’t have existed otherwise. A small silver lining, I guess? Thank you guys again for your patience!! I promise that the next chapter won’t take so long to come up.  
> Thank you again for waiting!! You guys are the best readers. <3

Riding the glider comes more naturally than Terra expected. Out in the lanes between, Terra directs the glider, with the gummi ship close behind him. His armor fits the same as before, a reminder that time, for him, never really passed.

Unlike the gummi ship, which needs a directory and a highway to travel, the glider is directed by the heart. This is what the Master used to say, being that it is formed by the Keyblade. All Terra needs to do is think about Yen Sid’s tower, focus on it, and eventually the glider will take him there. If he wants to wander around, he can choose to do so, and the heart will direct him to where he needs to go.

For now, Terra chooses to ride the glider on his own, needing some time and space to think to himself after what had happened. 

Sora got back to his normal mood in no time, and Donald gave him a long lecture which he was dying to give him. Goofy was as warm and comforting as ever. Riku had been a bit distant, lost in his own thoughts. _Your armor said it recognized me_ , _which really confused me at first_ , he said at the time. _Anyway, I want a concrete plan of action to see what else we can do to find your friends_. _I’m sure with you here, we can finally get closer to them._

Terra jets through the open space around him, constantly fighting with conflicting feelings that are threatening to overwhelm him. On one hand, he wants to be close to Sora and Riku. Something about them makes him feel comforted and belonged. Which makes the guilt that he feels because of his armor all the harder to deal with. _It’s been a long time since I have felt in peace, but around them, it comes easier. I need to make it up to them._

On the other, he needs to run away. To just leave, because it seems safer for him that way, even though he doesn’t know where to. Something tells him that wherever he is aching to go to isn’t good for him. It would only good for Xehanort. _Is he getting stronger?_ _Does that mean I’m running out of time?_

And then there are the random bursts of rage that make him want to destroy the handlebars of the glider he’s riding on - surely the emotions that he picked up when connecting with his armor again. _I don’t know how to adjust to these new emotions. I’m glad that I have my armor back, but this is a pain._

Yen Sid’s tower can be seen, a jutting tower cutting up against a sky half lit by a sunset – the rest a warp of night into outer space. Terra lands, and both the glider and the armor dissipate. Sora and the rest jog out of the gummi ship.

“We need to get Yen Sid to give us one of _those_ ,” Sora says, referring to the glider, and he has that smile he normally wears as usual.

“You ready?” Riku pulls a smile on his face. “We’ll show you to your room, and then we can meet with him later.”

The inside of the tower is the same as it used to be. A single spiral staircase at the entrance that leads above, as though the top of the tower is much larger than the bottom floor. The décor is quirky yet foreboding, as if he stepped into a space that is dedicated to those interested in the occult but has a history of crazy magical mishaps. 

“ _Well_ , you guys took your _sweet_ time to get here.” The voice is from above, slick and snake-like, with a genuine yet monitored sense of enthusiasm. It can only come from one person.

“I wondered if I would find you here,” Terra says as he looks up to see Lea and a girl with burgundy hair, who emitted a bright light. They stand at the top of the spiral staircase, looking down on them. Having yet another good friend around deepens the comfort that Terra needs to feel relaxed in this place.

Lea waves his arm around as if to showcase the grandeur of the castle. “Welcome to our _humble_ _abode_.”

 

* * *

 

Riku leaves Terra to tend to himself in his room. Bigger than the bunker he slept in at Tifa’s, the room is built of gray bricks. A very large mirror is placed under the window on the opposite side, and a small bed with a nightstand lay in the middle. Terra can see that he looks like a complete mess, with dirt covering his face and his hair disheveled. There is a door which leads to a small bathroom, and Terra prepares a hot shower for himself, needing heat for his sore muscles. However, Terra is not yet aware of all the nicks and scratches that he collected during the fight, and the water stings immensely.

The heat of the shower leaves the room steamy and the small mirror above the sink foggy. Terra wraps a towel around himself, and notices the sound of dripping water. Hypnotic and completely annoying. He rushes back to the shower to tighten the knob as much as he can, unable to bear the sound. _I don’t understand why this bothers me. It never used to be a problem._

He stands in front of the mirror above the sink, and wipes the fog away, to see his darkened face, white hair, and intensely yellow eyes.

He jumps back and yells, terrified of what he had witnessed. He gazes back to the mirror to see his own face, normal as it should be. A headache starts to form.

_Remember: I can’t allow myself to freak out. It’s going to ruin me and take away any chances I have at finding them. I need to give myself as much time as possible._

After getting dressed, he takes a small sip of Tifa’s potion, which he left on the bedside table, along with Aqua’s docile Keyblade. He then heads out to explore the tower a bit.

He reaches a room with shelves of books, like a library. There is a rather large desk that spans the entire room, and a piano in the corner. He approaches the piano, where a vague sense of familiarity is washing over him. He hears faint footsteps behind him, as if they are lost in time. He turns to see a young man, with his hair donned in a pontytail, wearing a white robe. This man is there, and yet not really there, and Terra’s heart sank to depths of his stomach as he tries to stop himself from despairing. The sound of a piano playing starts to get loud in his mind. 

_Master?_

_He turned away from Eraqus and focused on the piano. Two hands, dark-skinned, stroked the keys. A focus on the deeper base notes as he played gentle chords. The mid-range notes served as flairs of a melody. The song was beautiful and reflective, as if the keys themselves imagined a solemn fantasy story of a legend that depicted the enchanted death of a hero after he achieved peace.  
_

_“Not a bad song, Xehanort.” He heard Eraqus sit on a chair close by, but did not remove the focus from the keys until the melody was fully played once through._

_Only when he was finished that Xehanort finally turned to face Eraqus, who had a large book open in front of him.  
_

_“How did you do?” Xehanort asked._

_“I passed. Master Yen Sid is a bit cooky, but I find him a much more difficult grader than our Master.” Eraqus looked no older than seventeen.  
_

_“Surely, then, it’s a testament to your intellect if you passed.” Practice. It was practice that made this statement seep through his lips so easily, because there was no emotion. But there was still a lingering, genuine respect for his younger comrade there.  
_

_Eraqus snorted. “That must mean yours is superior above all else since you passed this exam apparently with a perfect score a few years ago. Yen Sid was certain to remind me of that before I took it.”_

_No emotion to this statement. It was as if Xehanort knew he was superior, and no amount of compliments would be sufficient enough to make him feel grateful for it. There was a calculated attempt to construct a reply, as if he was trying to think of the most acceptable thing to say in response.  
_

_Xehanort took a seat in front of Eraqus and said, “Where did you think you went wrong?” He sounded sweet and concerned in a way, but curiosity was the bigger motivator here.  
_

_“It seems Yen Sid and our Master are very much in agreement over the existence of darkness, but it’s difficult for me to grasp. I don’t comprehend how one can be a great Keyblade master if he can’t control his own darkness. How is a peacekeeper supposed to keep balance if he follows the whims of his heart? The heart is our guide, but it can be fickle.”_

_“I couldn’t agree more over the fickleness.”  
_

_“It’s just hard to determine what our intuition is and what our desires are telling us. There is so much capability for light in our hearts, but they can lead us astray if we don’t recognize it. This is where I have to disagree with our Master.”_

_“May I contribute a different perspective?”  
_

_“Go ahead. I always enjoy them.” Eraqus had excitement in his eyes, eager to hear what his friend had to say.  
_

_“How do you expect exactly to understand the difference between our intuition, or what our hearts truly want us aligned to be, and desire if you don’t take the time to understand our darkness?”_

_“What if you were led astray in the process?”_

_“Well, if our hearts are made to get us on our destined path, what’s the harm in understanding them? Surely, they can’t fail us as guides.”  
_

_“Hm,” Eraqus was clearly distracted from his book. “I’ll have to think of a rebuttal for that one. I always appreciate your input. You keep me on my toes, Xehanort, that’s for certain.”_

_Xehanort looked down on his hands.  
_

_“These moments I share with you give me hope that I can one day be Master, just as I am sure you will be. I wouldn’t be where I am now without you, my friend,” Eraqus continued._

_And here was yet another compliment, one that was truly genuine. What was the most genuine thing Xehanort could say in return?  
_

_“An achievement we both strive for, of which you are certainly capable of accomplishing. You never cease to amuse me, friend,” Xehanort said._

Terra is breathing heavily, a complete swath of rage threatening to overflow him. _Amusement? That’s what he was to you?_

The headache is getting worse. Rage is the last thing that Terra needs right now, but memories of his Master’s death at the hands of Xehanort hijack his mind. _Damn you, Xehanort. It’s like having a home, having a friend who loved you and looked up to you, meant nothing._

Terra attempts to breathe heavily to calm himself. _I can’t lose it right now. I wonder if he’s doing this to me on purpose so I would lose control._

_Just focus on the breath. It will go away._

When Terra finishes his breathing exercises, he feels slightly better. The headache, though, keeps pounding. He wipes the sweat from his face, now noticing the heat that is spreading through his body. 

Riku walks in, but Terra cannot tell if Riku notices his mental state. “ _This_ was where you were. C’mon. Yen Sid is ready.”

 

* * *

 

Terra stands in front Yen Sid’s desk, the wizard giving off a severe, stern vibe. But Terra knows from before that Yen Sid is gentler than he looks. Sora and Riku stand beside him. Lea leans against the wall with his arms crossed, and the girl, Kairi, stands off to the side. She is very inclusive and welcoming to Terra. He has no doubt in his mind after having a small chat with her that she is a Princess of Heart. All are here, eager to get information with their new comrade.

Terra bends over in respect. “It’s welcome to see you again, sir.”

“That’s _so_ formal,” Sora chuckles.

“ _Sora_ ,” Riku whispers in an almost-scolding tone.

“And you are welcome here, my boy. I have to say, this meeting is like having an audience with a ghost. I’m sure you are fully aware of the predicament we are all in. How we are gathering Seven Guardians of Light against the oncoming offense that Master Xehanort has prepared.”

The headache pounds louder at the sound of his name. “Yes, sir. I was fully briefed.”

Yen Sid clasps his hands together and hummed loudly. It is as if he is pondering how to approach the subject to Terra. 

“Tell me, Terra, what is it that you achieve to accomplish, now that you are back with us?”

Terra swallows the lump in his throat. _What is the correct answer to this? That I should follow my duty as a Keyblade wielder and be a Guardian? That I should do whatever it takes to protect the light? What about my heart? Is what my heart wants the right answer? Does it lead to protecting the light?_

“I want to find Aqua and Ven, sir.”

“I see.” Yen Sid takes a long pause, long enough to make Terra question what is going on.

“I need to ask everyone in this room. Who is it that you see standing before me right now?” Yen Sid finally asks.

The room is quiet, uncertain why such a question is even pondered. 

“M-master? It’s Terra,” Riku is the first to speak. 

“Yes. But that is _not_ what I see,” Yen Sid replies with a slow shake to his head. “What I see standing before me is a ghost from long ago. A young former pupil of a friend, who had strong ambitions which inevitably led us to the catastrophe that we are facing right now. I see a young Xehanort standing before me.”

Terra takes every ounce of energy in order to stop himself from shaking, but the lump in his throat is horrendously difficult to ignore.

Yen Sid continues, “I have always wondered what had happened to you, young Terra, but a part of me never expected _this_.”

Sora interjects. “That sounds _crazy_. I just see Terra. What are you trying to say?”  

Yen Sid ignores what Sora has to say. “Tell me, my boy. The entire time Xehanort served as apprentice to Ansem the Wise, that was _you_ , wasn’t it?”

Terra voice is incredibly shaky. “M-my body, sir. I had no idea what was going on.”

Sora and Riku stare at Terra, their eyes a heavy burden. But Terra refuses to acknowledge them. He can’t.

“To think we have been fighting a part of you all this time. I’m so sorry I have not realized it before,” Yen Sid says, another slow shake to accompany his words.

Terra nods meekly. 

“Tell me, Terra, about your Master, Eraqus.”

Terra grimaces, unable to control his composure anymore. The headache is getting to the point that it is becoming unbearable. “Sir, it was-”

“I do remember what the stars have told me all those years ago. Were you an accomplice to his murder?”

Terra can hear Lea groan a bit in protest to the question.

Tears are swelling in his eyes. _Weak_. _Traitor_. “Sir, actually-”

Yen Sid brings his hand up as if to silence Terra. “Calm yourself, my boy. No matter your answer, which I can clearly see causes you severe grief, the only thing I have to say is that you _cannot_ be a Guardian. _Not_ in your condition. _Not_ when you endanger us all here.”

The tears start to fall, and Terra bends over so that no one would see them. 

“Thank you for your time, sir,” he forces himself to say. Then he turned quickly from his position and storms from the room so that no one can see his face or stop him. 

He hurries down the stairs.

“Terra!” he can hear Lea call out above him, but he ignores this. 

He storms into his room and shuts the door. _Failure_. _Traitor. Weak. Unworthy. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

He holds his head as he can barely manage the pain, and he yells out. It turns into sobbing. Heat is swelling over his body. 

He takes several short, but intense breaths, and gazes on the large mirror in the room. He sees himself, sweaty. And behind him, a figure forming. Xehanort as Terra. 

Before he can scream, Xehanort grabs him from behind with such a blunt force that it almost takes his breath away. Covering Terra’s face and pulling at it. Oppressive heat surrounding him. They struggle, and when Terra pulls out of Xehanort’s grasp, he stumbles onto the floor, and scrambles to the bedside. 

He opens the jar of Tifa’s potion, and swallows the largest gulp he can muster. Xehanort just stands there, looking at him.

“ _A simpleton who is at the whim of his emotions. Uncontrollable rage which makes you controllable. A pathetic crush on a girl which makes you weak. This is why my mind will always be stronger than you. Because you care to the point that it is of detriment to you_ ,” Xehanort has a smirk on his face, his deep voice bouncing around within Terra’s mind. “ _I just have to wait until you finally break from it all_.”

Terra feels weak and dizzy, and he struggles to stand straight. It’s as if he is being drugged and he cannot stop the weakness in his knees. _Did I swallow too much of that potion?_

 _Sleep_. He tries to stay awake. _Sleep_. 

He falls backwards onto the bed, the potion sending him off to slumber, a reprieve from the pain in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I wrote the Xehanort part, I was listening to Regina Spektor's "Genius Next Door" (appropriately ironic title for him, no?). I imagined these kinds of chords when I described the song.


	15. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to predict what is going to happen in KH3 with my fic, which I guess is pretty obvious by now? I guess that means that I should call this an AU technically? An AU where Terra wakes up first? I am not sure. Since I am still new to fanfiction, I will need guidance about this. Now that we are getting into the nitty-gritty, I have to kind get creative while using the lore that we know to exist in order to get the story moving.
> 
> This is the longest chapter I have written so far. I think this is going to be the new norm as I try to finish the first half of this fic. I wanted to get to the halfway point before E3, but I don't think that's possible, lol! 
> 
> This chapter tackles some lore about the Door to Light out of the RoD. This lore can be found in the [Ultimania](https://www.reddit.com/r/KingdomHearts/comments/32s2ma/why_were_sora_and_riku_able_to_escape_the_realm/).
> 
> The final scene references Slipknot's "Vermilion, pt. 2." I found this to be a profound statement about obsession, which is thematic and reflective of this chapter.

Terra regains consciousness to the smell of pine trees from the outside and the sound of the curtains swaying softly to the breeze coming in. To see images of children’s drawings on the walls bring a surrounding and welcomed feeling of tranquility.

He sighs as he crosses his arms and relaxes in his chair. “I’m so glad to be here. I needed this.”

“Good.” Naminé is sitting across the table, deeply enraptured in a drawing she is working on.

Terra leans against the table. “Can you tell me what you’re working on?”

“You’re just going to have to wait until I’m finished,” Naminé playfully dances her head to her words.

Terra chuckles and decides not to say anything further, so that he won’t disturb her.

“You haven’t been well recently,” she says. Seems like disturbance wouldn’t have bothered her, anyway.

He clears his throat. “Honestly, I don’t know how I can handle any more unpleasant surprises in the near future.”

“You’re so silly.” She breaks focus from her work to look up at him. “Everyday you get stronger. You get better, too. Your heart _knows_ this to be true.”

Terra thinks he knows what she’s talking about. The armor. The feeling that he has been completed in a way since the interaction. Still... there is something about that statement that makes him think he’s forgetting something.

“It’s a lot of hatred,” he says.

“What I don’t understand is why it has to stay that way.  It sounds like you expect it to be hatred forever.”

She goes back to work. “Or, think of it in another way - that hatred now can be fuel for you. It can be something that you don’t have to be afraid of. I think it’s normal to feel that way after what you’ve been through.” This last sentence is marred by a severe sense of melancholy, as if some part of her understands.

“But... Master wouldn’t allow us to wield such power. It’s darkness, and it’s dangerous.”

Naminé chuckles a bit. “Then make it un-dangerous. It is a part of _you_ , after all. And you aren’t dangerous.”

“You obviously haven’t seen me at my prime,” he says, and she laughs.

She points to a picture she drew on the wall by her side where there is an image of his armor, as if she understands what his prime actually is.

“You just need another twelve years of actual practice,” she says.

Terra contemplates the possibility of being that strong - strong enough to actually be forceful in the heat of battle. Strong enough to protect his friends when he needs to, instead of failing them.

“All done!” she exclaims as she puts down her crayon. “Do you want to see it?” The smile across her face is infectious.

Terra leans on his hand, his own grin forming. “Of course.”

Naminé seems excited to show him the picture at first, but then hesitates. She holds the notebook close to her chest, like she is protecting it. As if she really needs him to like it and is afraid of the response.

“It’s going to go up on the wall with the rest of the happy memories,” she says anxiously.

She reluctantly holds up the notebook with the newly finished drawing. Terra and Naminé together.

He puts his finger on his mouth, as if to study the drawing. The moment of silence makes Naminé visibly nervous.

“It just needs smiley faces on both of them,” he says with a giggle. “I’m just teasing you. It’s great.”

Naminé’s beams a wide smile, as if he is her savior. She looks down on her own drawing with adoration.

Terra, silently laughing to himself, looks out the window. He can see in the distance a tall clock tower, with two bells, standing against an extravagant sunset.

“Twilight Town. That’s where they found you,” he hears her say.

“So, does that mean I can find you here?”

Her gaze becomes frozen, like something in her mind has shattered. “No,” she shakes her head gently. “You will not find me here.”

“Then where can I find you?”

Naminé tenderly places the notebook with the new drawing on the desk, and strokes it, as if it is something precious and in need to be taken care of. Thick clouds form from the outside, darkening the room significantly.

She shakes her head again. “You will not find me anywhere,” her voice gets quiet, as she slowly looks back up at him.

“Why not?”

A sweet, yet melancholy smile. “Because I don’t exist anymore.”

The sound of a bell rings, loud and oppressive, completely enveloping Terra’s consciousness. A wet blackness forms on the wall behind Naminé, but she continues smiling as if she hasn’t noticed it. The blackness spreads, swallowing the pictures she has drawn, and Terra feels water pouring into the room, already covering his ankles. The bells continue to ring, and the blackness starts to create veins of a blue luminescence. The water reaches the height of the table, gushing as if determined to drown them.

Terra leans forward to hold on to the table as it starts to float so that he can stay above the water. He calls out to Naminé, but the bells are so loud that they silence him. Naminé has her eyes closed as the water reaches her chin, though she is still smiling, as if she accepts her fate.

_Just breathe, Terra._

 

* * *

 

Terra wakes up in his room in Yen Sid’s tower, a powerful headache pounding. He groans as he gets up and holds his hand to his head.

_What would I give if I could get rid of this._

He sits quietly, alone in his room, waiting for any sign of movement, signs of Xehanort’s presence. After enough time, he heads to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. But he hesitates before opening the sink, as if he is expecting the entire room to be underwater.

_This is ridiculous. I shouldn’t be afraid of the water._

He wipes water on his face, and closes the sink tightly so that it wouldn’t leak. When he leaves his bedroom, he is surprised to see Lea standing outside the door, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed, as though he has been waiting for a while.

“ _You_ sure picked an interesting time to take a nap,” Lea says, half-serious.

Terra raises his hand to his head, the headache still bothersome. “How long has it been?”

“About three hours.”

Terra rubs his face before he realizes that it is the former assassin standing outside his own door. “Are you here to do something to me?”

Lea tries his hardest to restrain a laugh, as if Terra had just asked the most ridiculous question he had ever heard.

“Yup, I’m Yen Sid’s _hitman_.” The sarcasm is impossible to miss.

Terra sighs out loud. “I just... panicked. I was afraid that I was going to do something terrible.”

"I need you to win this.”

“What?”

Lea has a solemn expression on his face, a rare sight to behold. “I need to have hope that you can remain yourself, even with Xehanort’s influence.”

Terra doesn’t ask why this hope is necessary for Lea, but Lea wouldn’t have given him a chance to anyway. A smile appears on Lea’s face, as if he is ready to change the mood entirely. He wraps his arm around Terra’s shoulders, and leads him to another, larger room, with a mess of damaged furniture.

Kairi is there, and when she sees the two of them enter, she runs up to Terra, her hands clasped together at her chest and a smile beaming on her face.

“Sora and Riku told me you’re a great fighter,” she says.

Lea pats Terra on the back strongly. “He makes a _great_ sparring buddy, you know.”

Terra bites his lip and stares a bit at Lea, remembering their skirmish at Ansem’s castle. “You call that sparring?”

“What _else_ would I call it?”

Terra nods, and then pats Lea’s back hard enough to make him groan.

Kairi asks, “then do you think you can give me some pointers?”

“Of course, I’d like to.” _A Princess of Heart tasked with defending herself, instead of relying on a Guardian. If the world is at this point, then it’s best to show her anything she could use to help herself.  
_

Kairi hops back to give some space between them and summons her Keyblade, which she holds in front of her with both hands.

Lea stands off to the side and leans against the wall, with that strange smile that he often wears when he knows something secret and specific. _What is it that he’s hiding this time?_

“Okay, let’s start with examining your technique,” Terra says as he summons his Keyblade, holding the hilt upward with the end of it pointing perpendicular to the floor. “I want you to swing at this as hard as you can.”

Kairi takes one swing, which is enough to make Terra walk up to her and adjust her shoulder. “Your strength should come from your back,” he tells her.

He goes back to his position and she takes several more swings.

“I am normally much better with magic,” she says, as if she is trying to apologize for poor performance.

Terra gives her a reassuring smile, knowing that doubting herself would only worsen her performance. “Don’t worry about it. I can only help you so much, anyway. Aqua would be a better mentor for you. But since I’m here, I can tell you that you can channel your magic into your Keyblade, so that it can muster the strength that you lack in order to give physical hits.”

“ _Wow_ , you can do that?”

Lea interjects. “Merlin told you this. Riku told you this. _I_ told you this.”

She turns to face Lea without missing a beat. “Yeah, but you guys didn’t word it like _that_. I deserve a proper teacher, _sheesh_.”

Terra is reminded that all of these new Keyblades wielders are self-taught, without trained teachers in a setting where they can really explore their possibilities. _  
_

“Let’s actually spar this time,” he says to Kairi.

“Okay,” Kairi responds, albeit a little nervously.

He takes a couple of swings at her, which she is able to counter. He then gives her his full force, and when she counters it, she is struck to the side, and she lets out an audible gasp.

“C’mon, Kairi, you need to give me your all,” Terra says. “It’s _my_ job to be able to juggle what you give me so that _you_ can grow at your own pace.”

Kairi nods, and from the corner of his eye, Terra can see Lea hiding a smile behind his hand.

Terra takes another large swing at her. She lifts her arms to hold her Keyblade downward, across her face, and a giant force field forms as he strikes her Keyblade, sending him flying backwards and slamming up against the wall far behind him.

Lea points at Terra and laughs hysterically.

“Oh no!” Kairi holds her hand to her mouth. “I’m so sorry!”

Lea is still laughing, and she holds her Keyblade up as if to strike him across his face with it. “That’s _not_ funny, Lea! I could have hurt him.”

Terra recovers from the force. An incredibly strong reflect shield sent him backwards, yet it was large. It expanded far beyond just her body, when most Keyblade wielders can only really cover themselves for a brief moment and not do much damage. _Defense as her offense. That’s her heart desiring to be protective._

Kairi is still holding her Keyblade up like a bat and is still tossing words at Lea, who has his arms up in surrender but is throwing words back at her. They both notice when Terra comes to.

“That was actually the _biggest_ it has ever been,” she says. “I think it’s because you scare me a little.”

Lea snorts loudly and gets into another bout of hysteria. Terra’s chest tightens, unsure how to handle the thought of terrorizing others as Xehanort’s vessel.

Kairi realizes what she said, probably reflecting on that earlier situation with Yen Sid.

“I- I didn’t mean it like that,” she waves her arms frantically. “It’s _not_ like that. I mean, you are pretty strong, and that’s intimidating. I felt like I needed to counter that as much as possible, that’s all.”

“Okay,” Terra nods and makes an effort to push out intrusive thoughts as he risks believing her. “You know, protective magic is incredibly difficult to wield. You have a gift with it, I think.”

“You really think so?” Kairi looks at her Keyblade with pride. This is really the best part of being a teacher: witnessing the pupil realize something encouraging about herself.

Lea gathers himself and rubs his face out of his delirium. “Okay, _my_ turn.”

Sparring with Lea is much less like teaching a student and more like a duel. Kairi shows that she has been spending quite enough time with Lea, considering that she consistently falls into a comfortable pattern of cancelling his residual fire spells with her own blizzard magic.

But the duel this time is much more fair, since Terra has his Keyblade. Still, Lea keeps Terra on his toes with his unpredictable schemes.

At the end of their duel, Lea and Terra, holding their weapons with both hands and hunching over their shoulders, end up in wrestle as their Keyblades are locked in a test of strength. Pushing each other yet neither falling through.

“Not too shabby, huh?” Lea asks.

Terra, upon realizing that Lea is asking this out of genuine respect for him, decides that this would be the perfect time to repay Lea for all the teasing that was thrown at him.

He straightens his posture and lets go of one hand from the hilt of his Keyblade, to show that no, he didn’t really need both of them to hold Lea back.

“I would say that when you hit me, it kind of feels like you are lightly tapping my Keyblade. It’s like you’re wielding a feather,” Terra says.

Lea shows an expression of surprise. “Oh, how _fresh_. Terra thinks he’s _clever_.”

“Prove me wrong.”

“You can’t go out on your own. You need _adult_ _supervision_.”

Lea then shifts his feet and throws Terra’s Keyblade of out balance, and aims to strike Terra at the head with fire magic but purposefully misses. Terra feels a smile forming on his face and allows himself to laugh.

“You guys are just as bad as Sora and Riku,” Kairi says as she buries her head in her hands.

Further dueling keeps being broken up by shares of laughter between the three of them. But happiness is such a fleeting experience, and it leaves when Riku opens the door to the room. The mood suddenly darkens.

“Oh, you’re awake,” he says. Riku may not be expressive, but the look of discomfort on his face is undeniable. “Guys, can Terra and I talk alone for a bit?”

Lea gently holds Terra’s arm before walking away, and Kairi gives him a worried smile. Riku takes a seat on a chair that has scorch marks, the back of the chair positioned in between his legs, and leans on it. Terra takes a seat on a chair that has been toppled over, opposite of Riku. The air in the room feels heavy, and for a while, neither of them say anything.

Riku taps his fingers on the backrest. “I’m just gonna get right into it. What Yen Sid said about your Master, was it true?”

Terra takes a hard swallow and clicks his tongue. Time for him to be a huge disappointment to his successor.

“Xehanort was the one who killed him, but... I did fight him. I weakened him, and used darkness to do it. He was attacking Ven, and I couldn’t... I felt like I had no choice. My Master was like my father, but,” he chokes on his words, and doesn’t look Riku in the eye. “I had to protect Ven, he was so defenseless... even if darkness was the only power I thought I had against my Master. I made him an easy target for Xehanort.”

Terra’s voice is shaky and it becomes a whisper. “It’s one of the greatest regrets I still carry with me.”

Riku nods a little. “I would have done the same thing.”

Terra inhales sharply, surprised by what he has heard.

“It’s true,” Riku leans away from the backrest of the chair and crosses his arms. “If Yen Sid ever went after Sora for any reason, I would have done the same. No hesitation.”

Riku exhales and ponders for a moment. “So then... what exactly happened between you and Xehanort?”

Terra gives a half-smile, ready to confess the events that he kept from Riku. The failure at the Mark of Mastery because he had darkness. The desperate need for validation and answers. Xehanort being the one to give any indication that Terra wasn’t a complete failure. Xehanort being the one to give encouragement and solace. Using the trust that Terra placed in him to manipulate him until...

The fight between himself, Aqua and Ventus. The trap. The possession. The long years in a world of shadow, without anyone to talk to except Xehanort. Until one day, when he just woke up...

And Terra talks more about what had happened as Riku asks him questions. His need for independence and refusal to return home after he indulged in darkness. His relationship with his Master. The schism between himself and Aqua that isn’t resolved. How he has no idea what really happened to her or to Ventus.

Riku leans on his hand, deep in thought. “Makes sense. I didn’t think any of it at first, but at times I realized you seemed dark, especially when you get upset. And then you wielded the same Keyblade Xehanort used - I just didn’t understand _why_ you had it though.”

“You never said anything to me.”

Riku rubs his hands together and forces a chuckle. “I understand more than you know, and I figured you would talk about it when you were ready. Except... you didn’t _want_ the darkness. I would say that makes you a better person than me.”

Terra, shocked, widens his eyes. Not once has he noticed anything about Riku. “You’ve used darkness, too.”

Riku looks down to his hand. “You really can’t make it go away. But that’s fine. It’s nothing to be ashamed of really, but I _was_ ashamed of it...” his voice lowers, “for a really long time.”

Riku makes sure to look Terra straight in the eye, mustering strength to say what is next. “But, I wanted the darkness. I allowed it to come, and I embraced it.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to be stronger. No, I wanted to be better. I was very jealous of Sora. I was very unsure of my self. I just needed out of that island, and darkness gave me an out.

“I never said anything because I don’t really talk about this very openly. And I just... I didn’t want you to think of me in that way.” He shrugs, and then scoffs. “The worst I have done was take Sora’s Keyblade... make him feel worthless about himself. And you know, I helped Maleficent take advantage of Kairi and all.”

Terra chuckles out loud. “Maleficent got to you too, huh?”

“It’s not one of my proudest moments.”

“What can I say, we’re just open-minded.”

Riku lets out a laugh, obviously nervous. “That’s probably not one of the smartest things I have ever said, either.”

“Well, look at us, laughing about the horrible things we have done in the past.”

“You’re not horrible, Terra. _I_ was. I hurt my own friends.” Riku rubs his forearm. “But I made amends to the both of them, now.”

“I have never gotten the impression that you had ever done those things. You hide it so well.”

“I’m not trying to hide it. But I have spent a long time adjusting to it, working with it, and taming it.”

 _Taming the darkness..._ “Can you teach me how?” Terra’s heart beating fast at the thought that there might be a way out for him as well.

Riku draws in a slow breath, hesitant to say something. “Can I be frank with you?”

Terra nods.

“Have you ever thought... well, I know your Master is like a father figure to you, but, did you ever consider that maybe he wasn’t the right teacher for you?”

Terra crosses his arms, uncomfortable with the question. _Everything I know is from Eraqus. I wouldn’t be who I am at all without him. I couldn’t even wield a Keyblade - I probably wouldn’t even exist, without him. But still..._

“I know that’s not an easy answer,” Riku continues, “but it doesn’t sound like forcing yourself to contain your darkness did anything for you. Believe me, I’ve tried. It doesn’t work.”

“So then what did?”

Riku smirks. “Accepting that it’s just a means - a tool that I can use to protect my friends.“

A moment of contemplative silence. “Channeling darkness is something Xehanort would say.”

Riku laughs in a hearty way, a genuine break from the nervousness that has been plaguing the conversation so far. “You know, his Heartless, Ansem, possessed me for a bit. I guess his old habits just won’t die.”

Terra leans against the wall behind him. _Darkness as a tool... maybe there are some things you can learn even from the most horrible people. If Xehanort is strong because he wields darkness, then maybe I can emulate that, too?  
_

“Riku, what if I try to use it and I lose myself again?”

“I think it doesn’t get to me anymore because I have made peace with my past. But you... you haven’t been given your chance to resolve what you need to, and that will be used against you. But I’ll help you.”

Terra smiles, and the tension in his body dissipates, as if he can finally relax. Someone that he can rely on, to help guide him. _He really surpassed me in every way._

“Terra,” Riku’s gaze is scattered around the floor, “if you can wield a second Keyblade because you carry a second heart, then does that mean Sora...?”

“I think so.”

Riku groans loudly and brushes his hair. “I swear, I only have to leave him alone for _one_ _second_ and he comes back with this whole new complex problem.” He sighs and lowers his voice to a loud whisper, as though he doesn’t want anyone to overhear him. “Don’t tell him just yet. He’s going to do something crazy if he ever finds out.”

“Do you have any idea who it could be?”

Riku surveys the ceiling. “I dunno. I have seen his heart, and I saw his Nobody. Roxas. But it can’t be him.” He pauses. “But there was this black-haired girl there that I didn’t know. Maybe it’s her? I asked Sora about it, but he had no idea who I was talking about.”

Terra shakes his head, unable to help his friend determine who this mystery person is. “About Sora, how is he?”

“Sora is Sora. He isn’t going to hold anything against you. Actually, when you left, he was arguing with Yen Sid. There was a lot of _but he’s our friend and he wouldn’t hurt us_.” Riku imitates what he must think enthusiasm sounds like, but it all comes out unnaturally. Like a person who cannot act.

A loud knock bangs on the door, but before Riku can answer, Sora walks in with Lea and Kairi following. None of the events of the day faze Sora, a smile plastered on his face.

“That was the _longest_ lecture I have ever received from Yen Sid, and I _never_ want to have it again.” His emphasis evokes tremendous discontent, which is fitting since Sora wears his heart on his sleeve. But his words still ooze a consistent sense of happiness, like he wouldn’t have it any other way. It seems like joy cannot really leave Sora.

He leans onto his knees as he studies Terra’s face.

“Riku,” Sora says, “you know, if you look closely, he kind of looks like a young-”

“Xemnas?” Riku laughs.

Terra shuffles on his chair and crosses his arms. “That’s not getting old.” From the corner of his eye, he can see Lea shrugging in a manner that speaks _I told you so_.

Sora snickers and gives him a reassuring tap on his forearm. “Don’t worry, you’re nothing like Xemnas. You’re nice and quiet. That guy wouldn’t shut up.”

He straightens up and crosses his own arms as if to think about something. “The question I don’t get is how exactly you came to us?”

Riku’s eyes widens, as if he realized something important. “I stabbed him. Xehanort. In Twilight Town.”

“Stabbed him?” Terra says to himself. A rush of memories. Suddenly waking in the darkness as a bright light shines above him. Being an alleyway cloaked in sunlight, desperately running for who knows where. Getting weak and falling over. Blackness.

A sharp pain in his chest comes, accompanied by a terrible headache. A sudden need to lunge forward and attack Riku and to strangle him overwhelms Terra. He holds his head, yells out loud and stumbles from the chair.

Sora and Lea hold him, helping him back into the seat and they all ask him if he’s okay.

“I’m fine. It’s something I sometimes deal with.” Terra makes an effort to control his breathing. “I’m sorry.”

Sora waves his arm as if to brush Terra’s words from the air between them. “Hey, don’t worry. We’ve all got Keyblades here. If you ever turn back into Xehanort, we can get him out of you.”

“Sora, if you replace the word _Keyblade_ with _stick_ , it sounds like you are suggesting we beat him up,” Kairi says.

“It works the same.”

Terra laughs and a smile slowly forms on his face from ear to ear, the headache dissipating from the irresistible comfort that Sora seems gifted at offering. “You have my permission to do that if it happens.”

“Well anyway,” Sora gets back to being as serious as he can get. “Why can we see Terra now?”

Riku holds his hand to his mouth in a thoughtful gesture. “When I lost control to Ansem, I looked like him. The body will take shape of the heart it bears. We never recognized Xehanort as Terra because we never knew Terra. Terra’s heart is in control now, so we see him. Yen Sid has known the both of them before, and can tell the difference.”

Sora nods. “Okay, but why isn’t Terra like thirty years old then?”

No one in the room has any suggestions. Not that it mattered to say anything anyway as a large mouse enters the room, his enormous ears bouncing as he walks.

“King Mickey?” Sora sounds surprised.

Mickey approaches Terra and holds out his hand. “I was told you were here. It’s nice to meet ya! Any friend of Aqua’s is a friend of mine.” His voice is light and heart-warming, like an old friend that everyone recognizes.

Terra leans forward quickly and reaches out. “You knew her?”

Mickey frowns a little. “There is a lot that I have to say. Yes, I knew her and fought alongside her multiple times. I was there when you all fought at the Keyblade Graveyard. She and Ventus survived it, although he was put into a deep, un-wakeable slumber. I don’t know where she took him. She disappeared shortly after carrying him away.”

Terra clears his throat. _Ven... I don’t understand. Were you put under a spell or something? The dream I thought I had... Aqua, you told me you hid him. I need you, then, to find him.  
_

“As for Aqua, I met her in the Realm of Darkness,” Mickey says.

“When was this?”

“A little over two years ago.”

Terra tries to swallow the lump in his throat but is unable to. “How was she?”

“I would say she was fine. She was shaken and sad, but spending time there isn’t easy. It’s very hard on the mind. The darkness wants you to fail and will constantly try to trick you into giving up for good. She’s strong, though. I still think she’s okay, fighting on.”

Terra nods meekly, clenching his fists. _Trying to force her to give up... I have to get her out of there._

“What I’m going to say next isn’t going to be easy for you to hear. She had told me that she was there because she was saving you from falling into it.”

Terra’s face becomes cold, then numb. He hums as he shakes his head, denying what he had just heard. The headache is coming back.

“She wanted to give you a chance,” Mickey says sadly.

Terra gets a little dizzy, a feeling of nausea and a need to faint come up from his stomach as tears gather in his eyes. “No...”

He feels a heavy slam on his shoulder. Lea gives him a firm squeeze, as if to pull Terra out of his mind.

“Then it’s important you use this chance she gave you, and that you find her,” Lea says quietly to Terra, his eyes gently squinting as if to make sure Terra receives his message. A progressive message. A plan of action, instead of wallowing in guilt.

Terra nods, jolted out of his mental state. “Yeah,” he whispers shakily. 

Lea nods in return. “That’s what I want to hear,” he says quietly. He then says out loud for everyone to hear as he pats Terra’s shoulder, “well, she’s expecting you to use this chance? No pressure, then.”

“What _gives_ , guys?” Sora gesticulates his displeasure with his hands, speaking directly to Mickey and Riku. “I didn’t know she was there.”

Riku scratches his head. “Yen Sid’s orders. Not us. I swear. He thought you were going to do something stupid.”

Sora’s brows furrow a bit, but then he breaks into a smile. “Whatever. It sounds like I will be the one to surprise him. I actually have an idea.”

Sora puts his hand to his chin, forming his ideas. “Riku, remember when we were in the Realm of Darkness? And Kairi, do you remember the letter you wrote to me?”

“What about it?” Kairi says.

Sora brings out his two forefingers, as if to use them as puppets to exemplify his points. “Well, I didn’t actually think that we would be able to get out of it either. But when your letter arrived, a door to light opened. Your letter made it seem possible.”

“And that makes sense, because...?”

Riku smiles to himself. “You know, there’s no other emotion to feel when you’re there except hopelessness. Everything else is numbed out. I had thought about that day for a long time, wondering how it was possible. We sat there accepting the possibility that we were never going to get out. And there you were, waiting for him, giving him hope.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying, Riku,” she says.

“But I do!” Sora says, excitement building up in his expressions as he waves his arms around. “I wanted to see you too, Kairi. And your letter gave me hope. I had hope that we can get back home. You and I were both looking for each other. And the door to light opened, just like that! I took Riku with me.”

Mickey adds in his own thoughts, “so if Aqua is looking for someone she hopes to see, who is also hoping to see her, then...” They all stare at Terra.

Sora gets more excited. “Terra is our way of finding her!”

Terra, touched by Sora’s complete determination on such faith in him, goes into his pocket and pulls out his Wayfinder. _May your heart be your guiding key, indeed. I wonder though... would she want to see me after all that happened?_

“Okay, that sounds like a solid explanation, but we have no plan of getting there,” Riku says. “We need to find a door to darkness first.”

“Well,” Sora offers. “Why don’t we go to Destiny Islands? That’s where it all started for us. Ansem literally walked out of a door that shouldn’t have been there to talk to me.”

“But Sora,” Mickey says, “I know that when I last saw her, it was at Destiny Islands. But that was when it was lost to darkness. It is now restored. A door will not appear until a world is getting lost.”

“Yeah but, lots of very weird things happen there. If anything, maybe he will find a clue? Maybe some other secret person will crawl out of a secret door to talk nonsense to us that we will have to decipher. Maybe our presence there will spark some universal sign.” A toothy grin from ear to ear. “He needs a vacation, anyway.” 

Terra caresses his Wayfinder in his hand. He has no other leads for now. “Might as well. Why not?”

 

* * *

 

It is decided. Lea will stay behind to catch up with the apprentices at Ansem’s castle. Mickey has royal business to attend to with Donald and Goofy. Terra will go with the rest in the morning to investigate Sora’s secret door at Destiny Islands.

Walking back to his room, he crosses paths with Yen Sid. The latter is tall and foreboding. A shadow of his form all the way to the tip of his pointy hat covers the wall behind him on the staircase, illuminated by a bright candle he is carrying.

“Young Terra, may I have a word?” Yen Sid says, with not much of an emotional enthusiasm.

Terra approaches him and bows.

“I have wanted to say to you, Terra, that Master Eraqus has always spoken very highly of you. He really believed you capable of achieving great things.”

Terra’s chest sinks, unworthy of such a compliment from the man who raised him. “Thank you, sir, for the kind words.”

“That being said, I must say that while you are trusted among your friends, I cannot extend the same, knowing whose heart you carry. Please understand. I will allow you to spend tonight here, but it’s too much of a danger to have you come back.”

Terra nods confidently. _He’s worried that I would serve as eyes for Xehanort, even though I don’t want to be._

“I understand, sir. Thank you for your hospitality.” He bows again.

“I pray that our next meeting is more amicable,” Yen Sid says before retiring.

In his room, Terra turns on the lamp at his bedside table, and throws himself onto the bed. He takes a deep breath in an effort to calm himself from such an emotional day.

He can’t help himself but laugh a little as he thinks of Riku giving him hope of a better future, and Sora’s openness and warmth.

“Well, old man,” he says out loud, “maybe I am getting better, and you can’t do anything about it.”

As a response, a tremendous and sharp headache collects. A short yet vivid memory of his own darkened hand, gripping Aqua by the throat as it lifted her up, choking her as she tried desperately to release her neck.

His chest is in pain, as well, when the memory fades away. He slams his fist on the bed, horrified that he allowed her to get hurt, that he couldn’t be there for her when she needed him. _I would never... I hope she knows this._

“It’s not going to work this time,” he says to the shadow of the beast inside him. He says this despite that a single tear falls. Despite that it feels like there is a cavity in his chest, his heart pounding. “I’m going to find her.”

He sits up and pulls out his Wayfinder, stroking it as he studies the small details that Aqua put into making it. The knot in the middle, a symbol of their training. The delicate and quaint silver borders that surround the color. She had put so much heart into it.

As someone he grew up with, Aqua was always there to hear his ruminations. And yet, there were certain territories that he wouldn’t venture into when talking to her. He normally held his worst thoughts and feelings to himself, working through them alone until he felt content again. He had always wanted an openness between them where he felt comfortable enough to talk about these things. But the thought of her seeing him as inferior or inadequate of her attention never allowed him to. What terrified him the most was to ever mention his growing feelings for her, which he tried to avoid alluding to as best he could.

Even when being around her made it difficult for him to breathe steady because he was too excited, he always tried to appear calm. Of course, there were mishaps.

_Just after she had turned sixteen, Aqua approached the breakfast table one bright morning at the academy donning a pixie cut. It surprised him since he had no idea that she had planned to cut it. She usually wore it in a ponytail.  
_

_“It was always getting in the way,” she said when she noticed him staring, a smirk on her face.  
_

_“It’s cute,” he said, a cup of coffee in his hand._

_“It’s what?” She sat down, her eyes glaring at him._

_He had forgotten at that moment that she really didn’t like being associated with cute things._

_“Nothing. I didn’t actually say anything.” He took a sip of his coffee.  
_

_“I’ll dump that coffee on you the next time I hear you say that,” she said, a large grin on her face. That was their normal routine. Consistent teasing.  
_

_Terra, unable to stop looking at her, couldn’t really help himself. “It is pretty, though.”_

_Aqua had no response. Her beautiful blue eyes widened in surprise, and she didn’t appear to even know what to say in return.  
_

_It was really the first time he had said it.  
_

_“Well, you know,” he said, trying to recuperate. “I don’t want you to feel bad about it.” He then instantly regretted saying that as her stare became stern.  
_

_He put his coffee mug down and used his index finger to point at the table, as if to make sure that his message was sent across. “I didn’t mean like that.”  
_

_“I’m not going to play nice with you during our training today,” she said. She let a smile form on her face, as if she forgave him. But he knew that for the time being, she really didn’t._

Terra, sitting on his bed alone in a room he feels uncomfortable in and looking down on this most thoughtful gift, needs her. He needs her so that he can talk.

_Aqua, I guess I’ve just been so sad since I woke up. I never gave myself the chance to admit it. I’ve learned so many things, and yet everything I have done has gotten me nowhere. I don’t know what to do._

He thinks about Sora and his unmatched energetic belief that everything will be alright. He thinks about what Naminé is trying to tell him in his dream. _  
_

_I have changed so much. I used to say to just have strength of heart, and yet I can’t imagine how in the world I believed those words when I knew nothing. Look at me now. I have been weak where it’s most important to be strong. I have completely lost my faith._

_Not anymore, though. I won’t let this build up inside of me. I promise you, Aqua, I will get you out. Even if you decide that you want nothing to do with me afterwards, I have to get you free. It’s the least that I owe you.  
_

_I just have to keep looking. I have to tell myself that one day, soon, I will find you._

He carefully places the Wayfinder next to him on the bedside table. The jar with Tifa’s potion has less than a quarter of the jar left. He takes a sip of it and rolls over to sleep. _  
_


	16. Yesterday - Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been two months since I have updated this fic, OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT. This chapter should be considered a prequel. I was having a ridiculously hard time these past two months. I decided that I would write it out as part of my healing process during this episode, and I included this one-shot even though it was never planned. This is definitely the darkest piece I have ever written. Enjoy the angst for what it is. I have also included announcements at the end of this chapter.
> 
> This chapter was named after the Beatles’ “Yesterday.”  
> It also makes references to Radiohead’s “Videotape” and Regina Spektor’s “Hero.”
> 
>  **Trigger warning: Heavy references to major and critical depression**. Recovery is a journey, and I consider this canonverse I have created as Terra’s journey. Please take solace in the fact that in this story, Terra is in a much better place in the present time if this really brings you down.

Time didn’t exist anymore.

It couldn’t in this kind of darkness. There was no movement. There was no sound. Just an inky blackness that enveloped everywhere around him. Any light that shone here would surely be consumed, for there was nothing for it to bounce off from. No smells, no sight, no touch. 

This wasn’t a shadow.  
This was a place of non-existence.

Yet he did exist here, and to accompany him was the soreness that struck him hard in the core of his being. A dull, horrendous crunch in the chasm of his chest that never left. The memories he kept on repeat. It didn’t matter whether he was using his vision or whether he tried to drift off to unconsciousness. It was black all the same. At least when he slept, he didn’t have to remember that he was alone. 

But that didn’t matter right now since he was awake.  
What mattered was getting the memory right. 

The sun was shining that day. The windows that towered high above the dining room table allowed its light to spread through every crevice. Was it bright enough to have cast the shadows out? That couldn’t have been possible. There had to have been shadows hiding under the table. Maybe it wasn’t the sunniest day he had ever seen. But if he had to pick a perfect day, it would be this one. 

Aqua had decided not to cover the cake with frosting, and she did that for his sake. The bright yellow dessert was of a humble size, and it looked tiny in comparison to the size of the table. If she made one for Ventus, it would have had multiple layers. It would have been made of chocolate. But for Terra, Aqua prepared him a spice cake, and dressed it with a circle of strawberries on the top.

How many were there? Five of them? Six? He needed to remember because he couldn’t do anything else for her. 

not here  
not like this

She sat in front of him. Ventus next to her. The Master sat by Terra, a smile under that bushy mustache that went as far as Terra had ever seen. The Master never really allowed himself to be passionate with anything. But on Terra’s nineteenth birthday, Eraqus let his smile stretch just a little bit. 

Terra wondered if somehow, in some way deep in his heart, the Master knew that this would be the last birthday celebration that he would ever witness.

“I’m not sure I trust Terra’s taste in cake,” Ventus had said while he stared at how yellow and bright it was. Terra was certain that he remembered the boy saying these exact words when Aqua cut him a slice.

“Honestly, I just can’t keep up between the two of you.” Aqua set the slice aside for him, knowing that Ventus and Terra had opposing tastes in food. Then she looked across the table at Terra and smiled to herself. Perhaps proud of what she made. Perhaps anxious to see if Terra liked it.

Wait, did she actually smile at him? Or was she just exasperated with Ven and was keeping up appearances since this was a celebration? 

Terra wanted her to smile at him because the feeling of his heart beating that way felt good. He remembered that he knew it felt good, even though he didn’t remember what it felt like anymore.

Eraqus laid his firm hand to ruffle through Terra’s hair, like the day when he was first adopted. “I hope you aren’t too old for this,” the Master said. Sadly. Or proudly. 

“No, of course not.” Terra said out loud to the darkness. He had to. He hoped someone would eventually reply.

And he was certain he said this to the Master that day. He was certain that he chuckled when he said it. He prayed that the Master had plenty of good memories of him to take to the afterlife when he died. He prayed the Master passed while still thinking of him as a son.

“You have grown to be such a fine, young man,” the Master said. But Terra wasn’t anything worth to be proud over. Was this a real memory then or was this just a foolish heart’s wish? 

Why would the Master say such a thing if it wasn’t true?

Sidetracked. The throbbing in the cavity of his chest hurt less when he would just focus on the memory. 

“For you, birthday boy.” Aqua handed him a plate. “I would have given you the first piece, but you know Ven.” Maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe she admired Ventus more. After all, he wouldn’t have the heart to abandon her or the rest of their chosen family. 

Ventus stared at his piece suspiciously. Terra should have apologized to him for making him eat it on the last birthday party they shared together. 

Just one regret after another after another.

Ventus took a bite, and his mouth contorted into a clownish frown. “I know what cake is, and this isn’t it.”

“It’s turmeric cake.” Aqua said this as she rolled her eyes. She rolled her eyes at lots of things. Maybe she rolled her eyes plenty of times when Terra never noticed. Maybe she looked down on him and he was too stupid to realize that there was no way he had a chance with her.

Ventus cocked his head. “I don’t know what that is and I don’t want to find out.” He struggled to swallow it and his tongue was tainted yellow from the spice.

And here it was. The laughing.  
How did one laugh again?

Terra laughed, and it was the strangest thing to remember. As if it shouldn’t have existed. But it couldn’t have been a false memory. It was real. It had to be. 

Terra spoke to the darkness. “I love it, Aqua. It’s fantastic.” Even though he couldn’t remember what it tasted like anymore. “You did such a great job, thank you.” Even though there was no one there to reply. 

She leaned her elbows on the table and tried not to hide her smile behind her hands. They had locked eyes. But did they really? He needed her to. That kind of longing was always there. She looked down at her plate, only to look back up at him with that same smile. 

Maybe she did feel the same way he did. Why would she otherwise linger up to him that way? The Master watched them look at each other like that without saying anything, and Terra cleared his throat. 

Or maybe he imagined all of that. He was remembering this wrong.

But this was the best memory he had. When his family was together, celebrating something happy. When he had hope that he and Aqua could be more than friends. When he looked forward to the Mark of Mastery and believed in a bright future. 

Since time didn’t move anymore, this was the only way to make the days last forever. It was the best and only way to spend time with them.

to relive the memory  
would make it all better

A just punishment perhaps for leaving them. Maybe if he was honest. Maybe if he asked them to come with him. Maybe if he didn’t listen to Xehanort. If only there was something different he could have done to change his fate. 

The pain that grew was unbearable. With no body to shed the tears, however, it just stung. And it sat there. All he could do was yell out into the void. He called out their names. Aqua. Ven. Master Eraqus. 

hope really  
hurt the most when it wasn’t  
real

“It will be okay.” Loud. For the darkness to hear. 

There was nothing he could do for the pain. It hurt so much that if he had a body, he would have fainted from it. 

“It will be okay,” he said again. Time

wasn’t there  
and if it spoke it would tell him  
he was forsaken, for his image bore the  
face of a man that never  
deserved  
all the gifts he had when he lived

He would be alright.  
He had his memories, and as long as he could remember accurately, they would suffice.  
As long as they were perfect, he didn’t need to experience life again.  
That somewhere, very far away in some distant star, there was someone who surely had it worse than him.  
If time had existed before, all he had to do was hold on until it did again. 

Waiting always took too long, and if he had the chance to stare at a blank wall, he would have chosen that instead. To notice the small air bubbles under the dry paint was a better game than this. 

“Master Eraqus. Please. Say something.”

There he was. He always came when called for. Standing over Terra, looking down on him with a devious smile on his face. He rested his hand on his hip, his yellow eyes maintaining a solid, unwavering stare. It was like looking into the mirror. 

His deep voice rumbled, “my neighbor reaches out to me, yet again.”

“I didn’t.”

“After all this time, I would think you realized by now that I am truly the only thing you have left as a cherished reminder of your short, miserable existence.” Xehanort smirked. “You call out to your friends, yet I am the one to appear. If you truly think they care for you, why haven’t they come to get you?”

If Terra could see himself, he would notice that he was shivering. But with no body, he wouldn’t feel it. He would only feel the stabbing sensation that sunk as he pictured Aqua and Ventus living out their lives happily. Happy that he wasn’t around anymore. Happy that they wouldn’t have to deal with him. On some level, he prayed for it. He wanted them to be alright. On another, he knew he it was better to be left out.

Terra spoke. “You must have done something to them.” He knew he was lying to himself. They were fine, and they probably wanted nothing to do with him of all people. For breaking them apart. For the Master’s death. It was because of him that everything was taken away from them.

“On the contrary, I did nothing to them.” Such confidence. “It isn’t anything out of the ordinary why you have been left here to rot. The only truth you know is that you are good for nothing. There is not a single soul coming for you.” Perhaps he was right.

Terra  
could not trust himself  
his heart broke and it played the fool  
to dance on his own and he left  
her  
alone

Sidetracked. In a meeting like this, it was best to remember that he needed to make amends to them, because it was the only excuse he had to keep going. 

“You’re lying. I will see them again soon.”

“You don’t even know how long it has been that they have refused to find you.” Xehanort leaned over and glared, like some sort of beast that savored and lived off of despair. “After all of the bonds you have abused, you fight for nothing but an illusion. There is no one out there that desires your company.”

That was probably true. But it didn’t matter. Even if they cast him aside forever,  he couldn’t continue to exist without fixing his mistakes. 

He tried to take a handle of how it felt when he first woke up in this darkness. How he felt the Master’s presence, and how calming it was to just know and be patient enough to wait it out. 

this was where time would laugh  
if it could  
merrily chipping away his convictions

“I figured you would want me to give up.” Terra stared into the yellow eyes that looked like his own, pretending he had the courage. “I told you that I was willing to pay the cost, so I am going to stay.”

“Then you will continue to stay this way. Indulge yourself. Continue to believe there is a miracle worth waiting for.” The beast flashed a smile. “You want to feel the warmth of life in your heart? You want freedom? You have incinerated everything you held dear. There is nothing left to burn now but yourself.” 

give up and never see them again  
suffer for the day that may never come? 

He had a record of all the good ol’ days in his mind. He could never say good-bye to them face-to-face. There was no way to experience anything more perfect, not without the Master. It was best to leave it at that. Everything felt dead anyway.

good for nothing

Terra sat there, telling himself that he knew what to do. He could rest after he fixed his mistakes. But this was the wrong response, and a force swiftly strangled him. The beast was more erratic and harder to predict when he became angry or annoyed. Sometimes, it seemed like he could have been a different person. And Terra just allowed the suffocation for now. These meetings usually ended the same, and he would be lying if he said that he didn’t look forward to this. Even though he dreaded these visits anyway. 

He had been through all of this before. Now was the time to float through the darkness and to stop feeling. 

He floated until he landed on what might have felt like glass. But It was a field of pavement overgrown by grass. The ruins of the academy stood high above him. He was back in the Land of Departure, lying on the terrace that would lead to up to the front door. Vines had overtaken the walls, as if decades had passed and the castle was neglected. The sun was shining. But it didn’t feel warm. It felt like nothing. The grass had no texture, and the wind wasn’t blowing. It could have fooled Terra that the air was stale, since the Master was there, and he could clearly see his hair flowing. 

It was peaceful. This was the only wish that was ever answered. 

The glare made it hard to see the Master’s face smiling down at him. But he could trace the scars and look into his grey eyes. He reached for his Master. Each time Terra tried to ask for forgiveness and guidance, but it never worked. He had no voice. The Master instead involuntarily said something. After what may have been thousands of times experiencing this same dream, it seemed that Eraqus always said the same thing. But he was always mute. 

Terra wished the Master would slow down so it wouldn’t be over.  Eraqus rested his hand on his pupil’s forehead, as if to check for a fever, and before long it was darkness again. Until the next visit. Eventually, the pain would come back. Out of the list of memories this go around, which one would he choose this time?

Ventus trailing behind him in the snow, careful only to step on the imprints he left behind.

The two boys laughing together before a big exam, and she slapped him on the head with her essay so they could shut up and let her study. 

The Master invited a friend to help him fix one of the fireplaces. Ash blew into Terra’s face and the Master laughed. 

There were fireworks on display and Aqua dressed like a skeleton in a black coat. He had the chance to kiss her then and didn’t take it.

Improvising in a messy kitchen. She suckered most of the things he made, but they wrote down all of those horrendous recipes in their notebook anyway.

When she began making all sorts of large meat dishes so he could keep his growing physique. Ventus was usually intimidated by the amount of food.

Running around with their wooden swords pretending they were chasing dragons. They played this exact game soon after Ventus woke up.

The Master took them sailing with sky pirates in a distant world where they explored space.

The Master teaching him how to fight for the sixth time, which was the first time he successfully blocked an attack. 

Ventus cast Stop magic on him as a prank. While frozen, Ventus would draw on him, and he would wake up to markings of beasts and dogs all over his arms.

Aqua burned herself in an accident with fire magic, and he nursed her with aloe.

She kissed him in the candlelight and he prayed that she loved him back. He should have known better.

The day only Aqua showed the skill of a Master, and he never congratulated her for it. He should have been better.

The day they fought in Radiant Garden, where she let him know that he couldn’t be trusted. He should have done better.

That same day when Xehanort called him Master and it helped him cope. He should have punched that old man in the face.

The day the Master died. He lost the only person in all of these worlds willing to be his parent and it should have been the other way around.

The day she told him he would go astray again. Darkness was only hate and rage, and here he was now because of it. Of course she was right. He was only a mess.

“The only truth I know is that I’m good for nothing,” he said to the void. That was fine, he only needed to continue to pay the cost until it equaled what he had done. He didn’t need to be saved.

He would be alright.  
He had his memories, and as long as he could remember accurately, they would suffice.  
As long as they were perfect, he didn’t need to experience life again.  
That somewhere, very far away in some distant star, there was someone who surely had it worse than him.  
If time had existed before, all he had to do was hold on until it did again. 

there was never a moment when he cared about eternity  
and eternity never cared about him

Then she came. At first she was just a voice. A witch, bathed in a soft light that covered her in a silhouette. If she emanated warmth, he couldn’t feel it. If her light was particularly bright, he couldn’t tell since he couldn’t be blinded. Her voice echoed, and he was certain he had never met her before. 

Just maybe, this would be different? Maybe it would finally end?

Using her magic, she traced the memories he kept alive to find him in that exact moment. And she came to him with a request. To connect with a particular light and guide her so she wouldn’t be confused by the darkness. 

It was like having déja vu, where he suddenly knew how it worked and he couldn’t place the reason why he had forgotten. “Aqua,” he said. But she was happy. He told himself this so many times. Besides, he was useless. “I can’t do anything for her here.”

“Everyone else is fighting in their own way,” the witch said. Perhaps she smiled, he couldn’t tell. Some of her words were clear, and others were warped. “I want you to believe in yourself. You have always done so, Terra. You can do it again.”

He was too numb to laugh and too tired to get angry at such a suggestion. Confidence and faith only beckoned foolishness and the ridicule that followed. 

This girl was at best a hallucination that was probably trying to trick him into making deals with his inner demons. Clearly he was getting worse. The memories were the only reality he could rely on. 

“What good am I to her or to anyone?” he asked. He just wanted to hear the truth from her. That he was actually good for nothing. 

She took what seemed like a long while to respond. “You’ve been in your head too much.” Not the answer he was expecting, and something about it made it hurt to hear. “Don’t listen to your mind, it will lie to you here. It will tell you the worst things. You need light. You need to reconnect with your heart.”

It felt as though his face swelled and his eyes burned. It felt as though he was being understood for the first time in forever. What she said made sense but it was terrifying. Shakened by the words, he couldn’t keep track of when she stopped talking until she faded away. 

“Wait.” He reached out for her and grabbed nothing. “Take me with you.”

So nothing had changed after all. He was going to continue to stay here. Reconnect with the heart, she had said to him. His heart was crazy and unreliable. What was the point of hoping when all it did was create disillusionment? 

Still, perhaps things might have changed. Let him be devastated by reality later.

The memory this time was just her face. The way her blue hair parted and framed her jawline. The size and brightness of her radiant, azure eyes. The soft pink color of her lips. The way she put her hand on her heart when she was being introspective. She rolled her eyes when exasperated. She searched his face every time she teased to see if she could read him before he said anything. Her brows furrowed harshly when mad, and it was always a scary sight. It looked like she had stars in her eyes when she laughed. 

“Aqua,” he whispered. 

Her eyes were just reflecting the lights around her, that was all. No, they were definitely stars, since it was magical how they made his heart jump. 

“Aqua.” He made sure to whisper so Xehanort wouldn’t hear him.

She made a joke. It didn’t matter what it was. He snorted at it, and she laughed with him. 

The pit of his chest felt warm, and he suddenly remembered what it was like to smile. But he had to remember where he was. He couldn’t forget the reality of his situation. It would bring an agonizing, crushing pain once he stopped smiling and opened his eyes again. He kept his eyes closed, then. He told himself not to be afraid. If it took delusion to feel the warmth of light again, so be it. He needed to reconnect.

He didn’t count the time that passed when he kept his eyes closed, pretending to be happy. Eventually he opened them, and he was the only soul around. How could it have been any different? She never came any time he called out to her. As if in shock, he felt nothing. He stood there, numb and waiting for endlessness.

“Terra.”

It came from behind him. He turned to see her standing right there. It was nothing like replaying a memory. It took no effort to see her hair or her eyes. If this was real, however, why was she there in the darkness with him? What was the point of connecting with her if it would bring her to a dangerous place?

“Can you see me?” He asked her. 

“Of course!” There was joy. It was nothing like he imagined. Just unadulterated glee spewing from her mouth, and it was unsettling to hear. Why was this feeling so familiar and yet so foreign? He wanted to feel what she expressed but couldn’t understand it. “I see Ven, too,” she told him. 

There was no one there, just darkness. So this couldn’t be real. Aqua loved to tease him, but she wouldn’t outright lie to him. Then what was going on? Apparently the worlds of light have fallen. When did that happen and why didn’t he care more about that?

“What’s gotten into you? How do I know that you’re Terra?” 

As if the words were taken right out of his own mouth. How could he know she was really Aqua, and not just some trick played on him by his own spiteful heart? That was when he realized - she was following the same pattern he was, and he needed to warn her not to go down that road. She was only remembering him for who he was, detached from reality. She would only end up confusing herself. 

“Your heart is painting the picture that it so wants to see,” he said. Just like each and every time he imagined her, and every daydream he played with. “The real me is lost in shadow.”

“Then you’re here, trapped in the Realm of Darkness.” 

No, this wasn’t the Realm of Darkness. What was she talking about? He was an illusion. Ven was an illusion. She needed to wake up and realize this. Why was this numbness still there, though? This must have meant that what he was seeing wasn’t real either. He shouldn’t wish himself to get emotional over seeing her. But to hear her voice felt the same as drowning. It made it hard for him to breathe. But if he gave in, if he reached for her, who knew what kind of painful punishment awaited his foolishness?

“I understand. Then you and Ven are safe in the outside world?”

A question he didn’t fully understand. He was so tired. He wanted to say that he wasn’t. He wanted to beg for help. How true to Aqua that she would care about his safety despite his betrayal. He decided to spare her the worry. “I think.” 

This was ridiculous. She wasn’t real and he shouldn’t bother about her feelings. She wasn’t real and she couldn’t help him.

“It’s good you’re okay,” she said. “But how did you find me?” 

The one time it ever worked. “I looked in here,” he said, placing a hand on his chest. “And heard you in the darkness.” Was she real then?

There was a shift in movement deep in his core. Was he being watched? She was now asking him questions about where he was and why his heart had ties to darkness. But something wasn’t right. This was dangerous to talk about now. 

“Forget about me,” he said. It didn’t hurt in his chest anymore. His head hurt instead. But he didn’t matter. What mattered was that Xehanort was a threat to Ven. 

She said that she hid him in a place where Xehanort would never find him. What did that even mean? Ventus went into hiding? Then she wasn’t real. She wouldn’t just leave him by himself.

But the sound faded before he could hear more. His head throbbed like it was about to be drilled open. He felt heat for the first time since he was in control of his own body, sickening as though it would kill him. Yet at the same time, it was familiar. 

Darkness.

The Chamber of Waking. He didn’t know what that meant and he didn’t feel anything about it. Just confusion, as if he was slapped out of a drunken stupor. Maybe it was better for him to pretend to be happy. It passed eternity much better than forcing himself to remember details that had nothing to do with his current life anyway. He allowed himself to just think of her and feel. 

She was with Xehanort. Reconnecting was a danger to her after all, and this was vile. Protect her. Use whatever means necessary to do so. Passion and a fury so strong that he forgot what it felt like. It felt like being alive. He needed to make sure she was safe.

Light. 

There he was, choking Xehanort to get him away from her. Wrestling to keep control. Maybe this would be the day it ended. This would be the day where where light would not fail him. Where he was stronger because of it, and because the bonds he had with his friends. Where he felt warmth and it was comforting and safe.

Yes, this would be the day. “Aqua, I won’t stop fighting. Don’t give up eith-”

Xehanort grabbed him by the face. The invading swirls of darkness that licked Terra’s skin were forceful and like metal - immovable. Like the beast who created them, they were furious. 

“Still you resist,” the voice growled.

Such a monster. He had to be stopped once and for all. This endlessness needed to move forward again. Time needed to laugh at itself. Xehanort should never speak again. Terra would be free and Aqua would be safe, no matter the cost. 

It was like breathing the crisp mountain air for the first time. That exact moment when his heart grew the day he realized he was in love with her, on a rainy day when she rarely cried. The exact moment he promised to himself that Xehanort would pay for everything, standing atop that plateau. Life. Strength. Rage. 

“That is enough.” There was a release of heat. The chains he created drunk his life energy as they twisted. He did right. He protected her. He faded away as he fell asleep, drifting slowly in the dark until he hit glass.

The Master again was mute, stroking his forehead like he had a fever. He didn’t have a fever, he just wanted to talk. Was he proud of him? Was it over? 

It was black again, the same existence that Terra should have realized would never leave his sight. It was a fool’s wish, and Terra yelled out. He was right. The pain that came throbbed in his mind and it crushed his chest. He prayed that he could cry this out, so that the numbness would come faster. There would be no end to this. What happened was just a peculiar dream.

“Aqua!” This couldn’t be. It was too vivid a dream. She had to be there. He hurried to let his heart feel, no matter the amount of torment that it was under.

He called for her again. A fool’s wish. 

Then he came as he always did. It was difficult to read whether Xehanort was particularly angry this time, after what had happened. Maybe it didn’t matter. What happened didn’t actually occur. This was going to be the same routine that he had gone through thousands of times before. He would be told that he was all alone, and that he was good for nothing. He would be told that there was no one looking for him. He would be told that there was no way out. And it was all true. 

So he did the same things he always did just to survive this. He didn’t need to be saved.

He would be alright.  
He had his memories, and as long as he could remember accurately, they would suffice.  
As long as they were perfect, he didn’t need to experience life again.  
That somewhere, very far away in some distant star, there was someone who surely had it worse than him.  
If time had existed before, all he had to do was hold on until it did again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading this!  
> I have made these announcements on Tumblr quite a while ago, but I felt that for those who really follow this fic, I needed to repeat them.
> 
> By this point, it has been four months since I have started this fic. I know there have been canon developments since then, and so I am reiterating that **this fic is going to be an AU**. It hurt my soul too much to throw away so much work in order to adapt, and it hurt to cancel this fic altogether. So I’m sticking to my plans. I will work with the same themes, but not in any way that is expected.
> 
> I am sorry to anyone expecting something different. I did write an Aquanort fic, called **[A Rush of Blood to the Head](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14934242/chapters/34599269)** for those looking for something like that. The second part will be updated soon. 
> 
> This fic will be updated again with a proper, plot-progressing chapter. It will be titled “Vacation,” and it will be the fluffiest chapter to this longfic ever. So it will be a giant. I hope you guys like all the Destiny Trio fluff and all the Final Fantasy references!
> 
> I have recently updated the fluff companion piece to this longfic, **[Beloved Memories, in Notes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14611248/chapters/35271698)**. It will be updated again after “Vacation” is published. Thank you guys so much for your patience, again!


	17. Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **This is an 11k behemoth, omg!** I had more planned for this chapter, but I can’t fit more. Despite that I have already announced on Tumblr how the rest will be laid out and when this fic will finish, I had to split this one. Instead of one transitionary chapter, you guys will get two. This part is the Destiny Trio fluff (kind of). I’ve pretty much accepted that the way I write fluff is just my style. The next chapter will be the Final Fantasy part, and it’s really weird to end this chapter differently than the rest. But I really do hope that it’s enjoyable at the very least!

_The park was small. Terra sat on a bench where the grass met the sidewalk, where an endless sea of grey and otherwise colorless skyscrapers surrounded the little patch of green. He watched the other children play kickball. His cheeks, arms, and abdomen still hurt from earlier, and his bruises were still a vibrant purple. He reached for the bandage on his face, which covered a scratch he received when he was pushed into the dirt and he had grazed a rock.  
_

_One of the kids kicked the ball and it flew his direction. He scurried over to pick it up, and was quick to throw it back. He stood there, waiting to see if this small interaction would lead to an invitation to join the game. But children were either mean or didn’t know what to do with someone like him, and that invitation never came. This meant that he wasn’t wanted, so he sat back on the bench and continued to observe.  
_

_Of course, the exact person who had scolded him earlier for his behavior was the one who noticed that he was all by himself. The organizer of the orphanage, who also taught the children, approached to sit down next to him.  
_

_“You don’t want to play?” She asked, her eyes hidden behind glasses and incredibly long blonde hair, where only half of it was tied upward in a bun. She wore a bright orange dress, so that anyone could find her if they needed to.  
_

_Of course he wanted to play. It was just hard to deal with the humiliation. Besides, no one wanted to play with him. “No, Miss Quistis.”  
_

_She stroked his hair and pursed her lips. “I’m so sorry, Terra, that you feel this way. But you know it isn’t right to punish the other boys.”  
_

_“Yes, ma’am.” His voice was small and high-pitched, and he stared at the grass. The other kids would probably spread rumors over what they were talking about right now._

_“I have allowed you to come out and play because I know you thought you were doing the right thing,” she said, trying to catch his gaze by leaning forward. She patted his head. “I think it would be good for you to open up a little to the others. I’m sorry if today was embarrassing for you.”_

_“Yes, ma’am.”_

_She continued to sit there until she finally let go, sighing as she headed off. She would probably say to the other staff members that she didn’t know what to do with him. It was something he heard her say before.  
_

_Terra kicked some rocks that were peacefully laying there in front of him. When he got bored of waiting for anyone else to talk to him, he scanned the perimeter for the man who would pass by. Every day this week it seemed, there was a peculiar man wearing a white robe who walked by the park during recess. He definitely dressed funny. All the kids spoke to themselves about why this stupid-looking man was dressed that way and wondered what he was doing. Some of the kids said he was a homeless loony. Others said he might be a wizard. If anything, the man was nice. He always smiled and waved at the children who would catch him walking by.  
_

_But he didn’t come today. Terra stood up and skipped over to the tree right next to the bench. If he climbed it, he would be able to see a bit further down the streets that weren’t blocked by any of the dull skyscrapers. _Maybe he could see which of the kids were cheaters._ Except he couldn’t reach the lowest branch.   
_

_“That’s a mighty tall tree for you, isn’t it?” A man’s voice behind him spoke.  
_

_He turned to see the funnily-dressed man. Up this close, he was certainly tall enough for the tree, and Terra noticed a deep, dark scar across his face. Maybe he was a bad guy. He was a stranger after all, and all of the adults thought that strangers kidnapped children. But how could he know which ones he should talk to and which ones he shouldn’t? Miss Quistis also wanted him to open up to others. Maybe this man was a mighty warrior and was really cool. Who else had scars like that?  
_

_“Mister, why do you have a scar on your face?” Terra asked.  
_

_The man chuckled and touched his cheek, then pointed to the bandage on the little boy’s face. “You seem to have one, too.”_

_“Well Kain and Cecil were fighting over who was going to be captain and they are supposed to be friends,” Terra said with multiple breaths as he seamlessly went through each word, smoothing his r’s so they sounded like w’s. “The rules say that no one is allowed to fight, so I told them that they were stupid and breaking the rules, but because they are older, they pushed me and kicked me. Nobody helped me neither. They don’t listen when the grown-ups say that you should take care of your friends.”_

_The man laughed through his nose, and kneeled behind the tree to meet Terra face-to-face. “I also fought with a dear friend of mine. That is how I got this scar. He was supposed to be like my older brother, and what hurt worse than the scar was losing someone like him from my life.”_

_“You should tell him he’s being dumb.”_

_The man laughed out loud. “You obviously care very much about the deeper bonds that friends have the ability to create.”_

_“I guess so.” He rubbed his arm and rocked his hips side-to-side. “I wish friends could stay friends forever. If I had friends, I would make them feel safe.”  
_

_“What’s your name, son?”  
_

_“Terra.”_

_“Hello, Terra. My name is Eraqus.”  
_

_“Era- um…”_

_“It’s alright, I couldn’t tell you how my mother came up with that name.” The man smiled. “I think you have a strong heart, Terra, and that makes you special. Can you keep a secret?”_

_No one had ever included him in any of those coveted secrets before, where groups of kids would share a connection that no one else was allowed to enter. You had to be good enough to be part of one. “I can!”  
_

_“Well, don’t tell anyone, but I can cast magic.”_

_Terra’s eyes widened and his mouth gaped. “You’re a wizard.”_

_The man laughed, his teeth showing behind his bushy mustache. “Not quite. But I help people with my magic.”_

_“So you’re a hero?”  
_

_“Something like that. Are you happy here, Terra?”_

_He remembered where he was, standing by a tree in a tiny park surrounded by tall buildings, where the grass was the only proof of color in the miles around him. The other children were still playing kickball, and Miss Quistis was tending to a little girl who might have fallen over.  
_

_“Miss Quistis is nice,” he said. “She takes care of us, and she makes us good food when she cooks. She plays with us, too.”_

_“Well, I am starting a school to teach my craft of magic to very special children, like yourself. You will be able to help people. Would you like to be my student?”_

_Terra had always wondered if he would ever see the day when he would leave. He was told only good children who behaved well would get adopted. He saw many children leave, and the friends they left behind were sad to see them gone. Still, the adults told him that children with parents were loved. That they had what was called a home to go to every night, and they got lots of presents for their birthdays. It was always better to have parents.  
_

_“Does that mean I’ll get adopted?” Terra asked, his voice quiet.  
_

_Eraqus smiled and ruffled through the boy’s hair. “Yes, it does.”  
_

_Terra stared for a moment, his deep blue eyes wide. Most children would be jumping with joy. But this was a surprise. He nodded a little, half-believing that today was finally the day.  
_

_“You’ll be my eyes. Is anyone looking this way?” Eraqus said.  
_

_Terra quickly glanced around the tree. The kids were busy with their game. Miss Quistis was holding the hand of the little girl, who was now crying. She was trying to catch the attention of one of the other children who might have accidentally pushed the girl over during the game._

_“Nope!”_

_“Then let me show you what I can do.” Eraqus raised his hand, and in swirls of light which felt warm in the air, what looked like a giant key appeared. Like it was magic. He then positioned the hilt toward Terra. He spoke words of initiation as though it was a spell, none of which Terra understood. But that key was definitely magical, and it was definitely special. When prompted, he touched it. Then it disappeared._

_“You’ll be able to able cast magic as long as you are able to keep this a secret. You don’t want that to wear off, do you?“  
_

_Terra giggled. “I’m very good at keeping secrets.”_

_“Good, I’m counting on you.”_

_Eraqus ruffled through Terra’s hair one more time before getting up and crossing the park to where Miss Quistis was standing. The other children took notice and all gathered together to stare at him. Terra followed close by, and Eraqus soon introduced himself and expressed his interest in the adoption. Miss Quistis gestured for Terra to come at her side. She placed her hand gently over his head and told the other kids to allow him to play with them.  
_

_The two adults were left talking among themselves. Terra had heard it before countless times with other possible candidates who were initially interested in him, and knew exactly what she would be saying to Eraqus. That there would be extensive background checks. That Terra lacked a little bit of discipline. That Eraqus would need to visit him multiple times so that they can be observed to see if they got along, and if the boy felt safe. But he was determined to keep the magic key the most secretive secret ever. He was determined to make sure that he could earn this new home. Some of the other kids sneered that such a weird man would be interested in such a weird kid. But that didn’t matter anymore. He had what it took to be a good student and he was going to get a father. Soon, he would leave this place as the happiest child in the group, even if none of the other kids cared if he left.  
_

 

* * *

 

“How old were you when you met him?” Riku walks alongside him while fiddling with a twig, their feet digging deep into the sand as the ocean waves gently swayed into the beach. Sora and Kairi are far ahead of them, engaged in their own conversation.

“Six.” There is the tiniest of smiles on Terra’s face. He has Aqua’s Keyblade strapped across his back. The morning is bright, and while it is early the atmosphere is incredibly humid, making the temperature seem hotter than it should be. 

Riku chuckles and tosses the twig into the sand. “I was about the same age when you came here and changed my whole life.” There is a teasing kind of sneer to his tone, as if he is half-way embarrassed to admit it. 

“I remember a little boy who wanted the power and strength necessary to protect what mattered to him. Like his friends.” Terra can see the dock ahead, where he fatefully landed in this world many years ago. “I noticed there was something about you, some strong light.”

“Really?” Riku doesn’t sound prideful, just surprised. Despite being a Master, it’s clear that Riku keeps a sense of humility when it comes to deeply personal assessments. “You saw, what, light shining out of me or something?”

“No, it was a sensation. I did see… maybe a vision of you as older? I knew on some level that you were meant to have the Keyblade, so I performed the ceremony.”

“Is that normal for you? Visions?”

Terra chuckles. It isn’t like he often speaks about them, even to Aqua. “It happens rarely, but it happens.” He pauses for a moment as he sways his arms back and forth. “It was my intention to visit you several times so that I could train you, actually.”

“I would have liked that, it’s a shame.”

_Yes it is._ Terra has always wished that he can give the same kind of care and attention to another child out there in need of some magic and hope. To be a teacher and raise a family, just like how his Master has saved all three of them. It shouldn’t have been that Riku was left alone all those years. 

His shoulders are tense and he shakes off his nerves with a sharp breath. “You know, traditionally only a _Master_ can do the bequeathing ceremony.”

The two of them stop just under the dock and Riku places his hands on his hips. “Huh, that certainly says a lot about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you have what it takes to be a Master.” He shrugs his shoulders. “After everything you’ve been through and seeing the way you fight, I don’t really think I can see you as anything else.”

Terra smiles for a little bit, twisting his lips and bowing his head as he tries to control his reaction to such an undeserved compliment, wondering what Master Eraqus would think. Riku nods, as if to stand behind his statement.

“ _Hey_ ,” Sora calls out to them from afar, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Terra, what’s taking you so long? C’mon, the cave is right here.” 

Riku leans over and lets out a mock-contemptuous snort. “Look at him, calling just _your_ name. I might as well stand here by myself.” He walks ahead anyway, leading Terra’s way to the cave where a mysterious door has allegedly opened the first time these kids were sent off to an adventure. 

“Riku,” Terra says as they get closer, “do you really think that Sora’s theory will work?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been there twice, and it’s like…” Riku stops and turns to face his predecessor. “Listen, if I saw her there, I would have stayed. Apparently the reason why she’s still there was to make sure I got out. But I would have helped her if I knew. I just need you to know that.”

Terra tries to control his breathing and makes a conscious attempt to relax his jaw and let go of the clenching in his fists. “It’s okay,” he says softly, although it’s forced. “That’s something Aqua would do.” 

Riku nods sharply and continues on his way. “Anyway, the Door to Darkness doesn’t let any light out. There is no way to get out of there without the power of light. Both of the times I got out, I felt this sense of certainty that I was going to be okay. But I never did it alone, someone helped me get out. So I do agree that she needs another person to open that Door to Light for her.” He waves his arms in exasperation and let them slap his sides as they fall. “Other than Sora’s theory, I just don’t have any other plausible explanation.” 

“What about getting there?”

Riku stops again and inhales slowly. “You let a world fall to darkness and ride it all the way down.”

Terra’s lips tighten at the thought. The job of a Keyblade wielder should be to completely prevent such a scenario. “But we can’t just let that happen.”

Riku nods but continues onward. “Hence the predicament.”

They arrive to where Sora and Kairi are waiting for them. The cave is hidden by large plants, but when Terra looks hard enough, he can see the opening. He ducks at the entrance, and it opens up as he continues inside. It is quite small, and the air is much cooler than it is outside. There are carvings all along the rocky walls that look like they have been done by small children. Close to the ground is a carving of one child giving another a star. Furthest from the entrance is a wooden wall, and he traces his fingers against the smooth surface.

“We have no idea why this wall is even here,” Sora says behind him. “But it actually opened, and Ansem walked through it.”

“You know,” Riku says, “I have seen it open before that night.” 

Terra holds his chin as he thinks. “Can you tell me more about what happened when this world fell?”

The three self-taught Keyblade wielders behind him stay quiet and he turns to face them. Riku’s face is completely tense and he doesn’t have the discipline to relax it. Sora scratches his head and looks down on the ground. Kairi fumbles with her hands. 

“You know, I don’t remember a single thing from that night,” she says.

“Really?” Sora stops rubbing his hair but keeps his hand in place. “It happened really fast. The sky was dark and cloudy, and there were Heartless everywhere. And… it was just _so_ fast. It was like-”

“It was like the entire world just collapsed on itself and the loose pieces were being blown apart,” Riku says. His tone is stable but stern, as though he is reciting lines that he doesn’t want to perform.

Terra nods slowly, his knuckles tense. “What happened to the rest of the people here?”

Riku sways side to side, his arms crossed. “I think those who aren’t Keyblade wielders… or maybe those that do not possess or have not come across a strong source of light, just fade away into the darkness. They don’t die, exactly, but they cease to exist as long as their world stays trapped.”

_So if you don’t disappear, you just consciously suffer the entire way. Oh, Aqua…_

Sora holds a fist to his cheek, deep in thought. “But doesn’t that mean they are fine once the world is restored?” 

“Well,” Kairi presses her fingers together as she stares at them. “It isn’t consequence-free, exactly. Many of the people here had recurring nightmares for a couple of months, and none of the doctors understood why. Nobody remembers anything about that night, and it just became another one of those mysterious, creepy legends the kids still toss a bunch of conspiracy theories over.” 

“And that’s only _if_ a world is restored,” Riku says. Sora stays silent. 

Terra presses his palm against the wood. “So, should we assume that there are signs a world will fall before it does? Like a door opening when it shouldn’t be there?”

Riku clears his throat as he finds some of the quiet bravado he normally carries. “You can actually see that a world’s light will start to flicker and fade, but that doesn’t mean that it will fall. It can just mean there are a multitude of Heartless overwhelming it.” He pauses for a brief moment. “I know a couple of sky pirates who do a lot of traveling. One of them isn’t human and she has a sixth sense for this sort of thing, but she isn’t right all the time. Either way, we’ve never just let Heartless take over.”

“And you shouldn’t,” Terra says this so quietly that he isn’t sure if the others heard him. 

He caresses the wood. Perhaps he can create a door to the other side here. There is no sickly, hot energy through the wall - no sign of darkness. It’s just wood. False hope for sure, but he has nothing else. He breathes deeply and summons his Keyblade. He can feel the others tense up as he does this, anxious to see what tricks he has up his sleeve. He holds the tip of the Keyblade up against the wall. But he is fooling himself.

He drops his Keyblade and sighs. Two years too late to try. “If there was a world beyond this wall, it doesn’t exist anymore.”

Sora groans behind him. “I was really hoping this would work. I’m sorry it didn’t.”

“It’s fine. It’s good we are discussing these kinds of ideas.” _Still, just another damn dead end._

“Well, if one plan doesn’t work, we’ll come up with another.” Sora slams his fist into his palm, a reassuring and confident smile on his face. 

False hope has no meaning with Sora. Terra cannot keep a frown, and it’s the same feeling as being a child, where he can imagine a happy future with his closest friends. _The amount of faith he has is outstanding._

“Sora,” Terra begins, “how can you be so sure?” He can feel a smile on his own face, which doesn’t make sense. He really should dismiss such determination for his own sake. 

“I’m not sure. But I _won’t_ believe that it’s necessary to sacrifice anybody to save her.” Sora is approaching this seriously, but there is no way to remove the sound of hope from the tone of his voice. “You’ll never give up looking for her, Terra, so something’s gotta give eventually. I think it’s just a matter of time before we can figure out what will actually work for us.” 

“Well,” Riku says. “if you do get any more ideas, Sora, just tell me first before you _do_ anything. Okay?”

“What, you don’t trust me?”

Kairi snorts and Riku rolls his eyes as he walks out of the cave. 

Somehow, it is warmer outside. The others swap memories they have shared growing up here. Curiously, Riku is the one to remember the least, despite being older. This fact doesn’t seem to deter Sora’s attitude towards his oldest friend, however. There are other memories to talk about. The three of them are engaged in their shared experiences, and Terra wishes that he will get the same time to delve this deep into nostalgia with Aqua and Ventus one day. Sooner is preferable than later. 

They are so involved, in fact, that they don’t notice when Terra gradually moves away towards the ocean. The breeze blowing from that direction is welcome, although it’s nothing like the crisp, dry wind from the mountains, which will slice if it gets cold enough. Terra takes off his shoes and socks, and walks through the shallow water, allowing his flowing pants to get wet. His feet sink into the wet sand with every wave, and it’s like a million sensations in one. The coolness of the water gushing in with such a force. The prickly, soft feeling of the sand in between his toes. 

It hasn’t been long since he has woken up. Yet, this is the first time he is really realizing that he can feel again. He has been so preoccupied with finding them that he forgets he is alive. But if anyone is deserving of this same feeling, it’s Aqua. 

_I wish she could hear the ocean. I’ll have to take her here immediately after she’s free._

Terra loses himself in the sound of the water. Maybe he can ride a world he cannot save into the darkness. That will probably leave him trapped as well, but at least he will be with her. It will make it easier on the both of them to stay together. Maybe he can wait for the others to come get them. 

_But I can’t just let a world fall and let others suffer like that. I wonder if somehow, if I find a door that shouldn’t exist, I can create an opening that way. How did she even get down there in the first place? Would I need to use a strong source of darkness instead?_

Sacrifice. Darkness. The willingness to give up to be with her. Terrible thoughts to have on such a nice morning when he is supposed to take it easy today. The bright morning sun shines on the water, and it’s blinding if he stares at them. But it doesn’t last long. The waves shift and contort, and it is sunset. Kairi’s laughter from afar fades away. What is left is the sound of crying.

_The sunset left the ocean looking dark as he walked down the beach. Ahead of him was a girl slumped over, with short pink hair and wearing an orange tunic. She was crying into her hands. The waves hit her shoes, but she didn’t pay any attention to them.  
_

_Her sitting there, crying all by herself, was unsightly. It was best to avoid her. But unless he turned around and took a lap around the entire island, there was no way to. Perhaps she wouldn’t notice him passing by._

_She sprung up and wiped her eyes and nose. “Norty, I didn’t hear you coming. How are you?” All of her words were smothered with sniffles._

_“Hello, Lenna.” His voice was polite as though he didn’t witness anything. “It’s been a pleasant walk. On such a pleasant day.” It sounded contemptuous, almost to the brink of obvious sarcasm, but the words came out smoothly. She never noticed._

_“I’m glad someone is having a good day.” She struggled to contain her tears. “If the fates can just use my pain and make it pleasant for someone else, that would make it more meaningful.” She was breathing heavily._

_This was an invitation to listen to said pain. “Well, it sounds like your prayers have been answered. I hope the rest of your evening bodes well.” He started to walk away.  
_

_She reaches out to him, her hand hovering in the air. “It’s just been so hard, without Bubbles.”  
_

_A slow inhale, but he made sure that it was inaudible. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and relaxed all of his muscles. Maybe he could get away with being a little truthful. “Yes, you being without your cat is truly a misery.”  
_

_“Yes. She was family, Bubbles.” Another sob. She was going to start wailing again.  
_

_“Yes.” He relaxed his muscles again. If he didn’t acknowledge the cat, then Lenna would surely start getting obnoxious.”Poor Bubbles.” The name sounded awkward and spiteful coming out of his lips. She didn’t notice._

_“I just don’t know what to do. Bubbles was always there to sit on my lap when I was doing my homework. She slept with me. She always meowed when I came home from school.” The sobs were getting heavier. “Now, it’s just so quiet.”  
_

_This world was so small that the worst of this girl’s problems was the loss of something replaceable. “Perhaps another cat might be noisier?”  
_

_She was shocked into silence, her sobs stopping. “Excuse me?”  
_

_“I’m giving you a proposal. A solution to your problem. Then you can stop mewling.”  
_

_“But… she was family.”  
_

_“It was a cat.”  
_

_Lenna erupted into tears, the sound nearly giving him a headache. She was so loud, it caught the attention of the nearby teenagers. Leading them was a girl with long purple hair that reached down to her waist. She wore a bright blue shirt and a black beanie on her head._

_“Lenna,” she said as she comforted her. “What happened?”  
_

_Lenna started to talk but she was completely incomprehensible through her sobbing. Her older sister, though, understood her perfectly.  
_

_“You made my sister cry, rich boy?” She shoved his shoulder. “Who do you think you are?”  
_

_“Faris, it’s good to see you, too.” Xehanort attempted to keep himself calm. This was just too annoying. “I was merely trying to get your sister to come to a more logical conclusion. To ease her personal grievances.”  
_

_“I don’t care for your fancy talk, so you better talk to me straight. What did you say to her?”  
_

_Lenna started to talk in her gibberish again, and Faris’ eyes flashed with anger.  
_

_“Our cat was family, and she was the most important thing to Lenna,” she said as she clenched her fists. “Something’s seriously wrong with you, Nort.”  
_

_Patience was low. “She was given advice, and she refused it. There could be so much more meaning to her life, and she doesn’t have the interest nor the ability to see it.”  
_

_Faris had nothing to say. She swung her arm and punched him squarely in the jaw.  
_

Evening becomes morning again. The pain on his jawline quickly fades away. The others are sparring, with Sora and Riku taking pot shots so that Kairi can practice dodging and blocking them. Clearly she does best with handling attacks from afar and with magical offenses, perhaps because of the amount of time she has spent studying with Lea. But she staggers when either of the boys hit her directly. Terra makes a mental note that he has to give her tips on how to maintain her core energy and stance when she gets nervous. Something to bring up when he has the chance to later. 

Right now, however, something is off. Terra has been able to learn how to sense when Xehanort’s presence is getting stronger. It’s like having another person rest their head on his shoulder, watching him that closely. The headaches start at his forehead, and then feel as though his hair is being pulled out. But this time, there is nothing.

_This memory isn’t like the others. He likes to show off, or he tries to provoke me. But this was almost embarrassing to watch. I must have seen this vision without his involvement and… did he not notice this?_

Terra looks down on his hands and breathes deeply. _I know he can see what I can physically see. He can hear what I hear, and he can feel my strong emotions. But if this is a vision I had on my own… can he not see what’s in my mind?_

He closes his hands and eyes and relaxes. Lenna. Faris. No pain. He thinks of Lenna again. How hard she was crying when she lost her cat. How insensitive he was to her. 

_Even as a teenager, all he did was hurt people. And because I was too weak to stop him, he’s done worse to them._

He shudders. This truth is hard to swallow and it nearly sickens him. _I can’t call myself a Keyblade wielder if I can’t help others and heal their pain. That is the biggest reason why I delved into this calling. I had no meaning until Master gave it to me._

It’s time to get to the bottom of this. 

He jogs through the sand as he approaches the others. “Have any of you heard of two people living in this world named Lenna and Faris?” A headache starts to form, confirming his suspicions. 

Sora is the first to recall his Keyblade. “Lenna and Faris? That makes me think of those old ladies who played checkers on the side of that road we used to take to go to school.”

“Hmm.” Riku smirks. “Old-fashioned names, then.”

“Would they help us find Aqua or something?” Kairi asks, her tone a bit skeptical, as if she isn’t sure why two random people from a tiny island would be of any use.

“No.” Terra realizes his answer is too short, but this is strange to open up about. “I… I’ve never met them actually, but I have to make amends to them.” 

The three of them give him undeniable expressions of confusion, with Sora in particular narrowing his eyes and wrinkling his nose. “That’s weird. It’s like this came out of nowhere-”

A pregnant pause. It doesn’t come out of nowhere, and all of them know it. Terra cringes as he sees them realize this, hoping that none of them are wondering if these pseudo-psychic episodes will become more frequent or more erratic. He doesn’t know what to say. _I hope they don’t consider me more dangerous now._

Sora seems the most uncomfortable about it, darting his eyes around the sand and displaying a rare seriousness that simply doesn’t fit him. He quickly glances to both of his friends to see if he can read them. Then, his eyes light up and a smile stretches from ear to ear. “It’s a strange request, for sure. We just don’t understand what’s _possessing_ you.” 

Riku bursts into laughter, the kind of tear-jerking hysteria that would leave anyone else unable to think. Terra has never seen this in him before. Kairi elbows Sora in the ribs, her eyes wide with disbelief. The latter is too busy in his own bout of laughter to care. 

Terra scoffs slowly and clenches his teeth a little, although he doesn’t deny to himself that he’s starting to chuckle as well. _Ven would say something this dumb._

“And here I thought you were mature,” Terra says as he firmly ruffles through Sora’s incredibly thick hair.

“I _am_ mature.” Sora rubs his nose and attempts to fix his hair.

“Why these specific women, though?” Riku regains his composure and returns to his confident posture with one hand on his hip, as if he hasn’t been laughing this entire time. “What do they have to do with anything?”

There is no way to answer this without being direct. Terra crosses his arms and forces himself to relax. “Xehanort is from here.”

The shock is so great that Riku slowly drops the hand that before was so proud to be on his hip. It makes sense, though. _Xehanort once called the Land of Departure his home and didn’t care that it got destroyed, either._

Kairi leans forward. “So you’re telling us that we can meet people who grew up with him?“ She gasps and holds a hand to her mouth. “I wonder what he was like as a kid.”

_Not much different._

“Would he have gone to the same school as us?” Sora asks out loud. “What am I saying, of course he would have. There is only one.” He fidgets with excitement. “We’ve got to find these ladies.”

Sora and Kairi look over to Riku, as if they need his permission to go. Riku  takes his time to answer, enough for Terra to wonder if he is stalling on purpose to make them feel anticipation. “I like the idea. We should search for them.”

“I _knew_ it was a good idea to come here. Let’s go.” Sora does an about-face and leaves, with Riku following closely behind. Terra starts to follow them, but notices that Kairi is still standing there, her hands behind her with a contemptuous smile on her face. 

He lifts his shoulder as if to ask her what’s wrong, when Sora calls out from behind him. “Hey, what gives?”

“What gives is that you are going the wrong direction.” She creates finger-guns and points in the opposite way, her tone dramatically sarcastic. “I hid a boat by the beach on the other side for when we come back.” She waves her arms around. “I was just seeing how long it would take you guys to notice that I wasn’t around. Thanks, Terra, for waiting for me.”

Riku slowly closes his eyes as if he is guilty of something, while Sora’s mouth is left open. “Wait, Kairi-”

“Too late.” She grabs Terra by the wrist and pulls him in the correct direction. “I don’t want either of you two losers to sit next to me.” 

 

* * *

 

The main island is larger, filled with homes and small facilities. One side of it features a beach while the other is raised, the ocean water hitting the rocky terrain that make up the cliff side there. But it’s still very small, with an endless ocean surrounding the town that stretches beyond the horizon. Such a tiny world means that the setting is intimate and safe. All of the inhabitants know each other - a feature that Sora doesn’t think matters. Everyone apparently knows that the three of them have left to visit other worlds, so who cares if they brought in a stranger? 

Terra brushes off his own concerns, not the least of which is the part where he simply has to accept that times have changed. Some worlds have been exposed to the outside, much like how Radiant Garden has, and there is nothing that can be done to undo that. _Master Eraqus would grow a headache over this.  
_

The news that a stranger has visited the island spread like wildfire. Friends from their school flock around him. Kairi’s friends in particular demand why she is keeping a hottie like him all to herself. They decide that it’s best he leaves the town altogether. He takes this opportunity to give more lessons to Kairi as they spar among some trees, while Sora and Riku track down Lenna and Faris’ whereabouts. 

They take a break. Kairi stays quiet, probably mulling over his advice. They sit atop a hill, where they can view the town. Seeing it from here really emphasizes the size of it. The ocean surrounding him might as well be an empty desert. Or perhaps there is world down in its depths that hasn’t been discovered yet. There has to be something more than just this town. 

“Do you think I have what it takes to be any good?” He hears Kairi say next to him.

“Of course you do.” _Being a Princess of Heart and all, if you have to protect yourself, so be it._ “Why do you ask?“

She sighs forcefully. “Sometimes I don’t think Riku and Sora believe I can do anything for myself. They always leave me behind. And I mean, I get it. I’m not experienced like they are, but they continue to treat me the same. I’m not sure they trust me at all.”

“I think they trust you well enough. They left you alone with _me_ after all.” A part of him tenses up. 

“They left me with you because they trust _you_.”

“I still don’t think it’s about you.” It’s very much like dealing with Ventus. He always asked the two of them to join along. Begging to be included. Begging to explore other worlds. Aqua being the one to be over-protective and to send him off. Terra being the one to want to encourage Ventus to spread out. Except that one time in Radiant Garden. “Maybe they’re afraid they’ll fail to protect you. It’s not a failure that’s easy to accept, you know.”

Kairi takes a moment of silence. “Yeah but, why does that mean that I can’t protect them when _I_ want to?”

Terra chuckles. _How many times have Aqua and I competed over this very same issue?_

“I’m sure they bump heads over which one of them should be protected as well. It’s a never-ending argument, and truthfully it’s a give and take.” He smiles at her. “When the time is right, you’ll just have to step it up when they inevitably stumble.”

She grins to herself. She still has a long way to go, but she’s doing alright with fighting. He feels the wind blowing through his hair. Despite that the town is not too far, it’s quiet enough. The smell of the ocean is everywhere.

“It must get real dark here at night,” he says. “I’m sure you can see the stars very well.”

“The sky gets absolutely covered with them. You like the stars?” 

“Yeah. It was our favorite past time, to go stargazing together.” 

She excitedly claps her hands. “Then you _have_ to bring them here when you find them.”

He smirks. “I will.” 

It is a warming thought, just being able to bring the stars back to them. Not like being on their mountains exactly, but great enough. He catches sight of a solitary house that stands away from the town. It’s a bit larger than the other homes, and something about it makes his stomach lurch. He attempts to ask her about it when Sora and Riku approach them from behind some trees. 

“Did you find them?” Kairi stands up quickly.

“Yeah.” Riku scratches his head and doesn’t meet her gaze. “They are in the cemetery, out on the eastern cliff side.” 

The three of them eye Terra. This doesn’t change a thing.

“Okay,” Terra says, “I’ll need a cat statue. You know, one of those outdoor types that you put in the dirt?” He reaches in his pockets. “I can give you the munny for it. I’ll also need pink and purple flowers.” 

Kairi raises her hand. “I know where you can pluck those, actually.” 

“Why don’t I go with you to get the flowers, Terra?” Sora asks. 

“It was my idea,” she says. 

“But I didn’t get to spend any time with him.”

She places her hands on her hips and leans forward. “ _Excuse_ me, but I’d like to have a _private_ conversation with him.” 

That shuts him up. The two boys leave with some of Terra’s munny, while he and Kairi walk south through some palm trees.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asks her.

“Oh nothing, actually. I’m still mad at the two of them.”

It isn’t a far walk, and they reach a small grassy field full of beautiful flowers, all of different colors. The sub-tropical weather really encourages such foliage. It’s easy to pick out the ones he wants, considering that each color seems to enjoy the company of its own. 

“So you grew up with Aqua and Ventus?” She asks as they crouch over the flowers they are collecting.

“Ven’s the little brother I’ve always wanted.” A smile forms on his face. Thinking about Ventus always comforts him in a way, perhaps because there is less guilt involved. He remembers how delighted he was when Ventus woke up, and when Ventus started to follow him around like a puppy. 

He continues. “Aqua and I go way back. She and I were the ones who really grew up together. I don’t think I ever saw her as my sister. She’s my partner really. My sparring partner, my mission partner… she’s my best friend.”

“She must be really special to you, then.”

“Of course she is.” He notices a peculiar smile on Kairi’s face. She immediately tries to roll her lips to erase that look. 

_I’m so open about my feelings. Maybe it just isn’t worth keeping them hidden anymore, not after what I went through. Or maybe it’s something else. There’s something about Kairi that makes me feel like I’ve met her before._

They continue to gather flowers in silence, although Kairi is still smiling to herself. She has the bouquet of purple, while he finishes a thick bundle of pink. Just in time, Sora and Riku join them. The former is holding two white ribbons to tie the bundles together, while the latter carries a sizeable statue depicting a cat sitting down with its tail wrapped around its body. The plan so far is going perfectly, although Riku has this comically sour look on his face. 

“We were being followed and nagged by Tidus and Wakka,” Riku says when asked what’s wrong. He sets the statue down. “And _Sora_ got the great idea to tell them that the cat statue was a gift for his _mom_.”

Sora has a devious smile stretching from ear to ear. “It worked didn’t it?” He tries to suppress a laugh.

“ _Only because you told them that I’ve always had a crush on her._ ”

Kairi bursts into hysteria and Riku reminds her that it isn’t funny. She gives him tiny nods while her best not to continue laughing and then hugs him. This prompts Sora to hug the both of them from behind, so that Riku is pinned between their affections. His arms are slack and he gives Terra a timid glare.

Terra picks up the statue. “I appreciate everything you do for me, Riku.”

 

* * *

 

The cemetery is quite possibly the noisiest area on the island. The wind is blowing harder here since it’s on higher ground, and the water is slamming against the rocks below. It’s not the largest graveyard that he’s seen, a testament to the size of the population on this island. Most of the gravestones there are humble. Plaques are placed specifically for Lenna and Faris, who both passed away a few years ago and were buried next to each other. Weeds are overgrowing on them, and Terra rips them out and dusts off the falling dirt with his hands. Sora gives him a spade, and with it he digs a small hole by Lenna’s plaque to fit the cat statue. He sets pink flowers down for Lenna, and purple ones for Faris. 

Sora, Riku and Kairi stand behind him, staying quiet. He kneels in front of their graves, taking a short moment to meditate. Death isn’t the sort of thing that Keyblade wielders deal with often, although they are taught that it is a natural part of life that shouldn’t be hated. It isn’t a darkness, despite the pain it causes. Despite that it can compel someone to abhor it. One day, the light of Master Eraqus would have faded anyway. Terra has always assumed that the three of them would create a small, private ceremony in the mountains to celebrate his life when it should happen. To leave his Keyblade resting on the top of a summit. But his death didn’t have to happen the way it did. 

_I hope the both of you lived happy lives, fulfilled in the way you wanted them to. I’m sorry for the pain he caused you. I swear, on this day and every day moving forward, I will undo what he has done. I will make amends for his existence._

Terra breathes and touches their plaques before getting up. On this location, the solitary house is seems closer. It sits by itself, and Terra notices now that some of the windows are boarded up and there are vines growing up along the outer walls. There is that nauseating feeling in his stomach again. 

“What can you guys tell me about that house?” He points to it.

“It’s one of the few urban legends around here,” Sora says, putting his arms behind his head. “Some of the people think it’s haunted.”

“Why is that?”

“No one seems to be able to get inside it. They can’t break in, and they can’t unlock it.”

Riku crosses his arms and thinks for a second. “If I remember correctly, that house belonged to an old couple. They died a long, long time ago. The husband was involved in most of the investments that built the homes and buildings here. The wife I think was a nurse, maybe?” 

A headache swells, and the roots of his hair sting. “It’s his. He grew up there.”

“No way!” Sora nearly throws himself forward. “We’ve got to check it out.”

Riku scoffs. “Of course his house would be creepy.”

 

* * *

 

The four of them stand outside it. The house has two stories, which is quite rare to see on the island. It is surrounded by a small, overgrown garden, contained by a barrier of coral rocks that are supposed to act like a fence. All of the windows on the first floor have wooden boards covering them. Riku approaches the front door, and attempts to turn the knob. It doesn’t open. He kicks it, and an invisible force blocks the attempt. He summons his Keyblade, but it doesn’t unlock it.

“I’m going to assume that the windows are going to be the same and save myself the trouble,” he says. 

Kairi has her hands in a prayer stance in front of her. “But who would put a spell on this house?”

Riku’s fists are clenched together. “This implies that Xehanort has visited after he left. Maybe to seal off his old home. Maybe for other things.” 

They all hear an incredibly loud sigh. Sora is pouting, like a child in dire need of candy. “How are we going to open it then?”

The headache is more painful now, and Terra shivers for a bit. There is a slight disgust to knowing the kinds of information that are seamlessly appearing in his consciousness. Things he shouldn’t know, but are there. 

“You just need the right key,” he says. He counts the rocks on the left side of the door. Seven of them. He lifts it, and under it is a key. The perfect key to unlock this door. 

Sunlight seeps through the cracks of the wooden boards covering the window. Terra leaves the door open to allow more. The house is quaint, with plenty of decorative art and plates lining the pastel pink walls. In the center is a family-sized dining room table, covered in an off-white cloth. A pot of withered flowers sits in the middle. There is an upright piano next to a window that overlooks the ocean. Beyond that is a small kitchen, with some incredibly outdated appliances such as a fire stove. In all senses, it’s as though time has stopped in this house.

“That is _definitely_ him,” Riku says.

On the far wall opposite the piano, alongside some shelves, are family photos. They are all sepia-toned, and every single one of them is a photo of Xehanort throughout his young life. As a baby. As a toddler. One of the bigger portraits is himself as a teen, his round eyes looking straight at the camera. It’s impossible to tell what he was thinking when it was taken. 

Riku takes his time to study each photo. “So the stories I have heard about a kid who left this world has always been about him.”

Kairi grabs two thick photo albums from a shelf nearby and brings them to the table. “Looks like there’s more here.”

She gives the smaller one to Sora. He sifts through it while holding it close to him, looking bewildered.

“Here is one of him as a baby… can you just imagine Xehanort as a cute, chubby baby?” He shudders. “Look at this! Here is one of him _laughing_.”

Riku and Terra look over his shoulder. A picture of a teenage Xehanort laughing as he is facing someone that isn’t in the shot. The laugh seems genuine, his eyes squinting. Other pictures show him on a bicycle with classmates. At a birthday party. One shows him dressed nicely, his arm locked with a girl in a pretty dress, like he is taking a date to a school dance. Not a single one depicts him as any older.

“I wonder what he was laughing about,” Sora says.

_I wonder if it was sincere._

“Oh guys, here are letters his mother wrote to him. This must have been after he left,” Kairi says, reaching the end of the photo album she’s looking through. There is a short stack of handwritten letters. 

Terra walks over to the piano as she reads through them. 

“My dearest son,  
I sincerely hope you retrieve this letter. I have sent several to you and I suppose that they haven’t reached you. I know your teacher has said that it was completely possible for us to keep in touch, and has given me the instructions to do so. I pray that you are safe and happy in your newfound school and residence.   
I miss the sound of you playing the piano very dearly. The emptiness and silence left behind by your absence is unbearable, but it helps to ease the pain when I remember that you are following your dreams.   
My beloved son, I would love to hear about what you are studying, if you have been making friends, and if you are having the adventures you deserve to have. I just want to hear your voice. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to see how handsome you have grown to be.  
Be safe, and I love you,  
Your worried mother.”

He hears her looking through more letters behind him as he eyes the keys on the piano, dusty from neglect. 

“They’re all alike,” she says. “She’s been dying to hear from him.”

Riku clears his throat. “I think we should definitely visit our moms today.”

Terra strums some keys in succession, gently but confidently enough that there is no way anyone can tell he is a beginner at it. He continues to strum in higher octaves, practicing arpeggios.

_Arpeggios? I shouldn’t know that word._

“You play the piano?” Sora asks from behind him. 

Terra turns quickly and rubs his fingers against his palm, his hand clammy. His head is pounding, and for a moment he nearly says yes. 

“No, I don’t.” He rubs his palms against his pants, and a knowledge of musical theory starts to flood his mind. He has never studied music.

_I’m not sure where I end and where he starts. If we’re exchanging information like this, does that mean that I’m being swallowed up by him?_

“Then you must be a natural,” Sora says with a smile, not noticing his mood. “You know, I wonder if he still has stuff here, like in his room.” His eyes widen as he stares off into space. “Do you think he has a diary?”

Sora and Riku both stare intensely at each other, as though a golden idea has been blessed upon them. Sora drops the photo album, and races up the stairs, Riku and Kairi following behind. 

Terra lingers for a moment by the piano, caressing his sweaty forehead. 

_I am in control. I’m in control._

He opens Tifa’s potion and takes a sip before walking up the stairs. The others are going room by room, but he knows where it is. It is to the right, slightly behind the opening to the stairs. It looks like a normal room for any kid, although the walls are completely blank. There is a bed, a closed closet, a bedside table, a desk for studying, and a dresser. The windows overlook the town ahead. On the dresser is a framed picture of Xehanort, with a couple of bundles of withered flowers. 

“I wonder if his mom has been waiting for him to come home all this time,” Kairi says when she enters the room and sees the shrine set up for him.

Sora and Riku check through his desk and dresser, hoping to find some notes or a journal he may have written in. Kairi opens his closet. 

“He really liked to dress fancy.” She sifts through vests, button-down shirts, jackets, and leather. She bends down to open up a bookbag, and takes out a texbook. She laughs and lifts it up to show the others. “Our school hasn’t updated any of the books for the last few decades, it seems.”

“Figures,” Sora says as he makes his way to the bedside table. He opens a drawer there and shuffles through it. Not finding anything, he closes it and moves over to where Riku is.

Terra opens that same drawer and moves his hand to feel directly under the surface. The journal is there, taped to the underside. 

“You missed it.” He pulls a small, black leather journal and hands it over to Riku, who is closest to him. 

Riku flips through some of the pages while Sora hops on top of the bed. Kairi sits beside him. He reads a passage to himself, his eyebrows wrinkling up towards his crown. 

“Sheesh. Listen to this:  
I grow tired of the mindless queries shared by my peers. I long to meet a worthy companion, anyone out there, that has the power to quench this horrid starvation for knowledge that I am burdened with. I need to leave this forsaken island.” 

“I should give him a kick in the face for saying that about our island,” Sora says with a grin. “He’s the same, actually. No wonder he didn’t have any friends.”

“It’s not a wonder why,” Kairi says. She looks as though she has swallowed something disgusting. “Ugh, he had such an awful superiority complex.” 

Sora laughs and then consciously changes the expression on his face, as though he is putting on a mask. He contorts his fingers and begins an act, like he is in a theatrical drama. “ _Denizens of light, answer this. Why do you hate the darkness?_ ”

Riku snorts and lowers the diary. “ _Surrender. Bow to darkness. Only the darkness can offer to you all of the strength that you will need._ ”

It isn’t exactly comfortable hearing such words. They are too similar. But it’s true, he hasn’t changed at all. Terra deepens his voice so that it sounds a bit goofy. “ _Light and darkness, they are a balance - one that must always be maintained._ ” 

“Is that how he justifies all of this?” Riku shakes his head. He flips through more pages of the journal. “They _are_ already balanced. I thought he was smart.” 

“Honestly, I don’t really understand what his primary goals were. Not even now.” Terra squeezes a fist and lets it go. No use getting angry, especially since the headache hasn’t faded. 

Riku stops at a page and points to it. “The journal isn’t complete, but here’s the last entry:  
I’ve wondered for some time now whether there were other dimensions tucked away among the stars, hiding vast amounts of information that I want to grasp. These suspicions have been confirmed. A man from somewhere else visited the island today, accompanied by a boy. I came to him with all of my questions, and he said that I have the heart to serve a higher calling: to give others answers. I accepted his challenge. The boy is inquisitive. Friendly, but quick to scrutinize. If he is to be my competitor, I believe I can manage and surpass him. My mother will surely resist, but never again will I return here.”

It feels as though Terra’s throat constricts. The air around him becomes thick and he finds it hard to breathe. _A boy? The Master. This is a record of the first time they have ever met._

“And then he goes off to ruin everyone’s lives.” Terra fails to keep his tone calm, and the others are shocked by such anger.  He lowers his voice. “He had parents and a good home. He had a friend who adored him. And he took it all for granted.”

_I’m being stupid. It’s not like he cares about what I think._

It’s too stuffy in that room. He waves his arm to dismiss the others’ concerns and briskly exits. Down the stairs, he stops by the open photo album Sora left behind. There is a family portrait depicting Xehanort as a child. His father stands behind him, also bearing darker skin and white hair. His mother sits by him and has her arm rested on his shoulder. Terra picks the album up, and studies it. Xehanort’s mother was very pretty, and it looks like she had her son young. 

“He came home,” he says quietly before setting it down. 

The high afternoon sun beats down on him outside, and he makes his way to some shade under a cluster of palm trees a few paces away from the house. They bear the star-shaped fruit that Aqua once talked about so long ago. He leans on one of them, and closes his eyes to focus on the fresh air that he’s breathing. He pulls out his Wayfinder, and meditates on his friends. His mind focuses on Ventus in particular - on all the ordinary days they spent together studying, playing pranks on Aqua, and sparring. As much as he cherishes his time with Aqua and as much as he wants to spend the rest of his waking life with her, the days where Ventus has entered their lives are still the best days. It’s not worth it without the three of them together. He’s sure that she would agree. Thinking about their separation is saddening, but it’s better than being in that house.

The others approach him as he’s daydreaming. Riku offers the suggestion to get some coconuts, since they’re all thirsty.

“That sounds delicious,” he replies.

“Okay, but _I_ get to stay with Terra this time,” Sora says with a finger lifted up, as if to lecture them. 

Riku mumbles just enough for only Terra to hear. “It’s like he’s a puppy around you.”

He and Kairi disappear through the trees, and Sora seems like he just can’t contain his excitement. It’s like his smile is permanently plastered on his face. 

_Riku’s right. He is like a puppy._

“Let me ask you something, Sora. You can wield two Keyblades at the same time, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know where it comes from. It’s very temporary, and it comes when I need a burst of power. But it doesn’t always work.” Sora places a hand on his heart.

“What does that mean?”

“Sometimes…” His expressions just seem so solemn in comparison when he isn’t happy. “Sometimes it’s like things go dark when I call upon the second Keyblade. Maybe it’s because I need power to do it. Maybe it thinks I’m being selfish when I summon it. I don’t know. But it’s very tiring, anyway.” 

Terra clenches his jaw. Perhaps it really is dangerous to use Xehanort’s Keyblade. Not that it’s a loss. He tells himself that he is fine with just his own. 

Sora leans on one of the trees next to him, eyeing the Wayfinder in his hand. “It’s interesting that it’s the shape of a star,” he says.

Terra holds the Wayfinder higher so that the both of them can look at it. “Aqua made one for each of us after reading about this very island. She said that it symbolized an unbreakable connection, and cast magic on it so that we can always stay close. She said that they’re usually made of shells, and that they resemble the star-shaped fruit on this island.” 

“She’s very right about all of that.” Sora points upward to the star-shaped fruit above them. “The paopufruit does represent an unbreakable connection, but it’s a bit more than that.”

“How so?”

“When you share a paopufruit with someone, it’s supposed to be like a promise that you make with that person - that your destinies will always intertwine. So it’s like a promise that you’ll be connected in the future.” 

Terra eyes the fruit above, wishing to share one with Aqua. It’s as though Sora has read his mind.

“Would you like me to grab you one?” Sora already starts to climb the palm tree, as though he knows the answer is yes. 

“Do you have to share one with only one person?”

Sora reaches the top and uses his ankles as grips to keep himself stable. “You mean that you’d share this with someone else who isn’t Aqua?”

Something about that tone seems to suggest that Sora knows, and it’s just the tiniest bit annoying. It’s like listening to Ventus tease him about her. “What are you getting at?”

“How about you stop answering my questions with questions?” Sora inspects one of the fruit and grabs it, a devious grin on his face.

Terra laughs silently. It feels like déja vu, where he and Ventus have this song and dance together every time she is brought up. “How about you mind your own business?”

“Well I think sharing this fruit with her is the perfect idea.” 

“You continue about Aqua and I’ll knock you off that tree.” 

“You can _try_ it.” As though he’ll never fall from it. He leans down to hand Terra the fruit. Then he stretches his reach to grab another. 

Terra holds his Wayfinder in his left hand and strokes it. He forgets in that moment that he’s separated from them. It must be a magical quality that Sora has. 

However, Sora doesn’t have the grip on that tree that he thinks he has. He grabs the second fruit when he leans too far, and falls off the tree with a yell. He lands on his back, a paopufruit in one hand and a palm leaf in the other - a failed attempt to break his fall. 

“Sora!” Terra runs over and offers his right hand. “You okay?”

Sora groans loudly and grabs his hand. But it isn’t Sora anymore. Terra is holding Ventus’ hand, and it is Ventus’ voice that replies - that enters his consciousness and makes him realize the truth - as he smiles up at him. 

“Thanks, Terra, for looking out for me.”

Terra freezes, shaking a little as he holds Ventus’ hand. It’s Ven. His little brother. 

Ventus looks confused. Out of his mouth comes Sora’s voice. “Are you okay?”

He is holding Sora’s hand, who is still on the ground. They have been staring at each other for an undefined amount of time. Ventus has been this close to him this entire time. 

Terra starts laughing hysterically, and pulls Sora up to him so they can hug. Sora is taller than Ventus, but he still has to bend down to embrace him. He continues to laugh, and Sora laughs in return.

“This is cool and all, but I’m not sure what this is about,” Sora says.

He cannot say anything. Xehanort will hear. But it’s fine, Ventus is safe. He’s in the safest place he can ever be without Terra or Aqua there to protect him. 

“What’s going on here?” Riku’s voice comes from the trees. He and Kairi are each holding two open coconuts with straws inside. 

“I don’t know,” Sora says, “but I like hugs.”

Terra lets go and wipes the tears from his eyes. “It’s just that Sora makes me happy.” He pauses for a moment. Ventus is okay. But being caught in such an emotional outburst is now awkward. “You all make me happy.”

He bends to hug Riku as well, who holds out the open coconuts further. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m hugging you.” Several more chuckles escape Terra’s mouth.

“You’re such a sap.”

Kairi snaps a little. “Riku, he’s been through a lot. Everyone needs a hug every now and then.”

As if on cue, Terra hugs her as well. She smiles widely and returns it, careful not to spill the coconut water all over. Then she hands one to him. Terra sits in the shade, slightly unaware of his immediate surroundings. Laughing until his stomach hurts. Ventus is sleeping and his heart has been inside Sora this entire time. He has been worrying over _what_ , exactly? All he needs now is to find Aqua, so they can find his body. Then they’ll be together again.

He hears Riku ask Sora, “what exactly happened?”

“I fell from that tree and he thought it was hilarious.” 

Terra takes small sips of the coconut water. He can’t drink too much because he’s giggling too hard. The others sit by him and listen to him go on without interrupting. The breeze blows, and this day can be more amazing if only Aqua and Ventus are there, laughing alongside him. 

 

* * *

 

Terra has most of his armor on, his helmet in his hands. They give him a sack to hold the two paopufruit. The mid-afternoon sun is still shining hard, but soon Terra will bid farewell to it and fly off to Radiant Garden. 

“I promised I would deliver a package to Traverse Town for them,” he tells Sora and Riku. Kairi has already said her good-byes and left to spend time with her adoptive family here.

The smile on Sora’s face slowly flips upside down. “That’s right. We have to be there tonight.”

Terra remembers being told that there is a terrible Heartless attack every two nights there. “You don’t want to go?”

Sora sighs. “There are lots of other worlds I should be visiting. Like Twilight Town for example. My friends there are scared because Heartless invasions haven’t stopped and they don’t have a military to protect them. And I have friends in lots of other worlds that need help, too.”

“You don’t have to go there tonight,” Riku says. “If Terra will be there, then we can handle it on our own.” His best friend insists, but Riku holds his hand up and cuts him off. “I’m positive we’ll be fine.”

Sora nods and fist-bumps with Terra. “Til next time.” 

“It seems like this was time well-spent,” Riku tells Terra when they are alone. “I’m glad Sora made you laugh, you really needed it.” 

It truly is like a heavy weight being released from his chest. The headache is gone. “He has a very special gift, I’ll say that. That’s why I want to ask you to keep him safe, in case I don’t make it. Keep him away from me if I get dangerous.”

“You’ll make it.” Riku sounds quieter than normal. It’s probably be that he, too, is worried about that. It’s probably that he wants to be admired by Terra as well.

Terra holds his successor’s shoulder and gently squeezes it. “I’m very proud I chose you.”

Riku doesn’t meet his gaze, but he smiles. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Terra’s Keyblade transforms into his glider. Relaxed and ready to tackle his current responsibilities, he almost feels normal. Like he is going on a mission on any other typical day. This is the first time since waking up that getting his family back seems possible for him. He flies outward, leaving behind that tiny island - that small safe haven, that small blessing - alone and amid such a large, empty ocean.


	18. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is supposed to be the ending of the previous chapter, but it was so long that I cut it. But I just really, really didn’t like the way the previous one ended and pushed to release this one as soon as possible. I finally got him to Traverse Town! I felt that he needed to go on a mission, and I’m not actually a big fan of rehashing Disney plotlines. I will use Disney worlds in the future, but the crossover nature of Final Fantasy as it’s treated in these games give me the legroom to try something a bit more original, and it was a great opportunity to actually world-build. For any Final Fantasy fans out there, these next few chapters will especially be for you~

He’s supposed to fly straight to Radiant Garden, but he tells himself that he has a bit of time to spare. On his glider, Terra speeds through the black space that surrounds him, whipping past the millions of stars that may or may not be threatened by darkness. To him, it’s impossible to tell. If he is trying to find a place, he will normally rely on his heart as a guide. At this moment, however, he has his mind set on one location.

He wills himself to picture it. The image of the castle in his mind is perfect like it was before, with its pristine windows intact. The towers are still standing, supported by the chains that keep them up. The grass is green, the sky is bright, the wind is breezy... and it’s home. Twelve years abandoned and neglected, what will it be like now? It shouldn’t be far from where he is.

Which is why he stops for a moment, floating in the empty space as he breathes heavily inside his helmet. He has either been wandering for miles, or flying around in circles.

Yes, he hasn’t been back to help repair the damage it suffered when Xehanort destroyed it. He assumes no one has. But it still stood when he left it.

Terra grips his handlebars tightly, and it would have hurt if he didn’t have his hands covered by his thick gloves. Under no intention did he ever think that would have been the last time he saw the castle. Usually homes continue to exist. There are supposed to be there for anytime a person needs  shelter. They are supposed to last forever.

_I can’t lose it now. I don’t need it. I just need them. We can make a new home somewhere else._

This is harder to believe, and Terra sat alone, telling himself over and over again that he doesn’t need his home anymore. Each time he thinks it, he gets a little more nauseous and more willing to beat the handlebars of his glider. This is exactly what Xehanort told him that day. 

_It isn’t home. They are._

He shakes his head furiously, and steers his glider off to another direction before cranking it to full-speed.

 

* * *

 

So much has happened since he last stepped into Tifa’s restaurant that it already feels like being in a past life. Since it’s still in the middle of the day, it is closed. But if the front door is open, which means that she’s around here somewhere. The wooden tables, benches, and chairs are all perfectly set up, ready to be used when the evening comes around. The bar area in the corner is clean, all the bottles and glasses neatly arranged. Behind the bar is the usual doorway he would take where he would find the stairs that lead to his former room.

He puts the Rainfell down on a table close to the bar and calls out Tifa’s name.

“We’re closed!” It’s a reply he expects, but the voice isn’t hers. 

Aerith briskly walks into the bar area and jumps when she sees him. She runs  to hug him, happy to see him back. Tifa follows close by, and her hug is much more motherly, like she is welcoming dear family.

He chuckles as she lets him go. “I haven’t even been gone for two full days.”

Aerith leans over, her arms wrapped behind her back. “That just means you’re popular with the ladies.” She sits on a stool by the bar and pats the one next to her, which he takes.

Tifa gets behind the bar and starts filling a glass of water for him. There is a clipboard on the surface right in front of her. It looks as though the two of them are doing inventory. “Please tell me you’re closer to finding them,” she says.

He hasn’t realized just how thirsty he is. “Actually, yeah.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” Tifa exhales slowly and starts to bring out groups of martini glasses to the bar so that Aerith can start counting. “The bed upstairs has fresh sheets in case you need them.”

“I’m supposed deliver something to Traverse Town by tonight. Keyblade wielder duties and all.”

“Then you need to stay there. But either way, until you find a new one, you’ll always have a home here.” Funny. It’s almost like fate is giving him another break. She smiles at him, and places her hand on his forearm. “I’m sorry but I still don’t have all the ingredients necessary to remake that potion. You’ve been rationing it, right?”

There is less than a quarter of that brown potion left in its jar. “I have enough, don’t worry.” Making sure she doesn’t sense his mood, he brings out the sack that holds the two paopufruit. “Can you freeze these for me?”

“Interesting shape,” she says as she peers into the bag.

“They’re only for Aqua and Ventus.”

She holds her hand up. “Say no more, I’ll freeze them right now.”

Aerith props her elbows on the bar and rests her chin into both of her hands, a dreamy smile on her face. “I hope your story has a happy, romantic ending.”

Terra scoffs into his water. “What are you even talking about?”

She smacks her lips and shoos him. “You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about.”

“I think I should really stop talking too much.”

Aerith purposefully wrinkles her nose at him. “Actually you don’t talk very much at all. It’s the little things you say that give it all away, mister.” She nods quickly as if to make her point.

Tifa reappears laughing to herself before lifting her hands to imitate the clicking of a camera with her fingers. “When you find her, I’ll need to be ready to capture all the little magic moments.” She laughs a little harder, with Aerith hitting her from across the bar and getting in on the joke.

He picks up the Rainfell from the table and proceeds to go through the doorway. “It’s funny how you think you’ll get away with doing that. I’ll fight you for it.”

“I resent that, Terra,” she calls out from behind him as he heads up the stairs. “You’ll regret ever fighting me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he calls back, chuckling a little. The hallway is tight, and the small door to the left leads to his old room. It’s free of dust and the window is open, allowing a nice breeze inside. He makes his way to the floorboard that squeaks the loudest. Aqua’s armor is still safely stored under it. 

Sitting on his knees, he rests the Rainfell on his lap, tracing the blade until its teeth. It figures that it has not allowed him to wield it since he called for Xehanort’s Keyblade. Aqua would have given him a lecture about it if she was there, and since their weapon is an extension of themselves, it would have agreed with her. The Keyblade is straighter than he remembers from all the times he sparred with her, bearing a darker hue. Wondering if it now carries a different name, he gently places it into the floor knowing that it’s safe there.

 

* * *

 

As he walks down the streets, he notices the tiny changes that make all the difference. Aerith has been busy filling them with flowers. Some of the fountains that have been broken before are now running. It’s only several blocks until he sees the group of white tents that store weapons, desks, and supplies for the people of the Restoration Committee. Leon is there, going through what else - reports. It always seems to be the case for him. But he looks far better rested now than ever. Cloud, Lightning, and Zack are nowhere to be seen.

“You’ve been gone for so long, I nearly didn’t recognize you,” Leon says as he stands up to shake Terra’s hand.

“I’m glad to see my absence isn’t missed.”

“You must be a lucky charm, then.” Leon rests his hands on his waist. “We haven’t had an attack since you left. The others are actually expanding out in the fields. Light wanted to take back some territory to keep the Heartless away from here.”

Terra takes a long breath. Any good news for these people is welcome. “I hope they’re okay fighting Heartless out there.”

“They can definitely take care of themselves.” Leon reaches into his back pocket. “Before I forget, Aerith made this for you. She wanted to make sure you were ordained by me.”

It’s a purple card naming Terra an honorary member of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee. “There’s an actual formality to being named one?”

Leon cocks his head and shrugs. “You’ve been ordained into the Committee. Congratulations, there you go.”

Terra puts the card into his own pocket. “That’s good enough.”

Leon gestures his head to the side. “The package you need to take is almost done. Follow me.”

On top of some long tables is a large wooden box and a smaller one. One of the scientists from Ansem’s castle, the quieter one with gray hair that is mostly done in front of his face, is filling the smaller one with potions. It’s a wonder how he can get anything done with that much hair covering his face. Terra remembers from his time being imprisoned that this young man’s name is Ienzo, although they have never exchanged any sentences.

When Ienzo sees them, his expression freezes, almost as if he is trying to stop any semblance of surprise. He audibly clears his throat and adjusts his lab coat as he prepares to welcome them.

“Leon.” He nods his head at the commander of Radiant Garden’s military. He pauses as he stares at the Keyblade wielder. 

“It’s Terra.” He holds his hand out, and Ienzo reluctantly takes it.

“Y-yes, I remember.” When he stops shaking his hand, he pulls on his collar. “I feel I must apologize profusely for the, um-”

“It’s fine, it wasn’t that big of a deal.” The only thing that makes this more awkward than it should be is the fact that Leon is still by their side.

Leon crosses his arms. “I’ll give you guys some room, but I won’t leave you alone with him.” He is clearly talking to Terra, but his gaze is focused on Ienzo, almost like a warning.

Ienzo clears his throat and forces a laugh as Leon walks away. “I’m sorry, it’s just that you look so much like him. Frighteningly so.”

Terra forces a smile. “Actually, it’s the other way around.”

“Y-yes, of course. I didn’t mean to suggest...” Ienzo pulls a chair out for Terra to sit. “This isn’t the first time I have heard about a heart being stored in someone else. I’m actually working with Sora about this very same issue.”

Terra tenses a little. _Does that mean he knows about Ven? That can’t be since Sora doesn’t know... Please don’t say anything. Don’t say Ven’s name. I can’t protect him if he hears._

Ienzo takes a shaky breath. “I just didn’t... I only found out about such things recently. I had no idea Xehanort was... someone else. None of us did.”

“It’s okay. There probably wasn’t a way for you to know.” Terra crosses his arms.

“I feel that I must apologize to you again.” Ienzo sits on his own chair.

“Why?”

“I just need to get this off my conscience. I grew up with Xehanort. He has been there for most of my life.” Ienzo nods as his eyes drift off. “I don’t know if you can relate, and perhaps this will be difficult for you to hear, but I aspired to be like him as I studied with him. He was just as much my teacher as Ansem the Wise.”

Terra stops breathing for a bit, and Ienzo notices. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No. I actually kind of wondered what he was like... as me.” It’s a strange thing to confess. The thought usually makes him clench his teeth. But what exactly has Xehanort been doing this whole time?

Ienzo exhales forcefully and struggles to grin. “He was respectful, and emotionally distant. He commonly said that being emotional would only get in the way of work. It was best to focus on the task at hand. He was incredibly intelligent. Myself and Even never really compared. He was a prodigy.” He nods to himself as he looks down to the ground. “We all thought we would make a tremendous break through in science, studying with him.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We were trying to see if we can effectively take control over the mind.” Ienzo braves himself to meet Terra’s eyes as he says this. “I know - it’s an awful subject to study. It’s what led to the breakout of Heartless. But when you are so involved in such a project, and you are _so close_ to getting final results - I think we were all consumed in trying to get answers. I know I was.” He rubs his hands together. “I deserved to be turned into a Nobody I suppose, for what I did. Xehanort had vision and charisma, yes, but I failed to see him for the monster he really was. For that, I ask for your forgiveness.”

“Of course.” Terra nods, forming a small smile and releasing the grip he’s been holding on his biceps.

Another nervous laugh. “You’re truly kind.” Ienzo gets up and fetches a notebook close by. “May I ask you a few questions, then? I-If you don’t mind.”

“Go ahead.” Terra crosses his legs. It’s not comfortable or known to him. He has no idea why he wanted to do that, and uncrosses them.

“Do you have any memory of being Xehanort?”

“No. it was all...” Terra swallows a hard lump. “The only thing I saw was darkness. There was nothing else.”

Ienzo takes some notes down. “Interesting... I imagine you should be Xemnas’ age by now, but it looks like you’re quite young still. That is probably why.”

“ _What_ is probably why?”

“It sounds like your heart was cast in the abyss that exists inside all of us. It acts as a sanctuary to keep us so that our hearts don’t break. You haven’t aged because your heart has been sleeping for most of that time. It hasn’t experienced anything, any life. You can’t develop with no experience.”

Terra laughs, but it isn’t because what Ienzo said was funny. “A sanctuary? It was anything but.” He nearly goes on to talk about the agony and how often he has nearly given up, but doesn’t.

“I didn’t mean to suggest that it should be pleasant.” Ienzo tugs at his collar. “But there is no other way to explain it. That darkness is what houses our hearts. It’s like a mother’s womb. Yes, light is what gives us hope and illuminates every single thing we can see and interact with. Without it, there is no reason to live. But darkness... It can distort and disgust our perceptions, and it can make the most evil doings clandestine. But when we need to hide or protect ourselves, it’s the only thing that can actually give us shelter. No one survives under so much scrutiny under the light, if that makes sense. Only light judges.”

 _Nothing is really easy to understand anymore._ _This must be what it’s like to be an adult_. He can’t help but think of Eraqus in this sense.

Ienzo laughs nervously again. “I’m sorry, I must sound like Xehanort. I suppose I still agree with him in those concepts. May I ask where he is now? Is he in that same abyss you were placed?”

Terra places his hand on his chest. “I don’t think so. He can hear what we’re saying, and see what I see.”

The scientist takes too long of a moment to speak again. “Is he wrestling for control then?”

Terra’s voice is low. “Yeah.”

“I can’t help you with that. Using a Keyblade against the heart is dangerous indeed, and it shouldn’t be tried.” He writes more notes. “I do have another question. Do you remember being Xemnas?”

“No.“

“Really? Being in the castle didn’t spark some familiarity to you?” He stops writing. “Xemnas spent quite some time there. He had a room to himself that he loved to pass the time in. Some of us knew all he did there was talk to himself. I don’t know what exactly was stored in that room.”

A mindless clone of him, which tried to destroy all of the worlds at once, treasured her armor. Someone who had his face but has no history with her and therefore no business wanting to talk with her.  _It’s good that he doesn’t exist anymore, or else I’d punch him in the face._

“I suppose it’s not so strange that you can’t remember anything,” Ienzo continues. “Xemnas shared many, many similarities with Xehanort, so it really wasn’t your mind that directed him. You cannot command powers of nothingness, then?”

Terra’s eyes widen. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

In Ienzo’s hand forms a dark leather tome. “I still remember how to do it. We all do. Keyblade wielders strictly perform in between the dichotomy of light and dark. But nothingness is separate from that. It’s an energy that draws from a mental state that can be achieved through meditation. It comes simply by existing and not through any feeling, which is what light and dark need. It is ironic - Xemnas always told us that we didn’t exist. Initially, Nobodies cannot feel which is how we came about these powers.” Ienzo silently commands pages to fly around him. “We can then amplify them with thoughts - and perhaps with emotions - once we learn to control them. You must understand, nothing is just nothing. It is up to us to define what that looks like. Xemnas for example was a gifted mage.”

“Those two words strewn together do not describe me at all.”

The pages and the tome disappear. “Well, I mention them to be useful. Powers of nothingness should have no effect to your heart or mind, which I’m sure are under some strain.”

_That’s an understatement._

Leon approaches them. “Sorry to break up your get together, but Terra, you have a package to deliver.”

“Y-Yes, I’m almost done with that.” Ienzo moves to put more potions in the box along with a booklet of notes. He doesn’t meet Leon’s gaze at all. Among the mostly green potions in the smaller box, he puts in two bright purple ones.

Ienzo gestures to Terra. “These two potions are incredibly rare. Xehanort invented them. They are designed to numb the heart, actually, and these are the last two that we have. Do be careful with them, since the recipients have requested these specifically.”

Terra stands up, his mouth dropped open. “Why would anyone ask for these?”

“Because they make it harder for Heartless to detect you,” Leon says. “Because they make turning into one hurt less. And because it has been approved to send them over.”

Terra nods once, remembering that Cloud has stated that the people leading Traverse Town are ones to be trusted.

After closing the smaller one, Ienzo starts to lock the larger one. “Inside this one are a number of books and electric bombs. They will not go off without being prepared first, but do be careful and don’t shake them.”

Ienzo then gathers his notes into his arms and firmly shakes Terra’s hand before leaving. Leon brings out a sizeable bag filled with 2,000 munny - the payment for the delivery.

“He seems a bit nervous around you,” Terra says as he accepts the bag.

“Ansem’s apprentices and the military are not exactly on good terms.” Leon leans on one leg. “They’re still loyal to the old man, and there are some people who are apprehensive about the possibility of him coming back to Radiant Garden. They don’t want him to lead again, since they blame him for the catastrophe. Truth be told, there are some people who don’t like the idea of the military leading either, even though we are the ones restoring the city.”

“Where is he now?”

“No one knows.“ Leon stacks the boxes, and taps them. “Anyway, don’t worry about us. You’re needed somewhere else.” He pulls out another card, with handwritten notes. “These are the people that the delivery is for.”

It is difficult to read these complicated names, made harder due to Leon’s unreadable handwriting.

“If you can’t find them, look for a guy named Cid. He’s one of our own, actually. We sent him to help them out. They are all stationed at the hotel there.”

It is a lie if Terra isn’t grateful that Cid is a name he can remember. “Will do.”

Leon reaches out for a handshake. “Don’t be a stranger.”

 

* * *

 

If there is anything that gives more spectacular sights than the Land of Departure, it’s Traverse Town. The sun is starting to set, casting multitudes of shadows across the cobblestones that make the streets. The architecture is highly stylized and picturesque, almost like it comes straight off a book he read when he was younger. The town also seems like a stop for all sorts of travelers - incredibly tall people, anthropomorphic people, extremely short people, and Moogles. It’s probably why no one really pays any attention to him, floating on his glider with these two wooden packages strapped behind him. It’s not the easiest to get anyone’s attention, either. Everyone seems to be in a rush, and will either deny his request for information or outright ignore him. Eventually he gets directions to the hotel. It’s up in the second district, which is more modern but no less impressive. It looks like an endless stream of tourist shops, a fountain, and a tall clocktower. The hotel stands tall and wide, and a worker there gives him a trolley.

The inside of the hotel should be fancy by normal standards, but it’s a mess. The lounge area is filled with desks covered in papers. Terra passes by an open room where they store the weapons. He is told that past that hallway is the restaurant, which feeds those who work and live here. He is taken to a back room, where a man is sitting in front of several monitors. There is also another door off to the side that is closed.

The man is older, and fumbles with a toothpick in his mouth. “You the new Keyblade wielder? Terra, am I right?” His voice is gruff, his attitude absolutely matching the lack of patience heard from his mouth.

“Yes, sir. I’m looking for Cid.” He keeps his hands on the trolley.

“You’re looking at him.” He glances at the packages but doesn’t ask any questions. “I guess I should say ‘Welcome to Traverse Town.’ It’s a place where most people can flick their fingers and create magic tricks. I’m sure you heard we’re in a rough spot. There’s not that many fighters here. It’s mostly just women.”

Terra notices his jaw is agape and quickly shuts it. “I’ve met a lot of strong women.”

Cid doesn’t have the time to reply. A young woman opens the door behind them, and by all accounts she’s stunning. She’s dressed in an orange jumpsuit, with white, flowing bell sleeves and a large crystal around her neck. Her hair is long and ebony. She’s short, shorter than Ventus. But she walks gracefully and has an air about her that screams regality, as though her height means nothing.

“A newcomer?” Her smile is warm, her accent posh.

“My name is Terra.”

She gasps, and runs up to the packages and starts to open them. Her smile widens and she silently laughs, although it is the kind to suggest that she has been given life-saving medicine.

“Um, those packages are actually for...” Terra pulls out the card with the names.

“Give that here.” She motions with her fingers and reads off the card. “Ah, I’m on here. My name is Garnet.” She folds one arm under her bust and bends over with the other arm extended, as if she is bowing for a grand ball. “You can say I am the second-in-command. All the inhabitants here think of me so.”

She looks back down on the card and addresses Cid. “Speaking of commanders, where is Noctis?”

“His _royal_ _heinie_ is sleeping in the next room. Where else would he be?”

Cid returns to work on his computer, complaining about all things Noctis. How Noctis doesn’t listen to his advice. How Noctis is too quick to lunge himself at Heartless when he should be busy looking after his people. How Noctis is too young for this kind of job, among a longer list of other things. Garnet turns to Terra with an expression that mimics laughter while pointing her thumb at Cid, as if to say _can you believe this guy?_

The door that is closed slams open. There stands a young man with spiky black hair, some of it partly covering his face. He dresses completely in all black, some of it adorned in leather, although he is very casual. It’s as though he wants to make a statement based on what he wears. He is undeniably annoyed, his eyes half closed.

“Cid,” he says, “you’re loud.”

Garnet spins to face him, her hair swaying around. “Noctis, this is Terra, the new Keyblade wielder.”

Noctis smacks his lips several times before shaking Terra’s hand, a welcoming but timid smile on his face. Not unlike Terra at all.

“Welcome.” His voice is raspy, but it’s hard to tell if that’s normal for him or if it’s because he’s still waking up. “You’ve made our lives easier, and we’re all grateful for you Keyblade wielders.”

“Glad to be of service.” Terra scratches the back of his head. “I’ve been hearing so much about the trouble here, but I actually don’t really know that much of what’s going on.”

“Let me take you up to the roof and brief you on what’s going on.” Noctis walks out the way Terra came in, Garnet following behind him.

He actually takes them outside, where he starts to go up the fire escape. “Every two nights, one particularly nasty Heartless attacks us. It comes an hour before midnight each time, and it only stays for ten minutes. Then it disappears and we rinse and repeat the night after next.”

This is surprising. Monsters and beasts of a deep, putrid darkness exist, which are usually ancient and they are known in legends. One in particular is the legend of Chernabog. They tend to be ritualistic, much like this Heartless, which means that this has the potential to be something that will continue to target and haunt people. It will continue to grow. 

“Obviously, we haven’t been able to get rid of it,” Noctis says as they reach the top. He places his hands on his waist and scoffs with disgust. It’s so obvious that it gives Terra the impression that Noctis is easy to read. “The fact that it only stays around for ten minutes means that we never get it weak enough to destroy it. Sora, Riku, and Lea have fought it together and it didn’t make much of a difference, either.” 

Garnet leans on the railing. a gentle smile on her face as she looks down on the people in the streets far below. Then she gets serious. “I don’t know what _horrid_ person that thing came from. But the number of deaths and missing each of those nights is daunting.” 

She turns to face Terra and smiles. He isn’t confident enough to tell if it’s forced. “We call it Kefka.”

“Well, I’m here to help,” Terra says, and she returns with a sad smile before facing the streets again. Noctis nods and pats Terra’s shoulder once.

The clock tower rings. It is six in the evening. But it’s the sound. It’s an electric bell, and he’s heard this exact sound before as he watched Naminé sink into the water. There isn’t any way to describe this sense of just _knowing_ it’s true. His stomach drops and his chest tightens as he stares at the clock tower, checking to make sure it is the same sound. Yes it is. Yes it is. 

_Does that mean Aqua is here?_


	19. Hope, pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An obligatory world-building chapter. Since I’m creating something a bit more original here, I have to define who all the key characters are going to be. It’s been such an arduous, long, and tedious process, but it’s so rewarding to get into at the same time. The draft that has become the Traverse Town subplot is nothing like the original. It’s the one area in my entire outline that has changed the most. For example, Riku was never meant to show up - Terra was originally supposed to do it all by himself. But these intense changes have all been for the better. If I was writing a publishable novel, I would care more about the pacing, but we gotta go, Terra. We gotta move. I did cut this chapter in unequal parts. I am trying to manage my word counts, but I really couldn’t stand to name either of these parts a different title. This entire chapter is really supposed to carry the title of “Hope.” I will try hard to release the plus-one and the next chapters next week so that I keep up with my weekly schedule and not do delays.

“I’ll show you to your room.” Noctis opens the window that hovers just above the fire escape and ducks into it. He helps Garnet do the same, who has to hoist herself, and they start down the top floor.

Terra is the last to go through. “I guess taking the stairs isn’t your M.O.?”

“Unless I want to be interrupted every ten seconds by someone who needs my attention,” Noctis says nonchalantly as he waves his arm in a dismissive way. “A guy needs a break every now and then.”

Garnet daintily brings a hand to her chin. “Break,” she mumbles. If Terra doesn’t know any better, he supposes that she is trying to understand what the word means. Noctis looks down at her, smiling and shaking his head.

He stops at a door and opens it, allowing Terra to walk through first. The walls are painted a deep, dark blue. The duvet on the bed depicts a pattern of waves, varying in teal shades, with white sheets. There are dark green lamps that are placed on the bedside table, the dresser, and the vanity. On the wall opposite the bed is a painting of dolphins. The room is large enough to have its own lounge space, where there are loveseats that bear the same colors as the duvet, with a smaller round table and chairs. Along with a sizeable closet, there is a mini-fridge all to himself. It’s larger than his room back in the academy. Some may consider the castle luxurious, but it’s home.

“We hope you find it hospitable,” he hears Garnet say to him as he ventures towards the window, which is donned in white curtains. It overlooks the second district, where people are hurriedly going in and out of stores. He can clearly see the clock tower from where he stands.

He turns to her, letting out a nervous chuckle. “You’re spoiling me.”

“This floor is reserved only for Keyblade wielders.” Noctis shrugs his concerns aside. “Better get used to it. You’re free to do whatever you want, although we want you ready by nine tonight.”

Terra takes one more glance at the clock tower. It’s past six. “Well, I guess I’ll just kill time and investigate. I wanted to start with the clock tower.”

“The clock tower?” While Noctis usually maintains a casual manner of speaking, he gets more assertive - although he sounds a bit unnatural doing so. “It’s off limits. We’ve sealed all the entrances to it.”

Terra attempts to maintain his breathing, and makes sure his voice isn’t shaky. “Can I ask why?”

“We can’t have anyone messing with it. Kefka is... punctual.” Noctis crosses his arms, and there is an obvious contempt in the tone of his voice when addressing Kefka. “We need it to run properly. Besides, there are _always_ a bunch of Heartless in there. Their numbers never stop.”

Garnet drapes her arm across her stomach, holding her side as though she is also trying to keep it together. 

Terra’s heart takes a jump. Noctis continues on about how it’s safer for everyone if no one enters the clock tower, but his mind wanders into all the possibilities of what he will find if he searches it. If there are hordes of Heartless swarming in there, then surely that must mean that his dream is correct.

“You’re the boss.” It’s the best that Terra can come up with without listening to anything Noctis just said. “Forget I asked. Cloud did say the two of you were trustworthy.”

Noctis lets out a transparent, sarcastic scoff. “ _Mr. Soldier_ actually said that about me? I never would have guessed. I’m going to give him a hard time the next time I see him around.” He holds rubs his eyes with two of his fingers, and Garnet gently holds her hand to her mouth and laughs.

“Anyway,” he continues, “break’s over. I’ve got people waiting on me.” He pats Terra on the bicep. “Make yourself at home.” He then leaves the hotel room, although Garnet doesn’t initially follow him.

“Cloud was distant at first, but he has been an irreplaceable ally to us,” she says. “It does surprise me that he holds Noctis with such high esteem... considering how often they’ve disagreed with each other.” She folds her hands into a prayer stance. She’s so much shorter than Terra that she has to crane her neck in order to look up at him. “Leon and Lightning have always supported every need we’ve asked of them, and we’re so grateful you’ve come.”

“You ever met them?” Terra asks.

She shakes her head. “Not yet, anyway. Please, allow yourself to be comfortable.” She gently squeezes his forearm and then exits the hotel room.

The only sounds he hears are the chatter of the shoppers down at the street below. He goes back to the window and stares at the tower. He can always break in by himself, but it’s not worth destroying their trust right away. And it’s just an idea, nothing to get desperate over.

But what is the point of doing nothing right now? Terra decides he is hungry, instead calling it boredom, and leaves his room, venturing downstairs. He arrives at the second floor which features several ballrooms and conference rooms. They look to be about the appropriate size to host events such as weddings and small lounge concerts, although now they all serve the purposes of storing supplies and weapons. Some are sectioned off as wards for patients with injuries and illnesses. People speed down the hallway and bump into him, and they scurry off with barely an apology. It’s a chaotic sight, but Terra doesn’t feel the heroic sense he normally would.

He stops himself, standing in the middle of a hallway. _I don’t actually know if it means anything. I don’t know that I can find her here, or if the clock tower holds any special purpose.  
_

He walks through a large lounge room that houses several tables, all of which are topped with boxes. He stops again, closes his eyes, and holds his hand to his chin. _But I can’t ignore what I’m feeling. I’m actually excited. It feels like I’m getting close to discovering something huge... I’ll ask Riku about it when he gets here._

He steps forward and hits something. There is a loud clang and he grips his thigh because the pain is sharp and massive. When he comes to, he notices that he walked into a standing piano. “These things are the bane of my existence.” He doesn’t know why he said that out loud. It’s not like he has any desire to talk to Xehanort.

The pain on his leg fades away slowly, but what doesn’t leave is a desire to play. He gently touches the keys. It’s not that he doesn’t like music - he considers the guitar really interesting. And yet, he admits the piano creates a beautiful sound. To think that a conniving monster like Xehanort can create beauty that others would enjoy almost makes him ill.

On top of the piano are a few notebooks that include sheet music. Terra cannot hear the music in his head when he reads them, but he knows which musical notes the written bars refer to. He picks a random song that doesn’t seem too difficult to follow. _I wonder if this is something I can take from him. I can summon his Keyblade after all... maybe I can access other information as well._

He sits on the bench, and prepares his hands on the keyboard. _Aqua really loves music. I wonder if this would make her happy._

He hits a random set of keys towards the middle of the piano slowly, to get a feel for them. Making sure his fingers are strumming the right ones according to the sheet music is the hardest part. He glances back and forth between the paper and the keys. Accessing the same information Xehanort has doesn’t come with any of the perks of imitating his skill immediately, and it’s a wonder how the monster has learned to play so well.

Terra compares the keys on the piano and the sheet music enough to start to memorize which ones should be played in which order. He plays the higher notes  - slowly at first, until he can follow the melody faster and faster. Then the left hand strikes the bass notes on the furthest left, and it’s like starting all over. It’s surprising just how much coordination is necessary to do it, and it sounds so bad that no one will want to hear the catastrophe he is making. Except for a a fluffy, white cat, who stands on her hind legs and meows at him. She jumps onto one of his thighs and purrs as she makes herself comfortable. Three kittens also attempt to jump onto the bench, and Terra can’t help but to pick up the little white one, which has a pink bow tied into her fur. She’s smaller than the size of his hand, her meow a tiny squeak.

“Are you learning to play the piano?” Terra looks up to see a young boy with stark white hair and green, wide eyes. He wears an orange frock and a blue scarf, and has a gas mask on top of his head. The boy is holding one of the books on potion-making that Tifa was reading - one of the things that Terra delivered. “You’re Terra, right?” he asks with a tone that tells Terra it’s full of awe. “I’m Hope, it’s nice to meet you.”

Hope leans over to read the sheet music with a bit of eagerness, and notices the cats. “I see that Duchess has taken a liking to you,” he says, pointing to the mother who is sprawled out on Terra’s lap. “They make the best companions when you’re practicing.”

Hope grips the book tighter, as if he’s lowly in the presence of a Keyblade wielder, and Terra makes some space so that he can sit. The boy takes a moment before saying anything, and points at the sheet music with his finger. “This is a good song to practice with,” he says. “It’s a very simple melody without any serious chords.” His voice is shaking with nervousness.

“I’ll appreciate any lesson you can give me.” Something about the thought of taking lessons feels exhilarating. He tells himself that he’s feeling his own emotions, and that it’s a decision that is his and his alone. But what demands his attention more is the gas mask. “How old are you?”

“I’m thirteen.” Hope’s voice is polite. A bit uncertain of himself, perhaps, but that’s understandable. He’s younger than Ventus.

At this point, the black kitten is climbing on one of Terra’s legs. Hope groans a _Toulouse... why?_ as the orange one climbs up his back. He grabs the kitten, places him on top of the piano, and plays some of the same keys that Terra was practicing with ease. Hope talks about the song as he teaches Terra how to play it. It is apparently written by a woman who dreamed of releasing all the horses in her ranch and running off with them. The white stallion who leads the group apparently jumps off a cliff and flies away into some version of paradise, leaving the other horses and the woman behind to fend for themselves. The song has such a dreamlike quality, and it focuses so much on the higher notes that it sounds like it can teach an animal to float.

“I guess we all want to have a better life,” Hope says as Terra plays the lower notes with more confidence. Toulouse walks around the keyboard, sometimes smacking a key with his paw, adding a mess of shrill annoyance that sometimes stops Terra’s ability to play.

The statement strikes Terra a little odd, and he wonders why Hope is in the hotel in the first place. “What do you do around here, Hope?”

The clock tower strikes seven, and he can feel the tension in every muscle in Hope’s body. He sees the boy take a swallow as they wait out the chimes. When it’s over, Hope swallows again before saying, “I make potions and fix random trinkets, actually. Were you given a tour of this place?”

He grabs his book of potion-making from the top of the piano and walks down the same direction that Terra originally headed. All of the cats follow. “The room by Cid’s computer on the first floor,” Hope begins, “usually serves as a place for Keyblade wielders and the upper staffmen to hold meetings. Noct likes to sleep there a lot.”

It’s normal to see every room in the hotel brightly lit, but they pass by one ballroom that is dim, illuminated only by candles. “What about this room?” Terra asks.

Hope stops, and cradles the book. He stands with particular distance away from the entrance to that room, and doesn’t bother to peek inside it or show Terra the way. “You can call that,” he says slowly, “something like our own room of remembrance.” 

Terra gives a half-smile, on some level in an attempt to make it less awkward. “What does that mean?”

Hope points with two fingers ahead of him, in Terra’s direction. “On that far wall is our memorial.” The word has a weight to it. Hope then points with his thumb in the direction behind him. “This wall is where we put up prayers for return.” He chuckles a bit. “I don’t think Sora was supposed to say anything, but apparently anyone who has turned into a Heartless has a chance to come back. So we pass on our wishes to them.”

Terra gestures to the room as a way to ask permission to enter, and Hope lets him know that he will wait for him outside. It’s a smaller ballroom, and the opposite walls are absolutely covered in photos, with long desks in front of them donning flowers, letters, and lit candles. Terra at first stands in front of the wall that features people who have turned into Heartless. Some of them are portraits, others are group photos. It’s hard to count them all, and Terra stops at sixty. One of them features Noctis with three other men - all of them dressed completely in black as though they are part of a group. They have smiles in the photo, and are standing in front of a field like they have been camping. He wonders if they went to sleep all at once, or if Kefka picked them off one by one. There is a photo of Garnet with a man slightly taller than her, dressed in a full suit of armor. Being taller than her doesn’t mean much, and he is serious in the photo, contrasting with her warm smile. It’s not a wonder why these people are called missing - it’s easier to accept that way, considering that perhaps some of them have attacked their loved ones later on.

On the opposite wall is the memorial. The amount of photos here is twice as numerous. Terra has noticed that Heartless in particular aren’t deadly, but if Kefka is growing to be something of a legendary darkness, then yes - it will get fatal. He spots Hope in one of the photos, with two adults. _His parents maybe. So he’s alone._

He finds Hope standing in the same spot in the hallway. The boy forces a smile and leads him to a small storeroom. There are shelves which are mostly empty except for a number of potions. Open books are sprawled out on a desk opposite the shelves, along with elaborate chemistry sets. It makes sense, since Hope sounds like he is book smart. By the desk is a large container filled with mechanical toys and other objects. Terra eyes a tiny box that is decorated in vine-like mesh and dons navy blue gems. A music box.

“Welcome to my workroom. I spend all of my time in here,” he says with a tense chuckle. He sits at his desk, and Terra notices the two rare potions that Xehanort made along with his notes.

“Are you attempting to re-create those?” Terra points to the potions with his free hand, the other holding the music box.

Hope takes another hard swallow. “We kind of need them to keep people calm during the...” He fumbles through the notes. “I can read these pretty well. If there is something I don’t understand, I can learn it.” He holds up the new book amidst all the others.

It’s the idea that Hope is teaching himself how to work like Xehanort that impresses Terra the most. _He’s nothing like Ven at all._

Cid walks by the room directing a cart on wheels, asking the _kiddo_ specifically if there is anything to take to Lulu’s. Hope points to the container, and Terra places the music box back as Cid picks it up and wanders off.

“Anyway,” Hope says, “I really should be getting back to work. We’ve been very low on potions and you saved us.” He pulls the gas mask in front of his face and places his focus right into one of the chemistry sets. The mask muffles his voice enough that it hides how shaky it sounds. ”But no harm in making some more.”

Hope then faces Terra quickly, and without removing the gas mask, extends his hand. “It’s been such an honor meeting you, Terra. I think Keyblade wielders are amazing.”

It doesn’t feel so amazing since there doesn’t seem to be enough of them to help everyone in need. He grips Hope’s hand firmly, hoping that the shake gives the boy a sincere message which says how appreciated his admiration is. Hope then suggests that Terra should get a sandwich from the cart outside if he’s hungry. It seems wrong to leave the boy alone, but Hope assures him the cats are always there for him. So Terra, albeit reluctantly, exits the hotel.

The sun is setting further, and slowly people are leaving the streets. Lights are being turned on, and this is where Traverse Town begins to look spectacular. There is a vibrancy to the town that simply doesn’t exist in the sunlight otherwise.

He hears Riku’s name being spoken, and he sees Garnet reaching her hands out. It seems that Riku has just arrived, and Garnet welcomes him in such a way that speaks volumes about how much she values life in general. She acts as though he’s been gone for such a long while, despite that he was there two nights ago. He can hear them talk about Sora, and she eyes Terra from afar. Maybe she is being told that Terra is the replacement for tonight.

“You’ve been briefed about what’s going on?” Riku asks Terra as they meet.

“A bit. I know Kefka is very ritualistic.” He pauses for a moment, and continues with a question to ask the both of them. “What exactly does it want? Who does it target?”

“It is attracted to magic,” Garnet says with a gentle nod. She says it with a seriousness, but she keeps a pleasantness to her demeanor. “Of course, strictly speaking, it wants mages. It targets Noctis specifically.”

“Why him?”

“From my understanding, his magic is passed down to him from his lineage. It’s incredibly old and powerful, and it’s quite unique. I’m sure you’ll notice it once you see it, and you’ll notice that Kefka will follow him.” Garnet begins to walk down the pathway in front of the hotel, leading them to a certain destination.

“But how do you know it targets him?” Terra asks from behind her.

She nods again, although she keeps her face looking in the direction she’s walking. “It always appears where he is. He’s never alone as a result. He and I arrived together on the same ferry, actually.” Her voice gets a little quiet for a while, but she retains her regency. “Our worlds fell on the same day, and we were collected by Balthier and Fran, who travel to falling worlds to save people. He had friends with him, who were all very lovely people. They’ve comforted me in ways that my own guardian failed to do.”

It’s where she talks about the worlds falling that her voice maintains a sense of sadness that he hasn’t heard from her before. What would it have felt like, to witness the destruction of her world, knowing exactly how it will all end?

“When we arrived here,” she continues, “there was one Heartless that started to transform. It used to be what you called a Darkball - something very simple and easy to vanquish.” She turns to Riku as she says this, as if to confirm her knowledge. “It turned into a clown’s head that day.”

Riku scoffs. “I’ll never forget that. It evaded so well that was _impossible_ to hit.”

“Now it’s impossible not to miss it. I suppose that old adage of _be careful what you wish for_ applies to our situation,” she says, tucking her own hair behind her ear.

“It’s insanely aggressive, and very reactionary,” Riku says with an eye roll. He wears his contempt for it as obviously as Noctis does. “It’s almost like it gets annoyed when it’s hit and seeks revenge for it.”

Riku doesn’t continue with whatever he is going to say next because they arrive at Garnet’s destination. A small food cart, manned by a young woman with bright green hair. She wears a ceremonial headdress on her head, and her green mini-dress has long empire sleeves that grace the ground. By all senses of the word, she looks like an enchantress. A radio is on the cart, playing joyful music that is performed by an accordion.

“Terra, this is Rydia,” Garnet holds her hand up as if to present the woman before her. “She’s our most powerful magic caster.”

Rydia waves meekly at Terra, as if embarrassed by such an introduction. “Not so powerful that I can create munny for myself. What is _truly_ magical,” she says as she shows off the radio, “is how I can use this little... _thing_ , and hear music.”

Terra lets himself go in laughter. _She must be from a world that doesn’t have any technology._

“If the three of you are here,” Rydia continues as she points to everyone, “that must mean at least one of you is hungry. What will it be?”

Garnet asks to carry a few steak sandwiches, and pays. Terra hasn’t eaten ham for a while, but she refuses to give it to him when he shows her munny.

“Keyblade wielders don’t pay,” she says, and only reaches out with the food when he puts his munny away.

The clock strikes eight. She pulls the sandwich back close to her, as if shocked by the sound. She struggles to maintain a smile as it continues to ring, everyone else silent. When it’s over, she finally hands Terra the food. “I guess that means you’re my last customers tonight,” she says quietly.

She then smiles widely at Riku. “I saved you your favorite.” She holds one of her sleeves away from the cart as she takes a meatball sandwich and hands it to him. “Last one.” Her voice is kind and subtly flirtatious, but it doesn’t seem like Riku notices.

Garnet has her four sandwiches stacked in between her hands, and calls Terra’s name softly. “I ask that you do not speak to Noctis of Kefka,” she says. “It’s not easy on him.“

Rydia is closing down her cart, and flashes a concerned look in her face. “I know how easy it is to feel so alone when no one from your world is with you anymore.” Her voice is incredibly sensitive and gentle. “But he still has us. We need each other.” It almost sounds as though she feels rejected.

“I can’t believe he sees us as strangers,” Garnet says reassuringly.

“None of us see him that way, so he better not,” Rydia mutters as she drags the cart behind her.

“I beg of you, Rydia,” Garnet says in a way that speaks amusement, “give Noctis a break.” She pronounces every letter in the last word, like it’s an anomaly that she’s completely unfamiliar with. Riku gives a short scoff, mumbling about how ridiculous she sounds.

Rydia leaves with Garnet, the both of them involved in their own conversation - but not without the enchantress waving a good-bye for now. The two Keyblade wielders are on their own with their sandwiches, of which Riku is plowing through.

”She seems pretty cool,” Terra says, expecting his friend to get annoyed.

Riku waits until he swallows his food before speaking. “She’s incredibly powerful, it’s true. She saved me and Sora multiple times.”

“So she’s pretty invaluable.” Terra tries to suppress a devious grin.

“I think I’d be in pretty big trouble without her, yeah.”

Terra fails to suppress a laugh, which the other Keyblade bearer doesn’t appreciate.

“I know what you’re getting at,” Riku says. “I’m really no good at that kind of stuff. I mean, she’s great and all-”

Terra chuckles just a little more, and Riku rolls his eyes. “Nevermind,” the teenager says. “You know Garnet is also powerful. She can actually cast protection spells on other people.”

This is interesting information, considering that things like protection and reflection are incredibly difficult to pull off on oneself. But he can’t let this slide by. “Are you trying to prove some sort of point?”

“I can compliment someone’s extraordinary fighting ability without it meaning anything.” Riku waves his arm once, and only once. “Be grateful I don’t pick on you over Aqua.”

“Speaking of,” Terra says as his heart jumps, “I think I can reach her from this world.”

Riku stops eating his sandwich, and gives Terra a severe look. “Why would you think that? A vision?”

“No, actually.” Terra chuckles a bit too enthusiastically. “I had a dream that I heard the bells on this clock tower. It sounds a bit crazy, but I _know_ I can find her here.”

“So this world is going to fall,” Riku says with a low voice, and Terra’s stomach sinks. It’s not like he forgot what it meant to reach Aqua. _But still, what is wrong with me?  
_

Riku brushes through his hair, shaking his head. “Sora’s going to hate hearing this.” He groans, still unable to touch his sandwich. “You know, this world is a refuge. Almost everyone here is from somewhere else. When a world falls, those who are touched or who are close to light will be sent here. But it’s rare. There is a ship that travels around and brings people so more can survive.” He groans louder with disgust. “These people have been through enough.”

Terra doesn’t answer right away. It’s a handful of feelings. On the one hand, shame with himself over his blatant, and rather foreign, disregard for others. On the other, guilt over the thought that he will have to make Aqua wait again. _I can’t accept any of this._

“Well, I wanted to search the clock tower. Maybe there is something there that can help these people,” Terra says. It almost sounds unnatural, that dealing with the Realm of Darkness would help anybody.

Riku takes a glance into Terra’s eyes before looking away. His face is unreadable. “There is one entrance that hasn’t been sealed, actually. At the top of the tower. If we find evidence that this world is falling, we need to correct it.”

The teenager finishes his sandwich and walks away, saying that he needs to find a bolt cutter. Yes, they need to correct it. Yes, they need to save these people.

But this is an apology he can’t give Aqua. This is something that Xehanort would mock him over. He has a calling to help others, duties that he must follow if he is ever going to continue a dream of being a Keyblade Master. He has someone he’s dying to save waiting for him, and suffering every moment that he doesn’t take to get to her. Does the answer have to be so black and white? He bites into his own sandwich, sending off a silent prayer of his own. _I don’t think I have the time to pass this up. I’ll find you anyway._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter makes references to The Aristocats (1970)**.  
>  The melody played on the piano I imagined to be similar to Tori Amos’ “Horses.”  
> The song on the radio I imagined to sound like DeVotchka’s “Charlotte Mittnacht (The Fabulous Destiny Of...)”


	20. Hope, pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the promised ending of the previous chapter (and also the shortest I’ve released in a long time)! I rushed to push this out, and I released it early enough that I hope I will be able to get to the next chapter within this week, since that is it’s scheduled spot. There are now eight chapters left in this fic. I have decided to end this at the halfway point, and the rest will be released in a sequel that will be titled **A Powerful Enough Dream**. But out of these last eight chapters are three that I’m hell excited for, and the next one, “Clowning,” is one of them! Also, LOL over the Resident Evil inspiration I drew for this.

Getting to the clock tower isn’t exactly an easy task, being that there aren’t any stairs for them to take. The process is a trip through some alleyways, and climbing fire escapes of neighboring buildings that are away from the main streets - away from the sights of anyone. Artificial light is giving new life into the streets below while the stars are slowly coming out. Riku mumbles about how he doesn’t want to deal with any of Noctis’ confrontations, and they dart across roofs to finally reach the back end of the clock tower.  

All that’s left to do now is to climb up. They give each other boosts to reach ledges that are too high, getting lost in conversations about owning a Keyblade, and what it in meant in the Age of Fairytales. If it’s a curse to have too many Keyblade wielders, and it’s a curse to have too few, then Terra wonders if it’s just better altogether to destroy them completely in order to keep everyone safe and happy. But it’s when Riku mentions that the clock tower will be a good training ground for Terra to practice controlling darkness that stops him in his tracks.

“Excuse me?” Terra holds the rung of a ladder that leads to the very top, staring at Riku. 

“You don’t think that’s something you _should_ practice?” Riku stands there, his arms limp to his side and his head cocked. 

“No, I mean- What if something happens?” He can talk about the headaches. He can talk about the anger. But it’s been such a relatively spectacular day, there’s no need to ruin it.

Riku shrugs. “What do you think I’m here for?” 

“You’re here to help me find Aqua. Not fight Xehanort.”

“I’ve fought him before. He’s a little annoying, but nothing I can’t handle.” Riku waves his hand once and only once. “Besides, your armor sure had a power kick that you can benefit from. It’s high time you get it together.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Darkness isn’t that much different than light. It just feeds on other emotions. Some more useful than others. Your job is to wield it like you would light. Consume it instead of letting it consume you.”

They stare at each other for a bit, and it’s like two people speaking a different language. “I just don’t understand what you mean,” Terra says, defeated.

“Think about any negative emotion. Anger is more accessible to utilize as a weapon because it’s an easier way to cope with injustice than sulking in sadness. But if you get too angry, then it dictates your behavior.” Riku brings a hand to his chin. “This is where I think Xehanort has a handle on controlling you. You need to take that control back.”

Terra leans toward the ladder as if to climb it then leans back. “What about using powers of nothingness?” 

Riku’s eyes go just a bit wide. “You mean tap into _Xemnas_ ’ powers? Do you even remember what it was like to be him?”

“No.” It comes out like a scoff.

“Well, you’re human, and you can’t help but feel emotions. Getting into the mental state to create nothingness is a long shot.” Riku pauses for a moment. “It will be hard. You’ve been through a lot.” He sighs. “But if it helps you remember, Xemnas was telekinetic. He also created things like explosions and unique barriers out of thin air. You’re going to have to learn how he did it, but don’t rely on it.” 

Terra briefly looks for any way to plead a little more, but instead starts up the ladder. There’s just no time to argue. At the top is a door that is bolted by several chains. But what catches his attention the most is a tower towards the east of town, decorated with strings of light that stretch out from the buildings around it. The town for the most part is a sea of warm-colored sparkles. They outshine the stars, and they demand appreciation for their power. To the west, however, is just a sea of shadows. The lights in the rest of the town illuminate a mass of abandoned buildings that go out into the horizon, not a single shred of evidence that anyone is home.  

“None of that is habitable,” he hears Riku say behind him. “It’s all crawling with Heartless. Noctis and the rest put up barriers to keep a border. But Kefka keeps pushing that border closer and closer.”

Terra crosses his arms and suddenly considers two children playing together in an alleyway far below him more interesting. It’s a nicer sight, anyway. Riku continues, “I guess it’s not a wonder that this world is going to fall. Nothing’s good has happened here in a long time.” 

Riku leaves his side and takes the bolt cutter out of his back pocket. He says that the mage who was responsible for sealing the clock tower was attacked here and couldn’t finish the job. He cuts the chain into several parts until the door is bare. It’s locked, but he kicks it open. The inside of the clock tower looks just as much as the rest of the second district - the walls and pillars that support the entire tower are made of stone, but there are parts that look renovated to include brightly colored tiles far below, and machinery. Just another blend of the old and the new. Where they stand, there are plenty of gears and other moving parts that keep the time. In front of them is a wooden staircase, and Riku goes ahead to start walking down, darting his eyes in every direction, probably for a sign of a Heartless.

“What exactly did your dream show you?” he asks as he continues down.

“Nothing much. Just the sound of the bells,” Terra says, also looking around. Hopefully for a fake door. Hopefully for some mass of darkness. “There was a lot of water and it was dark. I was with a girl named Naminé.” 

“Naminé?” Riku stops and abruptly turns to face up at him. His face is in utter shock. “So she exists in dreams.”

“Who was she?”

Riku smirks. “She was Kairi’s Nobody.”

Terra almost loses his voice. For as much as he hates the idea of Xemnas, it’s not something he can apply to her. “Is it _normal_ for them to be so different?”

“So she got you thinking she’s her own person, too, huh?” Riku says with a laugh. “It seems that way. Although Lea swears he was the same.” 

“Of course she’s her own person.” He swallows bile. “I mean, she always said that she was a figment of my memory. That I built her up. You could say that she probably was, since she knew things my heart already knew, even if my mind wasn’t ready to face it yet.” Terra shakes his head and draws a sharp inhale. “But she was too _sentient_ to be just that.” 

Riku wears a gentle smile. “So she’s doing what she does best - looking out for others.” He looks ahead of him. Not at Terra, but just into the empty air. “I’ve actually spent quite a lot time with her when she was around.” His voice trails off. “Can you do me a favor?” 

“Definitely.”

“The next time you see her,” Riku says slowly, “can you tell her that I’m sorry? That I’m sorry for everything I’ve done? And that it had to end that way?” 

It probably has something to do with the fact that Naminé was a Nobody. Terra hasn’t dreamt of her since that nap when he swallowed too much of the potion, and he isn’t exactly sure if he will ever see her again after such a violent vision. “I will.” 

Terra steps down and passes by the boy, holding his shoulder in comfort. “I honestly should have pulverized him when I had the first chance to.” The thought of it is enough to start a headache. 

Riku stops himself from snorting. “Are you talking about Xehanort?” 

“Yeah. I often wish that I wrung my hands around his neck instead of listening to him. It would have avoided...” _Everything? The pain caused to thousands of people, yes. But would that include Naminé’s existence?_

“Nah. You’re talking about beating up an old man before knowing anything about him. That’s not your style.”

Terra scoffs. “It’s exactly my style that got me into this mess.”

A pregnant pause. “I think Aqua would want you to stay the same.” Riku says this with a seriousness that it’s hard to tell if he’s teasing. 

It’s certainly a concept. Aqua will need a sense of home when she gets out. A semblance of normalcy. It’s hard to believe if his face is the one she wants to see, though. Terra moves the thought out of his mind, not realizing he hasn’t replied to Riku at all. He simply continues down the staircase, but when he gets far enough ahead, the silver-haired boy calls out, “I need to ask you something, Terra.”

Now he’s the one facing up at the other. “Shoot.”

Riku’s expression changes to resemble authority. “I need to know what to expect from you with this mission.”

It’s the tone and the fact that he still doesn’t know Riku quite well enough that bothers him. It’s almost talking to Eraqus when being questioned. Or when confronted by Aqua that day in Radiant Garden. “Excuse me?”

“I need to know what you want to do.” Riku maintains his tone. “I know you want to find Aqua. Quite desperately, I might add. Not to mention the very possibility that this world won’t be standing for much longer.”

Terra grips the wooden rail of the stairway enough to hurt his palm. “I don’t like what you’re implying.”

“I’m not here to judge you, Terra.” Riku makes sure to look Terra straight into the eyes when he says this. “But some honesty would be appreciated.”

It’s now Terra’s turn to look into empty space as he slowly forms his words. “You need to know that I don’t intend to use Noctis or the others as payment for saving her. I’ve always wanted to be a Keyblade Master. I know it’s my job to save them.” He takes a pause that is a second too long and uncomfortable. His voice lowers into an almost-whisper, waiting for the retaliation. “But... I can’t pass an opportunity to free her.” 

When retaliation doesn’t come, Terra continues. “I want to think the way Sora does. I want to see if there is some _portal_ , or some _thing_ in this place that can be a better answer than just letting everyone else perish.” 

“I agree with Sora’s approach, if such a thing is possible.” Riku nods slowly. “But I need a back-up plan.” He crosses his arms for a while, and then his eyes light up with determination. “You know what? I’ll just call it. I’ll rely on you to help me save them. I need you to be with me on this. But if it gets to the point where it’s too late, then we’ll go find her together.”

Riku walks past Terra, clearly not noticing how pale the older Keyblade wielder’s face is. It’s one thing to be reckless with himself, and throwing his own body away to the Realm of Darkness. It’s another to drag someone else, especially the sole person responsible for his giving him back his existence, into such risky territory. _Especially since it’s my fault she’s there anyway._

But he doesn’t have the time to object. Riku steps right out of the staircase and onto the tile floor, attracting a swarm of Heartless that surround him. However, it’s not a problem to squash them all without so much of a sweat. Terra doesn’t need the power of darkness to do this, and doesn’t try to summon it. A moment of silence, and Riku looks over to Terra, almost as if he is searching for something. Another swarm appear from thin air to replace the earlier one. They fight this group off just as easily, and Terra still refuses to call on darkness. Again, Riku eyes him warily, and Terra wonders if he’s being a disappointment because he isn’t practicing like he is expected to.

This moment of peace lasts longer than the previous one, giving the two of them incentive to search the tower. Around all of the ledges and in every room, but there is nothing to find. Another swarm appears, another missed opportunity to practice controlling darkness with a friend supporting him. 

“Let’s check the basement,” Riku says, bringing out two flashlights from the storage room. It’s difficult to hear whether he’s let down by Terra’s performance. 

They go down a long staircase until they reach the bottom. The basement is huge and incredibly dark, and it’s like descending into a nothingness. Their flashlights expose some piping and a boiler, which is humming. Before they can find some switches to turn the lights on, the familiar bubbling sound of Heartless approaching echo through the entire room. 

“They’re like gnats.” Terra summons Ends of the Earth and begins hacking away. It’s difficult to see in the dark, but the creatures’ bright yellow eyes dancing in the shadows give them away. Any they all seem to multiply. When he sees one pair, three others join it. And three more for each one until he is surrounded by them. He pauses for a moment, listening to Riku fight his own targets. It sounds as if the basement has a high ceiling, giving too much room for Heartless to pile over one another. Without enough movement to get rid of them, they are going to continue to be attracted to this room. 

And it’s going to be nine o’clock soon. 

_This is taking too long._

It’s like slipping into a set of old, comfortable clothes. It’s powerful, and with it he can do anything. He swings his Keyblade in the dark, emanating shock waves. He strikes the floor, and it crumbles outward, carrying electricity that illuminate the Heartless it strikes in dark purple. Some of his attacks are doused in fog, at times dimming the weak light of his flashlight, which is thrown somewhere. And he is so quick about these attacks and he is just hammering at these stupid monsters and he is trying to do this as fast as he can so he can get to more important matters that when all is said and done - he collapses on his knees with an ear-splitting headache.

“Are you okay?” Riku scurries over with his flashlight in hand, and the glare hurts to look into. 

Terra breathes, drinking a gulp of Tifa’s potion with a shaky hand. “I’ll be fine.” It sounds completely unconvincing, but he has to try. _Maybe I got carried away.  
_

Riku finds the other flashlight, and together they try looking for light switches - although Terra is willing himself not to limp. When they do, the basement is finally illuminated by fluorescence. All of the piping is color-coordinated, as if for the sake of organization. The walls are painted an off-white. It’s much more modern than the rest of the clock tower, so it must be a newer addition. They search the walls, behind nooks and crannies, in between pipes, behind the boiler. Nothing. 

Terra is standing straighter now, the headache still pounding but manageable. He curses to himself. All he wants is a clue to _anything_. Or has he interpreted his dream incorrectly? He drags his eyes all over the room, on the off chance that maybe there is something he is missing. Riku comes to his side and breathes a sigh of defeat.

There, on the floor, is a manhole. They give each other excited glances, and rush to pry it open. Surprisingly heavy and thick, they peer into the depths of the hole below them, the smell of sewage rising up. Riku then turns his attention to Terra, and with a presentable wave of his hand, says “after you.”

The sewers are just as modern as the basement. Everything is built in crisp, straightened cement. They land on a walkway, and the water directly in front of them is gushing. It’s dark and slightly discolored. There are electric lights that illuminate the immediate area, but just barely. He can’t see too far down the large, curved halls. 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep this sandwich in,” Riku says behind him.

“Yeah, it stinks.” 

“Ugh, at least we don’t have to be here long tonight. We should split up, but we need to be back by nine.” 

“Yeah, I remember.” Terra prays that Riku will not find anything. It’s enough having just one person trapped in the Realm of Darkness.

“And next time, we’ll bring gas masks or something.”

Riku’s voice trails off as he walks away, and Terra goes his own direction. He holds his flashlight in his left hand, in case he needs to summon his Keyblade. The farther he gets from the ladder that leads back into the basement, the darker it becomes. The walkway is covered in dirt and dust, and it curves sharply to the left, where there are no electric lights illuminating the way forward. The flashlight isn’t powerful either. By the looks of it, it is damp and disorienting. Just a long, dirty hallway of doors. 

He approaches the closest door, and beyond it is another long hallway of what he guesses are more doors, since his flashlight can’t allow him to see that far. But what he does see in the shadows are two pairs of bright yellow eyes. Or perhaps three. 

He chuckles to himself for a bit. If things were normal, if Eraqus was still alive and his home still existed, he would be a little nervous. “I don’t think there is anything worse than the abyss,” he says out loud. To no one in particular, but he doesn’t need anyone there. Summoning his Keyblade, he wipes the hallway clean of those three wandering Heartless. Then he stands, trying to get an idea of how long this particular hallway is. But the flashlight shows him nothing. _I wonder just how many of these doors will open to more hallways._

Deciding to walk back the way he came, he passes by a door labeled _Control Room_. Inside, there are a few desks huddled together in the middle of the room. There are large computer monitors on the wall opposite the door, but they do not turn on. There are lockers with uniforms and other personal objects that belonged to whoever worked here last. He searches the desk, which are mostly filled with reports. They all stop at the same date - perhaps the date when Noctis decided to seal the clock tower. 

There is a map. Hovering the flashlight above it, he tries to get a sense of where he is. He hears the bubbling of Heartless materializing in the room, and he grunts loudly before getting rid of them.

“I’m trying to read,” he says to the empty room. He waits a moment to see if there is a response, and when there isn’t, he yells _good riddance_ before he puts his attention back to where it belongs. There is no way to determine where he is on the map since he has no reference point. It seems that this is a map of the sewers that are part of the second district. Which is fine - he shouldn’t stray too far from the clock tower, anyway. Doors are marked as well. Although there are faint lines on the map, and it’s impossible to tell what that’s supposed to mean. 

The clock strikes nine. He slams his free palm against the table. Staring blankly at the table only makes it feel like time is frozen, but it will continue ticking anyway. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, praying that Riku will come back empty-handed, and promising that he will be back later that night.


	21. Clowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so damn excited to finally get to this! The flashback scene was inspired by **holyteapotofrussell ‘s absolutely adorable art that features[Terra and Aqua as children](http://holyteapotofrussell.tumblr.com/post/173306969550/a-quick-sketch-of-small-aqua-and-terra-i-gather)**. They also wrote [an equally adorable fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14492556) that fits their headcanons for this art piece. Please check out their work and send love! Thank you so much for allowing me to use this piece as inspiration. It’s been MONTHS since I have asked you for this, and I have been so blessed to get to you know you since. <3

The windows on the second floor of the hotel have large enough window sills that Terra can sit on one and stare away at the clock tower. Hope has given him an herbal drink brewed with acacia for strength and alertness. Everyone who volunteers to fight Kefka will drink this ahead of the battle. For now, it’s just waiting for orders. 

But it isn’t the fight with Kefka that is occupying his mind. He holds his Wayfinder in his hand, stroking it as he daydreams about meeting her again. Being that Aqua has been surviving in the Realm of Darkness for a little more than twelve years, Terra builds an image of her in his mind. She is about thirty years old now. The baby fat will subside, leaving hollower cheeks and stronger cheekbones. She will probably be curvier than before, in all the right places. If she smiles at all, the lines of her eyes will show them. Her hair may have grown out, and it’s a wonder how long it is now. Maybe it already is growing out sneaky strands of gray. Her eyes will be the same. _Either way, she would still be pretty._

The sound of shaky wheels creep up behind him. Garnet is pushing a cart filled with bandages, multi-colored potions, and a large pitcher of water, approaching a door. He gets up and holds it open for her so she can slip through. The lights in the room are dimly lit in a warm glow, almost as if to be relaxing. Inside are two rows of small beds, each with a person either sleeping, coughing, or dealing with pain. There are more people, as well - some with arm slings, others who do not have any visible injuries but are perhaps in pain nonetheless. Some of them approach her when she enters.

“Terra,” she calls as she is surrounded, “would you be a dear and fetch me those cups?”

She points to a number of cups that are placed high on a shelf - clearly too high for her unless she used a ladder. Terra states that he will help her with this, and follows her around as he pours each person in the room a cup of water. She speaks quietly to every single person in the room. He overhears her asking much of the same questions: if they have any pain, if they are thirsty, when was their last meal, if they are calm and comfortable. For those in pain or who have open wounds, she uses her magic to heal them. 

She holds her hands up close to the source of their physical pain, and a bright light shines out of them as she works. It is not the same as the green healing aura that emits out of a Cure spell that all Keyblade wielders, or any other magic casters he’s seen, know. The color is nearly white instead. And she does it effortlessly, almost like a thought, without having to pray for it or summon it vocally. Each time she does it, the dimness of the room brightens up just a little.

When she’s done, they head for the room directly next door. A small storage room with no windows, a row of cupboards, and a sink. Garnet drags a tall stool across to climb it, in order to store some things away.

Terra leans against the wall. “You are amazing with magic. It’s unique, where did you learn it from?”

Garnet stands straight as an arrow as she balances on the stool, almost as if she is aware that she may fall. She beckons Terra to hand her empty bottles.  “My professor.” She smiles as her eyes travel into memory. “I’ve spent all of my youth in his library, with not much to do except to indulge myself in his works. He gifted me the use of magic, with knowledge of the world around me. Of course, he was also good on his promise that I was to be presentable as a lady.”

He holds his hand out to help her balance. She hops off the stool. “I was also in a library practically my whole life,” he says. “My Master ran an academy for Keyblade wielders.”

“And what did you mother think of this?” She reaches for a clipboard and writes in it, checking off an inventory list.

“My Master adopted me.” Terra chuckles, his cheeks warm. It’s one of the best memories of his life. “What about you? Did you have a mother?”

“No, I sprouted off some hole in the ground,” she says dryly, continuing her list as though she isn’t fazed by the question.

A nervous crackle. “I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

Garnet stops writing and dramatically turns to him with a grin on her face, touching the crystal that hangs off her neck. “This is my inheritance, from my mother.” She places the clipboard on the sink counter. “I do wonder about your own knowledge of magic. I know all Keyblade wielders can cast it.”

“Yeah, and we’re each unique in how we mold it. But I’m not that good at traditional spells.”

“But you _do_ know how to recognize skill with it. I beg to ask for the story behind that.”

He finds a chair and sits, rubbing his chin as a tight smile forms on his face. “My best friend, Aqua.” It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue like it used to. He wonders if she’s really a best friend anymore, in the case that he ruined everything about them. He forces this thought out of his mind. For now, it’s better to pretend that nothing’s changed. “She’s really spectacular with it.”

 

* * *

 

_The day was cloudy and breezy - but not the kind that left the sky dark. When the sun wasn’t beating down on the mountains so harshly, he could see the coloring of the trees and the rivers far away even better in weather like this. They were taking a walk on some short ledges, where the terrain was particularly rocky. As long as they promised not to go too far, and as long as Terra promised to hold her hand so they wouldn’t separate, they could venture much farther than the gardens within the castle perimeters._

_Aqua had been with them for a year now, and had just turned nine. For her last birthday, Eraqus gave her a pointy hat adorned with stars and moons. Much like a friend of his, he said at the time. A wizard’s hat, because she had expressed so much interest in learning magic. She wasn’t wearing it now. It instead rested on top of a giant book of basic spells that she wanted to drag around with her. She practiced cartwheels and backflips. She was slow to start them as she braced herself before the execution, but she gracefully landed each one with perfection. Or at least she made it look that way. Her long pigtails flicked before landing on her shoulders again with each presentation of athletic ability.  
_

_But that was the thing with her. Perfection. Always trying to get Eraqus to notice it. Always trying to make sure she got it right each and every time. It made him look bad. It was annoying.  
_

_Terra was ten years old. Two digits, that was. He was supposed to be proud, and he was supposed to be better naturally because he was older. “I can do that, too,” he scoffed._

_“I never saw you do it well,” she retorted with a smirk.  
_

_Eraqus had tried to get him to understand that he really was much better than her at most things - fighting, memorizing what was in the books, doing chores, being adept in the outdoors. He had tried to tell Terra to allow her to be proud of her flexibility and mastery of her own body._

_But that still made him lesser. Worse still, she admired Eraqus for being a Master. And he wanted her to admire him as well, because he worked hard for it. “You’ll eat your words.”  
_

_His cartwheel, according to her, looked like a frog trying to hop with its stubby forelegs. What followed was an attempt at throwing himself even harder so his legs would straighten out. He could do handstands - cartwheels were different. What came next was a flop onto the group, a tumble off a rock, down one of those tiny ledges, and a roll against rough terrain. His reward was several scrapes all over his arms, and a horrible throbbing sting on his knee.  
_

_“You ok?” she called to him, and he held his knee as he grimaced and squirmed a bit, shaking his head. She ran down to him, one hand holding the hat on her head and the other arm draped over the book, which was as large as her torso._

_“Can you stand?” she asked as she sat beside him.  
_

_“No.” His voice was meek and he sniffed. The scrape on his knee was large and bloody, and there are tiny rocks wedged into it that made it hurt more. He told himself to keep it together. He had fallen way too many times to count that normally it wasn’t a big deal. But when he got really hurt, the worst that came was the lecture the Master would give him.  
_

_“Let me help.” She said that too excitedly, and she brushed her pigtails and straightened the hat. She laid the book on the ground and flipped through it until she got to a page that displayed calligraphy. The chapter was titled ‘Basic Healing Spells.’ She whispered what she was reading to herself, before facing him. “How does it feel?”  
_

_“It burns and it stings.” He slowly rubbed the dirt off the scrape._

_She continued to read off the book, but waiting for her did not help the pain go away._

_“Can you hurry it up?” He held his hands tightly on each side of the knee, hoping that the pressure would ease it._

_She put her hands on her hips. “Shush!”  
_

_He leaned on his hands as he looked up while she continued reading, sighing. From the corner of his eye, he could see that she held a finger to her chin. It looked as though, just for a second, she was ready to cast the spell because she started to face him... only to go back to sticking her nose into the book.  
_

_The stinging was coming in waves, and he leaned forward a little. “Before I die, Aqua?”  
_

_She gave him a quick, severe glare. She hated that word. “Sorry,” he said. He tried to breathe deeply while she continued to read.  
_

_Then she was ready. He held his knee with both his hands while she waved her hand over it. She called out “Cure!” but what came was a horrendous burn instead. The kind of burn that would bite when touching something icy. She had cast Blizzard by accident. He yelled as the ice dug itself into his knee. She yelled her apologies multiple times as he whimpered in pain, until she held her hands to her eyes and cried.  
_

_This sight made him uncomfortable, but he couldn’t understand why. “Don’t cry,” he said shakily. “I’m fine, really.” He grunted and breathed sharply. It hurt really badly, but the crying was what he will remember. It just made him sad.  
_

_“Can I try again? Please?” She wiped the tears flowing from her face, sniffling._

_He hesitated first before agreeing, this time dealing with the sharpness of what felt like a knife rubbing itself while giving her all the time she needed. She hesitated to cast again as well. She closed her eyes, telling herself audibly to just relax, and then called for a Cure spell again. It felt soothing, and it was like the pain was just lifted off the knee by some angelic force. His arms went loose as he dropped onto his back, relaxing into the grass, gazing up at the clouds.  
_

_“I did it!” She laid on the ground next to him. She flashed a huge toothy smile, her face marked by dry tear streaks.  
_

 

* * *

 

Garnet holds her hand to her mouth, almost in a way that gives him the impression that laughing as hard as she is would be considered unladylike. “She sounds brilliant,” she says.

“She is,” he says softly, his heart pumping as these words leave his mouth.

“Describe her to me.”

He gives her a wide-eyed stare, not knowing how to interpret such a request. “Um, well she has blue hair and blue eyes.”

Garnet, once sporting a smile, straightened her mouth into a line as she rolls her lips inward. “I was hoping for a more dramatized, romantic kind of description.” When he looks at her confused, she continues. “Much like what you would see at a theater.”

He chuckles sharply. On the one hand, it isn’t exactly pleasant to have everyone around him read his feelings so easily, especially when he isn’t trying to be so blatant about them. On the other, it sucks having to deal with his feelings, especially after what happened to them. He considers a daydream of Aqua standing next to him. He would hold her close and kiss her in all the ways he was terrified to do before, because it kills him to wait longer. Because he should muster up the courage that he struggled with all these years, since she is still the one person who frightens him the most. And yet, either way, he isn’t a romantic. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“You can start by comparing her to a symbol of your choice.” Garnet’s smile widens, her voice warm and encouraging. Hoping for entertainment.

At first he thinks about the unique way Aqua fights. It’s always mesmerizing to watch. “She dances when she fights. She... sometimes she’ll jump in the air and hit her enemies with a lot of...” _What kind of person dances in the air?_ “It’s like looking at a _ma-rio-nette_.” The last word comes out rigid, as though he has tried to stop himself in the middle of it but he was too far into the word to be successful. _Stupid_.

Garnet’s brows furrow and her eyes narrow. “That was dreadful.”

“Can I try again?”

She holds up one finger, and he takes his time to think about it, going through several comparisons in his mind. His heart flutters, and finds himself wanting to get it right this time. He begins slowly, “her eyes are like the shallow ocean water, on a bright sunny day.”

Garnet claps her hands together as she grins. “That was so lovely.”

He laughs nervously as he runs his fingers through his hair. Not knowing what to say, he sits silently as she continues to gush about his words.

The clock strikes ten. Garnet’s laughter turns off, and she holds one hand to her heart, as if she’s monitoring how hard it’s beating. When the clock is finished, a loud siren goes off. It blares loudly until it fades, only for it sway into a high-pitched scream again. Repeat. Garnet closes her eyes as it continues to weave back and forth into their consciousness, whispering to Terra that it’s a signal for a strict curfew - though most know to be in their homes by now.

When it’s over, she slowly opens her eyes, forcing a smile. “Come along, Terra. We mustn’t fear the reaper.”

 

* * *

 

The streets are completely empty except for the volunteers making their way into the third district, which is located several blocks from the hotel. It’s an incredibly modern area, where electric lights and fountains are fully utilized in its architecture. Riku tells Terra that this area has been recently quarantined. Normally, they choose territories farther away, but the more people go missing, the more Heartless will stick around in those previous battlegrounds. The numbers prove too much during an intense ten-minute fight. All the residents previously living in the third district have been evacuated.

In the corners in the block that will be the battle site, there are stacked cartridges, filled with ammunition for energy guns, offensive potions, first aid supplies, healing potions and smoke bombs. There are also small electric bombs placed high on a few of the buildings, and Terra is told to keep his distance from them. There are some people who are tasked with battering rams. Overall, it seems like the scientific team in Radiant Garden has spent a number of hours supplying the faction here with weapons. But what is most surprising of all is that there seems to be about forty people there, just to fight one Heartless.

They approach one of the hubs where some cartridges are stacked, where Hope is doing a final check-up.

“What are you doing here?” Terra asks him, surprised that they allow someone so young in such a dangerous arena.

“I’m a mage,” Hope says in a matter-of-fact way. He sounds nervous, but not enough to be intimated by the question. Almost as if he knows he has to be there. “I’m nowhere near as good as the others.” He gestures towards Noctis, Garnet, and Rydia, who are standing together in the middle of block, deep into a conversation that is impossible to eavesdrop from where they stand. Hope then turns quickly to Terra in an attempt to justify his words. “B-but I heal really well.”

 _Doesn’t this mean that he would be a target for Kefka?_ “Aren’t you scared?”

“Of course, we all are.” Hope scatters his sight on the clipboard in his hands. “This isn’t my first fight. I have survived the others, so I can survive this one.” He nods. These words are more for his own sake than for comforting Terra’s worry.

Hope then invites Terra to walk with him, and they approach Rydia, who is gazing into the electric lights as if she is studying them. She is holding her biceps like she is giving herself a hug, her long sleeves barely touching the ground. She gives them a tense smile, and reaches her arm out to embrace Hope.

“You ready for this?” she asks the boy.

“You ask me that every time.” He accepts the hug, and seems to relax when she places her hand on his head.

“And like every time, it won’t be an easy night.” She smiles widely at Terra. “But we have Terra for now. Maybe we’ll have it luckier.”

It’s such a warming thought that Terra feels his stomach swell. “That’s what I’m here for. We’ll both look out for you.” He ruffles through Hope’s hair, and it makes the boy smile.

Hope then hands Noctis his clipboard, which the latter places on top of several others. There are so many burning questions about what’s going on that Terra can’t help but speak out about them - against Garnet’s warning not to.

“I notice that the streets are empty. It seems like everyone else is hiding in their homes. Why face Kefka if you can just hide out?” Terra asks, trying his best to sound respectful, certain that they’ve all tried different scenarios in dealing with this situation.

Noctis’ jaw tenses before he speaks. “If no one’s outside to greet it, it will just destroy random buildings and crush everyone inside.” His tone is incredibly serious and raw. When he sees how shocked Terra is, he continues. “It’s a clown. It wants an audience.”

There is such contempt and anger in his tone that it’s undeniable. Regardless, Cid, who is passing by as this is said, loudly clears his throat and barked a _that’s highly inappropriate_. Noctis returns the statement with a glare so severe that if it had powers, it would have killed him.

Terra doesn’t know what to say in return, and a part of him wishes he never asked. How often did they experiment to learn something like that? Something on his face must have given his guilt away, because Noctis continues after a moment of silence.

“Those were some painful experiences. I remember being so scared every other night.” He flips a page on the clipboard. “I often asked myself, _what if tonight was one where we had to learn something new about it?_ The surprises always hit us the hardest, and when we lost the most.” He’s been at the same page for so long now that it’s possible he stopped reading. “We’ve been fighting it for so long now that it seems like we know everything there is to know. And yet, sometimes, I still ask myself the same question: _what if tonight is one where we will learn something new about it, and we aren’t prepared?_ ”

Terra has been holding his fist, not realizing that he’s doing so. It’s not an easy subject to reply to. “I’m sure if you know everything about it, then tonight should go smoothly.” _Is that an insensitive statement?_

Noctis scoffs. “As smoothly as it could ever be.”

“Hey, we need to take the picture!” Garnet calls out to the two of them, and Noctis promptly agrees. He does it so quickly it’s as if the photograph is the most important event of the night.

Hope is setting up a camera that stands on a tripod, and Rydia makes a motion where she holds one open palm up and brushes it with her fingers. “This thing is amazing. It can create little paintings that have no brush strokes,” she says to Terra. The joy she is emanating is sincere, a rare source of light on such a tense night.

She then calls out to other members that Terra has met, ordering him to stand in the middle since he’s the tallest. She tells Garnet and Hope specifically to stand in front of him. Hope replies that he’s still preparing the camera. Rydia stands to Terra’s right and rests her hand on his shoulder. Riku is beside her. Noctis stands to his left, with Cid by his side.

Noctis briefly pats Terra’s shoulder and says, “welcome to the fam.”

Garnet turns, holding her fingers to her chin and pronouncing out a ‘ _fam?’_ Hope says that it’s ready and rushes to his position while she briskly faces the camera again and prepares her posture. Terra makes it a point to hold both of their shoulders, and gives a smile as the camera flashes.

As soon as it’s over, Hope scurries to pick up the tripod and runs to put it away. The group huddles around in a circle, waiting for him to come back. Garnet holds out her hand toward the center of the circle. Rydia places her hand on top, followed by Cid and Riku, and lastly by Hope. Noctis nods to Terra as if to invite him in, and he only rests his own when Terra complies.

“We’re here for another night,” Noctis says, his voice cracking. “And the only reason why I’m still whole, and why you’re all here, is because of all the friends we’ve lost. We’ll give them the remembrance they deserve. We’ll fight this thing, and tonight will be the one where we can finally breathe because it will be all over. I’m immensely proud to fight alongside all of you.” Even through a glove, Terra can feel the young leader’s hand tremble. 

Hope hesitates to speak, but does so anyway. “Here’s to many more nights where we can be together.”

Noctis chuckles. “That’s something Sora would say.”

Riku nods in agreement. “We should call him our mascot next time he’s here.” Hope laughs at the suggestion, his eyes beaming. In some ways, imitating Sora seems to bring out the best in him.

Noctis takes a breath. “Be safe, everyone.” And he lets go. Everyone else walks away into some pre-determined position, and Riku leads Terra to stand out in the open, behind the leader of the group. Garnet stands staggered behind them.

“You, me, and Noct will be the heavy hitters,” Riku says. “The others will support us from behind. You should know that Kefka carries six swords on its back. They are all deadly poisonous.”

“Lovely.”

“It will also stop at some point and blow out a toxic gas - also fatal.”

Terra breathes out quickly. “Anything else I should know?”

“When it eventually materializes, cover your ears. Once the clock’s done chiming, it’s showtime.” Riku leaves his side to find a position with some distance between them, and summons his Keyblade. Garnet holds a shortstaff in both her hands, and brings up the orb that sits on the tip of it to her forehead while whispering a spell. It glows, and a spinning crystal covers every individual on that block before completely disappearing. If Terra focuses on the space in front of him, he can see tiny sparkling particles. The protection spell.

Hope brings out a large boomerang and holds his stance directly behind Terra, standing the farthest behind. Rydia pulls out a whip and stands by a manhole that is releasing a misty cloud. Cid readies a spear, and holds his place by the volunteers, his job to order them during the fight. The rest of the volunteers are ready with their energy guns, and explosive potions. The battering rams are set. Noctis stands the farthest forward, not holding any weapon but looking up, as if he is expecting someone tall.

The clock strikes eleven. No words are uttered. Terra summons his Keyblade and holds it close. Everyone around him keeps a lookout.

Eleven.

The bubbling sound that signals its appearance is deep, and a large black mass immediately forms right after the last chime. A tall, colorful, humanoid stomps onto the ground, and the entire area shakes.

It laughs. A mechanical laugh that sounds like it’s coming from a speaker, but it is so high-pitched that it feels as though his head is being crushed inside a metal crusher. He holds his head and yells out loud, hearing everyone else yell out as well.

Then it starts. Kefka is nine feet tall at least. Its joints are bolted, its limbs thin. It wears a ridiculous clown costume, with the black and red insignia that signifies its existence as a Heartless large on its chest. The colors on the costume are a sickly combustion of yellows, purples, greens, and reds, with a bright white ruffle collar that is pointed at the ends. Its shoes are mismatched. It’s especially ugly in the face - it dons a white mask with red painted lines that mark its mouth and eyes, screwed onto the face. The teeth that are drilled into a permanent smile are sharp. The skin right around its bright yellow eyes are charcoal black. It is topped off with a garish feather sticking out of its hair. There are six swords, three behind each shoulder, which are as thin as needles.

Noctis summons a broadsword the first moment he gets and throws it at Kefka. He disappears. The sword flies into the air, and right before Kefka can block it, Noctis re-appears in the air and reclaims his weapon. He warps from various spots in the air as he strikes Kefka’s arms, which are up in defense. He strikes, then warps. Repeat. This process keeps him the air and makes him a difficult target for Kefka to grab.

The other volunteers start to open fire, aiming at its face. At first glance, the battle doesn’t seem too bad. Kefka seems slow to react, casting its gaze around as if dazed by all the violence directed at it. Then it sweeps an arm - a movement so quick that it can’t be predicted considering how long it takes for the clown to think. A group of men are thrown back. An explosion. It then tries to blast Noctis, who throws his sword onto the roof of a faraway building and warps there.

Garnet juggles between following Noctis in order to stay close to him and casting her white healing spells toward the people just injured. Rydia holds her hands ahead of her, chanting as the mist from the manhole solidifies. Out from the mist flies a silver dragon. Riku jumps onto it, taking a ride across the sky. Cid yells some orders and runs around the clown while Terra follows.

At this point, Kefka is skipping around the block, its hands behind its back. Any time a person throws an explosive or shoots at it, its retaliation is tremendous and widespread. It stops. It dances, waving its arms. Explosions appear at random. There are plenty of sporadic cries, and men barking more orders. Hope makes laps as he he tries to heal anyone caught in the foray.

The dragon spreads a thick fog to cover some of the straggling volunteers as they carry out the injured from the immediate battlefield. Riku takes the right moment to jump off of it, striking Kefka from the top. Terra runs in an attempt to strike its legs - this is the perfect opportunity to trip it, considering that it is striding so casually in one direction.

Kefka shudders a moment. It makes an about-face and runs the opposite way, and Terra misses it. The Heartless drags Riku its in hand before slamming him into the ground. The six swords float outward and Kefka makes a sweeping motion to strike Riku in a rush. He uses his Keyblade to block each one. The Heartless waves in the opposite direction, the swords following suit. Noctis warps behind the clown’s head and makes several strikes. Rydia casts bombardments of fireballs and icebergs to push it back and away from the teenage Keyblade wielder. Her dragon comes and picks Riku from the ground, taking him to Garnet for healing.

The Heartless freezes for a moment, slowly turning to face Noctis. There is a widening of its eyes, as if Noctis’ strike is the most offensive event out of everything else that is happening. _It doesn’t like its face or its head being touched._

“Let’s get him at the ankles!” Terra calls out to Cid, with the latter aiming to throw his spear. Terra strikes the ground, shattering the concrete and tripping Kefka some before it could attack Noctis. It doesn’t come down to its knees, but it eyes Terra. It stares as him as he sends shockwaves of light to attack it, its smile plastered.

It grabs him, too quick for him to dodge. It squeezes, and purple strikes of electricity engulf him, making the protection crystal around him visible as he screams from the pain. Then it throws him before sending a dark blast of its own against him, shooting out from its palm. He hears what sounds like glass shattering as he lands onto the ground.

Terra can’t hear anything. Any voices he hears are muffled and indecipherable. His vision is blurred, and he feels dizzy enough that he can’t feel anything. No pain. No fear. He just needs to stand up. _But what for?_ He forgets where he is, and just wants to move. Just to figure out where he is so he can decide what to do. _Just move, dammit._

His vision clears a bit. His face can feel some wind on it, his hair blowing. Right in front of him, rocks are floating. Gently spinning in the air. He’s like a feather, levitating above the ground as well.

He should have been face down on the ground. When he realizes this, he falls flat onto himself, the rocks falling alongside him. There is pain in every muscle, and he’s twitching. There are glows of green, literally pulling some of the pain out of him, and leaving behind a comforting warmth.

“You ok?” Hope calls out. The healer runs up to Terra, and helps him up. He continues to heal the Keyblade Wielder by gesticulating wide circles, so that Terra can start to be fixed all over. He mumbles to Hope that he’s fine, although he’s still dizzy. He isn’t sure what he just saw.

Some of the buildings have been destroyed and are up in flames. More bodies, uncertain if dead or alive, are being carried out of the area. Kefka is jumping around and twirling, making it difficult for Noctis to land a hit. Some of the volunteers wait until their opportunity, and run the battering ram right into the clown. They push it against a building, and a bomb goes off, knocking it forward onto the ground.

Terra hears a voice. “Darkness!”

Riku, covered in a purple aura, chaerges ahead to pick a sword fight with the fallen clown. The power gives him an edge in speed. He attempts to strike it in the face - the one place Kefka is most protective of. Riku hits furiously, following each hit with his Keyblade with another. Kefka bellows a tremendous screech, which sounds like gears rubbing against each other in super speed. The sound is loud and is worse than a nail scratch. Everyone close to the clown, including Riku, run as fast as they can from it. Hope grabs Terra by the wrist and tries to get him as far back as possible.

From its neck and its joints a purple gas blows out, which flies far out and floats into the sky. No one is near it when this happens, and all wait until it dissipates before approaching again, giving the clown plenty of time to pick itself up and skip around. Another dance, another set of random explosions.

Terra, breathing heavily, readies his stance for when Kefka passes by him - although it’s difficult to do so. The pain may have been healed, but he is still unable to lift his heavy Ends of the Earth with confidence. He curses at himself for being weak. Hope stands by him, bracing for whatever Terra is silently planning in his mind. Maybe to heal him again. _I can do this. I’ll trip him when he comes. Should I use darkness this time? What if I turn against the others?  
_

A sword is thrown up against Kefka’s cheek. It doesn’t even scar or leave a mark, but Noctis appears anyway, aiming just for the face. Kefka laughs, and it hurts every ounce of Terra’s head. It’s the worst headache he’s ever had. When he comes to, Noctis is struggling to stand up, collapsed against a wall. Kefka prepares an energy blast in its palm. Garnet rushes and slides onto her knees, putting herself between Noctis and Kefka. She holds her shortstaff, the orb glowing. An intense pillar of light shoots upward from the ground, making everything shake. It sends a loud swoop before it swallows itself, and the light is gone. It is enough to send the clown backward. Noctis throws his sword towards the entrance of the third district, where all the injured are gathered. He holds his arm around her when he does this, and when he dissipates, she is carried through the air before being dropped behind the cartridges. She holds her sides, as if tired and in pain, unable to stand straight without leaning on someone else.

Rydia throws more fireballs, each one larger than the previous one. She engulfs Riku’s Keyblade in flames, and he rides her dragon again in another attempt to hit Kefka where it hurts. It blocks his attempts, and it ravages the dragon with a dark forcewave, throwing it aside along with its rider. Kefka rules its swords as they twirl around it, aiming it to make sweeping motions against the female mage. A boomerang hits the clown on the back of the head.

The clown hits Hope directly with a dark blast from its palm. The crystal around the boy becomes visible and shatters. He slumps on the ground. Kefka laughs and everyone screams. It skips away.

Terra scuffles to Hope, who is still breathing. He cradles him in his arms. “You’re going to be okay,” he says. “I know a little bit of healing magic.” It is true, but he’s not in the position to heal such a terrible injury.

Hope writhes in pain, his eyes darting in every direction. He grabs Terra by the arm, and nearly scratches him because the grip is so desperate. “Don’t let me go to sleep,” he begs, a tear falling. His breathing is sporadic, but it slows to a restful state. His eyes close. A warm pink-orange glow shines from out of his chest. 

Eraqus has always told them that touching a heart is forbidden. It can cause irreversible harm. There is Hope’s heart, floating in the air. It looks bright, and Terra aims to grab it with both his hands but stops himself. It turns dark before disappearing, Hope’s body evaporating along with it. In his mind, it happens so slowly, cursing himself because he lost the chance to grab the heart and put it back. Even though it occurred over seconds.

“He’s too young,” he says softly. No one is close enough to hear him. He stares at his lap, where Hope was just laying. 

Ahead of him is Rydia, who witnessed it. Her face contorts into fury. She casts lightning, with a power so forceful that it spread all over the area. It chaotically flies in every direction, hitting the clown. Thunder strikes when her magic marks her target, clapping several times. She continues to send lightning against the Heartless, making it shake. Kefka walks in resistance against her casting, taking its time with every step. It keeps getting close to her, its swords floating behind it, and she can’t hold it back anymore.

Terra, silent tears coming down his own face, grunts and summons his armor. Just let the heat take over. Let it bring life back into his muscles. Let it give him the strength to wield his giant Keyblade. Curse this Heartless. Curse Xehanort for making it possible for it to exist.

He sprints forward, striking an ankle so hard that the monster actually trips to its knees. Shatter the ground. Strike its swords directly, strong enough to hold back the pressure that the clown is pushing against him. Send shockwaves of black and purple to damage the Heartless.

Kefka blasts him directly. If it weren’t for the armor, he would have been suffering the same fate as Hope. He is thrown against a wall behind him. Even with the armor for protection, being thrown this hard against such metal makes him ache. He is on his knees, breathing deeply into his helmet. He needs to get up. He needs to defend himself from the next energy blast that the Heartless is preparing for him.

He hears the crack of a whip. Rydia strikes the clown in the face, although she doesn’t scar it. She whips it a second time. A third, a fourth. She mouths spells as she summons a large fireball. Kefka grabs one of its swords and prepares to brush it across her. She hits the Heartless first.

Kefka steps through her fire, and swipes the sword across her, breaking her protection. Then stabs her with it. She stumbles backward, holding her oblique. Unable to get up, she looks up to the clown, and relaxes. Not because she is passing out. Not because she is too weak. It is much like the exact moment where a lamb knows that it’s too late to strive for life. She closes her eyes and waits for whatever it will do next.

Terra hates it more. He sprints in front of her and calls for another shockwave,  throwing the clown backwards and onto its back. He stays by Rydia, but instead of waiting for the clown to retaliate, he prepares a mass of darkness. It swirls and flickers around him, and he feels his Keyblade throbbing with the power. _This is the end. I will destroy you._

Kefka stands up and stares at Terra. A swirl of darkness surrounds it and it disappears. He looks toward the clock tower. Ten minutes past eleven. Terra shakes hard enough that the armor makes noises. He yells, because the darkness makes his head hurt so damn much. He pulls his helmet off. It’s so hot, and he’s sweating, but the exposure to the outside air doesn’t cool his face. _I have to stay in control. I need to let this darkness go.  
_

The pain is so bad that he cries out in half-breaths. He can still see the traces of smoke emanating through the cracks of his armor. He loses all feeling in his limbs.

“Are you alright?”

He looks up to see Garnet rushing as fast she can while she stumbles. She kneels in front of him. “Where does it hurt?” she asks.

“H-headache.” _It’s too difficult to talk. Am I losing control of my mouth?  
_

She holds her hand out by his temple. A warm light, and the pain slowly fades away. He can lift his limbs, and he stops trembling. His breathing steadies.

Garnet gently squeezes his wrist. “I saw what happened,” she says solemnly. “I must tend to the wounded, but I’ll be sure to add him to the list.” She gets up and meets with other people, including Riku, who are down on the ground as well.

The list. A same type of list that Aerith and Tifa collect to count how many people turn into Heartless after the end of a swarm. A pile of former identities. As time passes by, it’s only faces that are lost in the throws of it. Hope’s face.

“This looks bad,” he hears Cid say behind him. Noctis cradles Rydia in his arms, who has her hands up. She’s quivering with such a force that Cid has to be the one to carry her.

“Can you get up?” Riku limps over to him. “We are going to have a long night. There are always Heartless that start popping up everywhere after Kefka’s been around. Including the hotel.”

Terra leans on his Keyblade to stand up. Garnet will come back after taking care of more immediate injuries to heal the both of them more, so they can be in better shape for the upcoming hours.

Some people are being carried in stretchers. Others have their arms draped on those strong enough to help them walk. Some are left behind for now - the unlucky ones who haven’t escaped this specific slaughterhouse. It’s just one that exists among the thousands of stars out there, each of them marked by Xehanort as his personal experiment. Lambs for his needs. Keyblade wielders as his tools.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH Tumblr's whatisthiscoolstuffyouspeakof (chattering_tchotchke on AO3) gave me this **[beautiful gift of Terra being mind controlled by Kefka, a la Final Fantasy VI](https://whatisthiscoolstuffyouspeakof.tumblr.com/post/182972901726/the-gestahlian-empire-wanted-a-keyblade-wielder)**. I adore the idea of KH Terra and FF6's Terra Branford role-swapping like this, their stories really do intertwine. This was so well-appreciated, thank you so much for your support and this amazing painting!!!  <333


	22. Feckless, pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another obligatory world-building chapter. In the first chapter of my pre-BBS collection, I’ve created the headcanon that Terra can make medicinal teas of all sorts. That is how I decided Rydia was going to be gravely injured in this sub-plot. Then, in the second chapter of that same fic, I actually ended up foreshadowing that without really meaning to (plus other things). Crazy how that happens. I’ve gotten several messages about Hope from the last chapter. I’m touched that people cared so much, since he (and everything associated with him, including Lulu) were the last additions to this story.  
> Also, the outline for this chapter was SO DAMN LONG that I had to split it in three parts instead of two, which means I have to lengthen this fic by one more chapter. I don’t have any other chapters right now that long, so this will be last time I have to do this. And that there will be more frequent updates for now as I catch up to my schedule. I hope you guys enjoy it. The next part is Riku-centric, and the third part is plot-progressive.

It’s strange, the smaller things he misses. Like the sunshine that beats through the gold-plated windows of the academy, illuminating every single thing in the castle the moment it can finally peer over the mountains. Terra stands there, looking out one of said windows.

Ventus is on the other side, sitting on a comfy lounge chair floating in the sky. He looks pleasant at most, swinging his legs side to side as he follows the birds flying around him. They lock eyes, and Ventus waves.

“Ven?” Terra caresses the window. It’s sealed.

His younger peer, akin to the youngest member of the family Terra chose to stick by, continues to enjoy his sky ride. Terra hits the window a couple of times, but no amount of voice reaches the boy’s ears.

Terra doesn’t stop until a rising feeling creeps behind his shoulder. He’s being watched, and he takes a moment to consider whether it’s worth facing whoever is behind him as opposed to trying to get to Ventus. What if it’s dangerous? What if he loses sight of Ventus forever? He turns, and Naminé stands around the corner of the hallway. It’s lovely and comforting when she smiles, even when it’s a mischievous one.

He calls her name but she jolts down the corner. This hallway... shouldn’t be here. It’s normal to have a hallway here. That is familiar. But it’s not normal for there to be this many doors. Naminé passes through them all, until she turns around another corner. There is water on the floor. Naminé is gone, except for her reflection, which stands in the water waiting for him.

And he follows when her reflection turns to leave as well. Until there is one door out of another hallway that features a long row of them. One door that is slightly cracked open, where the water seems to be coming out of. The sound of static. It doesn’t belong, because the academy never had any radios or television sets.

The room inside is pitch black, except for one light. A television lit with the rustling movement of black and white grainy noise. Aqua is on a lounge chair of her own, leaning forward on her knees, staring right into the screen. The water in the room is so dark that her ankles disappear under it.

Terra is shaken and it hurts and he needs to wake up and he needs to reach her and he doesn’t understand what he is looking at. He calls out. “Aqua?”

Flying backwards. The door slams. The academy rocks to its side, as if being thrown against the wall behind him has tossed the entire castle off its balance. The crackling sound of a ship collapsing and sinking. Again, he sees Naminé’s reflection in the water. And she runs. And he follows, lest he is crushed under the weight of the plaster above him falling. He runs down hallways that are familiar yet strange. Or has he forgotten what the castle really looks like anymore?

There, the front doors. He runs out, and floats down the stairs. Not exactly floating, but falling. Falling that just isn’t as fast or as tumbling as it should be. Until he’s on his back on the terrace, gazing at the ruins that still stand underneath overgrown vines. Grass breaking through the cracks of the ground beneath him. He knows where this is.

This is the place he was always sent to in the abyss. In any moment, Eraqus will show up, and he will say something that Terra cannot hear, and he wakes back in darkness. There it is. The desire to see his Master again, but the dread that comes when he speaks. Because it is when he speaks that the dream is over, and Terra will realize that he’s back where he’s been the last twelve years. It’s all over for him now. He’s run out of time.

Footsteps, and Eraqus stands by him, his robe flowing in wind, which he cannot feel. The Master gently gets on his knees.

“Master,” Terra chokes. What he can feel is the constriction in his throat, and the pumping in his chest. He rolls over to get on his own knees and hands, bending over so that his forehead nearly touches the ground. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Please don’t think badly of me-”

Eraqus places one hand on Terra’s shoulder, and the other on his forehead, as if to check for a fever. A small smile and a gentle nod. “The endurance you’ve shown, from such a theft of time and faces,” the Master says. “It speaks so much of how strong you really are, Terra.”

 

* * *

 

The pale ceiling slowly comes into focus, followed by the blue painted walls of his hotel room. It’s such an awful feeling, having to wake up with this kind of pain crushing his chest. A headache. Again. What’s more annoying is the soreness that makes itself known in what feels like every single muscle when he sits up. Terra groans as he gets off his bed, and stretches. He rubs his face and through his hair. _No, the headache is definitely worse._

He washes up in the sink, making sure to close it tightly so it doesn’t drip. The fight against Heartless the night before lasted for hours, and eventually, he and Riku just retired to bed. He doesn’t even remember slipping under the sheets. But he remembers how much he has failed, not just everyone around him but a thirteen-year-old boy. So much for confidence in his own abilities. He hasn’t heard yet what the final count is. It’s past noon - not exactly a normal time for Terra to be waking up when he has so much to do.

But it isn’t just that. It is that strange sensation last night, where he nearly passed out and woke to find himself in the air. All he wanted was to move, and it felt like his body simply agreed - just not in the way he has expected. Terra stares at one of the lamps that sits on top of his dresser. He holds his hand up, and wills it to move. Nothing. For a moment, Terra interprets this as though the lamp has disobeyed him. Which is silly. He waves his hand forcefully. Nothing. He closes his eyes and imagines the same feeling of numbness that took him over the night before. At this point, Terra has a flash in his mind - _this lamp will obey me_. A smaller wave of his hand, and the lamp _slides_ across the dresser until it stops. Some part of him is surprised. Another is relieved and it feels like it has finally been seen. And yet, one other side of him is excited, because it doesn’t hurt to do this.

 _I should tell Riku about this._ The map of the sewers sits on his table, where he has already written notes about entrances that he can use outside of the clock tower. Today is a Kefka-free day, and Riku is supposed to be helping him make traces of the underground.

Dressed and prepared, Terra knocks on Riku’s door, just down the hall from his own. No answer. _Must have gotten up a long time ago and didn’t wait for me._

Terra gets off at the second floor, stopping at the piano he and Hoped shared together. Just the night before. No more, no less. Duchess and her kittens meow and trill at him, and he wonders if they’ve been fed. The other hotel workers and volunteer staffers are bustling harder than ever, probably to tend to the injured. A Kefka-free day only means to take opportunity of the time.

Noctis is with Cid, inside the room of remembrance. The former is pinning photos on the wall where people leave prayers for return. He is currently working on Hope’s portrait, a bust shot where he is looking at the camera with his gas mask on his head.

“Ugh, I forgot to feed the cats,” Noctis says when Duchess and her kittens follow Terra into the room.

“Don’t worry about them, I’ll take care of it.” Terra gently stares at Hope’s photo, among other new ones.

“Here to bask in the brilliance of my failures, then?”

“We ain’t got time for that,” Cid quips. “The ship just landed.”

“I heard you the first time.” Noctis doesn’t face the engineer, and continues working on the photographs. He takes the time he needs to make sure they are pinned straight, while still allowing everyone else on the wall space to be seen. “The count last night was seven missing, twelve casualties,” he tells Terra.

The muscles on Terra’s arms tense up, but he doesn’t know whether he should feel better or worse when Cid says that those are the lowest numbers they have ever seen from a Kefka attack. No one in the room even brings the subject up - that such a high number of people going missing every other night will eventually come back to haunt them. Terra wonders if Noctis ever considers if those Heartless can possibly be one of his missing friends, but he dares not ask.

“Done,” Noctis says. “Let’s go Cid.”

“We’re not taking Garnet with us? You’re not exactly the charming half of the duo,” Cid says.

“She’s had a rough night. And I don’t want to hear about it.” Before Noctis storms out of the room, he reminds Terra that he can write down some thoughts and prayers in the guestbook laid open in front of the wall.

Noctis, Garnet, Cid, and Riku have already written in the book for Hope, as well as for the others. Rydia is probably still too ill to do it, and Terra stares at a blank space, unable to come up with a good excuse for why he hasn’t been able to do better.

 _I couldn’t do you justice. I’m sorry_ , he writes.

 

* * *

 

The cat food is in Hope’s workroom, and Terra notices that the special potions Xehanort invented aren’t there anymore. What is left aside from unfinished works is the sound of subtle chewing, until Riku passes by with a stack of board games.

"What are those for?” Terra asks, which is what stops Riku dead in his tracks.

At first, Riku is downtrodden with the question - but only slightly so, until he wills himself to wipe it off his face. “Rydia isn’t doing well. She’s been complaining about lots of headaches, and her fever only rises.”

Terra doesn’t have to ask what good the board games will do in such a situation, although it upsets him more to realize the answer. They’re to distract her, until the time comes. Which is just unacceptable.

“Do they have tea leaves here?” Terra asks.

“There is a storage room behind the bar. What are you going to do with them?”

The Master has insisted that Terra learns the art of tea-making. It usually works out for him, considering that Aqua is far better with magical healing, and there are many things that magic cannot take care of. The tea is usually the savior when Aqua and Ventus fall sick.

“I can make something to take care of her symptoms,” Terra says.

“Well, that’s special.”

“I owe way too many things to my Master,” Terra says, running a hand through his hair. Talking about the Master doesn’t help the nauseating feeling that is threatening him.

“You should follow me then. I’m making some steak anyway.”

On a normal business day, the dining room would look lovely. The ceiling is decorative with paintings of birds and clouds, contrasting with the dark red carpet on the floor. The windows that look out onto the shops in the second district are obvious in their design - come indulge in food and gifts. The bar area is painted a dark wood, and the kitchen behind it is spacious. Riku helps himself to the freezer, where stacks of steaks and chicken are kept.

Towards the back is a walk-in closet, available for everyone living in the hotel currently. Inside is a tall shelf where there should be a mass of items stored, although many of the compartments are empty. The amount of tea they have is minimal. Not enough green herbs, no ginger, no mint, and no cinnamon. Still, any worthy herbal drink is better than none, and he rustles through the kitchen until he finds a sizeable teapot.

Terra is the first among the two to finish his brew, and he prepares several mugs of tea. He tells Riku that they’ll meet later. The floor where Rydia stays is the one directly below the top floor, where the other high-ranking members of their group stay. Terra doesn’t have to knock on each door to find out which one in is hers - it’s the only one in the hall that is open.

A painting of a brown-cloaked figure sits on the wall across her bed. Her room is painted a beautiful olive green, although the same can’t be said for the way she looks. Her face is grayed out, just barely like a corpse. She has so much sweat that her bright green hair is slightly damp. She is wearing a simple white cotton dress, like it is meant to be a hospital gown. Terra breathes in slowly enough to make it unnoticeable that he’s affected by the sight - she is his own failure staring at him in the face.

Garnet is sleeping on a loveseat by the window. The brown curtains are drawn, so not much sunlight is shining through.

“She’s been up all night trying to take care of me,” Rydia whispers, and it’s clear that she’s trying to contain her own emotions.

There are empty potion vials on her bedside table. Rydia smiles meekly, although her face shivers when she does. “None of the antidotes she gave me worked,” she says in such a monotone way that Terra assumes she’s in denial.  There is also a bandage on her left arm - Terra silently reminds himself that several methods of taking toxins out of the body is to let them bleed out. 

When she drinks Terra’s tea, she stops herself from crying. “This is actually so delicious.”

“You deserve to enjoy it,” Terra says, keeping his voice low, and resting his hand on her shoulder. He uses every will not to react to the touch, since the fever seeping through her skin is abnormally high.

“The only reason I’m still around is because of the magic. It helps me live longer.” She takes another sip, and her sigh is proof that she really loves the drink.

“That means you’re a super human.” Terra pulls out a chair and sits next to her bed.

Rydia smiles a little wider, and shakes off his compliment. “No, that doesn’t describe me at all.”

“Then you’re a super duper human.” Terra leans forward as he says this.

She lets out one chuckle. Just one. But it’s probably better than anything she has been feeling all night.

Riku walks into the room, the board games under one arm, and a large plate of steak with gravy, chicken broth, and a jug of water carried on his free hand. The board games go on the bed in front of her, and Terra clears the bedside table of the vials so the food can be placed there. Riku then gently shakes Garnet awake, who jolts up from her sleep and immediately checks the time.

“I’m so late.” She stops herself short when Terra hands her a mug of tea. “You are knowledgeable about tea? Our herbologist...”

Garnet eyes Rydia, and doesn’t trace her thought anymore. She looks up to Terra, almost in a desperate way. Like she’s been defeated too many times and is on the last leg of her own life. Like she’s telling Terra without saying anything that their herbologist was one they lost a long time ago.

“I know a thing or two,” Terra says. “There’s barely anything left in the kitchen. I can make some powerful brews if I had the right ingredients.” He lowers his voice just so Garnet can hear. “I can help with Rydia’s symptoms.”

Garnet chugs the tea and covers her mouth as she swallows. “Lulu sells tea leaves and other magical herbs. We should pay her a visit, for I know nothing of such things. Well,” she looks outside again at the clock tower. “I should be leaving. Has Noctis already left?”

Yes, he has. Garnet practically begs Riku to watch over Rydia, though he informs her that she doesn’t have to do that. Garnet then commands Terra to accompany her to the first district, where she should be welcoming newcomers to Traverse Town and checking in any new inventory to their stock. Riku sits by Rydia’s bed, and opens up a board game while she eats. Rydia is fascinated by the colors and rules of a game she’s never played before, and for a moment, the both of them forget she’s expiring.

Garnet runs to her room to wash up while Terra waits in the hallway. The headache has only grown worse.

_If I could have just let Kefka take her, she would be a Heartless by now. She would have at least a chance to come back to normal. She is now dying because of me._

He slams his hand against the wall, and groans from the pain. _I’m completely useless as a Keybearer._

“Are you alright?” Garnet is by his side, watching him grip his forehead.

“I have a massive headache.”

“A common problem with you?” She gestures for him to kneel before her, and holds both of her hands on the sides of his face as a tickling glow caresses him, slowly making the headache fade away.

Terra scoffs. “Unfortunately.”

The glow stops and she loses herself looking at him. “You aren’t well.”

He doesn’t have a reply to that. Saying anything more will probably make her suspicious, and he prays that she hasn’t noticed another heart within him. “Your professor teach you to heal the mind?”

“No.” She casts her eyes downward. “I taught myself, because Noctis needed it. Because, apparently, you do as well.” She walks ahead, presumably under the assumption that he will simply follow her. “I cannot heal the source of the strife, however. Merely make it easier for one to endure it.”

 

* * *

 

During the day, the first district is drenched in the smell of delectable dishes and strong coffee. Terra makes a mental note to show Aqua around as soon as she’s free. The town seems incredibly romantic, as well, but he tells himself that this isn’t about finally having the courage to go after the attention he wants. Being able to taste something as good as he can smell it should make her incredibly happy.

Garnet’s spirits are also lifted - though Terra can’t tell if it’s because she is truly enjoying the sights or if she’s tied to her duty to welcome the newcomers. Ahead of them is a large ship, adorned with multiple tall sails. There are crates everywhere, some open with weapons, and baskets of fruits and vegetables. Beside them are sacks of meats, and Cid is there with an open binder checking through them. Groups of people are surrounding it, many still walking down the gangway from the ship that gives them the freedom to touch land. In books, a ship like this belongs in the ocean, using the wind to direct it across. But Terra knows exactly what this is. He’s ridden one before, and visited the world where this technology comes from.

“A sky pirate ship?” He stops before they finally reach it. In order for it to travel worlds, it needs to have some sort of gummi modification.

Garnet whips around to meet his gaze. “Yes. This is the ferry that carried me here. I owe them my life.”

“Are you sure you don’t owe them more than that?” Terra cocks an eyebrow. Saving lives isn’t exactly on the agenda for any sort of pirate.

She holds her mother’s crystal dangling from her neck. “It’s true that pirates expect a form of payment. Treasures they can plunder - or perhaps other pleasures. I have paid them for their services in riches.” She smiles to herself, as if lost in a memory. “He also searches for food and other inventories that would be helpful - it helps him find more valuable things to add to his collection. But he wouldn’t take something that is sentimental. I know little of pirates, but I don’t believe it is a code they stand by. But he is different.”

Whoever she’s talking about, Terra is quick to notice. He is a tall man - quite clean for someone who does his business in stealing and snooping. What is more apparent is his taste, as his vest is designed with such elaborate embroidery that it’s almost surprising he’s a pirate instead of royalty. He walks down the gangway in a suave fashion, and he speaks the same way too.

“Young man,” he says to Terra, “mind the crates here? It’s not a suitable place for them.” He points, not with his finger, but with his wrist, at a group of crates near Terra. He lazily waves his wrist toward a space where these targeted crates should be moved to, and Terra obliges.

Noctis comes up from behind Terra, a scowl on his face. “Balthier,” he calls the pirate, “Terra is not a servant boy.”

“Well, he certainly looked the part,” Balthier says. When Noctis shoots him a glare, the pirate shrugs. “Charmless as ever, I see. Pray tell, where is your better half?”

Garnet is comforting a mother with two crying children, the husband looking grim. Noctis’ co-leader has a smile plastered on her face, and it must take strength just to keep it on among such panic.

“Well,” Balthier scoffs to Noctis, “doubtless better than you scaring off our new guests with that growl.”

“Is your ship modified?” Terra says, feeling the need to cut this kind conversation short.

“Yes,” Balthier says simply, though not without a sense of curiosity. “And how is it you know the way my ship is built?”

“I’ve been to a planet called Montressor when...” When he was seventeen. Which is fourteen years ago. Which means that perhaps is it not advisable to ask for a teenage boy named Jim Hawkins. “When I was younger. I hope that world hasn’t fallen.”

“I know it hasn’t, and I doubt it ever will. It’s quite the sizeable universe on its own.” And true this is. Such a world inhabiting multiple planets and an empty space of its own, it’s like a cluster of stars that form its own galaxy.

Coming down the gangway behind Balthier is none other than Cloud, who is carrying a bale of spears onto his shoulder. He sets the spears on top of the crates that Balthier wants moved, and Noctis raises his hands to his waist.

“We fought Kefka in the third district, like you wanted,” Noctis tells the soldier.

“And?” Cloud focuses on keeping the spears straight and organized.

Noctis takes a moment to respond - almost as if he doesn’t want to admit it. “We fared better.”

If Cloud feels smug about this, he doesn’t show it. “Good.”

“Maybe you should give me more credit for listening. And maybe you should clear these crates and move them over there.” Noctis cocks a half-smile. 

Cloud finally looks at Noctis for a moment, before walking back into the ship. “Bold of you to assume I’m interested in doing that.”

Noctis lets out an exasperated sigh and flails his hands. “I owe this guy my life, but he only listens to orders when he wants to.” 

He doesn’t allow Terra to help him with the crates, muttering about how he’s had too many people suggest that he needs to do more anyway. It must be a strange feeling, being stuck in a position where people respect him as a figure of authority, but only partly so. If he decides to help Noctis as well, does that mean that he too, is disobeying his commands?

Not that he has the time to argue with himself. A very tall woman walks by him, barely taller than he is. Her ears, shaped like a jackrabbit’s, continue to stretch her height to unbelievable proportions. Her skin is dark, her incredibly long hair stark white - for a moment, Terra nearly jumps at the sight, half-expecting to see a familiar face. But he knows these are traits of the Viera, her race of people, and he has seen them before when Eraqus took him and Aqua to visit her world. She is clad in very revealing armor, finished with a pair of heels that support the way her feral feet are shaped. Her walk is almost like a glide, light and airy, as though she has all the time in the world to get to her destination. She stops and slowly turns her head toward Terra, and a creeping sensation that she can see through him arises. Almost like she can determine his secret, and with it comes a facial expression that tells him she isn’t pleased to see it.

“Keybearer,” she says, sharpening her vowels and consonants, “your name?”

“It’s Terra.” He hopes with all his might that she won’t be able to tell who he’s hiding.

“Tell me, Terra,” she says, rolling the r’s in his name so much that he blushes at the sound. “Do you believe the stars watch over us?”

Different worlds will have beliefs that justify their way of life. Some adopt religions, some adopt a looser understanding of spirituality. For sky pirates, the reliance over the stars to guide them is immensely important, to the point that some place importance on their divinity. A Keyblade wielder is not the same - they merely observe the beliefs of others. But they follow the only knowledge they know - that a world will shine with a bright light, and that light is the star they see.

“I believe they are more distant than we like to think,” he says. “But they offer us the reminder that there is hope, when we need it to go on.”

The Viera’s brows raise as if in surprise. “Then may the stars watch over us both, for the sun here is dim.” To his eyes, it certainly isn’t that way, but he supposes she isn’t talking about what they are currently seeing. She turns to leave him, and his stomach does a flip. He has just barely escaped the accusations that she made him feel were coming.

He doesn’t notice that Noctis and Cloud are back, handling the weapons and crates, and exchanging some words. “Fran makes everyone feel like that,” Noctis says. “I don’t know how Balthier resists her.”

Cloud snorts and lays down a bundle of swords in their sheaths. “I don’t think he does at all.”

Heat rises in Terra’s cheeks and he shakes off the sensations that come after hearing listening to such a subject. He overhears Garnet, who has an open crate filled with potions in front of her, ask Fran if they have found any elixirs. Fran’s tone with Garnet is much sweeter and comforting, although she states that no, they haven’t found any. Garnet closes her eyes, and looks as though she is fighting back tears. She approaches Terra, and upon noticing Cloud’s appearance, finds it difficult to pull a smile.

“I’ve heard about Rydia,” Cloud says to her. “It’s really a shame.”

Garnet doesn’t look at him at first. She holds her hands to herself before mustering the will to finally face him. “We’re trying to help her.”

Cloud at first is going to say something in return, but stops himself. He is full of pity, and returns to the weapons he is organizing. Noctis simply keeps his stare onto a closed crate, before opening to check what is inside of it. Clothes. Not any help, either.

Garnet asks Terra to then join her to Lulu’s. Noctis tells her to be safe, which is a strange request. Being with a Keyblade wielder in broad daylight among busy streets should make her very safe, indeed. But Garnet explains that when she arrived to Traverse Town with Noctis, the three friends that came with him made every attempt to include her and her guardian with them at all times of the day. Something about how they suffered loss together, and should build hope together. The six of them were inseparable. It essentially stayed way even when there was just the two of them left.

“It’s rare that we are separate,” she says as they enter the backstreets of Traverse Town. The residential buildings here are so tall that many areas are still hidden from the sunlight.

“And your magic is just as unique as his,” Terra says, with this sudden feeling that they are not okay. Not in this area. She isn’t safe after all.

“I don’t believe it is. It’s only powerful. My offensive spells are draining - I’m sure you wielders understand,” she says with so much of a carefree attitude that she surely isn’t noticing the same thing he is. “Using too much magic drains your soul’s essence, and leaves you empty.”

They are definitely being watched. Terra stops and quickly scans the area, Garnet stopping just ahead of him. Many people are passing by them in both directions. None of them are suspicious. He looks up towards the buildings, noticing children playing and adults talking on the upper floors. None of them are creepy either.

“What is wrong?” she asks him.

Terra wills himself to smile. “Making sure you are safe. I thought I saw something weird.”

“Something weird...” Garnet looks off to nowhere, as if remembering something. “Before my world fell, I met a very young man who didn’t come from anywhere I knew.”

“You mean from an outside world?”

Garnet uses her hands to show off her height. “He was tall. There was no plausible explanation for it. He wore a black robe, and asked me many questions about the way magic worked in my world, and what kinds of properties a person must possess in order to wield it.” Her face is sad, the smile completely fake.

 _A black robe_. “Who was he?”

“His name was Xehanort. He was very reverent, but he feigned kindness. In my line of work, you’ll get used to reading people. I wasn’t able to decipher what his intentions were, but there was something very wrong with him. It didn’t take more than three weeks for my world to fall after.”

Terra feels his smile fall at the mention of his name. Riku has told him about a time-traveling version of Xehanort. One who is a teenager. But Garnet doesn’t seem to notice his expression.

“I hold no regrets for anyone I have met here in Traverse Town,” she says, her eyes to the cobblestones on the ground. “But I curse every other solemn night, and everything that has happened to us since.”

Terra started to say that he curses Xehanort as well, but she asks for his professional opinion over whether she is in any danger. When he says no, she beckons him to follow her to a building that is drenched in shadow because the sun doesn’t hit it.

It is tall with many windows, and a sign stands above the doorway, reading _Lulu’s_. Behind the door is a woman in an elaborate black dress that drapes the floor. She has braids in her long black hair, heavy makeup, and decorative sticks pushed into her bun. A fierce-looking woman, but one with grace. Terra can hear the yelps of children and feet pattering on the wooden floor above him.

Lulu embraces Garnet, and they speak of Rydia. She is Rydia’s mentor, and upon hearing about the younger mage’s condition, she holds herself and hangs her head. Lulu talks about how Rydia has such potential for better and brighter things. Garnet mentions that they are here to help heal her, but Lulu doesn’t look convinced.

Still, Lulu is kind to Terra’s visit either way, and she invites him upstairs to meet the children. They are orphans, and while Lulu says that she’s not a great babysitter, she is their last defense, being a mage and all. They all hide in the basement during a Kefka attack.

The upstairs stores different rooms, many of them featuring several bunk beds. It’s familiar, since the orphanage where Terra grew up is the same. Towards the front of the building is a large room for arts and crafts. The children inside all gawk at him, and obsess over his armor. How cool it is that he wields a Keyblade, and how strong he must be. That he looks like a hero. They ask him if he will defeat Kefka. If they will save him. If any of their Heartless parents will come back.

A young girl with short blonde pigtails, perhaps seven years old, sits at the back of the room by herself, holding a large studded animal shaped like a black rabbit. She doesn’t acknowledge his existence at all, and stares at the wood panels underneath her. In the stories of old, it is said that the light of children has saved the worlds from the Keyblade War. That their light is so strong, it cannot be snuffed. Except for one’s own personal darkness, apparently. Hers is so dim that Terra can barely sense it.

“What’s your name?” he asks her.

The girl looks at him, and he recognizes the expression. It’s the same one that Aqua had, when he first met her after her parents had died. He considers it a living death, for the hollowness it leaves behind. “Penelo,” she says.

“And who’s this, Penelo?” He points to the rabbit.

“This is Oswald, the lucky rabbit.” She barely looks at him. He wonders if its embarrassment that a famous Keyblade wielder is talking to her, or if she simply wants to be alone. No, that’s not right. She needs someone to be there for her right now.

“Can I see him?” She hands him Oswald. Soft but sturdy. “Who gave him to you?”

Penelo whispers her answer. “My parents. When we came here.”

He creates a facial expression that can easily communicate to her that he’s inspecting the studded animal, rolling his lips upward and ridiculously furrowing his brows. He nods and mutters _mm-hmm’s_ , as if finding something interesting with the rabbit. “Your parents did well. It’s a very special rabbit.”

“What does that mean?”

Terra holds two fingers to the chest of the doll, a small light shining from them. A protection spell, one that can only be used once. He hopes that it never has to be used. But most importantly, what she really needs is to believe that her parents are still watching over her.

“They gave this to you to protect you. They obviously love you very much. As long as you have Oswald, the magic of their love will stay forever.” He gently hands it back to her, as if it’s delicate and worthy of worship.

Penelo hugs Oswald, some tears falling on her face as he ruffles her hair. He then exchanges some playful words with the other children as Penelo rocks Oswald, until he is back with Lulu and Garnet.

“Thank you for making her smile,” Lulu says. “She hasn’t at all since she arrived.”

“Penelo lost her mother in the attack before you came,” Garnet tells him. “Her father passed away some time ago.”

There is a knot in Terra’s stomach. Orphans and vulnerable children simply strike a nerve. “You’re doing amazing by them,” he says, directing the message to Lulu. “I hope you know how much they really appreciate you, even if they are unable to say it.”

A flicker in Lulu’s eyes tell him that she’s incredibly touched, especially since this isn’t her calling, per se. She then invites him downstairs, knowing he is here for herbs.

The first floor is where she keeps her store. All purchases go toward the rent of the building, and taking care of those kids. The storefront itself is small, the lanes tight and the shelves packed with all sorts of objects. A large container holds several weave baskets of tea leaves and other herbs. Some are simple that can be used for cooking, yet they still have healing properties. Some Terra recognize as purely magical. He fills a large sack for each of them as Garnet and Lulu chat away about the state of affairs at the counter, paying no attention to the price.

When he has several sacks of medicinal herbs that will help with fevers, coughs, headaches, congestion, blood cells, scars, and the mind, he approaches the counter. But not without passing by a shelf full of trinkets. On that shelf is the decorative music box that Hope fixed, adorned with its dark blue gems. He puts the sacks down, and plays the box.

The box is so small that when it opens, it only shows the cylinder disc with its teeth. Most of the notes are high, and it’s like a slow dance, the low notes dispersed as these two groups take turns floating around in his imagination. The melody strikes a very smooth and sweet melody, though somewhat sad. Like a ghost remembering all of the happiest of memories.

“That sounds so lovely, yet strangely melancholy,” he hears Garnet say to him.

“I want to get this for Aqua,” he says. “She loves music.”

The thought of him giving this to her, and seeing what her reaction would be - he daydreams that she brightens up, like she used to do so many years ago. Maybe she will hug him. He hopes for more than that, but it’s just good enough that she smiles at him. Anything to get her to smile at him. Even if she refuses to forgive him. Or maybe this will help her forgive him. Help her see that he really does care, even when he failed when it mattered the most.

He places the music box and the sacks of herbs on the counter. “Do you have anything protective I can give as a gift?” he asks Lulu, who is standing by her register. Protective items for the most part don’t exist, as far as he knows, because protective magic is difficult and never lasts. But it doesn’t hurt to try.

“Not protective, but if you need to come to someone’s aid, I do have something special.” Behind her is a shelf covered in glass. She unlocks it and hands him a large whistles, ornate with red gems. “It’s bewitched. When it is blown, it doesn’t make any noise. The only one to hear it is the one the owner of the whistle hopes to reach.”

“Is this for Aqua, too?” Garnet asks, a knowing smile on her face.

“For my other best friend, Ventus. He’s young, and I want to actually be there for him when he needs me.” _For all the times I’ve failed him, too.  
_

“I don’t mean to pry, but why give Ventus something so useful when Aqua gets a stunning piece of decor?”

Terra laughs and nods. “I know what you mean. Aqua is the kind of person who likes to take care of others. She doesn’t really like any other implications that she can’t do it, or that she needs help. I just want to make her happy.”

Garnet nods quickly. “I can relate to her sentiments.”

The total sum comes to over a 1,500 munny, and Lulu offers a discount since he is a Keyblade wielder. But he refuses, tired of being treated so special.

“Besides, I want my munny to go to these kids,” he says.

He and Garnet each carry a large basket out with the fresh herbs, the two special gifts in the pockets of his pants. He doesn’t sense anyone watching them, and they start their stroll back to the hotel.

It is still mid-afternoon, and the sun is shining brightly - but not enough to keep away the shadows that lurk in the backstreets, where the buildings are so tall that they block the sun from its reach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter makes references to Treasure Planet (2002)**. Yes, I’m basically saying that Balthier and Fran are from that world, and I think it works. I have it in my mind to explore pre-BBS memories of Terra, Aqua and Eraqus visiting that world, but I’m unsure.
> 
> The music box melody is based off of James Horner’s “Casper’s Lullaby,” from Casper (1995).


	23. Feckless, pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! So I said that I may have to split this entire “Feckless” section into three parts, but it turns out that I can blend the other two parts together into one. I couldn’t help myself but indulge in some Terra and Riku bro-bonding, and there’s all the plot development you need for now. It has been a hard chapter for sure, and I barely have time to really hash it out. At the moment, I tried my best and I may re-edit when I have the time after the game comes out. For now, I worked very hard on this and I’m tired, y’all. Enjoy the extra word count!

The first thing Terra needs to do is organize all of the tea leaves. He is in the kitchen storage, gathering cubby boxes and labeling them – one for each type of herb. Then he hunts for paper and writes down recipes, the vast majority of them medicinal. He defines which herb is good for which symptom, which ones give a magical boost, which ones taste good boiled with fruits, and how one can make even the most vile magical plant tolerant to the tongue. He also mixes some for the most common symptoms, for easy access. He pins several pages of these instructions onto the wall next to the shelf that houses all of these ingredients, for anyone to see. Finally, he is of use to these people.

Next on the list is to make a fresh brew for Rydia. With a more potent mix this time, he should be able to give a stronger dose that will be able to quell her fever. The cats have followed him to the kitchen, and Duchess in particular is fond of rubbing herself on his leg. It’s comforting to him, but only barely so. What she cannot ease is dealing with knowing how close he is to Aqua, and yet he is still stuck at the hotel, adhering to his duties to those who are in need.

The life of a Keyblade wielder. How long is he going to keep stalling Aqua just to make sure others are safe, when she needs him just as badly? Or is she expected to suffer longer because it, too, is her responsibility to keep the lives of innocents in check?

He puts a few empty mugs and the steaming teapot onto a tray, and carries it out of the kitchen, the cats following him. In the dining room are Balthier and Fran talking amongst themselves at a table. The pirate has his arm around the backrest, his tall companion right by his side, her jackrabbit ears standing straight out of the helmet she is wearing. Terra manages to catch a few words.

“…grip the hairs that stand on my skin. We cannot stay long. The earth here is sick,” Fran says. The delivery of her tone is flat, and it doesn’t sound at all she’s too pleased.

“Yes, because the cobblestones underneath my feet cannot bear the weight of them,” Balthier says, though he nods when he does so.

It’s a rather sarcastic sentence, but not one that is meant to dismiss her concerns. The nod, the movement to relax into his chair, the crossing of his legs – he believes her. It’s just his way of coping.

Fran notices Terra as he passes by, frowning at him. The scowl on her face is like an animal on edge, waiting for predator to make its move. “A shadow has befallen this land,” she says.

Terra manages to smile at them in acknowledgment, trying hard to ignore that she knows something isn’t right with him. And she isn’t wrong, exactly. Balthier nods back with a cocked grin. A pleasantry. Or is it suspicion? Will there ever be a day where he won’t feel eyes staring at him or hear a snicker?

Rydia’s room is illuminated by warm sunlight, and the mage is sitting on a lounge chair underneath the painting of the hooded figure in the brown cloak, with a damp towel around her neck. The figure holds a lit lantern in a dark cave, his face hidden from the sight of the onlooker.

She tells Terra she won the last game she and Riku played, and dismisses his concerns about being out of bed. She feels better. She can walk. She’s getting bored lying in bed for too long. To Terra, though, she looks the same – ghastly. He also can’t ignore that at times, she clutches her oblique where she has been stabbed.

“You know, this is more delicious than the last one you made me,” she says as she sips the new tea he brewed for her. He’s happy to hear it, though saddened to know that no tea exists for eliminating poison.

“I’ve bought sleeping weed for the batch I’ll make you tonight,” he says. “You’ll need as much bedrest as you can handle.”

Rydia mumbles something about how lame that sounds, hasn’t she had _enough rest already?_ “Is it going to be yucky, then?” she asks.

“No. It’s absolutely tasteless.”

Riku is packing up the board games that are all sprawled out on the bed, and Garnet is sitting on a desk with several files sprawled out. Each one has photos of mages that have gone missing in the past. It’s quite a substantial stack. Once a breathing person, now a pile of papers. Garnet says that she writes out details of them so they are not forgotten, and so that she can pray for them. Hope’s photo stands out amongst a small pile of the other six that were lost with him that night. Aside from him, it’s difficult to find another male mage in the collection. The rest of the women were of all ages, some who look as young as Hope. Some who look like they could have been new grandmothers. Most were young adult women who were at the prime of their lives, and should have begun their careers or looking for love. Terra can count at least two other male mages, both young adult men.

When Riku is done tidying up, he tells Terra that he’s ready. With a large enough teapot to last Rydia the day, Terra allows himself to relax - if only just a little. It’s time to leave the caretaking in Garnet’s hands and find Aqua with less guilt on his shoulders.

What’s left is to grab the map of the sewers, flashlights, and-

“Gas masks?” Terra asks when Riku tosses one to him.

“I’d like to keep my lunch this time,” Riku says.

The cats stop following as the Keybearers leave the hotel. Down an alley way not too far, they find a manhole that Terra has marked on the map, and don their masks before they drop inside.

The plan is to search every nook and cranny of the sewage system within the second district. They mark an ‘X’ over every door and room they inspect, and write checks over hallways they have passed through. With the map, the maze isn’t so intimidating. With the gas masks, traversing through the sewers, particularly the really dirty areas, is tolerable – except for the sweat that is trapped underneath them.

Of course, there are Heartless around every corner, lurking right under the streets where so many people are walking around with their groceries and with their friends. Riku is sure to nag Terra about practicing his dark powers – at the _very least_ to build some sort of resistance to them. But they always bring a headache. Terra forces himself not to drink what little is left of Tifa’s potion, just so that he can start to build a tolerance to the pain.

They talk about Heartless and the nature of darkness. Riku is most interested in hearing about how darkness has been formed in the past, before the Heartless. Terra talks about the Unversed, and decides to trust Riku enough to talk about Vanitas and his connection to Ventus. He talks about darkness before the Unversed – how many worlds, especially magical ones, will develop beings of darkness naturally. Keyblade wielders are tasked with restoring balance when it is threatened.

Some forms of darkness become legendary as lust after the abyss, and will either haunt a world into oblivion, or will travel in the in-between. For many of them, there is no record of where they come from. But most of them are ancient. The tale of Chernabog is an example. So is the legend of the Horned King. The Headless Horseman is another, although its existence hasn’t been confirmed. The man who killed Aqua’s parents, Ardyn, is a story that is true, and Terra recalls how terrified he was to meet him face to face. Kefka seems to be on this track to great and terrible power. Riku talks about the Heartless Sora has told him about – large, powerful ones that are ethereal and substantially frightening in comparison to the others.  Behemoths and phantoms alike. Sora has faced a man named Sephiroth, who also fits such a description. Maleficent, too, is a possibility.

“Should we consider Xehanort legendary, then?” Riku asks as Terra checks off one more hallway. They have just passed through the waste system – disgusting in its collection of rust and other nasties.

It’s the thought that Terra is carrying Xehanort and is therefore the definition of such a thing that gives him pause. “I would say so, considering how bad the situation has gotten. The worlds haven’t been in this much trouble since the stories of the Great Keyblade War. At least from what I know.”

“It’s just that sometimes I wonder if I open him up, will I find a heart in there or just some big, black mass,” Riku says.

Terra can’t help but snort. Blass mass, indeed. It’s exactly what it feels like when he gets a headache – like it’s trying to swallow him. The only person who deserves to suffer punishment in the Realm of Darkness is the old, sniveling man who should have been stabbed the day he met Eraqus.

The two wielders will often hear the clock tower bell ring, which sounds muffled underground. It marks every hour that passes by, but with no need to worry about Kefka tonight, Terra dismisses the sound. It’s just background noise tonight.

At first, he doesn’t have much to worry about if they don’t find anything right away. The second district is large, and he is bound to discover something. But they keep rounding corners, and the clock tower keeps ringing, and every room comes up empty in giving them what they want. Up until they reach the final area where they haven’t checked through, and Terra tells himself that perhaps they are unlucky to choose this spot last. There _has_ to be something there.

But there isn’t. It’s just more Heartless and more rooms filled with machinery and large, unused fans. When they get to their last room, Riku caresses Terra’s shoulder, and the latter is grateful that he has a mask on so he doesn’t show just how devastated and angry he is.

_I don’t understand._

They stand there in silence. Riku mentions that maybe they are misinterpreting Terra’s dream, and Terra silently hopes that Riku doesn’t bring up plan B – wait until the world finally falls.

The headache is worse and Terra grunts. He grips the map so tightly that he wrinkles it, and barely stops himself from tearing it in half.

“Let’s not ruin the map,” Riku says as he slowly pries it from Terra’s fingers.

With his hands free, Terra summons his Keyblade. She isn’t here. But she has to be. Behind the walls. The headache pounds a little harder, and he swings it against the wall of cement next to him, gashing it so that it shows bits of the stone that keeps it standing.

“Terra.”

Terra grips his Keyblade so hard that his hand shakes. _I hate that tone. It’s like he’s scared of me._

“Come on,” Riku continues. “Let’s go over our next steps. We do have _all_ that territory the Heartless inhabit out in the east. It’s not the end of the world.”

There is just too much weight hanging on those last few words, and the room suddenly feels claustrophobic. Terra doesn’t say anything and bolts out, treading up a ladder nearby until he finally can feel the freshness of the late chill air on his skin. It’s night, and the clock tower reads half past seven. Riku comes up behind him, and the first thing they notice is how everyone around them keep their distance, their fingers clenching their noses.

Riku mumbles that they must stink, but again, Terra doesn’t reply. He briskly starts a walk back toward the direction of the hotel, Riku silently by his side. _My dream can’t be wrong. Naminé wouldn’t lie to me. So then what am I misinterpreting?_

Even with all the paces up until they reach the hotel, Terra can’t come up with a better explanation. Something in his stomach turns when he considers the thought that he might have to swim in the sewage water, murky in its image and probably hiding many more secrets that it’s letting on. _If it’s for Aqua, then so be it._

He mentions it to Riku, who replies with an “ABSOLUTELY NOT. Let’s try to search through the quarantined areas first. It’s a less crazy plan.”

He hears a loud gasp, and sees Garnet standing outside the hotel entrance with both of her hands covering her nose and mouth. She stomps one foot and brings her hands to her hips, telling them that they smell _positively toxic_. She claps her hands as if to shoo away a dog, leading them through the hotel with pointed fingers, and _commands_ that they leave her their clothes and shoes for cleaning, and that they _bathe immediately_.

In the spacious bathtub of his hotel room, Terra stands under the cold, clean water gushing out of the showerhead. He leans against the wall, his eyes wandering around the edges of tiles. More time wasted. More pointless adventures. Aqua is in need of her best friend, and he’s doing a terrible job.

He wraps his towel around his waist when he is done and sifts through the closet and drawers. There aren’t any clothes. Someone knocks on his door. Riku is dressed in pajama shorts and a loose shirt, and has a pile of some comfortable looking garments in his arms.

“I figured you haven’t picked any clothes from the donations pile, so I brought some. I also got some of Lea’s stuff, since you are both the same height,” the teenager says as he drops the clothes on Terra’s bed. Behind him come the cats, who chirp as they enter the room and scatter to explore the exciting new territory that is his bedroom. 

“Lea is a stick,” Terra says.

“And you like to wear your shirts tight anyway. I figured you’d like the silhouette.”

Lea’s shirts are so small that they can’t go past Terra’s shoulders.

Riku flexes his own bicep, toned. “What does it take to get them that big?”

Terra goes for another shirt – one he is sure doesn’t belong to Lea. “Protein, protein, and more protein. And resistance exercise. Sometimes it’s just genes.”

“Which you don’t seem to lack at all. What do you think it would look like if I started building them like yours?”

For as much confidence Riku likes to flaunt he has, the thought that he would ask such an intimate question about his appearance makes Terra smile warmly. He wonders if Riku ever asked Sora this question. Knowing Sora, he probably will crack a joke. “I think your muscles look pretty good for your size. You’re quite strong, you know.”

Riku caresses his bicep as a response, his eyes looking over at whatever is faraway and nonexistent, never meeting his friend’s.

Terra tries on the pajama pants in his bathroom. Most are too short. Lea’s are so tight that they scream for attention toward his personal assets. He figures he may have to keep the towel, until he finds one pair that are of perfect length and pack the comfort of cotton to boot.

Once dressed and back out in his bedroom, Terra and Riku move the furniture up against the walls, and carry curious kittens onto the bed. They practice their form with their Keyblades. Riku instructs his student to move slowly while purposefully channeling darkness through the Ends of the Earth.

As long as he can focus on a directive, like the dream of obliterating any threat that can ever come close to Aqua and Ventus, darkness will flicker and lick his Keyblade. To use darkness for valiant efforts. What if he is so powerful that Aqua - who must have been fighting this entire time for her life - will never have to defend herself again? He can be her shield. He can swallow any darkness she has absorbed for her, and cure her of nightmares.

To think of using this power for protection makes the darkness manageable, and it hurts the least it has ever been. He swings his Keyblade gently, feeling the darkness seep out of him, resisting the temptation to blast a hole through the wall just to see how powerful he can be. He can protect his family. He can use darkness as light. And she can rest.

But is that the solution then – to be selfish and tell her to never attempt to fight again so he can play hero all the time? She’ll hate him for that.

It’s so hard not to remember how he left them to fend for themselves that day, when he fought Xehanort atop that tall plateau. Or how stupid he was to believe Xehanort in the first place.

There it is, the pounding headache and the sensation that his hair is being pulled. Xehanort knows and is watching, just waiting for the opportunity. And Eraqus – will he be disappointed, again? Is this the life for Terra, to shun everything his Master has done for him, when he probably should have never been picked up at the orphanage in the first place?

Riku holds his hands to Terra’s right wrist, which is shaking as he grips his Keyblade. “You got this,” the teenager says.

Terra lets his Keyblade drop and exhales. “It takes so much effort to control it. How will I ever wield darkness easily enough to be any use?”

“Cutting out any hard time you’re giving to yourself is a good place to start.”

Easier said than done. Riku’s been forgiven. Terra rubs his face and runs his hand through his hair. There is a power that is yet to be threatening “I have to show you something.”

Terra dismisses his Keyblade and takes note of the chairs and lamps scattered around his room. “I’ve tapped into Xemnas’ powers.” He holds both of his palms up on either side of his body. “It’s like a push. I simply need them to move, and I make the particles around them solidify and pick them up. I think Xemnas wanted complete control over anything he wanted.”

Riku snickers, but stops short of saying anything as the lamps and the chairs in the room shake and gently float in the air. With a wave of one hand, Terra can make the objects spin slowly, and with a wave of the other, make them come together. Riku stares, his eyes wide, and approaches one of the lamps hovering in the air.

“Make the particles around them move, huh?” He inspects the underside of the lamp. “I wonder what that means for his offensive magic. He was able to do all sorts of stuff. He had sabers of light, and created explosions and could protect himself – pretty much anything he thought of. Maybe you can crush those same particles?”

It’s worth a shot. Terra focuses on an empty space right in front of him, and brings his palms close together. He contorts his fingers, and mimics a movement that looks as though he is squeezing the space in between. He imagines the space just imploding on itself. A tumbling force of fire appears, combusts, and blows out.

An open smile pulls at Terra’s lips. He and Riku stare at each other and stumble into laughter. It feels good, not having to face pain when acquiring such power.

“Okay, now put these things down,” Riku says, waving towards all the objects that are still suspended in the air.

Terra thinks about gently pushing them down. It only really forces the chairs and the lamps onto the ground, but he can’t let go of them. They fly back up into the air. He tries again, and it creates the same reverb affect.

“Ugh, just let go,” he says shortly.

The lamps and chairs all drop in a vibrating crash. It makes the floor vibrate and it’s loud enough to make the two of them jump back in surprise. The kittens run everywhere while a startled Duchess arches her back on the bed.

Riku snickers. “Xemnas did enjoy hurling things at people.”

The sound of footsteps hurrying over makes its way. The door bursts open and in walks Garnet, her face frozen in shock as she pauses to survey the scene.

“Sorry, we were experimenting,” Terra says, immediately beginning to pick up one of the lamps and inspecting it for damage.

Garnet smacks her lips, and slams her hand to heart. “Terra, you gave me a fright!” She goes on to lecture them about the value of silence, and how much she worries over them while she retrieves her cart from the hallway. On it are their clothes, shoes, and the gauntlet and braces that Terra wears on his left arm.

“What took you so long?” Riku asks as he helps Terra re-organize the lamps into their proper places, and straighten out the chairs.

“I happened to make a discovery.” She is delighted, almost as if she has gone through the most intriguing journey. “A contraption called a washing machine.”

Not even Riku can hide a wide smile on his face, even if he tries to shake his head of it.

“Of course, I didn’t have the knowledge to operate it,” Garnet continues, handing Riku his clothes, arm braces, and shoes. “So I’ve requested Noctis’ wisdom on the matter. But he didn’t know how to use it, either.

“Did you guys not have washing machines in your worlds?” Terra asks, collecting his shoes and armor from her. From the looks of it, she scrubbed and polished them.

“Oh, Noctis knew of them, but they simply weren’t part of his expertise,” she says.

_What kind of answer is that?_

She hands him the pile of his newly washed clothes. “Thankfully, Cloud was able to help us.

Riku starts to move the furniture that have been stacked against the wall back into place, scoffing over the idea of Cloud acting like his mother. Garnet thanked Terra for the tea and appreciated his efforts in helping her. Learning to wash his clothes is the least she can do for him in return. She then leaves the men to get dressed, and Riku hurries off into Terra’s bathroom to change.

It’s much more comfortable being dressed in what he considers his uniform. The map is sprawled open on his desk, and he knows he probably shouldn’t look it over. It will only make him feel worse. But he can’t help it, his headaches be damned. He needs to know what he’s done wrong. He traces his fingers on the blueprints of the hallways and doors he has marked notes all over. Something catches his eye. He traces them over fairly faint lines that are printed alongside the heavily inked illustrations. He has noticed these when he first found the map, but didn’t have an answer for them at the time. There is still no answer for what these are.

“Riku,” Terra calls out when the bathroom door opens, “do you see these?”

Riku looks over his shoulder. “They look like more hallways.”

“But we didn’t see any entrances to them. We’ve searched every room.”

“Maybe they’re not part of the sewers?”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m not sure. But look,” Riku points his index finger at a couple of places where these faint lines come close to noted manholes. “We know where these streets are. If we can find a separate entrance that leads underground-”

Terra immediately folds the map up and moves to quickly put on his armor. Impatient, yes, but enough time has passed. He has all night to do this. “Let’s go.”

Back out in the streets, the night air is cooler. Terra feels some slight fatigue, but it’s worth forgoing sleep for the chance to explore more. He opens his map to orient himself, but he suddenly stops. It’s that feeling again. He’s being watched. People are leisurely spending their evening getting lost in their food and shopping. Parents are distracting their children with desserts. Some are still haunted from the night before, picking at their food like it can never satisfy them– perhaps they are the loved ones of those lost.

 _There_. A man in a black cloak, standing on an intersection of the sidewalk and a narrow alleyway in between a toy store and restaurant. He turns the moment Terra notices him.

“Hey!”

Terra immediately charges, leaving behind a surprised Riku who calls his name. The man runs into the alley, dashing into angled corners the moment he has any opportunity to. Immediately, Terra loses his own sense of direction, unsure where he is among the crossovers of spaces in between tall buildings and past garbage dumps. Riku must be looking for him, too, also probably lost in this fray. But it doesn’t matter. This man _will_ talk, so he can’t lose his target.

Eventually, Terra finds himself in the third district, which still has leftover rubble from the night before. Many of the light posts have been demolished, and some of the former residential homes have been blown open. The man stands in the middle of the square, his arms at his side.

“It sure has been a while, Terra,” the man says. He carries with him an aura as if everything to him is a joke. “I was almost starting to think you weren’t interested in seeing me.

“Do I know you?” Terra doesn’t move. He simply observes, his right hand flexed for the moment he needs his Keyblade.

“Oh, I’m absolutely _crushed_ you don’t remember me.” The man wraps his arm around Terra’s shoulders, as if greeting a close companion. “After everything I’ve been through - sheesh, do you pack quite a punch. Every time I look at my own face, I get reminded of you.” The man pulls his hood back. He’s older, streaks of gray invading his greasy hair. He is the man Terra thought kidnapped Xehanort, though he has an eye patch now, his one visible eye a sickly golden yellow.

Terra shudders looking at him. This man has only been a rouse. An object to make a fool out of him. From the looks of it, he is still a tool. With no answer, the man simply pokes at Terra’s chest. “You smell peachy. Being squeaky clean is good for your health, you know. Running ‘round the sewers isn’t really the best-”

Terra grabs the cloak and pulls the man in, their faces so close that their noses almost touch. Terra stares down into the yellow eye, making certain that the pupil is staring back – that this man gets the message. “Tell me what you know of her.”

The man waves his arms back as if giving up. “If you’re asking about your little girlfriend, I don’t know jack squat. She’s not what I’m here for.”

Terra squeezes the leather of the cloak so much that it squeaks in between his fingers. A need to gut the man in the stomach rises in him. “Then I don’t have the time for you,” Terra says, pushing the man so hard that he stumbles to stay on top of his feet.

“Wait just a minute!” the man calls out as Terra walks away. “You gave _Saïx_ , of _all_ people, your undivided attention but you can’t spare a little time for an old friend?”

It takes too much strength to muster the patience to stop himself from summoning his Keyblade and clobbering this yapping idiot, but Terra is once again distracted. Riku runs up to the area, panting when he comes up to his friend’s side. “Terra, Xigbar’s dangerous,” he says through sighs.

Terra feels himself smile, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t worry about him,” he says, holding a hand up. “The scars on his face are proof he’s no match for me.”

His words are far better weapons than his blade, being that Xigbar’s face contorts from that snarl of a smile to a snarl of contempt. And it’s satisfying. “Why you little brat,” Xigbar starts.

But a soft, low voice interrupts the tension, saying, “let’s not allow ourselves to get carried away, when we haven’t the time.” A shadow forms beside Xigbar, and out of it steps a young man, barely Terra’s age.

He has a deeper skin color, contrasting so much with his stark white hair and round, yellow eyes that it’s impossible not to know who he is. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, the one that makes him up must be artificial – though he’s practiced in pretending. His voice is detached, yet respectful. It feigns care, yet it is interested enough to make anyone think otherwise.

This young version of Xehanort smiles at Terra. “Hello, Terra,” he nods. “I’ve been quite at work, ever since you’ve decided to wake up.”

Terra has expected to look into these eyes in the face of his own reflection in a mirror, at the very least. The voice is so young that it cannot compare to the raspy nature of the old man’s, though it’s the same. Polite and fake. Like everything else about him. His mentorship, and his friendship with Eraqus. _That bastard._

Terra summons his Keyblade and nearly lunges forward when Riku grabs onto his arm. “If you fight, I’ll fight with you,” Riku says to him in a low voice.

Xehanort has his arms slightly open, as if welcoming a fight. A smile braces his face, and it’s eerily familiar. It’s the smile he wears when he’s close to getting something he wants, and Terra has sworn to himself that he would never see it again. He decides to dismiss his Keyblade and try his best to relax back into a neutral posture. Xehanort’s smile weakens, his arms slowly lowering.

“I expected more out of you,” Xehanort says. “You have such an important destiny laid out, yet it’s impossible for you to comprehend what that is.” Almost as if he wills it to happen, he smiles again. “You truly are good-for-nothing.”

Terra steps forward, his throat constricting and his eyes starting to burn. He’s heard this phrase too many times. Never again. “Every time someone curses their awful situation, they’re cursing at _you_ ,” he says, trying his best not to allow his voice to get brittle. “Even if they don’t know it. You’re the most hated person in the universe, and that makes you pathetic.”

“It’s amusing how you think that is so significant.” Xehanort cocks his head to lean toward Xigbar, but doesn’t bother to look at him. “You came here to deliver a message.”

Xigbar, jolted out of his silence, holds his hand to his forehead. “What did you guys name that Heartless? Ah, Kefka. I originally came here to tell you that’s it’s dropping a visit tonight.”

It’s Riku’s turn to step forward. “That’s not possible. It comes every two nights, and it never broke that rule.”

“You can say that it didn’t really get the fix it needed.” Xigbar shrugs.

Riku trembles, slowly getting angrier. “Seven people turned into Heartless last night. That isn’t enough?”

Xehanort surveys the scene around him. The debris on the ground. Front doors from buildings that are scattered on the walkways. Burnt flags.

“Kefka is a fascinating case,” he says. “It is a Heartless that has grown beyond our control. Perhaps it was once a sorcerer, who lusted after power and couldn’t stop even beyond being swallowed by darkness. Does it matter, its former identity? Yet the implications of its sentience – it makes me wonder whether people turn into Heartless because they have given up and succumbed to their fright, or if they sought it for themselves.”

“It killed people,” Terra says shortly.

“Yes,” Xehanort nods. “It is messy.” He says this with a slight disgust, as if killing is below him.

Bold words for a man who killed someone who loved him. “I hate you,” Terra says, hating himself for shaking his own words so much. Hating himself for feeling Riku’s eyes on him, because he simply isn’t strong enough to let the past go.

Xehanort scoffs gently. “Predictable.” A shadow forms behind him, and he turns to make his leave. “Do take care of yourself, Terra. You wouldn’t want to rob yourself a reunion with her.”

Xigbar waves his _adios_ and his _it’s been a nice reunion_ , before exiting through the shadow. It dissipates, leaving the two Keyblade wielders standing by themselves. The silence around them is thick and loud. The headache is awful, and Terra wants to wrangle something at the thought of Xehanort even mentioning her existence. Riku gently rubs his back, telling Terra to let the anger out. Aqua... she has to wait again.

“We need to tell the others,” Terra finally says. However, he is unable to regain much of his composure.

“Now hold on,” Riku brings a finger up. “I don’t understand the purpose of giving us this information.”

“They don’t want to see me get hurt.” There is something gross about that statement. To be kept safe, when Aqua isn’t.

“Xehanort looking out for other people? That’s new.”

“I’m still a vessel for the older Xehanort’s heart.” It’s nauseating to say. “They need me.”

Riku’s mouth hangs, agape. “Have you ever considered that maybe he _wants_ you to find her? That he wants to use you to get to her?”

Terra feels his eyes quiver. He shakes any ideas off his head. He _will_ be there to save her, and there is no way Xehanort will get near her. “But Kefka-”

“What if this is a trap? What if he’s planning something to take you back?”

The clock reads just before nine. It’s barely any time for preparations. “Riku, we can’t gamble with their lives over this.

Riku takes turns looking at the clock tower and back at Terra, muttering something to himself. Defeat looks like frustration on the teenager, and he snarls. “I hate this.”

 

* * *

 

“Are you saying Kefka has a quota that needs to be filled?” Noctis is standing in Rydia’s room, addressing Riku directly.

Rydia and Garnet are sharing the table, the notes of the fallen mages scattered about. They have moved on from writing details of each person to organizing their names in a chart. The teapot also shares a space on the table surface, a mug of freshly poured tea by its side. Rydia is crying silently, clutching her oblique. Garnet has her hands folded, staring blankly at the wall in front of her.

“I’m not exactly sure,” Riku says.

This only makes Noctis angrier, and his voice raises in volume. “That’s not good enough, Riku. _What am I supposed to do?_ ”

Garnet calmly closes her eyes when he yells, and a single tear falls. Terra stands close to Rydia, consistently checking on her to see if she has a bad reaction to any of this. Stress really shouldn’t be added to her list of ailments.

Noctis slams his palm into his forehead and wipes away his bangs as he looks up to the ceiling. “And to top it off, this world is going to fall?” His voice starts to growl into a whisper. “We can’t keep doing this. We can’t fight it every night. I’m calling an emergency meeting. Be there in a few minutes.”

With that, Noctis abruptly leaves the bedroom, Riku immediately following. Terra has to wonder how awful the guilt must be for Noctis, who is the target Kefka is after. It is under the silent assumption that Rydia isn’t included in that command, which is why Terra and Garnet are surprised when she speaks up.

“I want to go, too,” Rydia says. Her voice cracks a little.

“Are you sure you’re okay to walk?” Terra asks.

“I’m only feeling a little nauseous, that’s all.” She sniffs back her tears, takes the mug of tea and drinks from it. “But I do want to support everyone else. I hate not being able to do anything.”

Garnet attempts to help Rydia stand, but she is dismissed. Rydia stands on her own, the mug in one hand, and walks a few steps. Then she wobbles and collapses forward, the tea spilling all over the dark green carpet. Garnet shrieks and Terra rushes to carry Rydia onto her bed, her skin hot from the fever.

Under Garnet’s command, Terra takes a metal pail which stands next to the bed, and fills it with clean water from the tub. He isn’t the best at conjuring magical spells, but like any other Keyblade wielder, he knows how to do it. He casts a Blizzard into the pail twice in order to get some ice forming, and dashes it to the bedside table.

Garnet dips a towel into the water and folds it over Rydia’s forehead. Terra goes ahead to pour another cup of tea.

“I’ll be there in a moment,” she says. When he simply looks at her, the teacup suspended in his hand, she almost snaps. “You should attend the meeting. I'll be fine.”

 

* * *

 

The meeting starts in the small employee lounge room that Noctis like to take naps in, on the first floor. He came out of this room when Terra initially met him. There are random paintings of nature and still life on the walls, a small television set, a coffee table, a long couch, and several chairs. Fran and Balthier sit on the couch, where she is crossing her legs, and he is resting an ankle on his knee. Cloud and Cid stand on either side of the coffee table. Terra takes his place by Riku, who is leaning against the wall.

“This is a disaster,” Cloud says, mostly to Cid. “Now I have to deal with the tempers of two rich kids.”

“Not just any rich kids,” Cid says, licking his teeth. “ _Royal_ kids.”

“What are you saying?” Terra asks.

“Didn’t you know?” Cid says. “Noct and Garnet are both castle brats from wherever they come from. Prince and princess.”

“Well,” Cloud interjects, “Noct is a king now.”

“Some king,” Cid scoffs.

“Have a little faith, why don’t you,” Cloud says quietly as Noctis enters and stands in the middle of the room, right in front of the coffee table.

Garnet finally walks through the door, and takes her place in front of Fran and Balthier, directly across the coffee table from Noctis. Terra tries to get a read on her for a silent update on Rydia, but as usual, Garnet is practiced in keeping her emotions distant.

“First things first,” Noctis says, leaning over the coffee table. “Like I told all of you, this world is going to fall.”

Cloud crosses his arms. “We’re going to need to take people to Radiant Garden right away. Fran, how much time do you think we have?”

Fran glances at Terra for a hot second before leaning on the arm rest of the couch, her face scowling in disbelief. “I shall say no more than a day before the earth loses its strength. At most, three.”

Balthier scoffs at the suggestion. “Clearly, you don’t expect me to be able to fly everyone in one trip? I cannot carry a whole city of cargo.”

“You’ll start at the crack of dawn, and take multiple trips,” Noctis says. “I need you tonight in the third district for the fight with Kefka. Fran, can you stand guard here?”

“As you wish,” she says.

Balthier leans on an arm rest of his own. “I’m assuming we’ll be following proper protocol in these situations. The sick, the injured, the children, the families, and everyone here in this staff room?”

Noctis takes a long breath. “No. I’ll be staying with everyone being left behind.”

Garnet widens her eyes. “What do you speak of?”

“If it’s really that short of a time frame, I’ll stay behind to comfort the ones who won’t be able to go.”

She stares hard at Noctis, her lips quivering. “I object to this!” She slams her hands on the coffee table.

“The people who leave need a leader with them. The people who stay behind need the same.”

She shakes her head furiously. “But you haven’t even sought my counsel-”

“And I need you to agree with me.”

Garnet maintains strict eye contact with Noctis. Despite how short she is, the way she holds her head high makes her seem taller than him. “Under one condition.” She stands even straighter, lengthening her appearance. “One of us must endure. If misfortune should befall me, you _must_ be the one to leave with the survivors.”

“What kind of demand is that?” Noctis says with a broken tone, shocked. Cloud takes turns watching the both of them, his lips in a hard line but not pursed.

Garnet closes her eyes, and swallows. But she does not drop her head. She brings her hands together in a prayer stance, and looks earnestly at Noctis. “Rydia will not make the night.”

The silence drops, heavy and suffocating. Noctis is the most expressive, taking a lot of effort to stop himself from reacting harshly. Cloud, perhaps most experienced with these sorts of news, hangs his head. Riku clenches his fists and he, too, hangs his head. Terra is nauseous and feels light, wishing he can run outside into the fresh air, just to avoid vomiting.

“Noctis,” Garnet continues, “we need an elixir.”

He scoffs harshly. “We don’t have any. And it takes two weeks to make one.”

Garnet rubs her hands together, and scatters her eyesight around the room. She catches sight of Terra, and immediately draws it away. It’s so difficult reading what she’s thinking. “We do have elixirs,” she says.

Cloud gasps. “No way. We’re not allowing anyone to go out there.”

Terra steps forward. “What gives?”

“There used to be a hospital ward,” Riku says. “Way out east, where the Heartless have taken over the streets. We left in such a rush that we weren’t able to carry everything. There should be a whole cartridge of them.”

“This is the worst timing,” Noctis says. “Kefka will be coming at eleven, and we need fighters.”

“Then allow me to go,” Garnet says. “I’m useless in battle.”

“You are _not_ ,” Noctis snaps. “I need you there.”

“You need _her_. She can effectively fight with her magic.”

Cloud leans on the coffee table to meet Garnet face to face. “What I’m more interested in is keeping as many people alive. What’s the point of sending you over if that means we have to lose the both of you?”

“Then we all go together,” Noctis says, perhaps a bit too quickly.

“Kid, we don’t have the time,” Cid says. “You expect to find Rydia a cure with Kefka and a bunch of nasties chasing you around?”

“If we do it fast enough, we can save her-”

“Can I call that too optimistic?” Cloud says.

“What do you expect me to do?” Noctis straightens his posture and sizes up Cloud.

“Make a rational decision. Is that too difficult for you?” Cloud is only slightly taller, but the way he carries his voice is piercing enough.

Garnet is wide-eyed, gently shaking her head but she doesn’t say anything. It’s as though her thoughts are distant, and she is in denial of what is happening in the room. Again, it’s so difficult to read her face.

Cid breaks the silence. “Let the little lady go. I think it’s much safer out there than fighting Kefka anyway.”

Noctis jumps at this opportunity. “Then one of the Keyblade wielders will escort her.”

It’s just not possible to deduce what she’s thinking. Her eyes shut together, and for a second it seems like she’s ungrateful for the suggestion.

Riku jerks a bit. “You realize that if this is in fact a trap, Xehanort will just turn her into a Heartless.”

“We can’t afford to make the mistake of assuming Kefka isn’t coming,” Cloud says simply.

Riku looks as though as he will start arguing, and Terra squeezes his shoulder. “Riku, it sounds like I’m either fighting Kefka or fighting Xehanort on my own.”

His successor glares at him, and Terra supposes that it’s just a matter of time before he angered or disappointed him. “All it takes is Xehanort striking you in the chest with his Keyblade,” Riku says. His glare trembles, and he fights back a brittle voice. “Don’t make me choose between losing you and leaving Rydia to die.”

Cloud places his hand on Riku’s other shoulder. “I forgot how young you are,” he says softly. “You really shouldn’t be making such hard decisions now, and I’m sorry you have to.”

Terra nods in agreement. “The sticks, Riku. Shortest escorts Garnet.”

Riku reluctantly takes them out. Two sticks. Terra picks one, and by comparison, his is the shortest.

Terra chuckles a bit, a stupid effort to lighten the mood. “Looks like I may be fighting Xehanort out there.”

Garnet is holding one hand to her chest, as if to stop a heart attack. Her expression is terribly grim, and Terra wonders if she’s disappointed that he will be the one to protect her. _Does she not feel safe enough with me?_

“Cid,” Noctis says with a commanding tone. “Set up the curfew siren manually.”

Riku also holds his hand out, as if to catch Cid’s attention. “Can you also send a mayday to Yen Sid’s tower? _Somebody_ has to respond.”

Cid mutters his _sure’s_ and exits the room, leaving behind a room full of tense, quiet people.

“I’ll prepare protection crystals for the rest of you,” Garnet says, struggling to keep her voice even. She attempts to wait for Noctis’ attention, who has his arms crossed and is refusing to look at her. She leaves, still holding her head high. Cloud glances at Noctis and rolls his eyes.

Riku, too, isn’t happy about the situation. Terra attempts to hold his shoulder again but Riku shrugs it off, bolting out of the room. Holding just a tiny stick that has been broken into its size, Terra twirls it around in his fingers. What is left is an empty feeling. The others leave the room, Balthier and Fran being the last to leave. Fran connects her eye contact with Terra, keeping it until she disappears out of the doorway. The clock strikes ten.


	24. Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH I can’t believe I’m finally at this chapter. Every single little thing I have put down for Traverse Town was for this chapter. Everything. I had a vision when listening to this specific song as I was trying to fall asleep. And I’m so excited (and blown away) to finally share it. I’m sorry it’s taken me longer than the pace I was going. I’ve been fighting one of my usual episodes, but I’ve finally finished this. 
> 
> Everything about this experimental chapter was done to fit Ramin Djawadi’s masterpiece, “Light of the Seven,” from Game of Thrones Season Six.

Terra gently knocks on her hotel door. The hallway on this floor is warmly lit, adding a serene texture to the red carpet that stretches throughout. But none of it relieves him of the tension in his shoulders, or the nausea that keeps threatening to come back. They just don’t have much time left, as it’s twenty past ten. It seems many clocks are running out of time – the one that harks Kefka’s return, the one that will end Rydia’s time, and his own, which will signal when it’s over for him as well. And with Kefka returning, he wonders if time will stop for others, too.

He hears Garnet giving her permission to enter. The princess is sitting on her loveseat, right in front of a coffee table. The walls of her room are painted a gentle beige, with brown furniture and curtains to match. A painting of a canary flying out of an open cage is situated on the wall right across her bed. The background is a baby blue hue. The cage is entwined in twisted, green vines, and a crow sits inside, looking out towards the canary.

Garnet is slowly brushing through her hair, as though she is making sure she is getting through every single strand. The files with the names and photos of all the former mages turned Heartless now sit on the coffee table in front of her, alongside a basket of at least forty small crystals tied to strings and the two rare, bright purple potions that Xehanort has created. Some of the information on the files have been circled, and a graph has been drawn out by her, scrawled with incredibly hurried notes. Terra can’t help but wonder why she has been in a hurry to finish them. 

But on she brushes, her gaze faraway beyond the wall she’s staring at. With the gentle, entranced way she is taking care of her appearance, she carries the persona of a former royal in preparation for her execution.

She smiles when he enters, but it’s so forced that it becomes a grimace. She proceeds to undo the knot on the necklace she wears, carrying the large crystal she has inherited from her mother, and carefully places it on top of the files. She smiles again, and out comes a slight scoff. “In case of an… incident, I’ll leave this here. I can’t bear the thought of it being lost in the streets.”

It makes sense why she is scared, considering what they have to do. Terra has escorted a princess before. He has told that particular princess how the strength of her heart will carry her through the greatest of trials, and for a moment, he nearly says the same to Garnet.

 _But she is already brave enough as it is. So is it insensitive to say such a thing, now?_

“Don’t worry,” he finally says to her. “I can take care of a bunch of Heartless.”

Her expression is slightly surprised. But grim nonetheless. She nods slowly, as if she can hardly half-believe him. “I suppose that would be your expertise.”

It isn’t particularly his place to tell a princess that she has hurt his feelings. Garnet has always been distant with her emotions, but Terra truly wishes he can read her mind in this very moment.

She bends over to hand him one of the potions, which are meant to numb their hearts. “I have read Xehanort’s notes carefully,” she says. “It will take several moments for this potion to activate, yet we will not have much time under its protection.”

The very last thing Terra wants to do is swallow whatever vile concoction that madman has created. “Why take it to begin with?”

“We haven’t the time to be fighting hordes of Heartless. The notes say it will make it much harder for them to detect us. It will last longer as long as we aren’t emotional, and it may make it hurt less…” Her voice trails off, her eyes drifting to the wall again.

“I’m not going to let you turn into Heartless.”

Garnet’s mouth quivers for a moment. It’s written all over her face. She doesn’t believe him.

“Nevertheless, drink it,” she says. She holds up one of them, as if to make a toast. “For Rydia.”

“For Rydia.”

Potions aren’t the best tasting liquids in the world, and Terra usually doesn’t pay attention to them at all. But none of them really compare to this. It’s acidic and hyper-sour, almost like rotten milk, and Terra drops the vial onto the floor. It shatters while he winces and swallows. Garnet has her hand to her mouth, whimpering from the flavor, but she wears a better face of valor than he does. At first, Terra doesn’t feel any different.

She stands up to retrieve a duffel bag that hangs on the back of her pelvis. She has packed it with things that they may need for a short travel – some bombs, a compass, her shortstaff, clean water - and with the basket of crystals in her arms, off they exit from her room. 

The first stop is Rydia’s hotel room. The only light shining is the lamp on her bedside table, illuminating just the mage, lying quietly on her bed. Garnet holds her hand, and they whisper a few things that Terra is unable to eavesdrop. Rydia glances at him, tears in her eyes, and briefly begs Garnet _not to do this_. She then briskly turns away from the both of them when Garnet insists.

It is now that Terra starts to feel a tingling in his fingers, and suddenly he forgets what he’s worried about.

*****

* * *

 

***** 

The preparation for Kefka is rushed, messy, tiresome, and reeks of anxiety. People are snapping at each other and running around to finish their assignments. But the worst is the fact that barely twenty volunteers have come to join the fight. 

Riku isn’t happy about any of it, although there’s no use telling anyone this. For the moment, he is busy setting up electric bombs that line some of the upper walls of the residential homes in the third district. The cables on the bombs are color-coded, and he has to set them up in a specific order. And they’re all the same. So while it’s easy, and it’s annoying… he shouldn’t be wasting his time preparing for Kefka’s arrival when he should be instead protecting Terra from Xehanort. He connects the final cable. Blue.

That’s the last bomb for tonight, and Riku glances up to the stars. Any moment now, Sora will finally fly in on his gummi ship. He has to. He needs him to.

Down at the block, Noctis is checking through his lists half-heartedly. The delivery of his commands border between barking and mumbling. Sometimes, Cloud will rub Noctis’ neck to keep him focused and will pat him on the back to keep him stable. If anything, Riku feels no envy for Noctis’ situation, considering all the friends he has lost. After the time that has passed and the grief he has overcome, the prince once again must be feeling very alone.

The clock continues to tick towards eleven, and Cloud is handing out magic-infused weapons to the volunteers. Something on Riku’s face must give away his thoughts, because Cloud’s expression softens – not that Riku cares, being that he’s too tired right now to give a damn about anyone’s opinion.

“You know,” Cloud starts, “from the way Terra fights, I can tell that he really relies on someone else to watch over him.”

“Are you suggesting that Terra can’t take care of himself?” If it’s coming from Cloud, then it’s a serious accusation.

“Not really. It’s not that I think his fighting style or his form has some serious flaws. I’m just saying he’s a little loose like fire, and I think he’s used to having a partner keeping an eye on him. Someone he assumes is always there.”

That someone has to be Aqua. But before Riku says anything, Cloud continues, “and he’s quick to cover someone else’s back, too.” The soldier then smiles. “I don’t think you have to worry much. I wouldn’t trust anyone else more with taking care of his health than Garnet. And I think he will make a good guardian for her.”

Riku crosses his arms and stares at the slick, cement ground. The crate in front of Cloud is now empty, and Noctis walks over with some potions, huffing to himself.

Quite simply, Noctis is the worst at hiding what he is feeling. “I just had two people tell me we should hand Rydia over to Kefka to spare us the night,” he growls. His mouth contorts, like he has just eaten something disgusting. “I can’t believe these are the people I’m risking my life to protect.”

Cloud shakes his head, and the pit of Riku’s stomach does a gross somersault. It’s a wonder how some people don’t turn into Heartless in that instant from their fears, worries and their willingness to backstab anyone – particularly a mage who has unconditionally supported and safeguarded them with her magic. Riku looks up to the sky. _What is taking Sora so damn long?_

“Just in time for evacuations,” Cloud says. “I don’t think any of these people can stay here longer.” He takes a long breath as Noctis hands him two potions to keep. “But I’m worried about something else. If it’s true that Kefka is coming… that really bothers me. Something isn’t right. What is that supposed to suggest? What exactly are we getting _wrong_ about it?”

Noctis has a hard time swallowing before finally saying, “it’s just ten minutes, right?”

The prince and the soldier exchange some hard stares, and it scares Riku.

Terra and Garnet hurriedly jog over to the group. She calls out for the volunteers to pick up a protection crystal she has blessed for each person. Balthier takes two for himself, and Garnet assures him that Fran has one back at the hotel, who is stationed at the second floor with her bow. She personally hands one to Riku, and it glows when he wears it around his neck.

“It will not last long,” she says.

Riku nods, unable to find any words to say to her. Here is a woman who has shielded him from death with her healing powers. Who has tried (and failed) to teach Sora how to behave like a royal guest. Who has successfully kept Lea from lying about his past. Who has welcomed them all so warmly, each and every single time they come to visit every other night like they have been gone for months, that she might as well be a surrogate mother to them.

And then there is Terra, and Riku can barely manage to look him straight in the eye. He wants to shake his shoulders and tell him that there is no Kefka tonight, that they can face Xehanort together.

But it’s not only that – for once, Riku wants to yell straight into Terra’s face to just _please be honest and tell him what he’s thinking about_.

Terra stands there with a straight, relaxed face. And a faraway look. Is he cursing himself like Riku assumes he does all the time? Is he thinking about tactics and how to traverse the districts that are flooded with Heartless? Is he worried about Garnet’s safety? Is he remembering something about Aqua? About Ventus? Or Xehanort?

Terra is at times easy to read, and at times horrendously aggravating to attempt.

Sora usually says that _of course Terra will be honest, especially when it matters most. Terra will do anything to help protect his friends and help all of them with no questions asked. He’s the best companion and friend that anyone can ask for._

Basically, Terra is a lot like Sora and that’s worrisome.

Noctis takes a crystal from Garnet and barely holds her gaze. He squeezes his hand on Terra’s shoulder, and says, “bring her back.”

Garnet places down her basket, which still has many shards of crystal on it, and holds her hands together. She addresses everyone, “I feel I should say this per the possibility of an incident in our endeavor. It has been an honor-”

“You’re coming back,” Noctis interrupts.

Garnet shakes a little bit and her eyes cast downward, clearly disappointed. She says nothing more as she frowns, but she relaxes when Terra holds her shoulder. 

He says to Riku, “we’ll be back in time for the attack.” 

Riku tries to will himself to say something nice in return, instead of the usual retort over how all of this is fishy to him. “ _’As fast as you can’_ would be better,” is what he says.

Terra smirks. “As fast as we can.”

He summons his Keyblade and with a flick of his wrist as he throws it, it changes into the glider that Riku and Sora have been begging Yen Sid to teach them how to create. _An old, forgotten tradition_ , Yen Sid has said, _which has died along with Eraqus. Buried along with the knowledge of the armor_. Which can’t be true because Terra is now with them, and they should all be able to learn it now.

Terra saddles his glider and with an outstretched hand, helps Garnet to sit behind him. He tells her to hold on tightly to his waist, but that doesn’t prepare her for how quickly it can pick up speed. They leave, soaring up into the air and quickly disappearing. And Sora still hasn’t appeared. 

*****

* * *

 

*****

It’s very soon that they fly over a mass of buildings that all look as though the electricity has been cut for them. They are only illuminated by the light of the full moon, which is large and beautiful. But not comforting. From the sky, Terra can see among the corners of blocks down below groups of small, bright, yellow eyes waddling around. Heartless, quiet in their movement.

But the most apparent thing is the _stillness_. The only sound to be heard is the loud hum of his glider, and Garnet quickly reminds him that they shouldn’t make much noise either.

“Terra,” she says as she points with her finger, “there is the hospital.”

It’s hard to miss because it’s a building that is several stories tall and is very wide. It has two sections to it, a northern and a southern one, like wings to a castle.

“Please lower us to the building opposite. But not the roof,” she says, careful not to yell it out over the loudness of his glider.

The building across the street is a simple, short office complex. Terra decides not to land directly on the sidewalk, and since she doesn’t want the roof, he hovers his glider right outside an open, yet shattered, window over the alleyway – directly in between this office building and the next one. The office is completely dark, and it’s hard to tell if there are Heartless inside. But they should be fine, he tells himself.

He takes note of how blasé his attitude is toward his decision, like they aren’t in much danger. Maybe it’s the potion. Maybe it’s the fact that most Heartless don’t intimidate him.

He hovers it close enough that it’s just a simple hop from it to the window. But Garnet shakes as she struggles to stand straight up on his glider, like it’s going to buckle from under her. He holds her hand tightly while she, ungracefully, throws herself into the dark office.

He soon follows suit, and helps her sit up. Her heart is to her chest as she makes an effort to steady her breathing.

“Stay quiet,” she says in a soft whisper, although she is the one breathing loud.

They stand in silence, listening. But there is nothing to hear.

Terra bends down to his knees her directly, and holds her forearms. “You’re fine,” he says in a low, soft voice. “You made the jump. You’re _going_ to be okay.”

Garnet nods shakily, her brows furrowed. She begins to rummage through her duffel bag, pulling out a flashlight. 

“Has any Heartless noticed this light?” she asks when she turns it on.

Terra takes a look around. Inside the office are rows of desks. Most of them are incredibly messy, but frightenly so. As if they have all been abandoned in the middle of an evacuation. As if those who used to sit behind them jumped out of their seats and ran them over. But their belongings stay. Name tags. Unfinished letters. Stacks of reports.

He looks out the back window that faces the opposite street, and jumps back into a crouch when he sees it. A Heartless stands up from its slumber. It’s skin completely is black with large, yellow eyes. Its height is the same as the complex, and a plethora of withering tentacles wrap around its face. Simply, it’s massive. And there is another. And yet another farther away.

Garnet crawls over to him to take a look, and doesn’t utter a word as she quivers at the sight.

“Those are called Darksides,” she says in the softest whisper she can utter. She pulls on Terra’s elbow, and they crawl back to the front. She scurries over to a corner right by a window facing the hospital, and places a bomb onto the wall.

“What is that for?” Terra asks.

“It’s just two of us here, Terra, and I can barely manage a fight.” She stops for a moment, like she is about to say something, and takes a glance at the back window. “Please don’t have any expectations that I can survive a fight with those demons.”

She hurries as she connects color-coded cables on the bomb, stopping a few times to whisper to herself instructions on how to set it up. She says out loud that the final cable is green, and turns off her flashlight.

They keep crouched when she is done. It is unspoken between them, but both are in agreement. It’s too much of a risk to stand up when there are Darksides walking around behind the building.

She begins to walk but in her squatted position, and Terra follows the same. Slowly down the stairs, where they pass by empty rooms of more desks where Shadows and Darkballs hypnotically sway around by themselves. Sneaking through dark hallways where more of the monsters stand still. The potion is clearly working, since they don’t even suspect the presence of a beating heart of light near them.

They reach the bottom floor, and she begins her work on a second bomb in another corner. It is when she is done that they _so very carefully_ open the front door to minimize the sound of creaking. Terra at first realizes how stuffy the office building is, considering how breezy the outside air welcomes him. They stand at the doorway, Garnet eyeing the front entrance to the hospital.

Terra, however, catches sight of something else entirely. On the roof of the apartment building right next to the hospital, stands the young version of Xehanort, his black coat illuminated by the moon. He is still and serene in his erect posture, as though he is waiting for something to witness. As though there are no Heartless around.

If Riku can see this, it will be a long lecture with all the cuss words he can imagine. It’s a trap, and has been all along. And all it takes is one swing of a Keyblade toward Terra’s heart.

“Xehanort,” he hears Garnet say. Her tone is bland, as if she isn’t surprised. Or worried. Or maybe she is too numb and tired to address the danger appropriately.

Terra swallows a hard lump, his own heart pumping. “He’s a threat to me.”

She holds his forearm, but doesn’t separate her gaze from the man who destroyed her world. She steps forward, in a steady walk, toward the hospital doors, her gaze straight ahead and unwavering. Like she’s on a mission, regardless of everything she has just seen.

Terra follows, quickly changing his glance between her and Xehanort. Strangely, he’s still just standing there. It is probably wise to see if Heartless are approaching their block – but some part of him feels safer not knowing. As if seeing them approach will prove the danger. Or maybe Xehanort’s presence is proof that there are worst things.

Even stranger is the fact that Xehanort still doesn’t do anything when they reluctantly go through the hospital doors.

The front desk area is empty. The hallways, empty. Every operating room they pass by, save for slack chairs and equipment, are waiting to be occupied by a human being. Time is frozen in this building, but no one exists. The electricity is out, so the elevator doesn’t’ work. There are no lights. There is no humming of anything. They don’t say a word to each other, as if the sound of breath will alert something hiding in the darkest shadows.  It takes six flights of stairs and silence to make it to the storage room where the elixirs wait.

They are kept in heavy containers with thick doors. The shelves are half-full of all types of potions that are completely necessary to have. If only they had more people with them.

Garnet breathes a sigh of relief when she spots beautifully shaped vials of green liquid. “They’re here,” she says, for the first time without a whisper.

She grabs a thickly padded duffel bag that is hanging on the wall and fills them up with elixirs. She can’t contain a smile to her face as she does so.

Terra also breathes, but only half-steady. Relieved they finally got what they came for. Worried over the fact that Xehanort is standing outside, still waiting for _something_. His heart starts pumping again, and it’s very uncomfortable. Like the potion is making it pump harder.

“I’m glad,” he finally says, trying to stay brave. He can’t lose to Xehanort now. Not until he finds Aqua. Not until she can breathe the same fresh air and see the moon herself. “We can finally get out of here.”

Garnet slumps over the bag, as if to stop herself from sobbing. She wipes her eyes, but refuses to look at Terra. She attempts to pick up the bag, but it’s too heavy for her, so he is the one who slings it over his shoulder.

They hurry back down the stairs to the first floor, and quickly look out a window toward the clock tower. Just ten minutes until eleven. Terra talks about how they should immediately ride his glider back to the second district as soon as they step outside. Rydia is their first stop before reuniting with the others.

Garnet stops right in front of the exit doors but doesn’t turn to face him. “Yes, you should be the one to take an elixir straight to Rydia.”

“I think you’re better than I am with the healing stuff,” he says, attempting to stay calm. Something is off. “Besides, I think I should drop you off and go help them with Kefka…” _Is there even a Kefka anymore? Riku must be angry with all that worrying._

He sees Garnet slowly shake her head, and she turns to face him.

“Terra,” she starts. Her tone is off. It’s mellow and flat, as though she has been practicing this for some time. As though she’s in denial of any emotion she must be having, simply just to say this next sentence. “I’m afraid I do not have much time left.”

His breath is quickly cut off, the words barely registering. “What are you talking about?” 

She holds her hands together. “You are to deliver the elixirs and leave me behind. For Rydia, remember?”

“No-” he starts, stumbling over his words. _Why? Is she giving up? Is she deciding to end her life, to let herself turn into a Heartless? Is that easier for her or something?_ “We got the elixirs. We’re done. I can fly us out of here. We can fly right over Xehanort and not worry about him-”

“I am bargaining for time,” she says, “for all of you.”

*****

* * *

 

*****

Balthier is standing atop a balcony, directly behind Noctis who is on the ground on the middle of the block, like he was just the night before. Cid is by the prince’s side, taking Garnet’s usual position. The pirate, situated high off the ground directly across from where they expect Kefka to appear, is tracing invisible lines in the air in front of him – symbols of the incredibly rare water magic he is preparing to call for.

The plan is to ambush the Heartless the moment it appears. To overwhelm it with the force of an ocean, while the two swordsmen attack it from above. Riku is right across the block from Cloud, the two heavy hitters crouched behind the railings of their own balconies, waiting.  Cloud already has his enormous blade drawn. Riku summons his Keyblade, and checks the clock tower. A minute until eleven. Sora still hasn’t come yet, but there is a minute left. Technically, there is still time.

When this is all over, Riku swears to himself that he will never hear the ring of a clock tower ever again.

The clock strikes eleven. Riku squeezes the handle of his Keyblade, and he still doesn’t see Sora around. Nine, ten, eleven.

Silence. For one second. For two. Cloud holds a fist straight up into the air, his face so tense that he must be holding his breath. No one moves under his command. Then he slowly stands up, his eyes wide. Noctis looks hard at Riku.

And Riku seriously needs to beat some sense into his friend. He slams his palm onto the railing and yells out, “it was a trap.”

“Maybe they already made their way into the hotel,” Cid calls out. “They’ll see Rydia first.”

Riku bolts out of the third district, Noctis the closest to follow. He speeds past all the confused faces, the angry voices, the lights of buildings illuminating his way back to the hotel. He ignores Fran’s call for an answer as he breaks open the doors to the hotel. The elevator is too slow so he goes right up the staircase.

He doesn’t bother to knock on Rydia’s door, but there is the mage all by herself, lying on her side. She turns to look at him, her face still ghastly and her eyes red.

Riku chokes. “Terra.”

He can hear Noctis call out Garnet’s name, knocking on her door several times before entering when there is no answer. Riku hurries over to Garnet’s room. “We need to get to them fast,” he says as Cloud finally approaches the room.

Noctis stands by the messy coffee table filled with a ridiculous amount of papers that she left behind. He picks up her mother’s crystal, and begins scanning through them for information.

“Noct,” Riku stresses, “I’ll leave without you.”

Cloud says, “I can drive us there pretty quick.”

But Noctis lets out a yell, and throws the coffee table over. “It wasn’t a trap. We were wrong,” he says, holding his hand to his mouth.

“It _was_ a trap,” Riku says almost too quickly. And then he pauses. “What do you mean?”

Noctis fails to fight back some tears. “We were _wrong_. It was never after me. It wants the female mages. Everyone else is collateral and bonus points.”

The heat drains from Riku’s face. It’s only two of them. Terra and Garnet. Without saying anything, he turns away from the bedroom, and Cloud holds him steady.

“You said you could drive us there,” Riku says as he pushes Cloud’s grip away.

“They’re gone.”

A simple, blunt statement. The woman who once shook her finger at him when healing a cut on his arm, telling him that he overestimates himself while wearing a motherly, silly grin. The man who has given him purpose and has asked him to keep a silly secret so many years ago.

Precious, but silly. 

*****

* * *

 

*****

The clock reads two minutes until eleven when Garnet checks it again. Terra is silent, shell-shocked by the information she has been telling him.

“You barely have time, Terra,” she says as she briskly exits the hospital.

“Don’t,” he says as he follows her, the bag with the elixirs bouncing on his shoulder. They stand out by a lamp post, which is off. Xehanort is still on the roof of the adjacent building, not doing anything.

“When you said that Kefka was coming back, I had reason to re-analyze the records I was updating. And I realized it was only Hope that was taken last night. A woman was made a Heartless in all the other attacks. I’m so sorry,” she says, her head hanging. “I would never choose to put you or Riku in such danger, and I didn’t want either of you with me tonight.”

“This is… so reckless,” Terra says. _Even for my standards_.

Garnet slaps her hands to her sides when she sees that Terra isn’t moving. “You _must_ _go_ , Terra. The clock will strike.” 

Terra tries to maintain his composure. But that headache he is forming only adds to the stress. “It’s not fair,” he says, slightly raising his voice.

Garnet stares at him, wide-eyed. ‘ _For Rydia_ ‘ isn’t fair.

The clock strikes eleven. With every ding, Garnet shakes a little harder. With every dong, she brings her hands closer to her chin, like she’s praying, and by the middle of the cycle, she’s shaking so hard that she can barely stand straight. 

“Garnet!” Terra calls out, stretching out his hand.

She eyes him. She grabs him and he pulls her to his side. He summons Ends of the Earth in his right hand. Garnet is whispering words with her shortstaff ready, and crystalline shields spin around the both of them before disappearing. He can see a shimmer by Xehanort, who too has summoned a Keyblade of bright teal light – one Terra has never seen before.

 _I need power._

He calls forth the old man’s ornate silver Keyblade into his left hand.

The clock tower finishes. A large bubble forms, and out comes Kefka. The ground shakes when it lands. Its shrieking laugh hurts, and Terra and Garnet both yell when it does so.

He hates it all. Kefka. Xehanort. Heartless. This unnamed Keyblade. Darkness. But damned if he isn’t going to boil over and use it to destroy this thing.


	25. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a flashback scene of Terra interacting with Ventus that was supposed to appear in Ch. 15, “Confession,” toward the end. It seemed like a footnote after the flashback with Aqua in that chapter, so I removed it. I then moved it to Ch. 17, “Vacation.” Terra was supposed to think about this scene right before he helps Sora stand up, finding out where Ventus has been all along. But it lengthened it too much (in a chapter that was so damn long anyway), that I moved it to the beginning of this chapter. And it stuck out like a sore thumb. So this scene will not appear in this specific fic at all and will have to find a place somewhere else, lmao! I can’t believe I am at this part now. It’s almost done! Also, I will be posting WIP updates on Mondays and Thursdays (with the occasional extra Saturday). I put up a dated schedule that you can access on my profile.

_“You have to admit,” Terra said as Aqua dipped two fingers into a small tin of black paint, “you’re having fun.”_

_Swirling them into the paint, Aqua attempted to muster some strength to keep herself from grinning. But she failed._

_“When the Master said we needed to restore the natural balance by retrieving a living boy from the Land of the Dead, I don’t think he ever expected us to be doing this,” she said._

_She finished painting his eyes, and moved on to his nose. The last time they made such a colorful mess together, they were finger-painting goblins dancing on flowers, on a corner wall tucked away in the castle by the piano. Eraqus spared them the lecture and actually kept their mural all these years. The last time they touched this much, they were young, long before Terra had developed blood-pumping feelings at the feel of her skin or from being so close to her. They used to play-fight and wrestle, before he avoided such activity with her.  
_

_Two months until their Mark of Mastery exam, they were now in the Land of the Dead, where she was tracing his nose cartilage. They were on a mission, but Terra admitted he was grateful it gave him the allowance to enjoy so much contact with her._

_It turned out that the Land of the Dead had gorgeous streets full of light and vibrant color. It featured buildings for homes, festivals, art shows, museums, and anything designed for entertaining all types of personalities. It was like a tourist attraction, and it had everything a person looking for fun and adventure would expect. Except rain. It didn’t rain here. The dark belly under a bridge where they were hiding for now harbored no puddles._

_The people here were all skeletons. It didn’t take much effort to find the boy, Miguel, who was a person of interest in a world he didn’t belong. Which brought another problem – Terra and Aqua, too, had warm skin and pulses._

_Aqua was against Miguel’s wish to reconnect with one of his famous singing ancestors, believing it too much of a risk for his own life. She was very sympathetic to his need to pursue music, for she, too, adored it. But she didn’t have a good enough answer when Miguel’s family members, who were his ticket back home, didn’t approve of his obsession. She believed that they could be reasoned with. Terra agreed with Miguel, believing that the boy had a right to follow his passion no matter what anyone said. He was aware that Miguel had a very limited time in this realm, which could be fatal, but they had enough time. The fact that Miguel needed to compete with music was used as a tool to convince her to cave. Essentially pushed into a corner, Aqua went ahead and agreed to do it their way._

_The plan was to blend in. A dead friend of Miguel’s, Héctor, went off to find them some clothes large enough to hide their breathing bodies._

_Aqua was painting a calavera on Terra’s face to make him look like a skeleton. She traced one finger to make lines across his lips. The paint felt goopy and thick, but her touch was brisk, graceful, yet determined. It was so like her to move this way, and he had to keep reminding himself to stay calm and not let his mind wander on the touch. There were definitely some things he’d like to do with his lips, and tracing them was not a typical thing best friends did together, right?_

_Neither was touching the neck this much, but she had to give the illusion that he didn’t have flesh anymore. She was careful enough not to push onto his laryngeal prominence, at the very least. But no care could be given to ease how he was feeling anyway._

_Terra, if anything, felt immensely grateful when Miguel, who already had his calavera finished and was wearing a red hoodie to hide the rest, arrived to check up on her progress. An empty, cool feeling lingered on his crevice as she finished her work._

_The boy laughed. “I think you would even scare away la parca… the Grim Reaper.”_

_“What?” He picked up a cracked and foggy mirror laying on the ground next to him. Aqua had traced and covered his brows with black paint when she hollowed out his eyes. What looked back at him was a very angry skeletal face, where the black color gave the impression that his eyes were even darker._

_“What gives? You made me look so scary,” Terra told her._

_She covered her mouth with her wrist as she giggled, careful not to mess her bare face up. “I’m sorry, I was trying to trace your face to make it look natural,” she said. When Terra attempted to swipe the tin can away, she evaded – which was usual. Ten years growing up and sparring together, she became a master at dodging him._

_“I’ll fix it, I’ll fix it,” she said, waving her hand as if to swat a fly._

_“You can add loops and dots.” Miguel traced his finger in the air as an example. “Or maybe something cute,” he said with an impish grin._

_She dipped her finger into the tin again and quickly went over some lines on his cheekbones and forehead. The mirror showed that she drew some loops around his imagined eye sockets, and a heart right above the bridge of his nose. His chest skipped a beat, careful not to read too much into why she picked a heart for him. But it didn’t make him look any sweeter.  
_

_“Now I look like the evil lord of love,” he said._

_She snorted and Miguel held his stomach, out of breath from his laughter._

_“It’s the best I can do,” she said. It was most likely far from the truth. She was probably way too entertained to fix it for real. “My turn now.” She pushed her hair off her face and handed the tin over to Terra._

_Ten years growing up and sparring together didn’t prepare Terra for this. But he became a master at hiding his emotions anyway. Each time he traced a brow or a cheekbone in black, or rubbed white onto her cheeks, he consciously breathed out of his nose. It made him look more relaxed and focused that way._

_Which proved to be difficult when he finished painting her eyelids. She opened them, and the darkness gave just enough contrast to make her bright, beautiful eyes pop. They might as well be jewels. He wasn’t even aware he was staring until she asked him if something didn’t look right._

_Calm and collected, his voice was smooth enough that there wasn’t an ounce of shake to it. “I was checking to see if everything was even,” he said simply._

_He was aware of his posture, careful not to lean into her. Even though he really wanted to, especially when tracing her lips. Soft and supple, he had wanted often to feel them. Once wasn’t enough either. Each time he had to dip his finger back into the paint was another chance at learning what her lips were like. He made sure to give her the same amount of care when tracing her neck too. Looking at her head lean back that way, tracing her chin, and coloring down to her crevice – it was better, as painful as it was, to finish the job than to let it drag. It hurt enough to make Terra almost consider asking Eraqus to assign them on missions separately. Almost. There was too much enjoyment thrown into the mix as well.  
_

_The wave of relief that came when he finally closed the tin can was like being salvaged from hunger. Aqua looked into the mirror and approved of his work, being that she looked quite normal in comparison to everyone else. Terra even gave her some doodles of small, simple flowers on her temples._

_A skeleton soon approached them, wearing a straw hat and clothes that were so worn down they had rips and holes. Illuminated from the decorative lights of the streets, Héctor carried a couple of pieces of garments with hoods that he collected for them._

_He handed Terra a bomber jacket, to hide the machismo, and stared at Aqua’s artistry. “You trying to romance a demon?” he asked._

_“Don’t ask,” Terra said, quickly putting on the jacket, wanting very much to keep any attention away from himself._

_“And for the lady,” Héctor said, “a large cloak to hide all the... well, everything.” He made gestures as if to suggest curvature._

_The cloak was such a dark brown that it almost seemed black. It was meant for a very tall person, as it hung loosely off her shoulders, and dragged onto the floor with the sleeves draping off her fingers._

_“I look ridiculous,” she said._

_It was Terra’s instinct to cover her mouth for politeness’ sake, but then he’d have to trace her lips again with paint. Truthfully, she looked adorable and he was happy to see it. Though he’d never say it out loud, or she would slap him with an excess sleeve.  
_

_“It’s more important we blend in,” Terra said._

_“Tiene razón. He has reason,” Héctor said. He glanced back and forth between Terra and Aqua. “Bueno…” he said in a way to suggest that he had no choice but to work with what he got, “you do both look like Fulano y Fulana de Tal.”_

_Terra’s head shook ever so slightly as his eyes narrowed. “What?”_

_Miguel dug his hands into his pockets. “He called you some dudes that came from nowhere.”_

_“Well, if it works…” Aqua mumbled to herself, following the others as they emerged from under the bridge. Her sleeves flopped back and forth as she walked._

_The Land of the Dead seemed to keep a record of time. The buildings were so tall they were like skyscrapers, with each ascension more modern than the foundation it was leaning on. It was as if they kept building on top of old structures, with the bottom floors a remnant of some ancient past. The music and the fireworks, all prepared to celebrate Día de los Muertos, told Terra that death was just a passage to something more exciting beyond what life could give._

_It was comforting to know that whenever it was time for Master Eraqus to go, it wouldn’t be a place of suffering (or even boredom). But the separation still had to leave a scar._

_The people here were enjoying themselves, yes. Probably waiting for their own loved ones to join them and make the experience even better._

_Héctor led them to the slums. Huts, boats, and wood houses gathered at the harbor down below the city, where the forgotten spirits dwelled. A neighborhood for those who didn’t have their photos propped up on their families’ ofrenda, a shrine where the living honor and remember their deceased relatives. These spirits therefore found family with each other._

_The goal was to get Miguel a guitar. The nearby festival was set up in honor of Miguel’s relative, and he needed a musical instrument to enter the competition._

_The guitar was kept by Chicharrón, a friend of Héctor’s who lived in a wooden house at the end of the dock. He had to have been a hoarder, considering the stacks of random junk inside. Everything looked discarded, as if he was too exhausted to keep it all organized. As if he was the kind of person to desperately find something to hold onto through objects. Only the moonlight illuminated the entirely of the hut, as if he shunned away the joy and bright lights that paraded outside. It reflected on him as well – the bone on his skull and knuckles look sanded down, as if he wasn’t well-preserved._

_Chicharrón, lying in a hammock buried under a pile of even more random trinkets, scowled when he took one look at Terra. “Héctor, who gave you the right to bring el diablo here?”_

_“Even I don’t have the skill to convince the devil to do anything. He came on his own, acere,” Héctor said, as if addressing a friend.  
_

_They both argued over the guitar, and agreed that Miguel could use it under one specific condition: that Héctor would sing a song. His friend wanted to savor some enjoyment left, because the guitar was the last thing left that was able to give him just that._

_And so Héctor sang. A folk song about a woman everyone knew named Juanita. It sounded like a beautiful love song at first. Miguel sat on his knees, in awe of the talent. Aqua had her hand to her chest, her eyes watering over the sweetness of the composition. Juanita was someone who had different-colored eyes, teeth that stuck out, and a chin that caved inward. She wore her hair like shrubbery, and walked funny. But the songwriter believed himself so ugly that she wouldn’t have considered him a proper suitor._

_Terra had expected the song to end sarcastically, but the revelation of such adoration left a hard lump in his throat. What would it have taken for Aqua to give him a chance like that?_

_The song ended. Chicharrón, satisfied and making peace with something in his mind, disintegrated into dust, the wind carrying away his remnants. He left behind a mess of whatever he thought was important, alone on that hammock._

_It was the Second Death, a process for all whose living family members have forgotten they existed. He didn’t have anyone left in the Land of the Living who cared for him._

_It wasn’t gory or terrifying. If anything, it was a pretty sight, but it was the most gruesome thing Terra ever witnessed._

 

* * *

 

The only source illuminating the clown, and the streets around them, is the moonlight. Kefka takes one step forward, and Terra prepares a lunge forward, aiming for the knees. But there is a swish, and a sphere of a gravitational contortion that is summoned to push it back. The young version of Xehanort jumps from the roof he has been patiently waiting on, throwing all of his magical strength onto Kefka with that glowing, teal Keyblade of his.

Terra takes this opportunity to sprint towards the end of the block, where the hospital meets an alleyway, and places the duffel bag of elixirs into a nook. Away from the battlefield. Safe. Hopefully. Garnet follows close by, and he expects that it will be this way – he will fight, and she will mend from behind. They just need to survive ten minutes. Leave too soon and Kefka will follow them back to the others.

Xehanort lands near them, resting his Keyblade on his shoulder as Kefka stands back up. “Of all the people you lug around after our warning,” he says, “you follow the one target that pits you in such danger. It’s reckless.”

Terra is about to bark that he will not tolerate any word from Xehanort’s mouth, but there is the clown to mind. Xehanort doesn’t give Terra any chance to say anything, quickly turning to face his attention on the Heartless.

Xehanort’s powers of teleportation aid him in evading each and every attack, at no cost to his energy. His magic is explosive, and he takes any opportunity to hit at Kefka’s ankles and knees, in order to bring it down. Kefka’s body is, of course, sturdy like diamonds.

Terra doesn’t want to ally with him. If anything, Xehanort is just as much as a threat. If he doesn’t stay focused, he might lose his body again. And he can’t afford it. Not tonight. Not ever. Not until Aqua is free can he relax and let go. Not until Garnet is safe.

He swings Ends of the Earth to let out a shockwave of light that sears the cobblestones of the streets. He follows it with a swipe of the old man’s nameless Keyblade, letting out a blow of darkness that doubles the force, ravaging all in its path. It’s certainly an aid to all of Xehanort’s acrobatics. The bastard proves himself a worthy front man to be thrown at risk, so that Terra doesn’t have to put himself or Garnet in the direct line of danger. But he’s too good to dispose himself.

And yet Terra is not putting out his full effort. Use the darkness, damn it, but not too much. He can’t lose control. The old man will use it to wrest his body back. Already, there is a headache forming.

He must be stumbling too much, because Garnet seems to keep getting the impression that he is injured. He feels her healing magic envelope around him, and it takes away the hair-pulling headache. So he continues this pattern. Throw light and darkness, dodge, get tired and stumble from the pain, have her heal him. Continue.

Kefka changes its pattern to dance, creating random explosions throughout the area in an attempt to hit Xehanort. Debris crumbles, shaking the ground and tripping Garnet. It’s like an instinct, and Terra forgets he has two enemies near him to shield her until the explosions stop. 

“The bombs won’t ignite!” she says as she looks up at him. “I must have wired them incorrectly.”

She has a remote in her hand. The electric bombs planted in the office building across the street are still. Unless they can get Kefka to ram into them, they will stay silent.

She yelps. The reason why, he sees approaching them. Heartless waggle in patterns as if they can’t tell what they are aiming for. Maybe the potion still has some effect, and the Heartless cannot target them specifically. But it’s still a huge problem.

It takes too much thinking and concentration during such a heated moment to tap into Xemnas’ powers, but he tries anyway. The smaller debris floats up and above the ground, and with a wave of both Keyblades, he sends them flying to crush the various types of monstrosities that are invading the battle space.

“Terra, I need your aid!”

The voice is from behind. Xehanort blocks attacks from Kefka’s six poisonous swords. Let him die. Let him suffer the way Rydia is.

But then when he’s not there, Kefka will go after _them_.

Terra focuses his mind on larger masses of plaster, glass, and brick that used to be part of the hospital. They are harder to move, and sweat drops trickle down his forehead. He points his Keyblades at them, as though they are wands to help him take control. They float higher, and with huge swings toward the direction of the clown, he manages to hurl them. Kefka falls back. But not enough to hit the office building, where the bombs lay waiting. Terra has managed to hit it in the face, which he doesn’t mean to. The clown will soon come for him later.

Xehanort flashes him a look of disbelief, like disgust emanating from his round eyes. “What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Terra, they’re surrounding us!” he hears Garnet yelling from behind. Heartless continue to come in droves.

Fight. Or protect. _Dammit, why can’t I have both?_

It’s like a stupor that stops him from doing anything as he thinks about his next move. A Heartless lunges at her. As though his body is responding, a straight wall of bright, electric energy erects in front of the princess. The monster gets shocked by this aggressive barrier, and it all disappears.

It doesn’t hurt. It’s like the fireball he made appear out of nothing. This has to be Xemnas’ powers.

“Stay close to me!” Terra says.

She stands back-to-back with him, and he waves his arms one by one, a Keyblade in each hand, in swift movements that gesture from the ground toward the sky. He visualizes this new kind of barrier forming as fast as a lightning bolt, and it follows. Against any direction a Heartless is wandering too close from.

To be so effective at protecting, while attacking at the same time. It’s like cheating, and it’s great. If only it is more intuitive so that he can do it faster. If only he doesn’t have to think about, so he wouldn’t get so tired.

Kefka charges toward him. It prepares a force of energy and sends a fistful of it. Terra prays that the barrier will stick around this time. Kefka’s hand meets his wall, electricity sparking to and fro that Terra feels the pain of it in his forearms, as he wills it stay up.

Something, some _kind_ of energy flickers throughout his skin and reverberates his entire body. Silence.

Everything around him is frozen in time. There is Kefka’s screwed mask for a face, its glowing yellow eyes staring down on him, its smile glued. His barrier is still there, the electricity coming out of it, but it’s stuck in some never-ending moment. The Heartless stuck in postures, as if they are living photographs. Garnet behind him, also immobilized, holding her shortstaff close to her chest, meeting eye-to-eye with some tall shadow that is staring back at her.

He has never seen time magic this effective and this far-reaching.

Xehanort pants, adjusting his black cloak. “Why do you _insist_ on holding yourself back when you have all this power at your disposal?” he asks as he approaches.

This can’t be the time when Terra loses, all alone in a timeless space with the one man who will take away everything. He can’t touch Garnet without potentially harming her, the velocity of his movement too fast in relation to the paralyzed state she’s in.

“Unfreeze her,” he commands.

“I was under the impression you wanted to have control over your own body,” Xehanort says, wiping dirt off a sleeve.

“Unfreeze her, now.”

“So the puppet is finally given the chance at controlling the strings that once possessed him, but he hasn’t the courage to take advantage of it?”

“I’d rather cut them.” He stares hard at Xehanort. Perhaps this is foolish, considering that he doesn’t know how long the spell will last. If Kefka unfreezes now, it’s all over anyway. But if he takes his eyes off Xehanort…

Xehanort smirks. “That still assumes you are in control. You won’t be able to do it if my older self is still the puppeteer. You want to rely on powers of nothingness, which you have little understanding of, when darkness will give you all the endless possibilities for power you seek.”

This hits too close to home, darkness being what is tied to all of his limbs. Loss of control and he’s a doll for someone else’s benefit again.

Furthermore, he wishes Xehanort would stop talking to him like he’s stupid. To use darkness too much is the one thing that will make him fall. He grips both Keyblades. Perhaps he has an advantage since he has one more weapon. “It’s just hatred and rage, and I don’t need it.”

Xehanort widens his eyes. “Is that what you think it is? How infantile.” His eyes glass over, and he cocks his head gently, like he’s talking to a child. “It is a first step to tap into powers of darkness through negative emotions, with fear being the wildcard because it’s the one emotion that is useless as a weapon. But you – and whoever taught you that – are mistaken.

“Fear is only useful in reminding you of threats. It is the one thing that will make you weak. Not darkness. You want your life back? Then take control of it. You may use your anger and your hatred of Kefka to strengthen your power. But to imply that is all there is – do you think it was _love_ that motivated Eraqus to wield _light_ in his attempt to murder Ventus?”

“Don’t talk about them!” Terra barks.

“Light and darkness are all part of the same existence. In the end, they are mere tools. Do not aim to convince yourself that darkness is nothing but horrid impulses. You can love and protect with darkness. You can be driven mad by the blinding power of light.”

Riku comes to mind. _Use darkness and turn it into light_ , he has said. To build the strength to protect what matters. Is this what he means? Is it enough to have good intentions? Or does the old man have too much experience with such things that it’s futile to try to take the strings for himself? 

Garnet is the first to unfreeze. “Terra, what-”

“Move!” He holds her bicep and escorts her down the street.

He hears the blast Kefka has prepared for them, crushing a mob of minor Heartless instead. Garnet screams his name. A Darkside, looming tall over them, contemplates its move. It digs its hand into the ground and a portal opens up, a swarm of Shadows crawling out of it.

They run away. Worse still is the inky blackness that surrounds them and covers the entire street. He can’t see anything, except for yellow eyes squirming around everywhere. And suddenly he’s alone, the princess no longer by his side.

He hears Kefka’s footsteps, stomping the ground underneath it. It moves slowly, like it doesn’t know what to attack next. So it dances, explosions taking random pot shots in any direction.

One blows up behind him, and the protection spell vibrates from the blast as he feels the cold street brace against his face. Hands grip his arm and help him stand up.

“Can you walk?” he hears Xehanort ask.

Terra rips his shoulder away. “Garnet!” he calls out.

Xehanort shushes him in a snake-like snarl. “We have the advantage. And I’m interested in keeping you alive.”

“Not without her.”

Xehanort holds a cold stare, his golden eyes a faint gleam in the shadow. Definitely not the kind of person to roll his eyes.  

Garnet’s pillar of light bursts through with such a power that everything trembles. It also dissipates the darkness, giving them the ability to see what has been happening. A mass of Heartless that have surrounded her are thrown back by her power. Of course, she is left exhausted and shaking from such use of magic.

And Kefka notices. It laughs, sending horrific pain throughout the head that is so awful it feels like his eyeballs will burst. Xehanort yells along with Terra, clutching his hand to his chest. Garnet grips her head tightly, slumped on the ground.

Kefka moves. She is wide-eyed.

This can’t happen. Not another failure.

Terra sprints forward. He needs to get there first. To have more power. To cheat.

A portal of swirling shadows opens up on the ground in front of him. He drops inside. Here, there is no earth. No solid obstacle to keep him from her. Here he can fly. And out he goes from another opening, putting him right in between a princess and a clown.

No need for a second Keyblade. Out from his left hand, all the dark impulses materialize in a deep red claw extending from his elbow, hitting Kefka upward at the chin. This sends it back, but not enough. So he throws another claw, oozing flickering shadows through his arm and body, sending the clown flying. It lands on its back, rolling. But it misses the office building.

This was the exact move, long ago, used against his Master. With good intentions, he once swore. Powerful, instinctual, impulsive. Dark. It’s a natural glove that fits, unlike nothingness.

“I’m actually impressed,” he hears Xehanort say.

A compliment from the monster. Not again. Terra slouches over and coughs out bile.

“Are you alright?” Garnet asks, hovering her hand at the base of his neck. Warmth radiates like waves throughout his body, as though she is healing his nervous system. The headache and the nausea lift up and away.

Kefka stands up, and screeches. It’s time to move again. Behind some bushes. Xehanort follows and covers his mouth and nose with his cloak. The poisonous gas releases from its joints and neck, and they all wait until it dissipates into the air.

“I grow tired of this,” Xehanort says.

“Let’s trip it.” Terra summons the nameless Keyblade again into his left hand. “Or are you incapable of that?”

Xehanort glares, disappearing into his own portal, only to reappear behind the clown as it stumbles its way back toward them. He hits one ankle with a burst that seems like it took way too much out of him. Kefka gets on one knee.

“Not enough!” Terra yells. He eyes Garnet, who is hesitant at first. He nods, as if to give her his blessing.

She sends healing magic to Xehanort. He takes a deep breath before striking the other ankle with his might. The clown falls to its face.

The prime opportunity. Terra allows darkness to swirl around him, and he growls as he grips both Keyblades in the hardest blow he’s ever given, directly onto the clown’s face. It screams, like metal grinding. Two gashes are on its once indestructible face, showing the black skin underneath.

It attempts to grab Terra in a fury, and Garnet steps in front to summon another pillar of light so that it fails, falling to her knees when she’s finished.

Kefka grabs its own face, as if in pain. As if it was human again. But Garnet screams. 

Two more Darksides approach them, bringing forth more Heartless.

“No…” Terra groans. He doesn’t have to tell her to run away, for she’s already doing so, although she is tumbling. She heads toward the alleyway by the hospital, where he placed the elixir minutes before.

Kefka comes to and makes its way to Terra, who pants harder just to keep himself standing straight. Xehanort growls loudly and twirls his Keyblade, a sphere of time energy rupturing throughout.

It’s quiet again. Except for Xehanort, who is adjusting himself with such a frustration that it’s like watching a spiteful mother clean up a child. 

“That impudent, miniscule, subordinate, worthless neophyte of a clown,” he says, throwing around fancy insults at the Heartless that is clearly striking a nerve with him tonight.

The first thing Terra looks for is the princess. In the alleyway, on the ground, looking up at a swarm of Heartless about to pounce. Her shortstaff is to her chest, her eyes exhausted and teary.

He attacks the Heartless, although the Stop magic doesn’t doesn’t give way to their destruction. Not yet, anyway. They barely move from his force. But he hits enough to be sure they’d be gone when time moves forward again. He checks the clock tower. Less than two minutes left until Kefka is gone for the night.

Terra takes a deep breath, his muscles sore and shaking from weariness. They are almost there.

Footsteps behind him. Xehanort eyes the clock tower as well, looking just as grateful.

“At last,” he says. He forms a grip into the air. Terra is sent up against the wall telepathically, his wrists cemented to the brick behind him, both Keyblades gone in a crackle.

“I’ve been advised to practice patience, but no longer,” Xehanort says through his teeth, standing in front of Terra with his Keyblade in hand. “You’re too much trouble.”

Terra tries to wrestle with the invisible force, but he can’t. He can’t move anything. He cries out, because this can’t be the end. Xehanort holds his Keyblade in the air, aiming for the chest.

Garnet jumps from behind him and rams her shortstaff right into the back of Xehanort’s knee. He staggers and backhands her, where she collapses. She crawls back against the wall opposite, holding her hand up in fear as a futile attempt to protect herself.

“You insignificant brat,” Xehanort says as he raises his Keyblade against her.

But her hit releases Terra, and he tackles. One arm around the bastard’s chest, another twisting the armed wrist until the Keyblade is let go. Xehanort is a touch shorter, but he’s much thinner. He has no strength when magic is not involved. Terra throws him, slamming him onto the ground which makes him bounce and roll away. 

With Garnet following, Terra grabs the duffel bag of elixirs on the way and slings them over his shoulder. Kefka begins moving again. They runs across the street until they get situated close enough to the office building.

“Stand your ground,” he tells Garnet.

“What are you going to do?” She holds her place directly by him.

Kefka follows them with its gaze, and walks forward. The gashes make it uglier, its neck ruffle and shoulder pads burnt.

“Just trust me,” Terra says. He summons both Keyblades and waits.

“Terra?” she says, her voice shaking with nervousness. Xehanort is running out toward them.

“Stand your ground.”

The clown comes close enough.

Terra thrusts the teeth of both Keyblades into the ground. The earth pops and spews, breaking the mended stones in a trail until it reaches the office building. Specifically the corner wall where she planted the bomb on the first floor.

It explodes as Kefka steps right past it. The building starts to crumble, triggering the second bomb to go off by the clown’s face. It screams like before, deafening the quake as the earth opens up the cobblestones underneath him and the princess.

They fall as the ground gives up. Garnet lets out a high-pitched scream, but she’s barely audible in comparison to the ruckus. Xehanort slides to the edge of the open pit. He wears the face of someone who is desperate, watching them splash into a rush of water below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This chapter references Pixar’s Coco (2017)**.
> 
> I have defined the Spanish words and phrases used with context clues, but I wanted to make a note that some of it is Cuban slang (I can’t help it). There were definitely times where I had to be careful of what I was writing. For example, for “calavera” I nearly used “calabaza.” In Spanish, that means “pumpkin,” but Cubans use the names of food to describe lots of things. We use “calabaza” to mean sugar skull, and that’s why many people look at us like we’re crazy. For example, in the movie, Frida Kahlo prepares a papaya that she makes her clone dancers crawl out of. For us, a papaya is the word we use for the woman’s nether-regions. You can imagine what kind of context we understood those scenes to mean, LMAO.


	26. Bonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so this is pretty late and I apologize. These last two weeks have finally caught up to me, and my body essentially gave up on me. But I’m okay now, and here is the new chapter! There’s just a couple left and it’s so crazy to think that I’ve come to this point! Now, I’ll get to sleep.

_The peaks of these spiraling towers were really just a collection of modern houses piled on top of each other; the dead surely liked to bring some part of home into the afterlife. But on a night like that one, each house was decorated with electric lights of different colors along the walls, spotlights placed in between to really illuminate the livelihood of the Land of the Dead. They were all so bright that the night sky was painted a light blue._

_Terra and Aqua rode a cable car that was suspended in the air, though not high enough to reach the summits of these skyscrapers. It sped through the sights quickly enough that everything was almost a rainbow blur. It didn’t stop her from holding him by the elbow and excitedly pointing out almost everything. As gorgeous as this world was, it was much more interesting to study her eyes. But he had to do his part in keeping his integrity and get involved in whatever she was interested in._

_Héctor and Miguel were sitting on their own. With a guitar in hand, they were ready for the musical competition. Eventually, the cable car landed onto the ground, where houses of stone and mud firmly stood. The streets on the lower ends of the city were graced with hundreds of candles and marigold flower petals._

_Terra and Aqua walked through a sea of skeletons, slipping in between bony shoulders, just trying to get someplace where they can watch the show. Many of the dead enjoyed the leisure of conversation, laughter, and song. There was a lot of excitement for the upcoming performances, and mass crowds gathered in front of the wooden stage that stood in the middle of the square. Héctor and Miguel have already taken themselves backstage to prepare for the act.  
_

_Aqua slipped her hand into Terra’s palm, clasping it. They’ve been holding hands since they were children, when they used to explore the mountain together so they wouldn’t get separated. It certainly held a different meaning to him now, and he would be lying if his heart didn’t skip a beat when she did so. Considering the massive crowd here, it probably meant she would be holding him for quite some time. Blessings sometimes came in the most unexpected ways._

_Among the skeletons, often they spotted what he understood to be called alebrijes, or spirit guardians. Fantastical animals in a myriad of bright, neon colors and patterns. Monkeys with dog legs. Cats with wings. Chickens with lizard tails. The colors clashed and stood out from each other. Some of the patterns depicted images, such as sunrises, wing petals, and flames, and others resembled waves, spirals, and zig-zags. Every single person had one – it was meant to guide them on their path, both in life and in death. An elephant with mismatched patterns of blue, green, orange, and red passed by the two best friends._

_“I wonder what ours look like,” he heard Aqua say. He led the way, holding her hand from behind him as they made their way next to the stage, where less skeletons took space._

_Even when there was more breathing room for them, Aqua didn’t let go of him. He didn’t object._

_“Maybe ours would be a little different because we’re Keyblade wielders,” he said. He stood close to her, her hand warm, watching a bright yellow and purple porcupine make its way into the backstage area. “If we’re guardians meant to protect light, maybe they shine a white glow.”_

_Aqua smiled at this suggestion, probably imagining bright white animal guardians. She let go and faced him, her hair framing her face under her hood. Her hands were behind her, and she wore a devious grin. It was impossible to look away from how bright her eyes were against her face paint._

_“Yours would be a tiger,” she said._

_“A tiger?”  
_

_“Yeah,” she scattered her eyes and kept them at the ground, as if suddenly shy. “Quiet, fierce, patient… Elegant. Something you’d want to pet but you know it would be ferocious and powerful.”_

_There were certain things she didn’t say about the tiger that implied other attributes she was probably using to define him. It was a stunning creature to compare him to, majestic and yet downright scary at times. His cheeks flushed, but luckily he had his own face paint to hide such feelings._

_She nearly hopped as she caught his gaze again. “Now you pick one for me,” she said._

_Her smile was tight and mischievous, rolling her cheeks out even more. He just couldn’t resist – the easiest way to get on Aqua’s bad side was to use anything ridiculously charming, like “cute” or “adorable,” to describe her._

_“A bunny,” he said._

_The most hilarious part was watching that grin fall slowly as she processed her disbelief. “Excuse me?”_

_He laughed. “Hey, they can be vicious if they need to be.”_

_She placed her hands on her hips and gave him a contemptuous smile, her long sleeves hanging loosely from her fists. “Well, watch this vicious little bunny shove a Keyblade right through your sternum,” she said, poking him right in the area she threatened._

_She didn’t join him when he laughed more. “I’m sorry, I’m messing with you. It’s just so funny to see your face like that.”  He stopped himself from rubbing his eyes, so his paint wouldn’t get messy. “If I was being serious, I’d pick a dolphin for you.”_

_“A dolphin?” She interlaced her own fingers and held them up to her mouth, as if thinking hard about it._

_“It’s agile, and friendly, and kind, and supportive. The kind of spirit you know would have your back no matter what,” he said. He hoped that an image of one gracefully jumping out of the ocean would pop in her mind, so he wouldn’t have to say “beautiful” out loud._

_She nodded slightly, her eyes far away. “I like that,” she said. She started to walk toward a table of colorful sellable goods managed by a female skeleton in a flowing dress, under an arch of yellow lights. “Ven would be a bird.”_

_“Not just any bird. A parrot.”_

_She burst into laughter. “That’s perfect.”_

_On the table were several stuffed animals of alebrijes, each color and pattern stitched together. She pointed to one parrot in particular with a crown of feathers on its head, mostly in neon lime green with wavy lines of sky blue and bright purple._

_“Just like that one,” she said._

_“A cockatoo?” Loud, hyper, sensitive, playful, and attached. “Even better.”_

_There was no currency in the Land of the Dead, and the skeletal woman, who used to sell these when she was alive, simply gave Aqua the cockatoo doll. It was tradition that the two of them always selected a gift to take to Ventus from wherever they visited, and this was perfect for him._

_An announcer wearing a ridiculously large blue wig and a bright pink dress, which really showed off her hips since that she had no organs around her waist, spoke through the microphone on stage, saying that the show was soon to start._

_Terra held Aqua’s elbow and gestured his head to suggest they climb up some of the buildings so they could get a better view. Up some stairs, a wooden ladder, and through a lounge area, they made their way onto a balcony, illuminated by neon pink lights, where they could see the stage. The crowd the gathered around it, and more sky scrapers of wonderful lights could be seen beyond the horizon. Initial performances performed the same exact song, being the most famous one in this world. Some put oomph into it, others kept it softer._

_She nudged him in the ribs and asked him to dance, during a performance where this song was performed particularly slow and sweet._

_“You know I have two left feet,” was his answer._

_She smacked her lips and put her left hand, which carried the doll, onto his bicep. He knew enough to reach out his own, allowing her to rest onto his palm. His right hand took its rightful place onto her waist, being sure not to wrap it behind her, or let it fall too low. He breathed through his nose to keep himself calm – pretending to ignore the nervousness and excitement that otherwise would try to make a fool out of him._

_“I do agree that Ven is a better dancer than you are,” she said, standing close enough to him that he could see her eyelashes and the reflection of lights from of her irises, her smile brimming and her lips looking soft behind the paint._

_One of Aqua’s favorite pastimes was to spend some hours dancing with Ventus. He particularly liked jumps and twirls, and they taught themselves dances from different worlds that met his athletic tastes. In return, he indulged her in partner dances, where they practiced waltzes and swing duets together. Terra recently (finally, in her opinion) learned to keep a rhythm._

_He swayed to and fro, matching the beat of the orchestral instruments filling the stage at that moment, knowing it was his responsibility to lead her movements. It was a simple ritual, just going side-to-side, and he was certain she wasn’t having fun at all. In fact, she looked nervous, tossing her eyes in different directions, so he made sure to keep his head upright and straight, an appropriate space of air in between them._

_But she closed the gap, lowering her left hand underneath and around his arm, finally finding a place onto his upper back, the lime grime cockatoo in all its neon glory plopped onto his shoulder. He couldn’t help but drift his own from her waist, onto the space between her shoulder blades. He was not hugging or squeezing her, but securing her place such an intimate position. She rested her face close to his neck, and closed her eyes as if to simply feel the music and his lead.  
_

_“This is nice, though” she said softly._

_He didn’t disagree with this at all, but somehow he couldn’t will the power to say it. He swore that the lyrics he was listening to weren’t from a love declaration, but from a song about good-byes. But he couldn’t focus enough on the lyrics, or the melody, because his ears were ringing as hard as his heart was pounding. This world was magnificent and romantic. It was just the wonderful kind place to confess what he felt about her, but his voice was trapped in his throat._

_She moved to look up at him, a confused look on her face. “What are you doing?” she asked in a whisper, through a laugh she tried to manage._

_He had lost the rhythm of the music. But she stayed in her position, her forehead barely touching his chin. He probably didn’t have to say anything. He could instead kiss her, and let it be known that way. It even seemed as though she was waiting for him to do it, stealing glances at him with a dreamy smile on her face. Or maybe she was getting sleepy. Or at least she was enjoying the moment, and he would be ruining it._

_Of all the monsters and the close-calls he had during his training to become Keyblade Master – and despite that the Mark of Mastery exam was just a couple of months around the corner - she was the one person who scared him the most._

_The announcer declared that Miguel was next._

_It was like a reminder rang off that told them Keyblade business came first. Aqua let go and laughed nervously, spinning around to lean on the railing behind her. Terra did as well, squeezing the metal in between his fingers so that he wasn’t visibly shaking. He supposed it wasn’t the perfect place to say such things, right in the middle of the mission._

_Miguel walked on stage with the white guitar strapped around him, and stood lifelessly behind the microphone. Another boy frozen in fear in the face of what he wanted the most. But Miguel actually had the strength to find his courage and yelped, strumming the guitar in a fury of pricks. Aqua hollered in support, and Terra joined with his hands cupping his mouth, letting out all of that nervous energy as it blended with all of the others who were whooping along with him._

_Miguel was magnetic, tapping his foot to the rhythm of the love song he was singing. The crowd adored it. Aqua bounced, since she really couldn’t help herself in the presence of any music. She gestured her finger to Terra, twirling it as if to say that she wanted to spin. He held one of her hands up high as she swayed and turned. Héctor joined Miguel, singing a song about how a crazy woman kept them just as equally mad.  
_

_Such a serendipitous message, considering how much she drove Terra insane. Fireworks crackled and painted the sky different colors when the song ended, her face flushed in a flurry of hues as she laughed, mesmerizing in such messy skeletal make-up._

 

* * *

 

The currents push and roll him around, and it’s so dark that he can’t see where they’re taking him; he might as well be keeping his eyes closed. He bends to their will, holding his breath for so long until he can’t any longer. Then he fights for a gasp at the surface, and allows the black water to swallow him back down, so as not to lose any more of his energy. The only thing he keeps checking is whether the duffel bag of elixirs is still secure on his shoulder.

At times he crashes against some rugged walls when the currents get aggressive enough. He counts his blessings as they slow to a crawl, and he can actually swim without resisting. Right ahead of him, a light turns on. Garnet is underwater, a bright and far-reaching glow pulsating out of the orb at the tip of her shortstaff, and she is swimming upward to catch a breath. But she’s a poor swimmer, flailing her arms and not catching any speed.

Terra gracefully grabs her and helps her up. She coughs and gasps when they reach the surface, her voice deafened by the roaring of water traveling somewhere in the darkness behind them. But he sees a ledge of broken stone, and with her in one arm, struggles to get her ashore.

She collapses on her knees when she’s free of the water. Terra whips the bag onto the ground, and gratefully rests on his arms, feeling the push and pull of the water dragging his legs around. It’s actually relaxing in comparison to the pounding headache.

Two small hands grip his bicep, trying to get him up.

“Are you alright?” she asks, maintaining her grip despite there is no way she can possibly help him if the current rips him from her. 

He lazily picks himself up onto the ground, noting how much his back is hurting. She immediately draws her hands around his right side with her healing magic. The pain and the headache melt away, leaving him to feel light and calm. The stone floor is cold on his hands, the air down here chilled.

Garnet immediately checks the bag as soon as she is finished with him. Two vials of elixirs have shattered, but it is still filled to the brim of bottles full of bright green liquid. She lets out a breathy laugh, which succumbs into a half-sob.

“I can’t believe we’ve survived that,” she says, holding her hand to her heart as if to calm herself. “Oh, thank you, Terra.”

What isn’t spoken is how Kefka has yet to be destroyed. He helped her survive for at least one more night, but he tells himself that he’s stronger. That he can do better next time. That he will destroy the clown tomorrow.

He sits up straighter and chuckles, ruffling his hand through her black hair. “No more dangerous heroics, okay, Your Highness?”

She grins, and it suits her much better than the past hours of her counting the minutes to her death. Pushing away his hand, she says, “the nerve of you. It is an appropriate title for a princess, yes.” She stands up and flicks her arms, water sputtering from the fabric of her bubble sleeves. “But I am a queen. You say, _Your Majesty_.”

“Duly noted,” he says with a grin of his own, swinging the duffel bag over his shoulder.

The area around him is narrow. The light from her scepter is enough to let him see that a passageway of worn-down stone lies ahead of him. An emptiness of water gushing from somewhere and twisting itself into a different direction leading into nowhere is behind him. The ceiling is a heavily arched in a display of intentional architectural design. The walls are built of stone, with dirt and moss seeping through the cracks of time.

“Where are we? _Ye olde_ sewer?” he asks.

Garnet wrings her long hair into her hands to let water fall out, and picks up her shortstaff, holding it up like a torch aflame. It’s much brighter than a flashlight, illuminating some paces around them.

“I believe this is the ancient cistern past residents of Traverse Town used to rely on before all of its renovations,” she says, not brave enough to walk ahead of him. She reaches into her own bag hanging off the back of her pelvis, and pulls out a compass. “As long as we head west, we should eventually make it back to the second district.”

For a cistern, it doesn’t seem that all well built. He steps ahead of her, saying that they should hurry back to Rydia. The sounds of their footsteps echo as he leads her into a comfortable jog – fast enough so that it isn’t a leisurely stroll, but slow enough just in case they run into trouble.

They reach a collapsed wall, with a large exposed crack to their left, and an open passageway ahead of them.

He peeks through, seeing a hall on the other side that heads straight west. “It’s a shortcut,” he says.

She’s nervous, and of course she is, considering the risks. It’s so dark that neither of them can really see what is on the other side. Terra slips through, albeit it’s a very tight fit since the roughness of the broken stone squeezes his back and chest together, scratching him along the way. It’s incredibly claustrophobic, and halfway through, he stops because he cannot go deeper. A passing thought creeps, if he will get stuck in between, pressed inside this darkness. But he shuffles his shoulder blades and gets through to the other side. If he can do it, then so can she.

When she’s on the clear, her shortstaff reveals several junctions. Using her compass, they always take the western direction if possible, jogging through arched halls with no doors in sight. If not possible, they head south. Sometimes halls are dry, and other times they are flooded. When this happens, Terra will hold her tricep, making sure she doesn’t slip underneath. Some halls have collapsed, their floors cascading into rushing underground rivers. He takes her hand and leads her carefully and slowly onto slanted stone that are still sturdy enough to support their weight.

Then of course, there are the Heartless that make occasional appearances. In incredibly narrow rooms, they have no choice but to fight. Terra relies on his Ends of the Earth while Garnet stands close behind him, quick to heal him even when he isn’t injured, just to keep his energy going. In halls that open up, they decide to skip the battles.

It seems like an endless maze of junctions and long hallways, opening into large rooms of open water that then shrink into more passages. Until they approach a puddle that looks like it’s spilling from underneath a wall.

But the wall is painted black, bubbling and swirling like a breathing fungal infection. It sweats water dripping down its side, flickering a hint of purple when shone by her light. The blackness stretches out as though it’s some grand entrance to a castle, like it’s bleeding into the stone, veins of blue bioluminescence inching outward.

“What _is_ this?” she asks, sounding incredibly creeped out.

Terra’s heart is racing, and he can barely register what he’s looking at. He touches the wall, and his palm sinks into it.

“Don’t touch it!” she exclaims, pulling his arm and immediately hovering her hand above his, healing the dark cloud rustling on his palm until it dissipates.

A bell rings somewhere, muffled through the stacks of dirt that sit above the ceiling.

“It’s midnight,” Garnet says. “We must be underneath the clock tower.”

His heart nearly pounds itself out of his chest, and he holds back a sob. Is it true then, what he’s looking at? “A Door to Darkness,” he says in a daze.

“A what?” She leans forward to try to catch his eyes, holding her shortstaff up. She fails.

“This is an entrance into the Realm of Darkness, where the Heartless come from.” His throat is dry and he swallows in an attempt to moisten it. It’s finally happening. Aqua is just through this door.

Remembering who he is talking to, he continues robotically. “I think that when this world falls, it will start collapsing right here.”

She doesn’t lose a moment. “Then you must seal this entrance at once. It will stop more Heartless from pouring through, yes? Will it prevent the world from falling, as well?”

Terra winces, his breath shuddering. Garnet is absolutely the _wrong_ person to find such a thing. She’s probably expecting him to be the savior the entire town needs right now. To end their worst problems, so that they don’t have to be worried about disappearing into an unspeakable nothingness. There isn’t a right way to tell her what he’s thinking, either.

“I…” he starts, licking his lips. “I can’t. I have to go through this door first.”

“I beg your pardon?” Her eyes go wide with horror, her mouth slightly left open.

“I have to find her.” He surprises himself with how well he managed to say that through such a choke.

Garnet stares at the blackness, shaking her head in an attempt to process his words. “Aqua is in there?” she asks.

Terra realizes his teeth have been clenched too much, and relaxes them. “Yes,” he says softly. “I need to save her.”

The queen draws a slow breath, holding her chin high and keeping her voice stern. “I have every expectation that this will be sealed. I aim to have faith that you will be able to locate her and still serve your responsibilities and purpose as a Keyblade wielder.” She reaches into the bag on his shoulder, and pulls out one elixir before stepping back. “Leave the bag here so we may acquire it later. I will not stop you.”

With that Garnet walks away, her light slowly making its exit from where he is standing. His shadow grows and fades away with more distance in between them.

His breathing gets coarse and unsteady. It isn’t fair that he has to choose. He already lost Hope, and now Garnet is walking by herself in the dark, with barely a reliable ability to defend herself. With her gone, then that means Rydia...

That’s at least three lives lost in his hands, for the exchange of one. 

Terra rests his forehead onto the wall, slamming his palm against it. If he could give up all of the eleven years he put into training, and his Keyblade itself – if he could have never found out what it even means, and throw away his dream of becoming a Keyblade Master, he would give it up.

He would trade all of it if it meant she is therefore free. But she will never forgive him if that was the choice he made. She is better than him in this way, strong enough to make the right decision, as the Keyblade Master she rightfully deserves to be.

He slaps the wall with his palm, tears running down his face. _She’s strong. She’s strong. You’re the strongest person I know, and I will come back for you. I promise. I will be right back._

He dashes after the queen, telling her to stop. “I said I would escort you and the elixirs back to the hotel. I’ll finish what I started.”

Garnet’s expression is rather grave at first, in disbelief that he’s still there. Then she nods, once. “Understood. Let us make haste.”

They run down the halls. The compass isn’t useful anymore, since they are now in the second district. Heading west will only lead them further way. All that’s left is to find a passage back up. The hallway at first seems to stretch too long until it breaks into a junction of four. Garnet stays silent, unsure which path to choose.

There is no reason for it, but Terra chooses left. If this stretches too long, they can always go back and check the other pathways. A cistern should have a stairway or a slope that heads up toward the city.

It’s either fate, luck, or his heart that he should thank, because his choice is the correct one. A stairway layered in stones heads upward until it reaches wooden doors. Garnet pushes upward against them.

“They’re bolted,” she says, exerting all her force onto them. Fate indeed. If he had chosen to stay behind, she would have been stuck here.

Terra pulls on her shoulder. “I don’t have the time for this. Stand back.”

With his Keyblade, Terra sends an illuminated shockwave of force, partially inspired by the fight he had with his own armor. The doors blast open, breaking apart from the studs and screws that kept them attached to the opening in the ground.

They are in an alleyway, the stars shining above them. A gated fence is locked shut, keeping them from reaching the street. Terra does the same, ripping the entire barrier from its cemented stance on the ground. He heads straight into a sprint, the queen following behind him. The clock tower can be seen, and if they follow its direction, they will eventually make it to the hotel.

Yells and explosions slowly make themselves heard the closer they get. Heartless are appearing everywhere, attacking the townsfolk still out on the streets. A wave of fireballs pummel against some of them, and they’re destroyed. Lea runs out from around corner, his Keyblade ablaze in a pillar of flames.

Terra and Garnet head up the fire escape of the hotel, their footsteps clanking on the metal. Balthier is in the distance on the street below, commanding a loud whistle. From seemingly out of nothing, waves of ocean water tower above him, crashing into a force that swallows many Heartless in front of him.

Water magic. Incredibly rare and hard to control.

Lea jumps climbs to the top of a lamp post before the gushing waves can carry him away, yelling, “watch where you’re aiming those!”

This isn’t the time to dawdle at rare magic. Terra ignores the scene and continues to follow Garnet up to the second to last floor. She struggles to open the window there, so he rips it out just the same as the others. Down the carpeted hallway, a Heartless is blasted through a door, shaking from a bolt of lightning until it disappears.

Rydia’s room. The mage has her hand stretched out from the spell she has just cast, leaning on the bedside table. The sound she makes when she sees them borders between a whimper and a sob.

“We all thought you were goners,” she says, her green hair damp and sticking to her neck from the horrid fever she has been fighting all night. Garnet immediately opens the vial and takes it to her lips, holding her shoulder in support.

Terra’s first move is to replace the water in the pail, emptying it out in the tub before refilling it with something fresh. Fresh is the most important factor, so that Garnet can get right into some healing rituals. He casts Blizzard into the pail, three times for good measure, to get it cold enough.

Garnet dips a washcloth and gently rubs the water onto her patient’s face, arms, and palms, whispering prayers in a command that this will work. Rydia, in the meantime, finishes the entire vial of the miracle potion that will eradicate the poison inside her. Terra pulls out a chair for the queen to sit on once she’s done.

The first, and worst, person to enter the room is Riku. If he knows about the door, he will follow him back down into the cistern, when he shouldn’t be dealing with the agony of such a chore. The boy outstretches his hands and grips Terra’s shoulders.

“You’re both okay…” There is a shot of guilt mixed with relief, as if Riku has been spared the worst accusation imaginable. “I was wrong about Kefka. I’m so sorry.”

Terra scoffs off the remark, his mind wandering to all sorts of lies he can come up with in an effort to shake Riku off his tail. “You weren’t. Xehanort was there, like you expected.”

There is a sense of awkward stillness in the room. Garnet is laughing with Rydia, who finally has a good reason to smile. Kefka is gone for the night, and is damaged enough that maybe, just _maybe_ , they can get rid of it once and for all. And the knowledge that Xehanort nearly got what he wanted is the unspoken truth that hangs in the air. All of them close calls.

Riku doesn’t have a chance to reply when Noctis storms in, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips contorted in a rage. Cloud is close behind him.

“ _What kind of trick was that to pull?_ ” Noctis barks at Garnet.

She crosses her legs, placing both of her hands onto the rising knee, and keeps her chin up. She doesn’t flinch when he yells. She merely looks into his eyes, accepting his words.

“I am sorry I did not say anything,” she replies calmly. “I was wrong to keep it to myself. I shouldn’t have caused you worry.”

Noctis holds his fingers in a snarl, as if he wants to yell some more, but he doesn’t have a proper response to such a quick apology. He pulls out of his pocket the necklace that holds her mother’s crystal, and hands it over.

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” he says. “Ever. I didn’t know what to do without you.” His tone is still angry, but not resentful. If anything, it’s grateful.

She clasps the crystal into both her hands. “Thank you for taking such good care of it,” she says softly, as if hurt by his words. No, not hurt. Touched and guilty. “I’ll never leave your side again.” She wears it around her neck, and sighs – as if she is whole again.

Before leaving, Noctis jabs a finger right at Rydia, who is still on her bed, too weak to even stand up. “And don’t you get any ideas.” He then holds Terra’s hands firmly, thanking him, before grabbing the bag of elixirs.

After the king leaves, Cloud rolls his eyes. “Throwing a tantrum. He’s such a child,” he says, rubbing his forehead. He squeezes Terra’s shoulder. “You did good. I’m glad the two of you made it.”

When the soldier takes his leave, Rydia stumbles into a sob. She crawls over and takes Garnet’s head into an embrace, the queen muttering about how hot she is to the touch due to her fever. Rydia kisses into her hair, and cries.

“Terra, thank you for saving us,” she says in between sobs. “You’re a true hero.”

It’s a weird feeling, having to be proud over the fact that he has done the right thing, while still trying to swallow the unshakeable wretched feeling over the decision that he’s most ashamed of making.

“Of course,” is all he can muster. The smile he forces is weak and shaky.

Garnet sends him a look of compassion, and a subtle nod of approval. He follows Riku out of the hotel room, where the boy stops midway down the stairs heading to the first floor.

“Listen, I am really glad you’re okay. I wanted to tell you-”

Terra grips him on the arm, nodding. “I know.” A twang of guilt twists in his throat, knowing that he doesn’t want to hear anything about Riku’s relief that he’s alive. He just wants to get this over with.

Riku flashes a gentle smile. His smiles are always sweet, small, and sincere. It only makes Terra feel worse about the lie.

“There’s still a bunch of Heartless out there,” Riku says. “Let’s go.” He races down the rest of the stairs, making his way out back out into the streets. Terra stays put and watches, unsure what he’s going to do.

Until fate seemingly strikes serendipity again. The perfect person is pacing upwards, catching sight of Terra and gleefully shaking his shoulders. Lea blabbers about how _he knew that they were going to be alright all along. Okay, maybe that was a small lie, he was definitely sure they were dead, but it doesn’t matter anyway because they’re back_.

Terra holds his hands up as if to signal a stop. “Lea,” he begins, his voice slowly collapsing into a broken crawl. “I found her.” Just saying that out loud triggers a couple of tears to fall. “And I need a favor from you.”

Lea quits the enthusiastic persona and allows his genuine surprise to show. “Of course. Anything.”

“I need to get her now,” he says, and Lea nods in understanding. “And I need you to distract Riku for me.”

Gripping the railing that stands just a few stories above the ground floor, Lea scoffs. “Are- are you _crazy_?”

“You only have to keep him off my back.”

“No, what you’re asking me to do is to _piss off_ someone who has all the power to _kill_ me.” Lea emphasizes this argument by pointing to nowhere, as if Riku is on the other side of the wall. “This is just…” at first he is at a loss for words, then they come tumbling out like a swarm of bees. “ _Stupid_. Riku is perfectly capable of helping you. He was specifically _chosen_ to do this.”

“I know he’s capable, but it isn’t about that.” Terra raises his voice. “He’s the only reason why I’m here. He shouldn’t be picking up after my messes. I don’t know what I would do if he got stuck in the Realm of Darkness, too.” When Lea stares silently, Terra continues, hunching his shoulders over with his palms out, as if begging. “Please. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him. I just want to fix my own mistakes. You have to understand.”

Lea’s lips quiver and he crosses his arms, barely looking into Terra’s eyes. He swallows loudly, and mutters about how he can’t believe he’s doing this. “I’ll buy you _time_ ,” he finally says, giving a cold, hard look at him. “Take too long, and I’m spilling my guts to him.” 

Terra lets out the breath he’s been holding in a sharp gasp. “You’re a good friend.” 

“You’re only saying that because I’m doing what you asked for.” Lea, his arms still crossed, looks to the side. As if facing him is too shameful to handle.

Terra walks down the staircase, his shoulders straight and in a mood hard to describe. Proud that he found her. Relief that he’s going to go at it alone. Calm that he won’t be a burden to anyone else. Accomplished at being so close to his goal. Released, as if whatever what was weighing down on his shoulders is now gone.

“She _better_ come out of that door,” he hears Lea calling to him from above. “Don’t make me regret this!”

Terra waves an arm, a smile on his face. He finds the perfect way to define it. It’s the same feeling when someone who is content with his life choices is facing death. Complete. Satisfied. Ready.

Down the staircase that leads back into the depths of the cistern with a simple flashlight, he makes a right at the first junction, following the cold, underground hallway back to the Door to Darkness.

Mickey has talked about how this kind of gateway only allows light in, but not out. She must have passed through something similar. The first step then, is to turn this into a Door to Light. Lea will be the one waiting for them, so this new portal will be stabilized. But in order to reach her this way, she must also be waiting for someone she wants to see.

This is the scary part, confirming if she really does want to see him again. Terra pulls out his Wayfinder, tenderly tracing the gold etchings in the middle. He nearly begs it for advice, or to forgive him.

Telling himself not to get carried away by his emotions, he summons the Ends of the Earth, and with both hands and the Wayfinder at the hilt, points it right against the darkness. 

Turn the darkness into light. Take the shame of the past and the wrongdoing, and will it into a chance to correct it, to protect her at all costs. To give her hope and walk her out.

“I love you, Aqua,” he says, and he turns the Keyblade as if to unlock a door.

A bright white light bursts where the Keyblade touches, cutting through the darkness until it reaches the ground. The light then splits in two directions, tracing the edges until it comes up and around, as if creating a doorframe. An archway of bright white, bordering the inky blackness in between.

Terra laughs out loud. _Now, if I can only say that to her face_.

Staring into the dark is not the frightening part. The jar that contains Tifa’s potion is nearly empty, but this isn’t scary, either. He steps through.


	27. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this Coco flashback was painful for me, in the least. I watched the movie in theaters about a month after my abuelo (my grandfather) passed away, and the song “Remember Me” to this day really has a strong effect on me. Which probably bled into this, hahaha. Either way, this is a short transitionary chapter meant to connect the previous one into the next one (the last one!). But I also needed to plant a couple of concepts that will be heavily featured in the sequel, so this chapter I think is just as important as the others. ^^

_The remembered were protected._

_Miguel’s family really applied this testament into their memorial shrine, continuing to breathe life and warmth into the dead. The ofrenda was a tower of lovingly framed photos of former members, recently adding his great-grandmother, Coco. Garnished with mounds of radiant marigold flowers and the bright glow of multiple candles, Héctor’s photo stood at the top. In remembering the dead, they were forever safe from the unknown.  
_

_The shrine stood in a wooden and stone room of Miguel’s house that was reserved specifically for this purpose. Terra and Aqua observed, to pay their respects. She cradled the neon green stuffed cockatoo in her arms – a gift for Ventus that survived from the other side. The sun beat through the window, and even then its shine paled in comparison to the candlelight._

_“It’s never going to be the same for him,” she said quietly, referencing Coco’s recent passing. “But at least he still has a home here.”_

_These words had a weight to them. She lost her parents at such a young age, only to adjust to a new home with him and Eraqus. She never said that she regretted meeting them, or living in the Land of Departure, but it sometimes made him wonder. She did cry in those early days, but life had a habit of changing even the most consistent expectations. Aqua never cried for anything, and it spoke for how impressive she really was, having such a backbone. He never understood what losing a home felt like, either, since the only life he knew before his adoption was the orphanage. He probably would have been too vulnerable in her shoes._

_After everything they had seen the night prior, maybe there was a comfort in knowing that those who left her were still close by somewhere._

_“I wonder if the Master will eventually meet them,” she said about her parents. “And they’ll all be waiting for me until it’s my turn.”_

_Terra assumed that it had to be empowering. The orphanage organizers told all the children that someone special out there was waiting for the day to finally meet them. That always felt like a faraway dream, a one-in-a-lifetime chance to meet some stranger that could possibly accept them. Terra was incredibly lucky in meeting Eraqus. He didn’t know what happened to the other children after he left. Aqua was just as fortunate she already had people who wanted her enough to wait._

_But something else bothered him about this statement. She knew how to survive such a loss, when he never experienced it. How weak would he be when it finally happened?_

_“The Master is not that old,” he said. “He still has some good years on him left.”_

_She turned her head to gaze up at him. It was like she read his mind. “I’ll wait for you, too, of course.”_

_She read him well, but it was still a strange comment. “What are you talking about?” They began to turn away from the ofrenda to bask in the sun outside._

_“Well, I’d want you and Ven to be with me when I die,” she said, hugging the cockatoo tightly. “You guys can remember me and I’ll wait for you to cross to the other side.”  
_

_Terra laughed nervously, stopping his breath halfway. “That’s so morbid, Aqua.”_

_“Is it weird that my worst fear is to live a life without the two of you?”_

_They were walking outside Miguel’s house, where a rubble of marigold petals, and the remains of firecrackers, toys, and ripped decorations littered the dirt roads of his neighborhood._

_“I’ll make sure to keep Ven and I super healthy, so you can go first,” Terra said, but only half-serious._

_She hit him across the arm, smiling. “I mean it, though.”_

_How she could smile over such a subject, he didn’t know. The thought of her leaving him left a hollow, painful twist in his chest, and if he didn’t know any better, he was moved enough to shed a tear. He wanted to be the strongest Keyblade Master in existence, and yet she beat him at it every time. From all the conversations they had about her parents, he couldn’t figure out where she got it from. A part of him wanted to absorb some essence of her, or stay close enough at all times to see if she would magically rub off on him. Or have her teach him her ways. She normally dismissed his insecurities in an effort to make him feel better. But he never did.  
_

_All he knew was that there was no way he could be a better person without her._

_“Aqua,” he started, stopping on his tracks. “I want to tell you something.”_

_“Shoot.”_

_He was stuck again, too scared to do the impulsive. The Land of the Dead was truly the perfect place, with all the colorful lights, the entertainment, the fireworks. He held her so closely, dancing slowly like they were to beautiful music. But now, a group of obnoxiously loud children kicked a ball around on a dirt road close by in the Land of the Living, a burst of dust shooting upward with every step they took. It was so shabby in comparison. He wished he could physically kick himself for ruining the perfect moment._

_“We should come back next year,” he said, scratching the back of his head in an effort to hide his shakes. “When the gate opens up again, I mean.”  
_

_“You mean go back to the Land of the Dead?” The gateway to the other side only opened once a year, during Día de los Muertos.  
_

_“Yeah.”_

_“That would be nice,” she nodded. “I did have a lot of fun.”_

_A year was definitely enough time for him to finally muster the courage to say it. To practice it so that it was perfect, or at least let it come out a little easier. They’d be Masters by then, and may be constantly consumed in their own missions. A getaway where they could be alone together would be needed. In the perfect occasion. Plenty of time, indeed._

_“It’s settled then,” he said, perhaps too enthusiastically._

_A guitar played in the distance, perhaps Miguel’s doing. The song was familiar, the most popular song that existed in this world. It was a good-bye lullaby, which counted of a forceful separation between two people who loved each other. Through their shared memories were they to be reunited one day._

_The truth was Terra was certain he would remember her and their childhood together. After becoming Keyblade Master, he would remember exactly what she looked like, and it would drive him to see her again anytime he had to work on his own, maybe for weeks at a time. He wondered if she, too, would remember it the way he did. If she was going to miss him as much._

_“I’ll race you back home,” he said, needing a distraction._

_She rolled her eyes. “Of course, everything has to be competitive with you.”_

_He nudged her shoulder. “Speak for yourself. You’re worse than I am.”_

_“How so?” She stepped up to him, her lips inches too close. It was an effort to size him up, as if she was ready to fight._

_He reminded himself that he was used to this, and could easily keep cool about it._

_“If I fell down the stairs, you’d throw yourself after me just to see who got more injuries,” he said._

_“You’re exaggerating.”_

_He took a moment to stare hard, as if to pretend he was sizing her up, too. But it was really an excuse to look hard into her eyes._

_“Last one there has to cut weeds for the rest of the year,” he called out, running ahead of her._

_She ran after, berating him for cheating, for not giving her any rules to define this game, and for playing dirty.  
_

 

* * *

 

It is cold. It’s not like he expected anything, stepping through the Door to Darkness. He supposes “cold” is a good word to describe it.

Behind him is nothing but the shadow which served as the entrance to this place. Ahead of him is a flooded tunnel. From the cistern left behind in the Realm of Light, he emerges into an underground passageway, carved out of brick and stone with a ceiling so low he nearly has to hunch his shoulders. There is a primitive sort of approach to the design and layout of the curved walls that meet right over his head, almost as if the darkness preserved a mimicry of an ancient underground system that used to exist before it has been renovated into the sophisticated maze of water management that makes up the cistern.

He can only see so far ahead. It’s dim, but not terribly dark. What’s worse is the loneliness. There is a pulsing vibration in the air, as if his own heartbeat is the loudest sound. The water is still, only moving in reaction to his steps. His ankles are submerged, and the ripples he makes drift outward in their waves, only to disappear when they get too far away from him. He keeps a hand on the wall to make sure he continues the journey upright.

So far, it is just a narrow, straight tunnel. Until he reaches his first junction. It creates a T-shape with the tunnel he just came from, with only two directions to choose from. A fifty percent chance to get it wrong, and no map.

But it doesn’t matter. Mickey has told him that the Realm of Darkness is sentient, that it will react to his thoughts and emotions. It will try to throw him off. If that’s the case - if he focuses on finding her, it therefore doesn’t matter what this poor excuse of a trick throws at him. He’ll get to her anyway. He chooses left.

The ground underneath him begins to slope, and the water level reaches his pelvis. Cold, _definitely_. It is freezing, his muscles tensing up so much that his body hurts from the shivering. A headache shoots through his forehead, his breathing getting heavy just to keep up with how furiously he is rubbing his arms together, his head nearly touching the ceiling. 

But he keeps going. Until the next junction arrives. Four ways. A red light flickers somewhere, like a remnant of a lightning flash, revealing that each direction also breaks into more junctions.

Not just more junctions, but ones that curve back and forth – architecture so strange that it can’t have been built by a human.

Terra leans his shoulder against the wall next to him. He’s shivering so much that he’s barely moaning from the pain of it, his legs losing their feeling. He wonders if he should turn back and choose the right passage this time.

“No,” he says out loud, his jaw so tense that his tongue is pushed right into the roof of his mouth. He closes his eyes. “None of this is real.”

It’s the Realm toying with him. The junctions aren’t real. The cold isn’t real, nor is the pain, or the headache. 

Eyes open. He is still in the same place.

Breathing hard and erratically, Terra just decides to head forward, following a short passage until five more open up. A red subtle lightning flash, and he swears that the shadows shift until the tunnels change. Does he now have six paths to choose? Or are there still five?

“I’ll get to her,” he says out loud. He wills himself to believe it. He _knows_ he will see her.

It’s so cold that he’s tired, now.

“I’ll find her!” he yells, his voice bouncing back and forth from the walls. Another lightning flash – or at least that’s what it seems at first. It’s more like a heartbeat, now that he’s heard it several times.

He stands in the water, looking between his options. Wondering if his theory is true. If he will be stuck in a maze that keeps changing its routes. He knows that it’s trying to keep him and Aqua apart, and he doesn’t want to give it the satisfaction of being true.

A white light. 

A white dolphin, to be more specific, swimming in the water in a tunnel just ahead of him, heading right, until it disappears behind a wall.

No questioning this. He attempts to run, wading through the water as fast as he can to catch up. The ground underneath him slopes to the right, as if it is pivoting on itself. The dolphin swims ahead of him, turning left.

The tunnel continues to pivot, and he slips into the water because it is sloping too much, leaving his hair wet and his teeth chattering.

“Wait,” he says meekly, his voice trembling. Just keep walking. Just keep moving forward. Catch up to the dolphin and all will be good. He will find her.

He turns left to follow it. And it swims. Forward and forward and forward. The maze must be over. It’s giving in to his determination, straightening itself out so that it’s a smooth pathway to wherever she is.

The dolphin slowly fades away into darkness, the tunnel continuing to stretch far beyond. It must have done its job.

Terra continues to run, and he steps into nothing. The ground ends like it stops at a cliff, and he dives into the water. He struggles to swim up, and takes a large, long gasp of air. But he… _falls_ right back into the water.

It’s not as though he’s being pulled into it, a blackness that keeps going deeper and deeper. He is merely sinking, as if he is floating down. He flails his arms and legs around, but he makes no progress for himself. Holding his breath is hurting too much. The surface is gone.

The heartbeat of this world gives a red glow somewhere under this black water. Two large, yellow eyes, almost bigger than him, flow through the area. A swimming Heartless, perhaps. The heart beats again, a red glow illuminating the silhouette of this tremendous fish, with a lower jaw that juts out, sharp teeth elongated like picket fences, and tall fins that make it look like its spine is hunched over. Big enough to swallow him whole. The heart beats, and there is the silhouette. When it is silent, and all he can see are the eyes, watching him.

Trying to swim will not work. But he cannot die here. 

Naminé drowning in his dream, accepting her fate. A memory of a dream he had when he first came here. And she speaks to him. 

_Just breathe, Terra._

He inhales, even though it’s terrifying to swallow so much water.


	28. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terra braves the Realm of Darkness to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE ARE NO SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER - there can’t be. I’ve finalized the outline for this thing back in May, and it’s barely changed. I have gotten messages from readers worried that I wouldn’t get this fic done before the game releases, and while I appreciate so much the concern and enthusiasm, this is simply impossible. I’ve said it many times, but this fic has a sequel, and there is just no way for it to finish. It will just continue on being an AU (hopefully). That being said, I’ve had a lot of fun with different concepts of what Terra would see in the RoD, and I finally get to the reunion that I’ve been wanting to do for so long. I think of this as what Aqua truly deserves (or based from the trailers, an AU where Aqua meets Terra in the RoD, as opposed to Ansem SoD). I’ve been absolutely mortified, to the point that it has affected my mental health severely, from sharing this. But at least it’s here.  
>  **This chapter makes references to The Black Cauldron (1985)**.
> 
> I've actually created very specific playlists for this entire chapter, so I'll share them here. For the Realm of Darkness:  
> Hans Zimmer's "The Well" and "This is Going To Hurt" from the Ring | John Murphy's "In the House-In a Heartbeat" from 28 Days Later | Akira Yamaoka's "Theme of Laura," "Promise," and "Laura Plays the Piano" from Silent Hill 2 | DeVotchKa's "How It Ends"
> 
> For THAT SCENE. YOU KNOW THE ONE. You'll see these stunning songs and just know.  
> Ramin Djawadi's "Truth" from Game of Thrones Season 7 | Michael Giacchino's "There's No Place Like Home," and "The Constant" from Lost Season 4 | Howard Shore's "Samwise the Brave" from the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers | John Williams' "A Window to the Past" from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban | Nobuo Uematsu's "Aerith's Theme (Distant Worlds Version)" from FFVII and "To Zanarkand (Distant Worlds Version)" from FFX | Yoko Shimomura's "Luna's Theme" from FFXV and "Dearly Beloved" from Birth by Sleep
> 
> For the end scene: James Newton Howard's "The Hanging Tree" from the Hunger Games: Mockingjay Pt. 1

He doesn’t know how he is _still_ alive after drowning, but it’s a blessing. It means he’s finally close to her.

Though Aqua isn’t anywhere to be seen. His face half-submerged in murky water, on a sloped hill, Terra groggily opens his eyes. It appears to be night.

Then his eyes snap wide. He yells.

His shoulders are heavy and strained, his back writhing from the snaps of nerve shock. It is as if the burden of a body his same weight is rung on top of him, making it difficult to stand up.

But it’s his throat that hurts more, his blood pumping as though an invisible person has a hand gripped around it, squeezing to cut off all air, and strong enough to leave bruises. To breathe scratches him and swallowing burns, and with every effort to raise himself from the ground, the weight of it all gets worse. That familiar headache makes itself known, like his hair being ripped clean from its roots.

The Realm of Darkness must be giving Xehanort better hold, and he’s trying to wrestle control of the body back.

Terra summons his armor to cover him, enclosing him in a protective shell that stands between himself and the toxic atmosphere around him. But more importantly, it traps Xehanort within him. Most of the pain is alleviated immediately, gradually fading away as if falling asleep. The headache still lingers and it’s still uncomfortable when he swallows, but it’s manageable.

His ankles are deep into the water, his cape gently ghosting the surface. Behind him is a small town, with cobblestone streets, dimly lit lights, and architecture that begs to be inviting and warm, like an old-fashioned vacation resort.

Though it’s quiet. Ahead, the water is so dark it is black, and clean like waxed glass. This must be where he came from. The reflection of his armor is so crisp, it’s like looking in the mirror.

Deep in the water, a red lightning bolt strikes. The reflection turns its head and steps away.

Terra stumbles backward with a yelp, unsure what he’s been expecting. He knows the Realm is sentient, and he supposes mind games are a part of that. Anything can happen. Panting hard, he tells himself to get it together. No use letting everything scare him.

The town ahead is quaint enough – if it had people. He can imagine that it normally would have children running around, laughing. Bakers yelling about their goods. Mothers shopping through several stores. Men dragging their wares. People just trying to get to where they need to go. But Terra is completely alone.

Through a window, he sees drawings made by children lying across a coffee table in front of a television set, which is off. On the dinner table just beyond is half-finished food. But there is no one there to enjoy any of it. If he doesn’t know any better, it looks as though the family who used to live here had to abandon their home in the middle of a typical evening - when events turned into an unknown catastrophe, or it was their lives they’d had to give up if they chose to stay. And they never came back.

Not all of the houses are in good condition. Some of them have roofs ripped open, the pieces hovering above in the sky as if frozen in time. The stone streets are cracked, and several of the buildings lean into the water. Like the entire neighborhood is slowly sinking. 

On second thought, the town is rising from the water, and he realizes why the architecture here is so familiar.

_This is Traverse Town._

Or a part of it, creeping its way into the Realm of Darkness. There isn’t much time left for that world to continue standing. He must hurry.

The sound of his shoes against the stone is loud, each clank reverberating way too much. As though he’s begging to be found by predators. He almost wishes he can speak out loud just to have some other noise to diffuse his steps… but what if that makes them come faster? And still, some part of him needs to hear something. He hasn’t been here long and it’s already too quiet.

A radio sits on an open windowsill of a small house. The room behind it is dark, and all he can make out are the shadows of empty furniture. There is only a single light, deep in the very back of a hallway, and it’s too dim to really show him anything else. Some part of him is grateful that he can’t see much – lest there is someone sitting inside he doesn’t know about. If there are any people walking in the Realm of Darkness at all.

He flicks a switch to turn the radio on. No power.

He flicks it back off and walks away from it. Static. It comes so sharply that it nearly screams through the rustling of its commotion.

And it’s so _loud_. He scampers over to jerk the switch back and forth, but it won’t shut up.

Then he hears it, muffled and barely audible. “ _Terra_.”

Her voice.

“Aqua!” He lifts the radio and talks right into the speaker. “Are you okay? Where are you?”

The static turns off.

He tries the switch again, but there is no response. No power.

The hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Something is moving inside that house, like a person shifting on a couch.

Rocks roll down the corner of the street, where it turns around the block. A shadow creeps behind a lamp post until it disappears. Out of the corner of his peripheral vision, by a closed crate, something blinks. Yellow eyes stare at him through a second-floor window in the house adjacent to him.

He drops the radio and summons his Keyblade. Like trapping prey, the Heartless leech out from between the cobblestones, surrounding him.

These are stronger than the ones he’s faced in the outside world. Even if small and primitive, darkness here gives them a kick. His strikes don’t stun them as much, and every attack drains him. He only destroys half of them when the headache stings, but he continues – delivering throw downs, massive swings, bright shockwaves. Until it’s quiet again, though who knows when the next group will come, especially after all the noise he’s been making.

But he’s exhausted, leaning onto the Ends of the Earth for support. This isn’t normal. The use of his Keyblade shouldn’t feel like it’s trying to suck him dry of life. Maybe in this place, when Xehanort shares a space in his body, the light he uses depletes its ability to protect him. 

Then he shouldn’t use darkness at all here, and should probably be more careful in choosing his battles from now on. After all, keeping his sanity is worth keeping control over his body. He swiftly follows the street until it abruptly ends, leading up a tall, grassy hill. It may be a leg-sore to climb all the way up, but the ocean on the other side is a no-go as well.

It’s a normal climb up, until the ground underneath his feet starts to crumble, collapsing under his weight. He sprints faster, sometimes stumbling onto his hands and knees with every shift under him. He reaches the top, the crumbling dirt pausing before it reaches the peak, as if it gives up on trying to kill him. Like a sore loser. Sentient and tricky, indeed.

Looking back, the way up is completely gone, a giant pit of nothing taking its place. The remnants of Traverse Town, floating in the air like a painting, now sit in between an endless hole and an infinite ocean on the other side.

That ocean is the entrance he took to get here. The message is loud and clear: the Realm is telling him there’s no way out.

“I’ll find another way back,” he says defiantly. He can’t let it get to him. He’s come too far.

Onward he goes. A path of dirt and stone through tall trees that are sparse enough he can still see the sky. Who knew the Realm of Darkness has stars – slightly dimmer than usual, but odd. There are different night skies, as though they’ve been snipped off from whatever world they came from and were pieced together. The bushes he passes by don’t move, because there aren’t any critters to rustle through them. All the animal calls that are normally present in the woods are not to be heard here. No wind to bother the leaves. Some branches hang low enough to hit his pauldrons and his helmet, and this alone is the loudest thing he can hear for miles.

Clearings and valleys also have their limits. They taper off cliffs into a vast blankness, where artificial stars from who knows where will also hover.  Sometimes, the ground is split in two, with a lower level of undiscovered territory and mounds of dirt floating in the air as if to stop themselves from getting lost in the void.

What is left in the Realm of Darkness are shards of a world.

And a bunny.

A white, glowing rabbit, waiting in the middle of the trail, its nose twitching.

“What are you doing here?” He crouches down, surprised to see that it doesn’t seem afraid of him. It is incredibly round and fluffy – incredibly _adorable_ , so much so that it hurts to look at it. And it stays long enough for him to suspect that this can’t be a trick.

It shines with such a pure, white light, it is exactly like the dolphin that led him here in the first place. A light in the shadow. An _alebrije_. A spirit guide.

It’s when he realizes that he has imagined Aqua’s spirit guide as a rabbit before that his heart swells with excitement. “Take me to her.”

It runs and he follows, past stone benches and idyllic arches. There is an abandoned gazebo, with carvings in the wood that depict angels, flowers, and hearts. This area is romantic, the kind of trail that a couple would take to find a private, intimate getaway or to host a wedding. Flowers grow around the shrubbery here, but they disappear as soon as he comes near them. With sunlight, this place would be peaceful. But here, the false night sets this up like a haunted venue, its attractive and charming exterior just a lure for a trap. Enough to make him wonder if scorned lovers are waiting to abuse their revenge on unsuspecting passerby’s.

The rabbit is gone, but at least it led him far enough to suggest a direction for him to go.

He passes by another clearing. And then he sees her.

On a stone bench, right at the edge of a cliff. Cross-legged, with her palms to her knee, Aqua sits calmly as she surveys the ground. As if she has been waiting this entire time for him. Her blue hair is the same length it has always been, and she is so close he only has to take a few steps to touch her.

He doesn’t have the time to care much about how hard his heart is beating against his chest. “Aqua…”

Her gaze comes slowly, and her expression is as a blank as a doll’s. Not a care in her eyes. Something is wrong with her, and he nearly shouts in anger over the thought that the Realm of Darkness has harmed her.

He nears himself with an outstretched hand. “Aqua, I’m here. You’re safe.”

He’s within inches of her when she cranes her neck back to its limit, as if trying to see behind her. Her body follows the weight of her head, and she slips backward off the precipice.

Terra lunges forward to try to grab her, yelling out her name and his denials over such a grotesque sight. He misses. His reflex grabs the foot of the stone bench before falling off himself, and he watches her tumble against jagged rocks of the level below beneath, landing with a sickening _crunch_ that sounds like crushed plastic _,_ her limbs splattered and obviously broken.

She isn’t real. She’s just a mannequin.

He struggles to pull himself back up, rolling over to his stomach when he’s safe on solid ground. This isn’t real.

It is hot inside the armor, sweat dripping down his shoulders and his forehead. He hears that crunch over and over again in his mind, and it’s suffocating. He wails at the image of her throwing herself like that, and he flips his helmet off in an attempt to cool himself. But there is no breeze in the Realm of Darkness, so he sweats and heaves all the same.

“She wasn’t real. She wasn’t real,” he keeps saying, hoping that hearing it out loud will make it stick, that he just didn’t see her get crushed.

Maybe it isn’t a good idea to have his helmet off. His headache comes back and it pounds at his temples, hard enough for him to see lights. He opens the jar of Tifa’s thick brown potion, and swallows the rest of it until it is empty.

Soon enough, the headache melts away and he relaxes. He wiggles his helmet back on, the easing sensation of the potion traveling through his limbs as if being enclosed in the armor traps this symptom of relief and will continue to keep it that way. Terra studies the empty jar. She made this brew so compassionately and it has now outlived its usefulness. _I should thank her when I get the chance, for letting me get this far._

The rabbit makes itself known after hopping out of some nearby bushes. It stands on its hind legs, surveying the area. The Realm may want to try to claim him for itself, but it’s as though the rabbit knows the only truth that exists here. Everything else is a distraction.

“Wait for me.” He stands up, shakes off the last image of the mannequin in his mind, and leaves the empty jar behind.

The rabbit fades in and out, only really appearing when Terra makes a misstep. It lets him guide himself otherwise, learning to trust his own heart to find her. And he walks, forgetting he is hungry and tired. Eventually, those feelings simply don’t exist anymore, and all that is left is just the need to go forward because there is nothing else to do. Thinking about it too much sends him into a state of worry.

It makes him regret not bringing Riku along with him.

What if he never eats again? How does he even begin to search a place this huge for her? What if the Realm shifts and changes their locations, making it so that they will never reunite? 

Anytime he thinks he won’t find her, the rabbit will appear. As if to say, _You already have._

It isn’t until he hears the splashing of water that he realizes he’s been walking for what seems like hours and he’s suddenly shin-deep in a swamp. He hasn’t been aware of where the domain has changed. It just does.

The trees here are so much more compact, roots stretching upward so it makes it hard to through them, with vines reaching into the murkiness, and plants so tall they make it hard to gauge how deep they run. The water is so dark there isn’t a way to see into it. Quite frankly, he’s lost.

“Now what do I do?” he asks out loud, hoping the rabbit hears him. He wades through the water, telling himself to calm down, using breathing exercises taught by his Master in an effort to ease his mind and listen to his heart on where to go next. The foliage is so thick, there’s isn’t a clear path he can take next.

The silence is maddening, and he aches just to have something, anything, to speak to him.

“I need to get out of here.” He probably shouldn’t be talking too much out loud, for fear of what will hear him, but it’s better than not hearing anything. It’s too _quiet_.

The Realm of Darkness decides to comply to his wishes, and a pig’s shriek vibrates and pounds across the entire area. From every direction, sounding as if it is dying from a brutal beat down, or a gas leak, or an electrocution – something that is letting it suffer as long as it can until it can go on no longer. It comes in waves, like the wind. The squeal will pass by him, until it comes back around. It’s so horrid, he attempts to cover his ears, but his helmet won’t mute the sound. He needs to save it from its misery. But with the way it travels, it’s more like a specter. And it can probably hurt him.

He spins and heads the direction he came from, but something grabs his ankle. And its force is strong. It pulls. He stumbles to his knees, nearly getting submerged.

With a yell, he summons his Keyblade and sends a blast of intense light toward the direction of whatever has hold of him. Let free, he scrambles to the edge of the bank, where he can at least stand on mud.

Searching the water for what grabbed him shows him nothing, until he notices a bright blue color rise to the surface. It is shaped like a star, and it glides there, as if beckoning him to grab it. Aqua’s very own Wayfinder.

He shivers. His first instinct is to dive headfirst to take it. It’s _hers_ , and the Realm of Darkness cannot claim it. He stares at the floating Wayfinder, trying to give himself the best reason not to reach for it. Wondering if whatever that grabbed him is actually her, and if he has just seared her with his Keyblade. The image of raising his weapon against her fills his mind, and-

“It’s a trap,” he says out loud to the Realm, as if to declare he has it figured out.

In response, the swamp water bubbles, and the Wayfinder disappears, like a light being turned off. But what rises in its place are a pair of bright yellow eyes. And another pair just behind a plant. And another underneath the roots that stretch so far above the surface of the water, its tree _knows_ it is toxic.

Terra finds himself surrounded by hundreds of pairs of eyes: shadows that surround him on tree branches, in between twisted trunks, coming out of the water and the mud, forcing their way through bushes, climbing down vines. There are so many of them, he’s certain they can easily force him down the water.

The Keyblade is a marvelous weapon, and when he conjured it for the very first time, he was a boy ready to face any danger that lay ahead of him. Believing he was invincible. But it comes with costs. With an entity like Xehanort still inhabiting his body, using the power of light through the Ends of the Earth is the equivalent of forcing himself to run for his life after having survived a multitude of whiplashes to his body. Tifa’s potion barely does much to keep it all at bay. It _hurts_. It’s tiring. The old man simply waits to take over, and the headache that comes only grows with every swing.

And these Heartless just _won’t stop coming_.

He scurries away from them, tripping over enlarged roots, squeezing his way through tight spaces in between trees, ripping away vines that get entangled onto his armor. He doesn’t know how many Heartless are chasing after him now.

The rabbit is on a branch high above the water, dashing across, telling him to change direction.

But once the spirit guide passes through an entanglement of bindweed, the Realm decides it has had enough. The trees expand and turn, enclosing the bunny within their grasp, until it is no longer seen. He uses his Keyblade to hack away, but to no avail. It’s gone.

He desperately crawls through the swamp until he leaves the muggy terrain behind. Until he reaches a vast, empty wasteland. Though this doesn’t stop them from stalking him. An army of Heartless creep out from the swamp, coming at him at full speed. He proceeds to run away from them and sees something worse: hundreds of towering Darkside Heartless, very aware of his sudden presence in the vicinity. The horizon beyond has a soft glow, and Terra can barely make out a castle in the near distance.

A Darkside moves to attack. Terra dodges. Out here in the open, he is completely bare.

He makes for the castle. Sprints. Pants. He tries to steady his labored breathing as he wills one leg to dash in front of the other, avoiding the large, black hands that try to grab him. The army of shadows behind him swarm the wasteland, keeping up to his pace. He pushes himself to run faster, his lungs ready to burst from the exertion it takes to propel beyond his top speed. The castle is near – it is completely foreboding and looks to be abandoned, sitting atop a dried moat. A wooden, chipped drawbridge is already down, so he makes for the inside – at least it’s good enough shelter to avoid the Darksides.

The bridge falls apart just as he enters the castle. He immediately collapses onto the floor, wheezing as hard as the pig he heard in the swamp. His whole body shakes from such adrenaline, and for a moment, he’s too weak to pick himself up.

He can at least roll over, surveying what is waiting for him on the other side of the dry moat. Nothing. The Heartless chasing him are gone, as if they were never there to begin with. Just a vast, empty space of dirt. But now, there is no bridge to allow him to go back. The moat is deep and steep enough that it’d be impossible to climb out of.

“Damn it,” he says, his breath too shaky. “I lost the rabbit.”

He allows himself to rest until his breathing starts to slow down. There is no way to go but through this castle. It is dim, and despite that there is no moon outside these walls, there is a faint light that seemingly comes from nowhere, just enough to see what is around him. The castle itself is old-fashioned, built out of stacking stones together, and it is in dire disrepair. Some of the walls have crumbled, and the stairs leading to the upper floors are now large dirt heaps. Tapestries and flags are shredded to pieces. It is just as lively as a tomb.

Eventually, he manages to stand, and casually walks through the hallways. Dust poofs upwards with every step he takes. A door slams.

He whips around, and sees a door sliding across a wall, as if it exists in a separate plain of time and space. It stops in front of him.

He’s exhausted, and despite that he doesn’t want to follow whatever guided tour the Realm has prepared for him, he’s desperate enough to play the game. Just to do something. Anything to keep him from getting bored.

He opens the door and it leads to a solid wall. The door then slams shut and slides away.

“Is this some kind of sick joke?”

Another door slams. Several move around – the ones in the upper floors where he cannot reach are just there to taunt him. The ones on the lower floor move so fast, there isn’t a point in bothering with them. So he ignores them, until he finds himself a stationary one that he is sure hasn’t moved anywhere.

It is locked. Then, as if to mock him, it slides away. 

Walking through the castle is a trek of ignoring all of the closed doors, and he bides his time in exploring large passageways. Wagons, haystacks, wooden tables, ceramic mugs – all have been left behind by whoever used to run this place, all worn out and overused. He wonders if the castle was in this condition when it still existed in the Realm of Light.

But most places in the castle are out of bounds to him, either leading him to a door that leads nowhere, or a door that moves away when he gets too close. Essentially, the Realm makes itself clear – there is only one way to go, he just has to find it.

And he sees it – an open door, with a visible hallway beyond. Finally.

When he approaches it, it slams in his face. He opens it, and there is now a solid wall instead.

He normally would never describe being played around like this as heartbreaking. But now, the need to get out of this castle is the same as the need to eat in order to stall death.

He fights the desperation to beg the Realm to let him go.

“I need to stay strong,” he says to no one in particular. To himself. To the Realm.

How he wishes he could talk to somebody.

“I can’t give up. Maybe there is another passage somewhere that I haven’t seen yet.”

He walks down a hallway he’s sure he’s been through before. But where else can he go? Several steps in, the floor disintegrating beneath him. He lands on stone below with a thud, his armor the worst kind of cushion to break the fall.

But at least the soreness is more bearable than the headache. This lower level is darker, the hallway more narrow. On the one hand, it’s new so it’s at least something for him to do. On the other, what lies ahead of him now is a stairway that spirals downward, which isn’t the direction he hopes to go.

With no other choice, he climbs down, and they eventually open up to a large room – the first room in the castle he’s ever been able to enter. He cannot see enough to tell what is inside, but it looks terribly messy, the floor full of stacked objects. There is a throne on the opposite wall, and near it a massive, steel, heavy-looking black cauldron.

Upon closer inspection, there is a body sitting on the throne. A ferociously tall man, dressed in a red, hooded robe. At first, Terra thinks that he’s looking at decoration on the throne, fashioned to resemble antlers of a stag. Until he realizes that it isn’t the furniture with poor taste, but the man. The man has horns.

This isn’t a man. Terra takes a sharp inhale, a memory from years ago creeping into his conscience. As a boy, he used to be obsessed with reading books about all sorts of dark tales and magic. One in particular is the most famous failure for Keyblade Masters in all history: the fall of Prydain, a world that enveloped itself in darkness and has been banished from the Realm of Light for centuries.

This is the body of the Horned King, a skeletal being who is the reason for that fall. His undead army rose to take over the land, and there were so many deaths that the world had no way to survive on its own light. Terra has read enough of these books to know exactly how the Horned King was drawn, and his familiarity is unmistakable. The skin on his face is so thin that it sticks to every fold in his skull, is fingers scaly. He is a legendary fiend of darkness, recorded by Keyblade wielders who have been defeated in their attempt to save this place again and again. For too long, Prydain has been missing. Eraqus used it as an example in his lessons as the worst-case scenario to happen to a world when a Keybearer is unable to do his job.

To think that Terra has stumbled into such a domain is a danger that is technically undefined.

He immediately steps backward in an attempt to get out of the room. There is a crunch. The mess he has stepped on – no it isn’t a mess, it is a bone. A skeleton. The room is riddled with them.

The Horned King stirs in his chair, growling. The sockets of his skull slowly glow a bright red, as though he’s been asleep and has just been disturbed. And he unleashes a nasty snarl at the sight of Terra.

A puff of green smoke bursts from the black cauldron, almost as if on command. It spreads over the mass of skeletons like a noxious gas, and soon enough, they all twitch with sleeplessness.  First Heartless, now the undead.

Terra summons his Keyblade and begins to chop away before the ones near him get a chance to stand straight. Damn the headache, damn the tiredness – he needs to survive. The Horned King bellows, and his skeleton army follow suit.

Their old weapons of war don’t cause much damage to his armor, but that isn’t the worst danger. What is most imperative for Terra to avoid is to be surrounded and be swallowed by them. With his Keyblade, he strikes the ground, shaking the walls so much that dirt drops from the ceiling. He strikes again, and stone collapses on top of a group nearby.

He makes for a different hallway, hoping to find an exit out of here. Away from the power of the cauldron, which has its mist covering the entire room by now. Away from the skeletons that are chasing after him, swinging their swords so lazily that they swipe at the walls. There is a door.

“Please let it lead somewhere.”

It does, to a hallway full of skeletons waiting on the other side for him, crawling over each other to get to him. None of their eyes glow like Heartless do. Perhaps it is the power of the cauldron that made them immune to being swallowed up by the Realm. Maybe it’s because they have already died and the Realm has no use for them.

Either way, Terra is now surrounded, the skeletons clawing at his helmet, pulling at his cape, dragging him down to the floor to subdue him. To drown him. To crush him.

A swing of his Keyblade onto the ground and it sends the ones closest to him flying. He moans in pain from the use of it, the helmet practically locking the agony inside.

“I can’t lose to Xehanort now,” he yells to himself.

More of them come. If light is too taxing in a world of darkness for him, then perhaps powers of nothingness will do.

In his mind, Terra wills the particles in the air to combust, exactly the way Xemnas does it. He allows himself to really feel how annoyed he is at his situation, until he’s ready.

“Get away from me!”

Several bombs of energy explode in the air, destroying some of the skeletons and sending others away. But his body also reacts to the bombs, and like catering to his need to keep a far distance from his enemies, Terra flies backwards – and stays afloat.

Xemnas’ telekinetic powers apparently also lend themselves to levitation. Except Terra cannot control it, and this is the worst timing to learn. He continues to float backward as if there isn’t any gravity to slow him down, hordes of skeletons committing themselves to a futile attempt to grab him from below.

“Wait, wait.” He flails his arms around, trying to grasp at anything that will stop his levitation, his fingers merely brushing on the wall. He digs his Keyblade into the stone, suspending him in midair so he can finally land on his feet, the creeping mist of the black cauldron disturbed by his landing.

There are still the skeletons to deal with. 

And they are powered by the magic of the cauldron. Maybe if he disturbs it…

Using the explosive energy of nothingness, he casts aside all of these shells of former humans, trying to make his way to the cauldron. It’s easier than he anticipates, considering how light-weight they are and that their tattered armor cannot handle being attacked by Xemnas’ powers.

The Horned King roars when he nears, his army of undead suddenly skirmishing to ambush Terra. This at least tells him that he has the right idea.

“In your despair, as you face what ails you most, you will perish,” the Horned King says, his voice an echo.

Terra scoffs. “How dramatic.”

His Keyblade glows with a bright light, and he strikes the ground. Cracks form and make their way to the cauldron. Then he sends out one of Xemnas’ explosions to keep fiends off of him. He strikes the ground again to force cobblestone into stacks against the cauldron, the foundation underneath becoming unstable. Another one of Xemnas’ explosions for self-protection.

Summoning the energy he has left, his Keyblade glowing even brighter, he hurls a shockwave strong enough to topple the cauldron over, spilling its acidic contents all over the room. Fire that burns nothing but green swallow the area, escalating in height to such an extent that even the undead soldiers are unable to survive its flames.

The Horned King desperately barks in a language Terra doesn’t understand, but no matter. There is enough chaos to slip away. The King and his stupid army can continue to rot in this Realm. He stumbles out of the room, the flames burning brighter and threatening to take him with them. It emits a bright enough light to illuminate a new door further down, and at first he struggles with the handle in his panic. It opens. A staircase.

“Thank goodness,” he says painfully, clutching his side. Shutting the door behind him, he seals it with his Keyblade, despite how exhausted he is. The flight of stairs spirals upward, continuing on and on. It’s an incredibly high tower, but hey, at least he’s away from that horrid room.

At the top is a large room, with a tall mirror leaning against a wall covered in a tattered, taupe carp. Shelves of vials are on one side of it, and weapons are displayed on the wall on the other. Chests litter the space. There is a window with multiple diamond-shaped panes showing him the wasteland outside. There still aren’t any Heartless lurking about – at least not right now. A single forest grows behind the castle, though it’s too dark for him to see how far that stretches.

He sits on the floor, catching his breath. At least it’s quiet. And relatively safe.

Though he now has to find a way to escape this tower. He has to endure, to find her.

“Aqua,” he says groggily, “just hold out for me a little longer. I’m almost there.” He doesn’t know why he said that. He doesn’t actually know how much time he has in this place, and whether he’ll have enough of it to finally set her free.

Four taps on glass, like a knock on a door.

Immediately he looks toward the window, expecting to see a Heartless hovering outside. Nothing.

Four taps on glass. It’s coming from the mirror.

Whoever is behind it, or inside of it, wants his attention.

His throat grips. A part of him feels that he shouldn’t look, no matter what. His life is already enough at risk. And yet, he’s alone in this room, and as long as the mirror is there, it is an unknown danger, which is worse. It pains him to stand up, but he shuffles his feet enough to approach the mirror, his hand slowly reaching to grab the tarp.

He takes a breath while the fabric is gripped in between his fingers, stalling the exposure. Four taps on glass, this time louder.

He pulls it away. He had expected to see a Heartless, or maybe a twisted version of his own reflection that can act on its own. Maybe one of himself, with gold eyes and white hair.

But it is her.

Aqua’s face is deadpan through the mirror, her eyes as hollow and reflective as glass itself. “Did you come here to save me?” she asks as she steps through, like it is a doorway.

Her voice is robotic and sinister.

It sounds like her, yet it doesn’t. It mimics the same tenor, the same melody that he would hear out of the real Aqua. Which he hasn’t heard in years.

He knows she isn’t real. Yet hearing her voice nearly sends him to tears.

“Aqua,” he says immediately. “No, you aren’t- I can’t believe it-”

“What makes you think I want to be saved by you?” There is a Keyblade in her hand, but it’s warped, fizzling in and out of a black fog and he cannot recognize it.

“You aren’t real,” he summons his own, anticipating a fight.

And a terrible fight it is. The phantom clones herself, warping in and out just to tease him. To send him cheap attacks. To confuse him. He is suddenly surrounded by many Aqua’s, until there is only one. And then there are many again. She comes close to him, enough to nearly touch his visor with her lips. Enough for him to see his own reflection in her glass eyes. Then she disappears so another can hit him from behind.

Which is his greatest weakness – seeing her like this. It nearly makes him unable to swing his own weapon against her body. He keeps telling himself she is a fake, but it’s hard to believe. The phantom moves like Aqua. Dodges like Aqua. Casts spells like Aqua. How many years has he spent sparring with her, and let it be damned if this _thing_ can read his memories so she knows exactly how to react to his movements.

“Don’t you think I deserve to be with someone better?” she asks before another attack. Her magical blows are so devastating, even when he blocks them, that he’d rather give up than to keep trying to survive them. He’s too tired.

And her voice hurts, too. She asks this question as if she knows how he truly feels, but is too afraid to say it himself. As if admitting it would mean absoluteness. Aqua does deserve to be with someone worthy of her. Yes. But if he agrees out loud, then that truth is bona fide.

“You aren’t real,” he says louder. He cannot get sad now. He cannot give up now. He raises to strike, and she blocks. For a ghost, she is incredibly strong.

She counters and hits him directly with an electrical force, as though harming him means nothing to her.

“I don’t want you,” she says, her voice keeping its steady directness while being disquieting all at the same time. As if what she is saying is a matter of fact.

He is on his knees. “I know already,” he says, upset enough to produce tears in his eyes. “Please, enough.”

She raises her mockery of a Keyblade. “In your despair, as you face what ails you most, you will perish,” she says. She swings with a dark force so massive, he is sent flying, crashing through the window.

He falls from the tower, traveling miles as he speeds closer and closer to the ground. He tries to summon his latent powers of nothingness, trying to get them to halt his near-inevitable crushing fate. But nothing is slowing him down. “Stop, stop, STOP!”

Mere inches from the ground he finally halts, hovering above the ground in a suspended levitation. Learning this power is going to take some getting used to. Terra swings his arms around, but it only forces him to awkwardly spin in the air.

He lifts a finger into the air, as if to command. “Put me down, gently.”

The power simply drops him, and all of his muscles take the shock inside the hard shell of his armor as he hits the ground. It’s ridiculous how sore he is right now.

Groaning, he drags himself to sit on the precipice of a boulderstone. The amount of sweat is massive, the heat unbearable. He has come a long way, and it has been nothing but near-death experiences, frights, and doubts.

Doubts.

It’s not that he doesn’t know already that the Realm of Darkness will give him no comfort. But he silently begs for anything to relieve the heat. He pulls the helmet off, and – as to be expected - it doesn’t make him feel any better. There is no breeze to cool off the sweat, and no amount of oxygen to help him breathe any easier. If the Realm is playing with him this much, and has such power to control where he is heading, how is he ever going to get to her? What if the both of them wander around the Realm, traveling in opposite directions, where they never find each other, for the rest of time?

Does it mean that all of his attempts are futile?

Does it mean she truly doesn’t want him here?

In all honesty, Terra hopes that his wishes have a place in the light. That he can return to the Land of Departure, and share the thrones with those closest to him. That he can watch the light of the sun through the colors of the stained glass, and study them well enough to remember their patterns this time. To search for his own way to become Master. To watch Ventus rise to that status, and see him grow to be a man. To have Aqua share his bed. To wake up next to her every day, and hold her close to him. To be in awe of her presence and accomplishments. To be wanted and welcomed back into his family. To be home, where the sun is so bright, it illuminates everything in the academy.

The Horned King’s castle doesn’t stir, but merely stands tall as it probably has for hundreds of years now, looming over him. There is not a single star in the sky of this fallen world. Terra is completely alone in this wasteland, not a sound to be heard. Not a rock tumbling by. Not a leaf dancing in the wind.

But the rabbit is here. It pants heavily, as if it has been frightened out of its life. Its nose twitches, and its ears are pressed against its head. It hops closer and closer to Terra, as if to seek some comfort.

“I know,” he nods in agreement. “This place sucks.”

At least this is better than having only himself to talk to. Or that phantom.

“I can tell this place is trying to punish me, and I can’t say that I disagree with it,” he says. “I’ve become what I said I wouldn’t, and I can’t imagine that she’d ever accept me as I am. I wanted to be someone worth her attention. But to be the cause of her suffering…

“I know what I want isn’t important. What I need to do is to find her, but I haven’t-” He takes a deep breath, the headache getting worse. “I honestly don’t know to survive this. I don’t know how I could ever make it better for her, and that scares me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get another chance to prove myself, or be forgiven. I don’t know if I’ll be allowed to have a good life in the future. I wish this headache would go away, I would give anything-”

He holds his head, taking breaths until some pressure is relieved. But it lingers. Not that it compares to what Aqua has been through, considering the insanity he has just witnessed. Even if the powers that be decide that he will never have a decent future, she still needs help.

“I can only just stand up, carry on, and walk forward. Even when it’s hard, or when I think I can’t go on. If I just continue to do something about my situation, then something’s gotta give, right? Something _has_ to happen?”

The rabbit slows down its own breathing, traveling in uneven circles, as if beckoning him to follow it.

“Maybe I’m just looking for hope where it doesn’t exist, but I needed to get that out of my chest. Thanks for listening to me,” he says with a small smile. He puts his helmet back on, and pushes off his hands to stand up. He is completely sore and tired, and every step he takes is a bit of struggle. His feet practically beg for him to rest.

This time, the rabbit waits for him to catch up to it, stopping every once in a while for him to approach. They go through the forest, which is the foggiest place he has beenin this Realm so far, but just as quiet as all the rest. The trees here are so tall, he can’t make out any branches. There are no roads or trails. Nothing to help him discern a sense of direction. Just thick trunks that sprawl out every which way. If he gets lost here, he can certainly walk a never-ending labyrinth.

It’s eerie almost, but he nearly makes the fog out to be a portal of its own, a system separate than the rest of the Realm, like a blanket that is covering him from the darkness. With the bunny staying so calm, Terra doesn’t get the sense that danger lurks here, even when he cannot see far ahead of him. With each step, he focuses on relaxing different parts of his body – his mind, his arms, his knees, his neck – as a way to build up the energy to continue forward. He’ll stay sharp once the rabbit gives him reason to.

As long as he keeps going, something’s gotta give, right? Even when he knows, deep down, how it will end?

It doesn’t take long until the forest opens up to a wheat field, tall grass stalks swaying in the wind.

Wind.

Yes, it exists here. It’s very gentle but it coaxes the wheat to respond. Stars shine up above. A great distance ahead of the fields are these menacing electrical towers, but neither of them are connected by any power lines. They are illuminated by moonlight.

Which is the first sign of natural light he has seen. When he looks downhill, far beyond the wheat, beyond a field of grass, beyond rock formations, is a small beach where the moon nearly sinks itself into the water. It’s quite a walk from where he is standing, but he can see nonetheless.

A trail lies ahead of him. And the rabbit is gone.

“Not again.” He jogs forward, bending over to see if he can spot it in between the stalks. “Come on, where are you?”

No sign of it. Terra’s jog hurries into a run, his armor clamoring from all of the movement but he doesn’t care who listens. He needs his guide. And truth be told, he just can’t stand to be alone anymore.

It isn’t until he nearly runs into something that he skids to a halt. And his breath stops. And his muscles tense up.

She has her Keyblade out, holding it ahead of her in a defensive stance. Her eyes are wide in shock, her hair short, her face still young even after all these years.

The Keyblade in hand is his Master’s Defender. Aqua waits for him to make the first move, her eyes narrowing in anticipation.

 _Aqua_. Her eyes are expressive this time. He can see that she anticipates everything to be a trick, quickly trying to analyze when he’s going to snap at her. He can basically see the wheels in her mind turning.

“Aqua…”

She shudders as she blinks, as if she cannot believe what she is hearing. She only lowers the Master’s Keyblade by a small margin. “Terra?”

The phantom may be a good mimic in everything except the feeling. But this is her. He can drop to his knees and sob until he dies, but at least he can die knowing he has done something right. And despite it all, his heart pounds so heavy it will keep him alive through the release. _It’s her._

“Aqua, it’s really me.” He dismisses his armor to show her. He doesn’t know how sorry or tired or in pain he looks. He doesn’t care. “I’m here.”

Her eyes flicker at the sight of him. They glass over with tears, but instead of letting them fall, she dismisses the Keyblade and bolts to him. To take his hand in both of hers, squeezing them until she’s satisfied that they’re real. Her fingers are cold.

Before he can say anything, she looks into his eyes and searches them. “It’s really you…” She closes the gap and throws herself around his shoulders, holding him so tightly as if letting any room to breathe in between them would mean he would just be wiped from existence and she’ll lose him again forever. Like he’ll burst as a figment of her imagination.

It’s the same for him, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer - because to let her go would be to let her slip through the ground and he’ll never see her again. To have her in his arms is to resurrect an old life: he’s been living a second one all this time – a lie, really - completely cut off from everything that gave him his identity. But now he’s home.

The exposed skin on her back is freezing cold, and he brushes his fingers against it to comfort her. Takes turns to wrap his arms to give her warmth. Runs his fingers through her hair and rests his mouth on the crown of her head. She smells like dust, not quite clean yet not dirty, either. As if time has stopped for her, too.

She digs her face into his neck, her tears falling down and spreading onto his shoulder. His strong Aqua, who hasn’t cried since her parents’ death, weeping into his shirt until it’s soaked. And he lets tears fall too, into her hair, because there isn’t a feeling like knowing he’s whole again.

“I’m-” This is the hardest part – to be bare. When he has been keeping something in, or lying about something else - now he has to expose himself. To finally say something that is as true as the softness of her body.

“I’m sorry it took so long to come see you,” he says, knowing it just isn’t enough after what she’s been through. Knowing how possible it is for her to reject it. “I don’t have an excuse. I should’ve done something sooner. I should’ve-” The phantom’s words pass through his mind. “Please don’t hate me.”

She brushes the hair strands at the back of his neck, her breath stabilizing. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispers into his ear, her voice breaking a bit. “It’s been so hard. I’ve missed you so much, Terra.”

Terra’s favorite stories growing up always have a hero taking off on an adventure, rescuing those who need help, defeating malicious entities that seek to wreak havoc. And yet none of those stories made him understand how much of a struggle it would take to endure such a feat. He’s lived his life not really knowing what made those heroes who they are. To hear her forgiveness is when it clicked. They are heroic because it justifies their existence, as much as hearing her relief justifies his own.

“I’ve missed you, too, you have no idea how badly.” Hearing this makes her stir, as if it means the world to her.

They rock back and forth in their embrace, neither making a move to separate from the other.

“I thought that no one wanted to come find me.” She sniffles.

His eyes snap open at such a strange statement. He has forgotten where they are, and how much danger they are still in. Surrounded by wheat stalks as tall as they are, with a faint moonlight meters away.

Terra finally lets go of the embrace and moves her to face him. “You don’t sound like yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” she says, sounding incredibly tired like she’s on her last leg. She has one firm grip on his upper arm, as if terrified of letting go. “It’s this place-”

“It gets to you,” he nods, holding a hand to her face, wiping the tears falling out with his thumb. It’s strange seeing her cry.

The tears that keep flowing are stragglers, her eyes abused by such sadness. Her hair is slightly frizzy, the bags under her eyes sag too much, and her face is so relaxed he can tell she probably doesn’t know how to smile anymore. Not to mention that her skin is paler than he remembers it to be.

And he realizes they’ve been gazing at each other for some time without saying anything. He should really say something. Profound. Or honest. Something heartfelt as he continues to hold her face. _Anything_.

“You look terrible,” is what he settles on.

Her eyes flicker and blink for a moment, registering what he has just said. The edge of her mouth twitches, like it’s an alien movement. Her brows furrow in confusion, but then release into contentment. She chuckles, and it sounds worn out. Small at first, and she pauses. Then she giggles again, her hand reaching to hold his wrist.

“Terra,” she says in between tiny breaths, as if this is all too taxing of an activity. “I don’t remember the last time I laughed.”

If he can come face to face with Kingdom Hearts, to meet his mother for the first time, to see the Master again – he’ll tell them there is finally a good reason to keep him alive.

She smiles and it reaches her eyes. Leaning into his hand, holding it between her cheek and her own, she gives him a sympathetic shrug. “I’m sorry you’re now stuck with me in the darkness.”

“As if being stuck with you is such a bad thing,” he says through a scoff, and then regrets it. He shouldn’t make light of her suffering, and yet he can’t help but feel that it would have never been so difficult for her if he was here with her the entire time. “Either way, I opened a Door to Light here. I’m getting you out.”

The smile fell, and her eyes widen. It’s clear she doesn’t believe it at first, but she knows him well enough to understand that he’d never lie to her like this. He’s excited, grinning as he watches her contemplate his message.

It’s like giving someone a surprise gift, eagerly waiting to see their joy when they open it. He nods at her, nearly in laughter as she starts to smile. “It’s true,” he says. “You’re leaving this place.”

She leans toward him, placing a hand on his chest. “Now?”

“Yes.” It doesn’t matter how many times he’ll have to say it. He’ll say it as often as he needs, just to make sure she understands. Just to see the sparks of eagerness in her eyes.

“And we’ll find Ven?”

What is supposed to be a sharp inhale he manages to slow down so he doesn’t seem flustered. Xehanort is listening. But he can’t let her know yet that there is danger. Not now. He holds her by the biceps, and reassures her in a way so he can change the subject. “Definitely. We’ll all be together again soon. But _first_ we have to get you out of here. We can talk about everything later.”

She clasps his palm with hers, and squeezes tightly. The look on her face is indescribable, like someone who has been on the execution block has just been told that her future is guaranteed safe. “Lead the way.”

So they jog together, hand in hand, like they used to do as children. Every excursion through the mountains, the caves they explored, the creeks they discovered - they were always to be conjoined through their hands. This habit hasn’t faded in the years they have grown together, and while they are old enough that they don’t have to follow such a strict buddy system anymore, the hands will still come together in the most uncertain moments: when they get lost; when visibility is poor; when they are scared; when it rains hard; when they are traversing dangerous terrain – very much like the Realm of Darkness, when being separated could mean a permanent eternity apart.

“Do you know how we’ll get out?” she asks.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to trace my steps back…” The Realm might as well have changed the layout by now, hoping to keep them in. “But I have friends waiting for us. We’ll be okay. I’m thinking I’ll just conjure a door from within, out of the darkness around us. It’s how I got in, anyway.”

She barely pauses before replying. “I have a friend waiting for me at the beach. I told him I wouldn’t take long in my routine walk.”

Terra chuckles to himself. _Making friends in the Realm of Darkness. Of course, that’s so Aqua._ “We’ll bring him with us. Don’t worry.”

They head downhill, through the shorter wheat stalks until they reach grassy foothills that level off as the beach gets closer.

Aqua grips his hand and keeps herself still, nearly yanking him backwards. “Terra, wait.”

The caution in her voice is loud. But there is nothing around them. “What is it?”

A rumble, which is soft at first but creeps ever closer with a sickening speed that makes his hair stand on edge. The ground shakes like it wants to throw them off their feet. Through it bursts a pillar of Heartless, squirming all over each other and spiraling as if to act as one tremendous force. The darkness emanating from them is massive, and without his armor, Terra feels the nausea overpowering him. This tower can’t be an easy one to defeat. He wraps his arms around her, for protection.

“Aqua,” he warns, hinting that the best course of action is to run.

“We have to.” She pushes through his elbow, summoning their Master’s Keyblade and beginning a sprint, ready to attack. Determined. Quick to react. Aqua. She reacts to this thing with evades that come so easily to her, she must have been fighting it for quite some time now.

Which means that running away won’t do a damn thing for them.

The tower has a sickening exertion to its attacks, easily breaking through his reflecting barriers. Since it keeps itself suspended in the air, his grounded techniques aren’t much use.

But she’s spectacular. Like a swan flying through the air, summoning trails of ice to skid and keep up pace with the enemy. She has built herself to be a Master in ways he has never expected, with choreographies that resonate with resistance and endurance. She dances with the light that shines through the Keyblade, building power until she and the area around her is bathed in it, with a force so blinding, and yet so beautiful, it keeps the tower at bay.

Sometimes.

As mesmerizing as she is, she shouldn’t be fighting this alone anymore.

He scurries to place himself under the Heartless tide, lifting his free hand up into the air, and focuses on the air pressure in between. Making all those particles combust exactly the way Xemnas would do it. With every explosion that comes, let there be another, until they swallow each other… until the tide has to pass through massive destruction when it travels, because it’s too late for it to turn around and avoid it anymore. With her in the air, she skids across ice suspended in the air and attacks with shockwaves from above – the two best friends squeezing this monstrosity right between their blows.

It retaliates – against her. She falls to the ground and rolls, and he stops his work immediately. Sliding over to her, he anticipates the tide as it turns and lunges toward them, which will probably take them both in one clean sweep.

He raises his palms from the ground up, summoning a barrier of nothingness as it stands tall and erect, and holds it as the tide crashes into it. Electricity separates some of the Heartless from one another, but it’s a terrible wall to keep up. The tide itself is too heavy and it nearly breaks it. He feels her hands on his biceps, leaning into him, as if to help him keep it up. He focuses on spreading those electric waves, to keep hurting this menace.

It backs off, and he can relax – for now at least. It circles back for another go around, and the thought of it even coming after her – that’s it.

He commands his Keyblade to warp and expand, setting itself as a canon that he props onto his shoulder. It will take all the energy he has in him, and he’ll probably won’t be able to walk anymore in this state when Xehanort wants to break free so badly, but it will do. For her.

The canon conjures a piercing, fiery light within, and with a yell, he exerts all of it into the tide, effectively breaking it apart and scaring it away, leaving the seldom welcomed stillness of quiet. He collapses onto his hands, his headache threatening to split his skull into two, as he whispers to himself that he’ll be okay. The pain will go away. He just needs time. Keep awake. For her.

Aqua crouches next to him, holds him by the forearm and gives his palm a gentle squeeze.

“That was impressive,” she says. He tries to retort that he’s learned new things along the way, but his heaving is still too much. “You okay?” She touches his face and he leans into her hand, nearly kissing it but stopping himself short, rolling his lips inward as he tries to practice self-control.

He takes several breaths until they slow down, and she patiently waits for him. She seems calm, collecting herself so quickly after such an intense fight. To think she has been doing this for twelve years and he can barely manage one night. That he succumbs to weakness in this place so easily.

“You’ve always been stronger than me,” he says with a chuckle that hurts. Not from the soreness, but from admitting how much better she is than him at everything.

“Terra, please,” she scoffs, massaging his forearm. Her voice is tired. “When we would arm wrestle, I always had to use two hands.”

“You even pushed with the weight of your entire body. You’d still lose.” He smirks, and she grins back. How grateful he is that they can talk as if time hasn’t passed for them, teasing each other like the Mark of Mastery Exam has never happened.

He should really summon his armor right now, with such a massive headache looming over him. But her touch – he can’t pull himself away from it. As if the grace of her fingers is the mark of light, melting away his concerns and dulling the pain throbbing in his scalp. He leans forward close to her, nearly touching her forehead with his. Even when it’s this dark, looking at her is the most calming feeling he could ever experience. She’s brighter than the moon. At least to him.

“There’s so much I want to tell you,” he says, wondering if desperation is making him choose this moment to confess. “We have to talk. About what happened. About us…” With that last one, his voice hitches. It’s terrifying, more so than the Heartless tide, to talk about where the two of them stand. “About the Master.”

She flinches at the mention of Eraqus, closing her eyes and taking a breath to calm herself. “I know. We have a lot to catch up on. But… I want to do it with a clean mind. Away from the darkness, you know? I just don’t want to spend another minute here. Please…”

That last word comes out as a whisper, her eyes pleading. She grips his arm tighter, and he realizes that she needs constant reassurance, as if she still has a hard time believing she’ll ever leave this rotten place.

He bites his lip, wanting to kick himself for being so selfish. “Of course, your freedom comes first.”

A relief passes over her as though she’s been anticipating bad news and has been given mercy instead. She throws his arm around her shoulders, having him use her as support in order to stand up.

“You’re going to love Traverse Town,” he says, noticing as they walk together that she again has a small smile to face, her cheeks plumping. He rests his head on hers, and she gives him a gentle nudge.

“Where?”

“I came from there. It’s a beautiful city, the kind you’d want to take a vacation in. The cuisine is delicious, and they have these colored lights that shine every night…” It’s perfect. When she’s free, she’ll eat. And sleep, most importantly. And by those beautiful lights that switch between color and white, he’ll give her gifts. Or if not, just laughs. Then he’ll tell her how he feels, and hope for the best.

The sand makes it harder to take steps, but she keeps a solid support for him. The waves here are gentle and unimposing. He can’t believe there is anything that is this placid in this Realm, but it sounds relaxing. The moon hovers just above the horizon, nearly swallowed by the water. It is so bright, it might as well be its own door to the other side. Funny, two days ago he stood on a beach in Destiny Islands, wishing that he could take Aqua to see the ocean. They might as well be gazing upon opposites ends of the same body of water.

She leaves him to sit on a boulder, but their need to touch each other lingers so much that they only let go when both of their arms are outstretched, her fingers gliding off of his. A man a short distance away in a black cloak sits, watching the waves dance. She tells him that it’s time to go – they can finally be free. Her friend is here. They’re going to be okay.

She keeps taking desperate glances back toward Terra, as if he’ll disappear in between. And yet, a small smile never leaves her face.

From the sound of the man’s voice, he is older, and he begs to be allowed a wee bit of time to stand up. For the sake of his back, he’s been sitting here for far too long. He leans on her for support until he’s on both of his feet, and then turns to face Terra.

“That man,” he says, his deep voice getting slightly louder, as if to caution her of an enemy. “We mustn’t go with him.”

That voice. A blonde beard. Terra shivers, and the muscles through his arms tense.

 _Ansem_.

He doesn’t know why he knows that name, and he’s too scared to try to understand.

Aqua tries to reason with him, tries to say that this is a friend who has grown up with her since childhood – but Terra wonders if she’s fooling herself just as much. Maybe the headache that keeps coming back will always be inevitable, and he’s just delaying what will happen. Witlessly.

“A clever trick to play on a vulnerable girl, Xehanort,” Ansem spits, holding her arm as if to try to keep her at bay.

“I’m not Xehanort,” Terra mumbles loudly, his tongue unable to produce sharp enough sounds to articulate clear words. And it terrifies him even more. The headache roars and massaging his temples doesn’t work. His ears whistle so intensely, he’s afraid he’ll go deaf.

Aqua shoves the old man’s grip off of her, scampering towards her friend. “Terra, tell me how I can help you.” She holds onto his arms, trying to get him to sit straight.

He grabs onto her arms. Too tightly, maybe, making her jump. “I’ve left the door open for you,” he manages to say, praying that she can understand him. “Don’t give up. Keep going. We’ll be together-”

He yells from the pain, the headache spreading to his neck. The whistling stops, and all is silent. Eerily silent. He cannot hear his own breathing. Or the waves. Or her. He attempts to make sounds, feeling the vibration in his vocal chords, but he doesn’t know if he’s actually saying any words. Until the vibration ceases, and all commands to speak stop working.

She looks terrified. Brave Aqua, her eyes wide and her lips pursed, shaking her head as if denying what she is seeing. He wants to tell her that he’s scared, too. That she isn’t alone.

He digs into his pocket to pull out his orange Wayfinder, and presses it into her palm until she grabs hold of it.

He has to tell her. Somehow. He interlaces his fingers with hers in her other hand, holding it upward in between the two of them. Coaxing her to come a little closer. He cups her cheek, leaning forward to kiss her on the forehead. And he stays, letting his lips feel her skin, breathing in her hair, relaxing as much as possible as he savors this moment for as long as it can last.

Until he cannot smell or feel the sensation in his lips or fingers anymore. He opens his eyes. At least he can still see.

The pain, it has also completely subsided, his whole body going numb. No more headache. No more soreness. She gazes into him, moving her mouth to say something but he can’t hear what.

He doesn’t like the look she is giving him, and he can’t apologize or ease her worries. He searches the beach, looking for any sign of hope. Any sign of light.

And there, he sees it. A bird with a short beak, waddling on the rocky shore, though its reflection can’t be found in the water. It shines a soft, white light, just like the rabbit. Its feathers ruffle, a crown briefly standing up before it shakes itself calm.

A cockatoo.

_Ven, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be asleep._

Sleep.

It sounds so welcoming right now, to let the exhaustion take over and he can then heal. Not that he has a choice in the matter. It will take him over, letting him drift into ecstasy, the best slumber he’ll have all week. The last image he sees is the cockatoo flapping its wings. He falls, unable to feel himself hitting the ground. Just a never-ending drop, and it’s blissful.

_I didn’t get to tell her how I felt about her. That’s fine. I’ll do it when I wake up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **NO IT ISN’T OVER. I’ll say it one more time, but there is a sequel to this. It wasn’t planned that way at the beginning. But after so many internal debates with myself over the summer, I’ve decided that it was just so much more organized to split my story in two. This was always the halfway point. The next chapter literally picks up where this leaves off.**
> 
>  
> 
>  **That being said, I want to thank my readers from the bottom of my heart. It’s such a strange thing - even though the story isn’t over, I am burying my baby under this title, which has stuck with me for almost a year now. It is like creating a void, and I hope that the sequel can fill it. For all those readers, who have been with me since the beginning, who have discovered this somewhere along the middle of its journey, and who have just joined on the adventure - but especially to those who have stuck it out to the end, THANK YOU SO MUCH. Your support has kept this girl alive. Literally**.
> 
> As for the sequel, I’ll see if I can salvage what I can from KH3 to adapt to it. “A Powerful Enough Dream” will simply be a very divergent AU. I’m sure some of you are wondering what that would even look like, especially since I maintain the position that I wish Aqua fell to darkness out of her own volition. I’ve posted a preview called “Sonne," [which is up now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17740217)! If people are receptive enough to “Sonne,” then I’ll consider continuing this story.
> 
> For those of who are disappointed that Terra hasn’t met Dark Aqua (which I have warned that I wasn’t going to go there with this story), I have written a new [fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17503403/chapters/41229521) that honors that. <3


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